Monthly Archives: June 2014

Guys Care About How You Look

20 Friday Jun 2014

Posted by in Fempire, Relationships

≈ 14 Comments

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Hey you, running around in pajama bottoms and flip flops, did you know guys cringe at gals running around in pajama bottoms and flip flops and letting it all hang out like nobody cares how you look?

Yep. they do.

Well if you are a college hottie you might get a pass, but in general guys like girls who look good.

I know, I know…how sexist. That’s objectifying and shallow. He should love me for who I am. Right?

Well sister, men are visual creatures like it or not. Very visual. As in they notice and rate every woman they run across in every situation all day long, apparently. From the gal at the coffee stand to the woman in line in front of them at the bank to the girl next door, all of them, all of the time. They aren’t consciously doing it. They just DO it.

Why? Who knows. I suspect it has something to do with their need not so long ago to be always alert to their surroundings because being super observant really helps one be a good hunter or warrior.

Likewise, when sizing up a potential mate, these men were looking for all the signs that said she’d be good at having babies. Studies show it is the very same signs of fertility that men are naturally attracted to.

And let’s face it, women are also attracted to men who look a certain way. Often the same signs that show he would make a fine hunter and warrior. So we must be sexist, too?

Now it is true, some women are already too keenly aware of their body image and obsess over every tiny flaw and spend entirely way too much time and money on their appearance already. This post is not for them. To them I would say, relax. Guys don’t like that either. And chances are you look great but are so uptight about it you can’t enjoy it.

However, there are many women who have taken it to the other extreme. They put little to no emphasis on their appearance, and yet they expect men to overlook all that.

The biggest thing a gal can do to improve her physical appeal is to maintain an ideal body weight. Not too fat, not too thin. With 2 in 3 women overweight or obese, this is an area where a gal can easily stand out from the crowd. But not with fad diets or crash diets or whatever, which only set up a boomerang effect that leads to even more weight gain in the future. Better to eat a highly nutrient rich but lower calorie diet made up of good, sound food than to try to subsist on less of the “typical American diet.” The Paleo Diet is a good example.

And be active. Eating well is where it starts because eating 400 calories is a lot easier than burning 400 calories, but regular and robust physical activity helps too because it builds muscle which in turn burns more calories day and night. And don’t worry, you won’t look like The Incredible Hulk if you work out. A women’s hormones keep muscle mass from building in the same way a man’s does. If you don’t like to work out, then adopt a strenuous physical hobby. Wake-board chicks have killer abs and are super lean as a side effect of that very strenuous sport, for example. And have you ever seen wake-board guys? Holy smokes! Not a bad “two birds with one stone” effect, if you know what I mean. Similar for other such active hobbies. Worth doing for the masculine eye candy alone!

Ok, then from there, think “feminine.” Long hair. Pretty dresses or skirts. Jewelry. Tasteful make-up. Shimmer. Sparkle.

Tasteful goes a long, long way. Looking feminine does not equal looking like a streetwalker. Leaving something to the imagination is far more powerful than letting it all hang out.

It’s not rocket science. And it doesn’t decrease your power or worth as a person or reduce the inner you. In fact, it increases your all around appeal. And whether you are married or single, looking good for your man or looking good for your potential man is not a bad strategy.

And by the way, a gal feels better about herself and more confident when she knows she looks good, too. So it’s not just for him.

Chances are the ones who will be complaining and getting all bent out of shape about this are the women in flip flops and pajama pants.

 

 

On Sex in Marriage

18 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by in Sex and Such

≈ 28 Comments

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Ladies, something I hear some married (or more often formerly married) men in the manosphere say is that after they got married, the loving that once was a flood trickled or came to a stop.

Some blame marriage itself. They say that once a woman has her man, she no longer wants him.

While I am sure it may be in some cases, I am not convinced that’s exactly what’s going on much of the time.

Maybe your are too tired trying to do and be it all? Maybe you put everything else first? Maybe your libido is lagging? Maybe you are mad at your husband and so you are holding the sex card to your chest? Or maybe other reasons, there are many possible I am sure.

Whatever it is, I would urge you to get it figured out and get your sex life back on track, for your own sake and the sake of your marriage. (Unmarried ladies file this in the “future to-do” category and get things off on the right foot.)

It’s easy to slip into the mistake of taking your relationship as a for granted. It will be there, right?

