Have you ever heard the term, “She’s a carousel rider?”
If not, it’s a derogatory way “Red Pill” men refer to a woman who is single and sleeping around. The carousel rider may be involved in a string of semi-serious or serious monogamous relationships, short term flings, one night stands, casual hookups, or some combination of those options.
And they care. And they notice. And even the most self-proclaimed man-whores (his claim, not my label) among them look down on women for it.
“What?” you may ask. “How can they? Men sleep around all the time! What’s good for the gander is good for the goose. That’s a double standard. My body, my choice.” And so on.
And while that all may be true and women have been told that men don’t care anymore about these things, clearly they do.
Why? Well believe it or not, it’s a rather small number of men who are enjoying the sexually open marketplace we currently live in. Many good solid guys who are perhaps less charismatic, or less able/willing to chat up the ladies, who are sitting it out for moral reasons or who are actually pursuing their studies instead of pursuing tail, or whatever — are not getting laid every weekend, whenever they feel like it. Like the gals their age are. And while they sit on the sideline, watching girls ride the carousel, they are taking note.
Why do they care? Aren’t they just bitter losers with small dicks who can’t get laid? At first some struck me that way, but after listening to them tell their side of the story another version emerged. Many are actually good solid guys who still believe in love and romance and all those things so currently out of fashion. (They are called “betas” unlike that hot stud at the bar all the girls want, he’s an “alpha.” p.s. Alphas rarely commit, because like you, they have lots of options. Betas, on the other hand, fall head over heels in love with girls, and while they are often maligned, I believe many to be great mate potential. You may want to stop putting them in the friend zone and try going out with them, instead. Another thing you may not have been told so clearly anywhere else.)
These guys say what bothers them the most is this. The thought that these girls are out in their teens, 20s and 30s whooping it up, sleeping with the hot guys, doing all sorts of who knows what, and how they don’t want to have to compete with all those memories later, when those same girls decide “someday” they want to settle down, with a good man, who has a good job, and who would make a great dad. Yep, those same guys who are sitting at home, without a date, reading, cooking gourmet meals, and pursuing interesting hobbies, because girls they like aren’t calling or texting, because they are hung up on or chasing after some alpha, right now.
Some would say women are and have always been the gatekeepers on sex. Men are in turn the gatekeepers on commitment. In days past, men got sex by making a commitment. Today, with birth control, sex doesn’t inevitably mean pregnancy, as it once did, and so these good guys say women opened the gate on sex, and now good men are in return withdrawing the option of commitment. After all, they say, a deal is a deal.
So not that I am judging, heck I am no saint myself, but before you go home with that amazing studly guy you just met, ask yourself this, is that something you are going to want later tell the man you want to marry? And how will he feel about your “finding yourself” in this way?
And yes, some men won’t care, maybe they are out there shagging it up too, and they get it that things have changed. But trust me, I was surprised myself to read on many a message board as man after man said, “No way. I won’t want her,” on no uncertain terms. And I wondered how many women realize this and are factoring that reality into their casual sex decision making?
Not to sound like your Mom or something, but is your going home with this man who is saying to you clearly that, “No strings, just sex” really in your best interest, anyway? Condoms (if you are actually using them) only protect against so much. There are STIs (sexually transmitted infections) like hpv (genital warts), herpes, crabs and other things you can still be exposed to even if he wears a condom, things you won’t be proud to tell your mom, or anyone, about.
Plus, even if you escape any infection, will all of those casual sex experiences also create a hardness and jadedness in you, over time, as you get your hopes up that maybe this hot guy will be different, or this hot guy will suddenly decide you’re “the one?” At a certain point, a woman has to turn off the emotional switch that successful long term relationships depend on in order to be OK with the casual “Sex in the City” experience.
Carnivals are fun, no doubt. But chances are they aren’t a place where you would want to live or be for the rest of your life. So beware the carousel. Everything has its price.
My principal fear is about the ability to bond. This will translate into a weaker commitment, dangerous when half of all marriages end in divorce.
Redpillgirlnotes,
Thanks for writing this. The girls need to be made aware.
Thanks for the support Fuzzie! I truly think many girls do not see this side of things. Most voices in our culture are instead saying, “You go, girl!” Even if that choice isn’t in her own best interest. Hopefully this blog can help create a more complete worldview.
