Monthly Archives: September 2014

Are Men Disposable?

29 Monday Sep 2014

Posted by in Fempire, Relationships

≈ 24 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

It’s been said that a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. Fish, you see, don’t need bicycles. Or so the saying implies. But are men really disposable?

As a woman born into the post feminist world, then raised from the age of two by a widowed single mom, I was fairly indoctrinated with this fish not needing bicycles business. I was not raised to be a wife and mother. In fact I can’t remember by mom ever talking to me about becoming either. But I do remember her constantly saying, “When you go to college…” and “When you have your career…”

It wasn’t that my mom was opposed to marriage or kids necessarily, but I believe she said these things to me in reaction to her own experience of losing her childhood sweetheart at the age of 27 and not having any marketable skills or education to fall back on. So she went back to school and she did well by my brother and me, worked hard, provided for and protected us. She was a good mom and I believe she was trying to do her best, raising me to be independent so that if I ever had to stand on my own two feet, I could.

My mom didn’t remarry or date much when we were young. She choose to be alone because she was (and is) still in love with my dad and she feared nobody would be able to love my brother and I like he did. While I think that there are amazing men who make awesome step-dads, I am also glad that she didn’t shack up with whatever man would have her or let anyone ever mistreat us.

I grew up. I went to college. I have a career. I own a business in a mostly male realm. I have accomplished many things. Being female has not held me back. Feminism worked. Or did it?

I am also divorced and a single mom. While that is not entirely my doing, I will admit, among other things, I did not have my priorities straight and put my education and career before my marriage and then my family. I didn’t even question it at the time. I was living the feminist script. Having a man was “optional.” I could do without.

What a foolish, foolish thing to think.

I am not sure if things would have turned out differently had I done differently, and that’s something I will never know. I do know that if I ever marry again, my attitude and priorities will be entirely different.

Women do need men. Men make a woman’s life more stable and secure and safe and easy in so many ways, little and big, I can’t even list them.

Sure, there are men who aren’t good partners or husbands, men women are better off without. But that’s very different than saying women don’t need men, that all men are disposable.

I had a conversation with my mom a few months back, where I shared these ideas with her, and she surprised me by agreeing wholeheartedly. Like me, she’s seen with time and life experience how much easier women with a good man and a happy stable marriage have it in life. A good man is a blessing, not a burden. A woman is wise to know it, and to know how to be a good woman to her man in return.

Let those who have ears hear.

Do Women Prefer Bad Boys?

25 Thursday Sep 2014

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

, , , , , ,

A post by a fellow male blogger on women and bad boys has me thinking, do women really prefer bad boys? And if so, why?

If you haven’t read the linked to blog above, I highly recommend it as the rest of this post will make a lot more sense if you do.

I think the author is right about the primal draw of the bad boy, historically. Not so long ago, dinner didn’t come from the store and civil unrest was a fact of life. Birth control was also non existent, so sex = babies, and babies = a woman’s ability to take care of it all herself is highly compromised. Hunt or fight off foes with a howling baby (or several) in tow while taking breaks to nurse and clean up poopy butts? I don’t think so.

Back then woman needed man much more than man needed woman. (And some would argue this is true even today, and I might agree.) And preferably woman needed a man who could hunt and protect her and their children. Enter the bad boy meme.

Now back then he wasn’t so much a bad boy as probably an average guy. Perhaps there were a few shaman types who stayed back at camp and practiced medicine and led spiritual rituals but for the most part all the other men were hunters, warriors, and laborers. And likely all three. That was the “job” of a man.

Women had babies, took care of children and the elderly, cooked and prepared food, made clothing, kept up the camp, packed up and moved the camp, gathered plants and roots, and so on. That was the “job” of the woman.

Then agriculture happened, then industrialization, then specialization. Somewhere in there came money, and the disconnect from every man and woman being self sufficient but part of a larger whole, using money earned at a job to barter for goods needed to survive.

Today’s accountant (no offense to accountants, just picked a random job to illustrate) doesn’t hunt to put food on the table or fight off foes and perhaps even hires out his labor like yard work, building, and fixing things. The accountant understands money, and earns money, and so can provide and protect in today’s society. But what if society collapsed? How well would the average accountant do?

