Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

Ladies, have you heard the term “friendzone?” It’s a manosphere term that roughly means if a gal doesn’t like a guy in that way, she says “let’s just be friends” or some such and the guy hangs around as a friend hoping the situation will change.

Now in some cases this is truly what happens. A gal isn’t attracted to a guy and so to be nice she says, “let’s just be friends” instead of being more direct and saying something like “I am not attracted to you in that way, sorry.” In this case it is good to be clear, even if in “girl talk” that seems mean, because otherwise he may get more hurt in the end if he thinks there is a chance you will change your mind.

However, there is another kind of friendzone that I think a lot of women don’t know about. I didn’t know about it myself until I saw a man say men and women can’t be friends on a message board discussion. What? Men and women can’t be friends? Really?

No, they insisted. If a man is hanging around as a friend, and you are both single, he is interested in you. Otherwise he would not be hanging about spending time alone with you, being supportive of your dreams, talking to you about your feelings, and so on. Because guys don’t like to do that with girls they don’t have the hots for, apparently.

I don’t know about you, but that idea came as a complete shock to me! What? Could it be?

I started to think back about my many male friends over the years. Was this true? Had they been attracted to me, but they just never made a move or let me know?

Go ahead, think back yourself. Shocking. Isn’t it?

But sure enough, they have all moved on since finding girlfriends, which I assumed was just because they were busy and life is busy. But maybe not…

And the thing is, as I thought back over my male friends, they are all very interesting men whose company I enjoyed. They had great jobs and interests and hobbies. They were attractive. I truly liked them.  But I had not once considered them as romantic partners — not because I had consciously decided that I did not like them (although that has happened too, followed by the “let’s just be friends” talk) — I didn’t think of them as anything more than friends because they never made it clear that they liked me more than a friend.

And the thing is, I probably would have dated many of them, had they asked!

When I revealed this to the men, they did not believe it. They accused me of misleading them. Of planting false hope. But I think the ladies would back me up here, if a guy friend has not made an explicit move and gotten the “just friends” reply, he should consider testing the attraction waters somehow (maybe by talking about if men and women can be friends, and then him saying, “No they always like you,” and then she says,  “But look at us, we’re friends?” And he says, “Exactly” and watches the first expression on her face….something like that may work. If she says “Nah, I don’t want to risk our friendship,” or “LJBF” then he can just say, “I was joking silly. Of course I don’t like you. As if…” Which by the way may be just the dare that makes her set her sights on him, because women are like that. But I am revealing too much….)

But back to the friendzone. This got me to thinking, if I had made this error, I bet a lot of other women may be too. So if you are single, and have single guy friends, stop and consider would you like it to be more than friends? Would you (or do you already secretly) want to date them? If so, you might want to somehow let them know!

Check out your friendzone, ladies. There may be some great guys whose company you enjoy crushing on you already and you don’t even know it!

Silly boys should speak up, I know, but since they aren’t, you might need to test those waters yourself. You’re a woman, you can be subtle about it, right? That way if he truly does just want to be friends, that can continue and you can check him off the list of possible true love ever after, knowing he truly and really just wants to be a friend.

Rejection is scary, I know, but guys have to face it all the time. In fact, that’s probably what’s holding your secret admirers back as well. Men say it is just brutal to have to face rejection time and time again. Maybe we ladies can take a little bit of that heat off, right?

And I know, women are told over and over to never ever approach a guy, it’s like the taboo must not do girl dating rule of all time, but the guys I asked about it said if they liked a girl, and she made the first move, it would be a most welcome development.

If I am right, don’t be shy sharing the results. I am always a sucker for a good love story.

Let those who have ears hear.

 

Advertisements