Today, I found your site through Bing by keying in notesfromaredpillgirl.com
You came up first. Before, I was dependent on links that you left at Just3Guys. This is progress. One suggestion, Other bloggers can be linked through their user name when they comment. Would you find a way to do this? It may help traffic to find you.
I will look into it Fuzzie, thanks for the tip! And the support 🙂
Although i admire your courage to stand up to the norm, there is one problem of mine. The whole alpha concept. If an alpha is really simply a leader, rather he is attractive, rough, charming, ugly etc. If he is by the real definition logical, definition, a leader, can he not lead a family, or commit. These “good men” that are seen as “betas” is false. These good men are cautious regarding the opposite sex esp these days. That makes them leaders and alphas since ultimately they seek the best of the flock not a washed up used woman. These “alphas” falsely upheld are simply womanizing feminized males who have given themselves over to pleasure and the worship of pursuit of women. That is their decision though. Most of these socially labeled “alphas” haha usually end up single because of the hardness also produced with them in their constant pursuit of pleasure and eventual distortion of views to find a good woman which is the ultimate consequence of both the promisicous woman and male. Both lose in the end. And a beta is even according to the definiton by popular vote a loser and most often a slave to their appetite and distorted thinker. Thanks for article though freaking awesome.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Mavellian. I agree, the alpha and beta categories are grossly oversimplified. I almost didn’t include that part for that reason. So thanks for adding the additional thoughts on that!
No problem keep it up red pill girl
Your writing provokes thought.
Def. of alpha: a man who is attractive to women and has a lot of sexual experience.
There is a void where there needs to be a term that describes men who are attractive to women but makes no claim about their sexual experience. “Alpha” is often used in that case, but the meaning becomes vague. “Omega” is often used to describe those who have little sexual experience, which is often due to moral/religious imperatives. However, Omegas are typically viewed as sexual losers and unattractive, which isn’t necessarily the case. Based on my experience, I’m an Omega, though I used to pick up girls (for petting only because of my inhibitions). I now have these obsolete and eccentric ideas about vows/marriage/religion that keep me inhibited and hung up about sex outside of marriage. However, I have a lot of experiences like the one from a country dance bar last Sat.for the first time.
She was a very curvy HB9 with an attire showing off her charms very effectively. Wives and girlfriends were telling their men not to even think about asking her to dance. So, my wife not being present, I walked over and asked Curvy Gal to dance. XD We danced; she hugged me; we danced a second dance; she hugged me again and said that I made her look good; I took her back to her spot and she hugged me a third time. I never chatted her up or sexualized anything. Was she saying, “Get the message, dingbat!????”
During the next line dance, Curvy Gal moved to the center of my field of vision and was doing maximum sexy swaying and holding my gaze from time to time, smiling.
(I was trying to figure out the message I should get from the hugs. One hug and she’s maybe in the moment and had a good time dancing. More than that and a man should assume that it’s “I want you to chat me up.” Maybe three and it’s “I want a kiss now!????” PUA’s would say, “You won’t know until you try. Assume the sale.” Your thoughts?)
Anyway, I think that there was mutual attraction going on. I learned something about reading women back in the days that I did pickup. Still, a woman’s feedback is often helpful.
*HB9 Hot Babe 9 (a beautiful woman)
Your use of the verb “commit” can be replaced with “submit and supplicate” and your paragraph — and complaint — will have the same meaning. That’s a problem with your perspective, not the world of men.
I would spend less time on trying to define alpha, and more time reflecting on what happens to any man who agrees to take care of a woman. 90% are farmed out and held up for ridicule (directly and in popular media); 10% achieve what everyone wants. For the 90%, divorce occurs 60% of the time, at which point the guy loses his children and dough.
If that’s a good deal, then take it. Or, if you are female, explain to the next 20 men why they should take it.
Some men are designing a different lifestyle, one immune to your cliches about cruel and self-involved men who abandon their hearts in the service of random pickup activities. That caricature of agentic men choosing their own futures, instead of having them defined by women and the court system, has already jumped the shark.
Thanks for sharing that BV! Good points!