Bad, bad attitude, sister. Your marriage and connection to your spouse is the pivot the whole rest of your life revolves around, or it should be. Not some afterthought tacked on when you have an extra minute.

Do you know how often your spouse prefers to have sex? And how? And are you guys doing that? And do you talk about these things, not in bed but when you are both well fed and feeling good and maybe in a playful way rather than treating it like some tense Geneva Convention negotiation?

If not, consider trying it. Or if not asking and talking about, maybe your spouse isn’t a talker, experimenting to figure it out yourself.

Or you can just attack him. Today. Yes, today!

Maybe he’s the one who is holding out. Do you know why? Have you asked? Do you care?

Same advice, put figuring this out on your priority list. Top, preferably.

Why? Because celibacy is something many might strive for before marriage, but should not within it.

Think for a minute how unfair it is. Unless you have an unconventional arrangement of some sort, and if so you are likely talking about sex often anyway, you have asked your husband to be faithful only onto you till death do you part, and you pledged the same to him. It’s not like it’s “ok” for either of you to go out and get some on the side then, now is it?

To be married but celibate is in fact far worse than being single because at least then there is hope the dry spell will end. That there is happiness waiting at the other end of the rainbow.

And here’s a little secret many women don’t know, it’s actually regular and satisfying physical bonding (i.e. sex) that opens up a man emotionally. To him, that is love. And women are said to be looking for emotional bonding as much or more than physical bonding. To her, that is love.

Think of it like a snowball effect: you start rolling the sex ball with no demands of emotional engagement. Just start it down the hill. Soon, it gathers speed and your closed off mate starts opening up and doing things that translate to “love” for you. Spontaneously. Soon it picks up all around. The snowball effect grows and grows. Soon you wouldn’t think of being without that engagement and connection. Happy, happy, joy, joy!

But it doesn’t just happen. Someone has to start the ball down the hill. And since, like it or not, the only person we can control is ourselves, if you want a happy marriage and this is on your heart, well get to rolling, sister.

It might be rocky at first. There may be false starts. That’s ok. Stick it out. Don’t expect anything. Just give.

“Hey, wait?” You may think. You may start to ponder how you should be getting more in return.

Screech. Stop. Hello. It’s not a transaction. It’s something you should give, and give freely. Not something to be traded or bartered or doled out in spoonfuls. It’s not something to be used to get him to do what YOU want.

“But I am not in the mood redpillgirl,” I can hear some say.

Tip: it’s all in your head. Get yourself some female erotica and get to reading. One friend reports her married sex life was never better than when reading the recent runaway success “50 Shades of Grey.” She was attacking her husband daily (sometimes more!), he was loving it, and she never even told him what prompted her sudden off the charts drive. They are still rocking it to this day.

And another perk, sex is good for both of your health. Yep. Reduced stress, reduced depression, lower anxiety, better sleep, reduced risk of cancer, lots and lots of upside await.

Any notions you have that sex is bad, or wrong, or shameful need to be left at the curb. That’s just what people told you to keep you from running around like a jackrabbit before marriage. They forget to add in the caveat, “But once you marry by all means, get busy!”

Even the bible says so! I am not kidding. Consider:

1 Corinthians 7

7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

(Note: This passage is not included to alienate anyone bc of faith, if you practice another faith and know of a similar passage on marriage and sex, by all means please share it in the comments!)

See, even the apostle Paul thinks if you can’t swear to a life of celibacy you should marry and you should be getting busy with your husband for the sake of both your everlasting souls!

Then consider that he has a much higher sex drive than you likely do, and if you aren’t having sex with him you are either asking him to be some kind of unofficial monk with super human powers or you are basically leaving him wide open to be tempted by porn, infidelity, prostitution, addiction, and other problems you don’t want in your marriage. Hoping it won’t happen to you? Not good strategy.

Sometimes it helps me to listen to music to get my mind wrapped around something. In this case I would suggest:

Enjoy! And then just do it! Today!

Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cowboy, Take Me Away

18 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 5 Comments

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Dear Cowboy, I’m waiting….where are you?

“Cowboy Take Me Away”

I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly

I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of bluebonnets
In a blanket made of stars

Oh it sounds good to me I said

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you

I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall

I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles
Except for maybe you
And your simple smile

Oh it sounds good to me
Yes it sounds so good to me

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you

I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly
Oh it sounds so good to me

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you
Closer to you
Cowboy take me away.
Closer to you

Kids Need Their Dads

15 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 9 Comments

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Ladies, if you have kids and are not with their dad for whatever reason, are you making sure your children’s relationship with their dad continues even if your relationship with him does not?