And thus, my theory is, creates the appeal of the bad boy. If shtf, I think women still understand in a primal and ancient way that the bad boy is going to be able to provide and protect. The bad boy isn’t worried about the ethics of doing what needs done. The bad boy isn’t going to shun violence, or have issues with killing animals to eat, or even lose sleep over stealing from someone else if he has to.

So who is the better bet? Logically, it’s the accountant. Instinctively, it’s the bad boy.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating women start corresponding with dangerous felons or even choosing an unemployed thug over a gainfully employed accountant. I am just saying, if you find yourself drawn to the bad boy, this is probably why.

Ideally a gal can cover her bases by seeking a gainfully employed guy with good character who is solid and true, but also has a bad boy edge and could do what it takes if he had to.

And guys, if you are more the accountant than the bad boy, don’t be afraid to let your inner caveman out to play. Hunt. Fish. Climb rocks. Shoot guns. Raise and slaughter chickens. Play sports. Build fires. Brew beer. Howl at the moon. Hit stuff with sticks. Throw rocks. Be stinky and dirty every now and then. Let your beard get scruffy occasionally. Get back in touch with your neanderthal side. Chicks dig it. Even if your mom told you they don’t!

Let those who have ears hear.

Are Men and Women Different?

24 Wednesday Sep 2014

Posted by in Gender

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

As I discussed in this post, some people seem very attached to the idea that men and women are the same and that we only act differently because we are taught to.

Are men and women different? Obviously, physically, yes. But I believe it goes much deeper than that and the time I have spent reading up in the manosphere has confirmed that – men and women think very differently from each other. Here’s a good post at a controversial, but eye opening, manosphere site on that very topic.

I can even see this while observing toddlers interact at my daughter’s preschool. At ages 2-5, it’s possible that these children have picked up some gender social cues but I think their behavior at this age is fairly uninfluenced.

The girls and boys interact and there are degrees of these behaviors from child to child but in short the boys are much more physically active, build things, stack blocks vertically into towers, interact with each other physically, change activities frequently, and in general roar about like little warriors.

The girls are more likely to sit and engage in quiet activities, enjoy imaginary role type games, play dress up, stack blocks horizontally, interact with each other verbally, and engage in more subdued activities.

Nobody tells them to do this, they just do it. All of the activities are open choice and there are no rules that the boys need to do this and the girls need to do that, they just do.

My theory is that a lot of the problems in the modern dating and relationship realm are caused by this misinformation that men and women are the same. That denying these differences makes men and women somehow more equal. Poppycock.

What it’s done is left women acting more like men and men acting more like women, a sort of coming to the middle that isn’t really working for either side.

What’s so wrong about admitting that men and women are different? That maybe they are two parts of a larger whole? And that it works best when women act like women and men act like men?

Oh wait I know, because that’s sexist. Or something. Okey dokey.

Ladies, if you want your relationship

Let those who have ears hear.

Me, me, me, me!!!!

18 Thursday Sep 2014

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 24 Comments

Tags

, , , ,

It’s no secret that the male and female minds work differently, but have you ever heard of the word solipsism? It’s a particular feature of the female mind that somehow interprets all information, comments, and actions as being about her personally.

Now I am sure there is a biological reason women’s brains are wired this way, and that overall it helps women and serves a purpose, but it can also cause a lot of problems and misunderstandings if a gal is unaware of the tendency to think it’s all about her.

Likewise, this tendency can also cause a gal to overlook the thoughts, feelings, and needs of others because she is too busy focusing on her own.

For example, one male commenter at a popular manosphere website described past relationships where he was considering proposing. In both cases he asked first what the gal thought she would get from their marriage. And both times, she was ready with her long list. Then he’d ask what he would get. And he’d get a blank stare. In both cases the gals could not come up with one thing! He said even a reply that was wrong would have been better than realizing they had never thought about that at all. (Surprise! Proposals were not forthcoming.)

Another male commenter described how he was recovering from a very serious accident, barely able to walk or get up without much pain and effort. A former flame heard of his plight and rushed to his side. But instead of paying any attention to what he needed, maybe making him some soup and holding his hand, she ended up getting mad at him because they didn’t have the romantic encounter (aka sex) she was expecting. (This, despite the fact that his entire ribcage had nearly been crushed among other near fatal injuries and he was in no condition to get busy.) She left in a snit.