I see. Committment meaning: submitting and supplicating…..hahaha. Well if that is your belief than no wonder you will most likely end up divorced and ruled by your wife. So, if a man decides to have a family, care for a family, lead a family, he will end up ostracized?….hahah you sound just like the social engineering meant to afflict your mind. The problem is as a male you do not know your own nature. You have no clue. Listen to your comment, pure fear, “oh women are so scary, they are out to get me, what do I do? ” I know, I’ll just have random hook ups that will get them, or wait not marry or raise a family with a woman, that will hurt them. Hahaha. Where are your balls? The only reason women become unruly, disrespectful, resentful and divorce most these manginas is because they lack balls, to tell them to, “shut the fuck up and sit down.” Once you learn your power as a man and stop listening to these whining manginas about, ” how my wife dont love me and divorces me wah wah!” You will understand whether your woman is independent or not does not matter in the end they just want a firm, unwavering, decisive man. Not some feminized chump who has believed everything society has taught him. You must own your woman not let her own you.
While it is hard to extrapolate what the hugs meant, I would say it is at least safe to assume that she appreciated dancing with you, and enjoyed that you enjoyed dancing with her. Sometimes women flirt as a way of saying “thank you for the affirmation” and not necessarily because they want it to go anywhere beyond flirting. I think she recognized that you appreciate the feminine, which is so often discouraged, so in thanks she turned it up. Women like to be admired 😉 Or they would like to be admired, but because everyone is so confused these days, admiration can sometimes be perceived as a threat, so many women are afraid to accept admiration (what if he wants more?) and many men are afraid to give it (what if she thinks I am a creep?). When I was younger it used to threaten me, but now I don’t get all bent out of shape over it. I appreciate the admiration, usually flirt in return, and have found often both parties just want to leave it at that and have a warm fuzzy Mars/Venus feel good moment. It’s not necessarily sexual or a threat or a pass or anything more than what it is. If that makes sense? Sometimes of course it can be a sign a person wants or is open to escalate things, and that’s not always so clear. I think that’s were the confusion comes in. Sometimes neither wants to escalate, sometimes only one does and if so the one not wanting to escalate shuts it down, or sometimes both want to escalate. It’s kind of like a dance, no?
“You must own your woman not let her own you. ”
Says the fool just before his wife leaves him for another man along with his money and his kids.
Good points, Bloom.
Certainly there is dance attraction that stays on the dance floor when you leave the floor. That usually evaporates pretty quickly.
You’re right about women enjoying the Chase even when they don’t plan to mate. My dad thought that the Chase was the most fun part of romance.
Sometimes it’s a lot of subtle signs that a man can’t really put his finger on. The enthusiasm in the hugs. The prolonged holding of the gaze with smiles. The fact that so many enthusiastic hugs occur so close together. And that Mars/Venus attraction on the floor can lead to a kiss on the floor which _might_ lead to romance off the floor. The moment might expand into…an eternity. The woman might not even be aware of an incipient attraction–it might just seem to happen when triggered by a dance. Dancing, after all, involves a woman obeying the physical commands of the man. She submits to him, which submission has sexual effects on a woman’s mind.
If a man catches a woman’s gaze and she fails to hold it, then it may be because she is shy. If she isn’t shy and doesn’t want to hold it, either she was surprised and wasn’t ready to respond, or else she wasn’t interested.
“It’s kind of like a dance, no?”
The Chase…something I enjoy and am studying. I see mating as being more similar to dancing. There are commands in mating and dancing, but not in the Chase.
As the fool, hahaha….I am going to be a complete douchebag. I read “wife” in your sentence. This is hilarious. Your wife not being present..so, you have to sneak around to dance with another woman….ha..how unmanly and passive aggressive and a show of a effeminacy. Do you have to prove your “game” and marbles by a different woman? Also, what the hell is up with this “HB” nonsense haha. Be a man esp as a husband, if you have to prove yourself thru diff women I gurantee you are not satisfying the one YOU chose to have by your side. Lmao. Let me find your wife while your “absent” grinding on an “alpha” haha. You guys, have been officially mindfucked. Peace bro.
Sneak around, no, my wife knew I was out dancing. She stayed home. Even had she been there, she wouldn’t have said anything to stop me, but she’d have laid into me afterwards, for sure. Would have been worth it. XD
Blah, blah, blah. Ok. Peace out.
Hahahahh bro no big deal. And if women say they do not care, it is lie, and gateway for them to do the same. So, as a leader of your family, or “alpha” set the standard. Trust me you tell her or show her you are dancing, grinding, embracing other women without any doubt she will practice the same with other men, in your absence or presence. Trust me, it is only a matter of time. Matter of time.