I hope so, because your kids need their dad. And way too many women make the mistake of pushing him out either out of anger or just because they themselves don’t want to deal with him anymore, but this is a really, really shortsighted and selfish thing to do.

In fact, experts say there are very few situations where either parent should be denied regular time with their children. Kids need both parents, ideally together but if that simply is not possible, then separately. And without ongoing conflict, anger, or bad-talking of either parent. It takes a lot of maturity to co-parent in a healthy way that puts your kids needs over your own, but it is well worth it for their sake.

I know this because I grew up without my dad, who died in a car accident when I was two and my brother was four. We each missed having our dad in different ways, and at many points. Even today, some 40 years later, I still feel and grieve that loss. It’s never “over.” That void is always there, even more so on days like Father’s Day, or when I see a bride walked down the aisle, or do a father-daughter dance. Many times I find the grief is right there, ready to pop out when I least expect it.

Now in my case, there was no option. I cannot imagine how I would have felt knowing that my father was out there somewhere and I just wasn’t getting to see him, or worse was being told he didn’t want to see me. I do know people in this situation and most have as adults reconnected with their fathers despite their mother’s wishes, and in the cases where mom shoved dad out, they harbor real and lasting anger at their moms because of it.

When a relationship between parents ends, so should the fighting and bickering and anger. If you can’t do it, have someone else manage visitation drop offs and pick ups for you until you can. I have many times witnessed a child standing to the side while their mom and dad stand and argue with each other and it is absolutely heartbreaking. Just don’t.

And don’t make shit up. And don’t play games. And don’t stir the pot.  Just let it go. Be the bigger person. Show your kids the high road by always taking it yourself. Be that person they desperately need to look up to.

And don’t hold money over his head in exchange for time, keep money and time separate issues, not discussed in front of your children. In fact, remember that little ears hear everything, so never bad talk the other parent around your kids, and don’t let other people do it either because your kids are half that person, and if they keep hearing that person is bad, they will think they are half bad, too.

Trust me, your kids need their dad. If he’s out there and wants to be a part of their life, please, let him be. They need him.

Let those who have ears hear.

 

Make Me Believe

14 Saturday Jun 2014

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

“Just Might (Make Me Believe)”

I got miles of trouble spreadin’ far and wide
Bills on the table gettin’ higher and higher
They just keep on comin’, there ain’t no end in sight
I’m just holding on tight…
I’ve got someone who loves me more then words can say
And I’m thankful for that each and every day
And if I count all my blessings, I get a smile on my face
Still it’s hard to find faith..

[Chorus:]
But if you can look in my eyes
And tell me we’ll be alright
If you promise never to leave You just might make me believe

Its just day to day tryin’ to make ends meet
What id give for an address out on easy street
I need a deep margarita to help me unwind
Leave my troubles behind…

[Repeat Chorus]

I used to believe in us
When times got tough
But lately I’m afraid that even love is not enough

[Chorus:]
But if you can can look in my eyes
And tell me we’ll be alright
If you promise never to leave you just might make me
Oh, you just might make me
You just might make me believe

Let those who have ears hear

On The Care and Keeping of a Caveman

13 Friday Jun 2014

Posted by in Relationships

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Something I didn’t appreciate nearly enough about my ex-husband was the fact that he often acted like a caveman.

My response to his caveman-like behavior was to try to civilize him, lecture him on manners, or get into a snit.

In retrospect, I can now see that instead I probably should have thanked him, made him a nice dinner, and dragged him upstairs when he did caveman like things such as firing a shotgun off in the yard, usually in his underwear, shortly after we moved into our home, which had been vacant and abandoned for some time and had become a place for local riff raff to congregate, because he wanted to send a message to them loud and clear that the place was now occupied by a lunatic caveman so they best steer clear.

And steer clear they did. And in fact steer clear they still do, to this day, even seven years since I asked the misunderstood caveman to move out. His shadow and philosophy that the best way to deal with crazy neighbors was to BE the crazy neighbor continues to protect myself and his daughter to this very day.

