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In your relationships with men, are you confusing what you want with what he wants?

If you spend the majority of time on dates talking about your job, your education, and your accomplishments — (or if you are married or in a relationship and are doing the same) I hate to break it to you, but you are.

But wait, how can that be? All your life everyone has told you that these are important things to focus on, mountains to climb, and “successful modern woman” boxes to check, right? You’ve gotten kudos, atta girls, and awards for achieving these things. Magazine articles and books aimed at women have told you men value these things in women. How can talking about these things to men on dates (or putting them ahead of your relationship or marriage) be wrong?

(Insert your psychotic meltdown here. I know, I know, I had one too the first time I encountered this information, after spending most of my adult life doing all these things. Go ahead, break some stuff. Light things on fire. Stab a voodoo doll with pins. Whatever makes you feel better. I’ll wait…)

It’s a concept called projection and it goes something like this: What you think is attractive or worthy is what you think other people (aka men) will think are attractive or worthy.

In other words, you find men with an education, good career, and lots of accomplishments attractive. Most women do.

But do you know what men find attractive? According to men, most women don’t have a clue.

So what do men find attractive, if not your education, accomplishments, or career?

(If you are a highly successful, independent woman, you may want to find a padded cell before reading on…trust me…)

  • How you look
  • How sweet, pleasing, and easy to get along with you are
  • How much you care about the things he cares about

Yep. That’s really what guys find attractive. How do I know? Because I have spent countless hours on message boards reading what real men say, while they are under the safe cloak of anonymity, and it’s just that simple. And according to them, its also very, very hard to find. Not only that, they also say if they could find a woman who understands this, they would lock her down in a heartbeat! Surprise.

But if you don’t believe me, maybe you will believe it coming from a guy.

And btw, I am not saying a woman’s education, career, or accomplishments aren’t important or worthy goals, for her, just that these things are not the things that are going to attract him.

Hate the message, not the messenger.