My wife likes it that I dance with other women. Makes her feel like I’m more desirable. It’s called preselection. When we’re out dancing, she sees me dancing with other women and she still refuses to dance with other men. We’ve been married several decades and I don’t think that she’s likely to change anytime soon.
“Several decades” hahahaba come on now you are sounding old.”Preselection, makes her feel like im more desirable” hahahah on that notion are you ugly that she needs that validation. Like I said, first, bud, where are your balls? You sound like a mangina with no control or authority! No wonder your wife can only see some value if u are “desired” to dance. You are a mangina. I am not responding to your next effeminate comment. Want some balls come to my site bro. Peace.
@ the adsgamer and Mavellian, Thank you both so much for sharing your thoughts. I don’t have much time to moderate these boards so please police yourselves as far as crossing the “sharing what you think” and “personal insult” line. I added some comment guidelines to the about me page today that should help explain what I hope to achieve via comments: https://notesfromaredpillgirl.com/about/ Thank you both for taking the time to read and comment and I look forward to both your future contributions! Peace. (That’s a very “girl” way of handling conflict, btw, the whole “let’s all get along” thing….my apologies if I misunderstood! I highly value freedom of thought and opinion so I really don’t want to squash that.)
He’s an ass. Not worth any more of my time.
Thanks red pill girl and I apologize for the scene.
Adsgamer my bad if I hurt your feelings. I know you mean well bro. Take care.
My feelings weren’t hurt, but you’re still an ass. You don’t call someone you don’t know a mangina without clear evidence of it. You’re not my brother and you’re obviously much younger and very rude. Have a nice day.
Hey, Bloom, I was just clarifying the issues with Mavellian. He was playing games, trying to pretend that my feelings were hurt because I’m a mangina instead of facing the issue that he was wrong to call me a mangina. I called him on it like a man ought.
Just so you know how I roll, my day-to-day ethical living tends to follow the title of Jeff Cooper’s book, “To Ride, Shoot Straight, and Speak the Truth.”
“My feelings werent hurt, but youre still an ass.” Clearly you are hurt and i apologize. I am not young but more insensitive and also stated to your “fools” comment I was going to be aggressive.
Let us leave it at this since redpill girl does not want a scene on her blog. Take care man.
Yep, I get it. Thanks for not calling each other manginas anymore. 🙂 Peace!
Nahh, I’m not butthurt. Just didn’t realize until after I posted my last comment that I was in a social dominance game. I played that game on autopilot. Yes, you did state that you were going to be aggressive. I just didn’t realize what you meant by that. I thought maybe you would want to keep rapport and be aggressive about finding out my info and I was trying to oblige.
Women are moral agents. No matter how excellent a man’s leadership, it’s always conceivable that his woman will rebel, which strikes close to home with me. That was the basis of my “fools” comment. I apologize for its inflammatory tone.
I expect that you’re young compared to me. 🙂
I’m also a jerk, so your calling me a mangina was more annoying than an actual wound. I’m always having to rebuild rapport with people.
Chat with you later.
And carrots!
Cool man. It was fun at least to sharpen our wits. Haha. Take care and yes, you are my brother universally, no matter what race, color or anything as long as you have a pair haha.
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Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon on a daily
basis. It’s always helpful to read through content from other writers and
use something from other web sites.
FuzzieWuzziesaid:April 25, 2014 at 9:55 pm:
“My principal fear is about the ability to bond. This will translate into a weaker commitment, dangerous when half of all marriages end in divorce.”
This…and another issue of skill in bed. Riding the carousel is no guarantee of getting good at sex. It just means you’re good at getting off from the intensity of that instance’s passion. Getting to know that feeling alone does not guarantee carrying over the knowledge to your next partner…”do this…don’t do that”. And this all assumes most transitory partners from the carousel are skilled. The fleeting passion felt could be just another mild injection of oxytocin (pun intended).
I’ve had women with limited experience and great skill. I’ve also had divorced women partners with great skill, and one who was terrible in bed. Without knowing any studies to back this up, I firmly believe a skilled woman can not only help her man be the best lover for her, but also become the best lover HE can possibly be (for himself and for other women). I know that previous partners have done this for me.
This is all to say that building skill level takes time over the course of the relationship. Fifty lays with ten men probably will accomplish a lot less than the same count with one or two men when the partner is well bonded.
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Glad to see some girls are waking up.