My poor caveman. He was so under-appreciated. I really, really, really do regret that and wish I had understood him better then, and had spoiled him more, and gazed at him with loving appreciation as he stood there, in his underwear, firing a gun, warning off the hoodlums largely for my sake so his silly woman could live in the house of her dreams even if he personally just wanted to ride his motorcycle and not spend every weekend working on an old house just to make her happy.

I really do regret not treating that man much better, he certainly deserved it. I hope his wife (he recently remarried) understands cavemen better than I did. And just picks up his socks, and washes them, and makes him dinner, and gives him good loving with a cheerful heart and resists the urge to civilize or change him. Because I think really, that’s all he ever wanted. He deserves it, he’s a good man, faithful, hard-working, and true.

And if I ever find myself captured by another caveman of his caliber, next time, I know what to do different. Too bad I had to learn that lesson the hard way.

Let those who have ears hear.

What Language Do They Speak on Mars?

11 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by in Fempire, Gender

≈ 5 Comments

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Ladies, do you ever feel like you are speaking French (or Vesuvius) and he is speaking German (or Martian) and there are no translators in sight?

The more I think about it, the profoundly different ways that the male and female mind work, likely create much of the strife in the battle between the sexes.

And if so, I am starting to realize that’s going to take a whole lot of patience, understanding, and hopefully a decent ability to play charades to make that work.

To complicate things further, each gender approaches the other more like they would like to be approached than how approach actually works for the opposite sex.

And then there are on top of that, lots of other problems, including a totally topsy-turvey sexual market place (smp) and marriage market place (mmp) that resembles the wild-wild west.

If any of you know how all that works, please share it in the comments, because I personally am stumped!

But I think it’s in everybody’s best interest to get it figured out. Or if not that, at least back up on all four wheels, ok maybe three good wheels and a partial flat, something better than this anyway.

Let those who have ears hear.

 

 

What Is The Manosphere?

09 Monday Jun 2014

Posted by in Fempire, Gender, Red Pill

≈ 7 Comments

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Recent events have increased awareness of a small corner of the virtual and real world known as “the manosphere.” But what is the manosphere? And what is it all about?

Loosely, as I understand it, the manosphere is a collection of blogs and websites created by men for men where they can discuss issues men face. The topics and content of these websites varies widely, and some are even in direct opposition to each others espoused philosophy or understanding on a certain issue (the most controversial as far as the main stream media likely would be where the manosphere intersects with the female world, and opinions about dating, love, sex, and relationships are the topic.)

While the manosphere is predominately male, that does not mean it is made up of men all in complete agreement with each other or in agreement of any one certain point of view.

Some examples of sub groups within the manosphere include (but are not limited to):

  • Married men talking to other married men about marital issues
  • Single men talking to other single men about issues surrounding dating, relating, and marriage
  • Men talking to other men interested in a lifestyle that does not involve marriage, and in some cases does not involve women romantically  at all
  • Single dads talking to other single dads about parenting and legal issues
  • Men of all relationship status talking to each other about issues men face in general
  • Men interested in discussion of men’s legal rights such as paternal rights, divorce law, sexual harassment laws, and the like
  • Men talking to other men about “guy stuff” like sports, hunting, fishing, motorcycles, fitness, career, self-improvement, and the like
  • Blogs written by women in reaction to or in support of men’s issues and how they impact women and relationships (some in the manosphere would consider these websites outside of the manosphere, not a part of it, as they are not written by men for men.)

And more…

Are men in the manosphere occasionally angry or bitter? Yes. Do some of these men who are angry and bitter have just cause to be angry and bitter? Yes.  Are all men in the manosphere angry and bitter? No.

Is everything written in the manosphere fact? No. Are facts discussed and debated? Yes. Is everything said in the manosphere truth? No. Is the truth discussed and debated? Yes. Do some men in the menosphere hold negative views of women or more specifically feminism? Yes. Do all men in the manosphere have a negative view of women? No. Do men in the manosphere sometimes say shocking things or express views other than the social norm? Yes. Do all men in the manosphere say shocking things or express views other than the social norm? No.

The manosphere is not a hate group, or a terrorist group, or even a cohesive single organization, as it has been portrayed by some in the main stream media.

Put another way, if men getting together and discussing topics important to men seems threatening, one should question whether women getting together to talk to other women about issues important to women is threatening? If they cannot say yes to the latter, they cannot in good consciousness say yes to the former.

