Tags
dating, happiness, heartbreak, Mr. Right, PUA, red pill, relationships, true love
There he is, looking at you from across the room. Wow, he’s cute! Your heart jumps. Before long, the two of you are maneuvering your way closer to each other. Oh my goodness, he’s saying everything you’ve ever hoped to hear. I’s just like in the movies! How could you ever be so lucky. Maybe this is IT?!?
So you bounce it off your girlfriends, who are all equally swept up in the romantic tale. Go for it, they urge you. Don’t let this one get away!
Screech. Brakes. Reality check.
If he’s that smooth, it’s probably because he’s done this little ditty before. I know you don’t want to hear that. I know I am throwing a big wet blanket on your true love tale. Trust me, I am a big fan of true love myself.
But ask a few guy friends, describe the interactions, and you will get a whole other take on who this guy is and what he is up to. If something is too good to be true, it likely is.
Maybe he really is that great guy he portrays himself to be. But watch out. Take your time. Don’t be a sucker. Slow it down. If he’s just spinning tales, he’ll tire of the game not working as quickly and easily as usual. And you will not be left reaching for tea and hankies.
If he’s actually a good guy, that will come to light too. It happens. We’ve all heard the tales.
But before you jump in heart first, do a little fact checking and recon, so you know exactly what you are getting yourself into. The best part about not being a sucker, is that you save yourself from getting hurt. And that’s a mighty wise thing for a gal to do.
Let those who have ears hear.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Great advice. Especially for making sure you don’t go home with a serial killer 😛
Redpillgirlnotes,
I can see how a girl can be taken in by sweet talk. It’s always been this way. Girl hopes for the best and it doesn’t turn out that way.
One clue, if there are awkward moments and he is trying to be honest, he just might be a good candidate.
Interesting thought fuzzie – awkward moments might signal he hasn’t been there, done that a zillion times already. Thanks for sharing!
Yes serial killers do not make good ltr matches
Women seem to struggle with the idea that language is not behavior, and only behavior over time reveals character.
We see this on a political level — most women reject the label ‘feminist’ at the same time they demand a feminist polity — and trivially in the dating context.
As a result men on the make tell women what they want to hear. Later, in the fullness of revealed character, the same woman might wise up and say, “He was just another jerk.” She should instead say, “Why did I seize on what a guy said, instead of evaluating him based on who he is?” But it’s far easier to externalize the seduction of words, coded behavior, and massive levels of projection.
It’s hard to explain or develop sympathy for this quality, because one would think that ‘action is character, and character is fate’ is not a complex insight, and one we are supposed to acquire by age 18. Unfortunately, we all often see what we desire, rather than what actually is. And it gets worse, in the relationship game, as we age.
Further, one out of 20 people has a Hare (psychopathy) score over 30, and these people, whether or not they are “serial killers” are expert and take delight in feeding a subject’s willingness to project and pretend. They’re expert chameleons. In the case of men with normal levels of empathy, if they encounter a relationship-minded woman who’s projecting all manner of good qualities on him, the two will couple-up and shortly find themselves with the “relationship!” that match.com promised them.
Only it won’t be real because the “relationship” impulse became the priority, rather than the qualities of a good relationship that, alas, are only revealed in behavior over time.
Match.com is a scary place, often, because so many people are just desperate to be coupled-up, and dating becomes a projection farce. In this way match.com can be the Walmart of the dating scene: there’s a lot of goods and the odds are good that you’ll buy something. But the goods, once taken home, are usually odd. Unfortunately, in relationships, we don’t have a receipt that allows us to return things without cost.
BV such great insight and wisdom as always. I agree, women often fall for words when instead they should be paying more attention to behavior. Is he walking the talk or just talking the talk? This is a good thing to suss out early on, before your heart is involved and all clear headed thinking goes out the window. Thanks so much for adding that from a man’s perspective, BV!