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As the saying goes, if you don’t know where you are headed, any road will take you there.

That’s why I am a big fan of clarifying what it is you want in your romantic life to increase the odds you’ll end up reaching your desired destination.

In fact, it was that very thing that led me to the land of the red pill. After a puzzling relationship and break up, I went looking for answers about love, relationships, and what did and didn’t work in hopes that would help me figure out what I was doing wrong so I could for goodness sake start doing it right.

While I can’t say I have arrived at my desired destination, have found my true love ever after, I can say that I have learned a lot in the past year about what I do and don’t want in a romantic relationship and that alone will likely increase the odds of finding it over continuing to be haphazard and hope it all turns out for the best. I’m closer now than I was then.

Now my vision may not be the same as yours or anyone else’s, and to each their own. As I examined my heart I realized I am a pretty traditional gal and so that for me love means marriage and not just to anyone, but to someone I love truly, deeply, and madly who feels likewise about me.

Because my faith is important to me, and I have learned the hard way why one should not be unequally yoked, that’s another perimeter on my list. However, as I am not a radically conservative religious zealot, in this area I seek someone who is seeped in the spirit more in the love thy neighbor as thyself type of way than in a hellfire and brimstone one.

I also believe in traditional gender roles, that love works best that way. So this is another thing I look for in a potential mate: Does he share the vision of a Captain and First Mate scenario? Is he a wise, capable, and just person who will make a good lead? Is he headed in a direction I would want to follow?

I’ve spent many hours over the past year refining this vision of true love and as I date I circle back to it often. It (and prayer) helps center me and to guide my path. While I don’t want to err on the side of having such a long list of requirements or being so picky that I never find someone, I also don’t want to spend too much time dating those who want something other than what I do or who don’t share similar values and goals.

In fact writing this blog and reading a handful of other red pill sites has been another way that I further hone and crystallize that vision as I find that writing and reading about love and relationships helps me get my head wrapped around how to navigate the path less traveled, and how to do it differently than how most of the rest of the people around me are doing it or how I have done it in the past.

I also spend time visualizing what I will do and bring to the love equation, how I will nurture and support my partner, what I will do better and differently thanks to all I have learned. I don’t just envision what I will get out of love, I also envision what I will give to love and to a relationship.

On days of doubt or discouragement, I will visualize finding true love either by listening to music (sometimes posted here), picturing it in my mind, thinking about the couples I know who have found it and have relationships like the one I seek, making a collage or art projects with images surrounding the theme, and other such rainy day exercises.

Not to sound new age, but I do believe that what we set our mind upon is what materializes in our worlds. Thoughts are powerful and they can shape one’s life. So rather than think about all the possible obstacles and things that could go wrong, I work hard to keep my thoughts in the positive: It is out there and I will find it and it will be more than worth the time and effort and energy I am putting in now to make sure that when I do I will be ready to embrace it with my whole heart and give it all I’ve got, come what may, thick and thin, richer and poorer, forever and ever after, amen.

This same visualization approach has never failed me in other areas of my life, in fact it’s many times made the impossible somehow become possible, and usually in ways that are even better than my wildest dreams. Why would it not with love?

So ladies, if you have found love lacking, why not try visualizing your own ideal picture of what you seek and you offer? I think you might find that once you do,  it makes the confusing obstacle course called dating a bit easier to navigate. Once you know where you want to go, which path to take to get there suddenly becomes a lot more clear.

Let those who have ears hear.

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