In short, the manosphere is men talking to other men about being a man, on the Internet or in person at workshops and conferences. It is a loosely formed male community united around their common identity of being male. It is nothing more, nothing less.

The manosphere is actually really interesting.

Let those who have ears hear

 

 

Men Have Feelings, Too

08 Sunday Jun 2014

Posted by in Gender

≈ 20 Comments

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Ladies, something that has become very apparent to me upon lurking about the manosphere for months is that we women are largely riding roughshod over the feelings of the men in our lives, whether they are lovers, friends, family, or co-workers be it intentionally or unintended.

It’s something women would be good to be more mindful of, as we naturally and biologically tend to approach the world according to what we need and want, which has its place, as long as it doesn’t supersede that all the other people in the world (including men) also have a right to needs and wants of their own.

Here are a few specific examples, told by men themselves:

  • lovers who are very passive in the giving end of lovemaking. Either self absorbed (I need x, y, z to create my ultimate experience and who cares what you need or want) or simply passive (you’re lucky I am letting you have sex with me at all, why should I do any more than that?)
  • friends or family who meddle in a man’s personal life or affairs from trying to match make them to browbeating them into conforming to whatever YOU think they should be doing or how they should be living
  • bringing “girl” drama to the workplace and upending the apple cart of productivity
  • thinking everything they say or do it about you, than about them
  • taking advantage of male friends by expecting them to be there for you emotionally and so on like a boyfriend, except they aren’t your boyfriend and you never intend them to be
  • automatically assuming a man will pay for everything when dating or assuming all of his resources (time, money, etc) will be directed toward what you want once married
  • demanding that everything be perfect before you will bring anything to the relationship in return. All your needs and wants must be met first as a condition of his needs or wants being met

And so on. There are more examples and I welcome any men reading along to add them as comments.

If I have learned anything from the manosphere, it’s that men are much more complex than society at large gives them credit for. They have deeply held emotions, needs, and wants — just like women do. So if you want to improve your interactions with the men in your life, start thinking about what they need, feel, and want and not just what you do.

And here’s an idea: why not ASK him what he thinks, wants or feels, instead of assuming?

Let those who have ears hear

 

Never Ever Give Up

04 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by in Faith

≈ 6 Comments

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Without going into a lot of details, let’s just say the last year of my life has been perhaps the most difficult one I have ever faced, and there have been many moments where I have felt like I was not only at the end of my rope, but dangling on the last thread in mid-air and wondering how I could ever overcome the seemingly impossible obstacles and difficulties firing my way from all fronts (personal, professional, relational, parental, physical, social, etc.) in even one area, much less all of them?

Month after trying month, when one thing would wrap up and I dared breathe a sigh of relief, something new just as dire would emerge and the dance would start all over. It’s been like a sprint that’s turned into a long distance event and the finish line keeps moving, just when I am think I am almost there, surprise! The race gets extended again, and the finish line is again moved to a new undisclosed location.

As I said in my visualization post, something I circle back to when things just seem too big is the many times the impossible has become possible before. So many times in my life the right person, information, connection, or solution pops up in the most coincidental and serendipitous fashion just when I need it most and  I can only read it as a sign from the universe to just keep going…to trust.

One would think after experiencing this 11th hour solution phenomenon so many times I would have faith and simply believe. And I am starting to think this past year may have been a hammering home of that very point. Over and over. Oh me of little faith, do the lilies of the field toil and spin? Do the birds worry about what they will eat or where it will come from. And yet there I am, fretting with each new challenge just the same.

Just last week I was wondering if maybe it was time to cash out my chips and let go of a dream I have been working toward for the past 12 years. Maybe it was too big. Maybe I had taken on too much. Maybe it was time to accept defeat. Increasing thoughts of “Maybe I just can’t” or “Maybe I am fooling myself” have plagued me over the past year, and the never ending challenges fired at me have not helped ease my mind.

I operate a cottage industry, small, local, boutique farm-based business on my property and just celebrated the fourth year in business.

In addition to that I work as a freelance writer, but freelance writing work has been in short supply since hurricane Sandy hit New York where most of my major clients up to that point had their offices wiped out and in turn slashed budgets drastically overnight. Likewise in the past few years content sweatshops have sprung up and companies who used to employ freelance writers and pay them a living wage now are paying less than one-tenth that to companies that take advantage of newer writers and keep the profit to themselves. I could work for them, but by the time it’s all said and done, it barely covers the childcare much less pays the bills.

