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In your relationships with men, are you confusing what you want with what he wants?
If you spend the majority of time on dates talking about your job, your education, and your accomplishments — (or if you are married or in a relationship and are doing the same) I hate to break it to you, but you are.
But wait, how can that be? All your life everyone has told you that these are important things to focus on, mountains to climb, and “successful modern woman” boxes to check, right? You’ve gotten kudos, atta girls, and awards for achieving these things. Magazine articles and books aimed at women have told you men value these things in women. How can talking about these things to men on dates (or putting them ahead of your relationship or marriage) be wrong?
(Insert your psychotic meltdown here. I know, I know, I had one too the first time I encountered this information, after spending most of my adult life doing all these things. Go ahead, break some stuff. Light things on fire. Stab a voodoo doll with pins. Whatever makes you feel better. I’ll wait…)
It’s a concept called projection and it goes something like this: What you think is attractive or worthy is what you think other people (aka men) will think are attractive or worthy.
In other words, you find men with an education, good career, and lots of accomplishments attractive. Most women do.
But do you know what men find attractive? According to men, most women don’t have a clue.
So what do men find attractive, if not your education, accomplishments, or career?
(If you are a highly successful, independent woman, you may want to find a padded cell before reading on…trust me…)
- How you look
- How sweet, pleasing, and easy to get along with you are
- How much you care about the things he cares about
Yep. That’s really what guys find attractive. How do I know? Because I have spent countless hours on message boards reading what real men say, while they are under the safe cloak of anonymity, and it’s just that simple. And according to them, its also very, very hard to find. Not only that, they also say if they could find a woman who understands this, they would lock her down in a heartbeat! Surprise.
But if you don’t believe me, maybe you will believe it coming from a guy.
And btw, I am not saying a woman’s education, career, or accomplishments aren’t important or worthy goals, for her, just that these things are not the things that are going to attract him.
Hate the message, not the messenger.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Redpillgirlnotes,
Here’s hoping that you can get girls to comment and discuss!
I had a couple of thoughts tangential to your post.
If a woman is talking about herself, she is building comfort for sex with the man.
If a man is talking about himself, he is building comfort for commitment to the woman.
Thoughts?
That’s really interesting, I am going to ponder on that. Maybe another blog post topic there! Thanks 🙂
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I’ve always instinctively known this, even as a teenager.
On one hand, I don’t begrudge guys wanting a pretty, nice girl who is interested in what he’s interested in.
On the other hand, what I’ve found is that some guys simply don’t care what a woman’s accomplishments are, to the point where they’ll discourage her from having them, or simply be completely unsupportive of her passions and interests. 😉
And then there are the guys who will pick a girl with few or no hobbies, interests (because they’re not interested in whether she has any or not), and then years down the road, complain about how “boring” she is.
Sue, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying a woman shouldn’t have her own interests and such, be a well rounded person. I am more trying to explain projection, and how we women sometimes confuse men are looking for the same things we are and then focusing on the wrong “sales pitch” so to speak.
I understand what you’re saying. Women should play up their supportive nature when trying to catch the man of their dreams.
But I also think that in a woman’s best interests to find a man who understands that these things are important to her. Personally, if I saw that a man was disinterested in what my accomplishments and passions were, I’d worry that he’d be less supportive (even discouraging) down the road. I’d consider that to be a major red flag, and I’d avoid such a man like the plague.