Ladies, something that has become very apparent to me upon lurking about the manosphere for months is that we women are largely riding roughshod over the feelings of the men in our lives, whether they are lovers, friends, family, or co-workers be it intentionally or unintended.
It’s something women would be good to be more mindful of, as we naturally and biologically tend to approach the world according to what we need and want, which has its place, as long as it doesn’t supersede that all the other people in the world (including men) also have a right to needs and wants of their own.
Here are a few specific examples, told by men themselves:
- lovers who are very passive in the giving end of lovemaking. Either self absorbed (I need x, y, z to create my ultimate experience and who cares what you need or want) or simply passive (you’re lucky I am letting you have sex with me at all, why should I do any more than that?)
- friends or family who meddle in a man’s personal life or affairs from trying to match make them to browbeating them into conforming to whatever YOU think they should be doing or how they should be living
- bringing “girl” drama to the workplace and upending the apple cart of productivity
- thinking everything they say or do it about you, than about them
- taking advantage of male friends by expecting them to be there for you emotionally and so on like a boyfriend, except they aren’t your boyfriend and you never intend them to be
- automatically assuming a man will pay for everything when dating or assuming all of his resources (time, money, etc) will be directed toward what you want once married
- demanding that everything be perfect before you will bring anything to the relationship in return. All your needs and wants must be met first as a condition of his needs or wants being met
And so on. There are more examples and I welcome any men reading along to add them as comments.
If I have learned anything from the manosphere, it’s that men are much more complex than society at large gives them credit for. They have deeply held emotions, needs, and wants — just like women do. So if you want to improve your interactions with the men in your life, start thinking about what they need, feel, and want and not just what you do.
And here’s an idea: why not ASK him what he thinks, wants or feels, instead of assuming?
Let those who have ears hear
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Great post!
Thanks Han Solo! Welcome to my little neck of the woods!
And also thank you SO MUCH for saving the day when I accidentally posted my personal e-mail publicly on J4G the other day. Whoops! I appreciate you getting right on that for me. I was a little concerned of repercussions. No trouble from anyone so far… hopefully it went unnoticed! Fingers crossed…
Redpillgirlnotes,
Thanks for the supportive post. Sometimes, it’s like we’re not even human.
This deserves my best recieved video.
Awesome post!
That’s a very good point, though sometimes I wonder how to ask something like that. I mean, if you straight up ask a guy, “Hey, how do you feel?” the second the word “feel” comes out of your mouth it’s like automatic shut down. Guys act like they aren’t supposed to “feel.” It’s a necessary thing but so difficult to do tactfully.
This is a good point, asking a guy how he “feels” can send them running. Maybe better to phrase it, “what do you think?” Or maybe some of the guys can weigh in here… Any suggestions for phrasing of the “what do you feel, need, want…” Question? Would that type of discussion make a guy uncomfortable?
I wonder what it it about that particular tree the bears liked so much? Speaking of bears and trees, this weekend a friend stopped by and she with a secondhand acoustic guitar she just bought. A fellow she’s been on a few dates w was with her and he suddenly says “wow that’s bear scratch wood” (or maybe bear claw?) which I guess is rare. Sure enough we looked closer and could see the marks in the wood where a bear had scratched its claws across the grain. Pretty cool, maybe wood from this tree will reveal bear scratches too. Thanks for sharing your best bear video! 🙂
Thank you Morpheus! Welcome!
On the average, guys do not display their emotions as openly as women..verbally, by tone of voice, or by facial expression. Hence, it will typically require more psychological astuteness, on the part of the guy’s boss or co-worker or friend or romantic partner, to grasp what he is feeling than would be required in the case of a woman.
Thanks so much for answering that! Very interesting. So would asking a man directly about his feelings needs or wants shut him down or would that be ok and if so how would a gal phrase it? Or should she not ask directly, but just observe and infer? Thanks for clarifying, a female poster above brought up this question.
A wise man doesn’t tell women how he feels
So how should a woman go about figuring that out then, if I may ask?
Try observation, rather than simply asking a man to do all the work that observation entails. Men demonstrate their emotional elements; action, not conversation, is character. If a woman only achieves some emotional insight into her man through some sort of de facto counseling exercise, she’s really just patronizing him and being lazy.
Simple, observe and step outside the conventional relationship box that asserts that a woman’s emotional state is primary and superordinate.
RPG, I don’t think explicitly asking “So how do you *feel* about this?” is the best approach in most cases; I think usually best to observe & infer, bearing in mind that the signal you are looking for will likely be weaker in the case of a man than it would in the case of a woman feeling the same level of emotion.
Say for example that your boyfriend has been talking about going to place “A” for vacation, and you want to go to place “B.” He agrees to go to “B”, with outward cheerfulness, but over the next week you observe him reading magazine articles about “A” with a yearning expression in his face. Odds are that his feelings about the “B” decision are more negative than he had let you know.
That would shut me down like a beer tap after last call. Far too many precious little snowflakes (both women and manginas) whine about their “feelings”. I’m perfectly ok with people thinking that I don’t have any.
Yes, good points, thanks for elaborating. I think I will strike the last sentence advising a gal ask and rephrase that. Women like to talk about feelings, men not so much. Gotcha.
Yes, well said bv. A woman can pick up a lot of details about someone’s preferences just by observing them. I know that in the past when people have observed mine and implemented that wo my asking, it struck me as very thoughtful and scored them big bonus points. I am sure ’tis the same for men (or maybe even more of a shock and then appreciation, as they are in many cases used to not being considered, unfortunately.)
A man’s feelings are like his testicles.
We know they serve a higher purpose, and women seemed to be more interested in how well they work than we do. They’re not worth discussing, we mostly ignore them, and try to keep them from getting crushed.
Giving them a little jiggle now and then wouldn’t hurt.