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Have you ever heard the term, “She’s a carousel rider?”

If not, it’s a derogatory way “Red Pill” men refer to a woman who is single and sleeping around. The carousel rider may be involved in a string of semi-serious or serious monogamous relationships, short term flings, one night stands, casual hookups, or some combination of those options.

And they care. And they notice. And even the most self-proclaimed man-whores (his claim, not my label) among them look down on women for it.

“What?” you may ask. “How can they? Men sleep around all the time! What’s good for the gander is good for the goose. That’s a double standard. My body, my choice.” And so on.

And while that all may be true and women have been told that men don’t care anymore about these things, clearly they do.

Why? Well believe it or not, it’s a rather small number of men who are enjoying the sexually open marketplace we currently live in. Many good solid guys who are perhaps less charismatic, or less able/willing to chat up the ladies, who are sitting it out for moral reasons or who are actually pursuing their studies instead of pursuing tail, or whatever — are not getting laid every weekend, whenever they feel like it. Like the gals their age are. And while they sit on the sideline, watching girls ride the carousel, they are taking note.

Why do they care? Aren’t they just bitter losers with small dicks who can’t get laid? At first some struck me that way, but after listening to them tell their side of the story another version emerged. Many are actually good solid guys who still believe in love and romance and all those things so currently out of fashion. (They are called “betas” unlike that hot stud at the bar all the girls want, he’s an “alpha.” p.s. Alphas rarely commit, because like you, they have lots of options. Betas, on the other hand, fall head over heels in love with girls, and while they are often maligned, I believe many to be great mate potential. You may want to stop putting them in the friend zone and try going out with them, instead. Another thing you may not have been told so clearly anywhere else.)

These guys say what bothers them the most is this. The thought that these girls are out in their teens, 20s and 30s whooping it up, sleeping with the hot guys, doing all sorts of who knows what, and how they don’t want to have to compete with all those memories later, when those same girls decide “someday” they want to settle down, with a good man, who has a good job, and who would make a great dad. Yep, those same guys who are sitting at home, without a date, reading, cooking gourmet meals, and pursuing interesting hobbies, because girls they like aren’t calling or texting, because they are hung up on or chasing after some alpha, right now.

Some would say women are and have always been the gatekeepers on sex. Men are in turn the gatekeepers on commitment. In days past, men got sex by making a commitment. Today, with birth control, sex doesn’t inevitably mean pregnancy, as it once did, and so these good guys say women opened the gate on sex, and now good men are in return withdrawing the option of commitment. After all, they say, a deal is a deal.

So not that I am judging, heck I am no saint myself, but before you go home with that amazing studly guy you just met, ask yourself this, is that something you are going to want later tell the man you want to marry? And how will he feel about your “finding yourself” in this way?

And yes, some men won’t care, maybe they are out there shagging it up too, and they get it that things have changed. But trust me, I was surprised myself to read on many a message board as man after man said, “No way. I won’t want her,” on no uncertain terms. And I wondered how many women realize this and are factoring that reality into their casual sex decision making?

Not to sound like your Mom or something, but is your going home with this man who is saying to you clearly that, “No strings, just sex” really in your best interest, anyway? Condoms (if you are actually using them) only protect against so much. There are STIs (sexually transmitted infections) like hpv (genital warts), herpes, crabs and other things you can still be exposed to even if he wears a condom, things you won’t be proud to tell your mom, or anyone, about.

Plus, even if you escape any infection, will all of those casual sex experiences also create a hardness and jadedness in you, over time, as you get your hopes up that maybe this hot guy will be different, or this hot guy will suddenly decide you’re “the one?” At a certain point, a woman has to turn off the emotional switch that successful long term relationships depend on in order to be OK with the casual “Sex in the City” experience.

Carnivals are fun, no doubt. But chances are they aren’t a place where you would want to live or be for the rest of your life. So beware the carousel. Everything has its price.

 

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