Another commenter shared the painful tale of his wife suddenly deciding after being married for several years and having children that she, “just wasn’t happy.” She, “loved him but wasn’t in love with him.” And so she left, with the kids. What did he get? To make hefty monthly alimony and child support payments and to rebuild his frivorce shattered world. Despite his reportedly being a good and loving husband.

Noted, there are two sides to every story, but the point here is in all these cases, solipsism actually caused these women to lose. Yes, you read that right. These women actually let their solipsism derail what they wanted. A proposal. A reconnection. And in the third case the woman did not find happiness, instead she found life to be much harder and less stable on her own. Her choice did not lead to happiness for her (or the kids!)

So while solipsism is an inborn feature of the female mind, it does not always work in a woman’s best interest or lead to her making good choices, for others or even for herself. Being aware of this, stopping to think about the bigger picture, remembering it’s not all about her, understanding despite what women are told they really can’t have it all yet not give up anything, and taking the needs and wants of others into consideration won’t just serve other people, it will also ironically help the woman herself avoid a solipsism induced disaster.

In short, don’t be your own worst enemy, ladies. Be aware of solipsism and how it can cloud your thinking. And while you are at it, take any “go girl”” solipsistic type advice from gal pals with a grain (or mountain) of salt too.

Let those who have ears hear.

What Have Men Done for You Lately?

12 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in Red Pill

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

Yesterday’s post at another red pill aware gal’s blog got me to thinking about where exactly women would be in a world without men willing to keep it safe and functioning?

Short story: In big trouble, whether women or especially feminist women want to admit it or not.

In the blog post linked above, the author points out that 412 of the 414 first responders who died on 9/11 were men. It’s a staggering number. 412 out of 414.

And the thing I realized after pondering that is it not only happened that day, but it is happening every single day. On the front lines fighting for our country’s safety or on the front line responding to 911 dispatch calls that there’s a burglar, fire, accident, or some other emergency — men are there.

I know it’s a lot more popular to bash men these days than to praise them, but think for a moment what it would be like to live in a world where when you called 911, nobody showed up? If there was no such thing as 911. If the only military or police forces around were corrupt and run by local warlords? If in your time of need you were on your own, sister, deal with it?

Likewise, imagine if all those job sites where men are building buildings, or those road projects where new roads are being built or old ones repaired, or when there’s a huge storm and a tree goes through the power lines, or insert major-infrastructure-of-any-sort here were simply empty — no hardworking men showing up in all sorts of weather making sure it’s all getting done.

Imagine of all the cargo transportation services, again overwhelmingly a male industry, stopped delivering. No trains. No planes. No trucks.

I could go on and on but what I am getting at here is when you stop to think about it, the answer to the question, “What have men done for you, lately?” is actually, “A heck of a lot.”

And I know, I know there are women doing many of these jobs and women are capable of doing many things, but pointing out all that men do in no way diminishes women, does it?

And let’s face it, women aren’t employed in huge numbers in these jobs by their own choice. Women by and large don’t *want* to do these jobs. But they need done. And men do them.

And I for one am grateful, and I hope I never live in a world where I have to wonder if anyone will respond when I call 911, or when our country is attacked, or when a bridge collapses, or when the power goes out. I hope I don’t have to take all that on myself, or let’s face it, more likely do without.

And here’s another thought, do men do all these things because they hate women and live to oppress them and because they think they are better than them? Nope. No they do not. They do it because they care about people, including women, because they care about society and civilization. They care so much they are willing to sacrifice their own safety and life in the process if necessary.

Huh. Isn’t that interesting? When was the last time you heard that on a women’s talk show? Or read that in a women’s magazine?

Of course sure, there are bad guys, and the hijackers of 9/11 were all male, and some men do indeed do bad things. But that’s a very, very small portion of all men actually. Most men are great guys, hardworking and true.

So as unpopular as it is to say these days, I am going to say it. Thank you, men! I couldn’t do it without you, and I wouldn’t want to. I appreciate all you do. I appreciate that you do it so well, it’s nearly invisible and seamless. I am glad I have never lived in a world without all these things you do, or had to wonder if you would. And I hope I never will. Thank you.

And you know what, it doesn’t take anything away from me or what I have achieved or done to say that. And it doesn’t put down other women, either, or mean I don’t also think women have value and need appreciation.

But in this blog post, it’s about the guys and me thanking them for all they do. They certainly deserve it. This one is all about them.

Let those who have ears hear.