So what was supposed to be my “side gig” has unexpectedly become my main gig. And I am not the only one facing this scenario, I see people all around me struggling to find themselves a foothold in today’s quickly changing economy as their former profession seems to vaporize right before their very eyes.

So yesterday morning there I was, thinking to myself, “What I need is a BIG sale. What I need is to move a lot of product at once, wholesale. I know I will get less for it, but at the same time it would be a nice cash infusion to put some space between myself and the wolves at the door. That’s what I really, really need.”

It’s been a recurring thought actually as I realized over the winter months that the seasonal nature of my business just doesn’t bring home the bacon during the wet, cold winter season. My direct to customer business sale strategy worked when I had the writing income to cover the day-to-day expenses but without that, I needed to set up a more consistent cash flow. Somehow.

Not three hours after thinking how what I needed was to make that BIG sale happen and asap, I am outside weeding and cleaning up for the first wedding of the season this weekend (I also rent my property out, for such events, as a side income) and I see a car parked at the gate. Then I spy a little fellow coming up the walk.

“Can I help you?” I asked, figuring he was going to hit me up for a donation for a local charitable event.

He introduces himself and says he works for a local distributing company who is looking to build out their hyper-local offerings and he had heard great things about my product and so he was wondering if I had ever considered selling some of it wholesale?

As much as I wanted to hug him and jump up and down, I play it cool. “I have thought about it,” I say casually. “But the price would have to be right. What are you offering per unit?”

Inside I am thinking, “Just say $10. I can do $10. I’d gladly do it for $10. Please God, at least say $10.”

“Well it’s really up to you,” he says, “But right now others in the area are selling for between $11 and $14 per unit.”

Controlling myself, I nonchalantly say, “I could probably let some go for that. So how much are you willing to take at a time?”

Inside I am thinking, “50 cases. Please say 50 cases. 50 cases would be perfect!”

“We usually buy a pallet at a time, mixed varieties.”

“Hummm, a pallet,” I say. “So how much is that?”

“50 cases, more or less,” he replies.

Inside, I am doing the happy dance. Yes!

“I’d be interested,” I say. “I have been thinking it’s time for me to consider wholesale, in fact I was thinking it just this morning, funny in fact you showed up today.”

Then we shoot the breeze, I share my story of how I got into all of this, he shares his background, we banter around some ideas for positioning the hyper-local offerings they are lining up and share some markets I wouldn’t mind getting my product into. Soon we are dreaming together, totally in tune and in step about how all this could roll out and be a win-win for both of us. We shake hands, I say I am in, I will get to bottling, and that he should go ahead and start making some sales calls. Let’s do this!

As he pulls away I thank God and the universe and breathe a huge sigh of relief. Maybe all this is going to work out after all. Maybe even better than I had dare hoped!

And then I check my e-mail and there is a message waiting for me from a client I would be ghostwriting blogs for (a medical group) that I had spoken to several months back but had figured didn’t work out. They want to get going, and asap. And they are paying my old rates, not the sweatshop ones. And they pay every two weeks, direct deposit. Will that be ok? When can I start?

Yes, yes it will. I am available immediately. Let’s get started! You bet!

And just like that I am reminded that it’s always darkest before dawn. Sure there are multiple challenges ahead, things could go wrong, but then again things could go right. You can never give up. And you can never lose faith. Because what you want more than anything often falls right into your lap just when you need it most. And when it does, rejoice and be grateful and ponder how sometimes it’s not so much about us making it happen, as it is surrendering to the reality that it’s way bigger than you, and it always has been. And when it seems like nothing is happening, a lot is happening that you just don’t know about. No matter how bleak things seem, the solution is to get up, show up, give it up in prayer, and take it one day at a time. The rest will take care of itself.

Let those who have ears hear.

(This post is dedicated to the memory of two individuals who tragically did give up in the biggest possible way, and to all those who struggle with similar thoughts. DO NOT GIVE UP. If you are alive, it is because you are supposed to be! Stick it out and find your purpose, you are here for a reason. Do not let the darkness in your mind win. Please do not. If you think nobody cares, know it’s not true — I care. Be a light unto the world. Be a survivor story. If you are in crisis, you can find help and someone to talk to anytime, day or night, right here. Promise me right now you won’t give up, that you will never give up. The world needs you. We are all in this together!)