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It’s no secret that the male and female minds work differently, but have you ever heard of the word solipsism? It’s a particular feature of the female mind that somehow interprets all information, comments, and actions as being about her personally.
Now I am sure there is a biological reason women’s brains are wired this way, and that overall it helps women and serves a purpose, but it can also cause a lot of problems and misunderstandings if a gal is unaware of the tendency to think it’s all about her.
Likewise, this tendency can also cause a gal to overlook the thoughts, feelings, and needs of others because she is too busy focusing on her own.
For example, one male commenter at a popular manosphere website described past relationships where he was considering proposing. In both cases he asked first what the gal thought she would get from their marriage. And both times, she was ready with her long list. Then he’d ask what he would get. And he’d get a blank stare. In both cases the gals could not come up with one thing! He said even a reply that was wrong would have been better than realizing they had never thought about that at all. (Surprise! Proposals were not forthcoming.)
Another male commenter described how he was recovering from a very serious accident, barely able to walk or get up without much pain and effort. A former flame heard of his plight and rushed to his side. But instead of paying any attention to what he needed, maybe making him some soup and holding his hand, she ended up getting mad at him because they didn’t have the romantic encounter (aka sex) she was expecting. (This, despite the fact that his entire ribcage had nearly been crushed among other near fatal injuries and he was in no condition to get busy.) She left in a snit.
Another commenter shared the painful tale of his wife suddenly deciding after being married for several years and having children that she, “just wasn’t happy.” She, “loved him but wasn’t in love with him.” And so she left, with the kids. What did he get? To make hefty monthly alimony and child support payments and to rebuild his frivorce shattered world. Despite his reportedly being a good and loving husband.
Noted, there are two sides to every story, but the point here is in all these cases, solipsism actually caused these women to lose. Yes, you read that right. These women actually let their solipsism derail what they wanted. A proposal. A reconnection. And in the third case the woman did not find happiness, instead she found life to be much harder and less stable on her own. Her choice did not lead to happiness for her (or the kids!)
So while solipsism is an inborn feature of the female mind, it does not always work in a woman’s best interest or lead to her making good choices, for others or even for herself. Being aware of this, stopping to think about the bigger picture, remembering it’s not all about her, understanding despite what women are told they really can’t have it all yet not give up anything, and taking the needs and wants of others into consideration won’t just serve other people, it will also ironically help the woman herself avoid a solipsism induced disaster.
In short, don’t be your own worst enemy, ladies. Be aware of solipsism and how it can cloud your thinking. And while you are at it, take any “go girl”” solipsistic type advice from gal pals with a grain (or mountain) of salt too.
Let those who have ears hear.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
How do YOU know with any certainty that the man who’s wife left him was a good husband? How do you know what their marriage was like at all?
I have heard of solipsism before but I think it’s something that could easily be used to oppress women and divert from real problems.
Thanks for sharing that Epic. You raise a good point, which is that there are two sides to every story. I should have mentioned (and may add) that solipsism likely also benefits women in many ways and in fact there is likely a good reason our brains are wired such, so it is not *always* a bad thing. But the point I was mostly trying to make is that if a woman is unaware of solipsism it can also ironically lead her to make decisions that are NOT in her best interest or will not get her the results she wants. So I am mostly trying to raise awareness of this. Since I learned of it, I can now take a step back and realize it’s not personal, things I may have taken personally in the past. I think it’s been helpful. Thanks for commenting!
Agreed. I think awareness I’d key to personal development. I am glad you shared it. As much as I had heard of it I had more or less forgotten about it and it’s something a few women I know do!
Redpillgirlnotes,
I may get myself in trouble here but, I do remember Shelby Foote going on about the genius of Abraham Lincoln and his ability to pput himself in other peopl’s shoes.
There are probably degrees of this.
At the least, to find a resolution to a conflict, it is good disicipline to see things from the other’s perspective. We may be on to something here. Boys are taught early about resolving conflict on the playing field. Are girls brought up differently?
Fuzzie, indeed putting oneself into another’s shoes is good practice. I could probably write a whole other post on women and our ways of resolving conflict and how they differ from men. In my casual observations, it seems to me men are more direct in their resolving conflict. A primitive example might be two little boys who want the same toy. They wrestle, one gets it, life moves on, they are over it. With women it can be a lot more indirectly said, implied, hints dropped, not rocking the boat. Not always of course, but my theory is that this comes from women living in village situations for millennia w the old and the young. Unlike men who were often hunting solo or working together in war where it was black and white. I imagine life in the village was complex. Kind of like navigating congress. It was very dynamic and there were official and unofficial leaders and alliances and such to consider. Getting in the wrong person’s face was risky and old grudges could linger for a long time. So even today I notice women will with each other (and sometimes with men) talk around something, or aim to build consensus, make sure everyone is ok and on board etc. Like I said this could be a whole other topic but I do think it causes issues between men and women when THEY try to resolve conflict and the differing styles don’t translate.
Thanks Epic! Agreed re: personal awareness, a lifetime pursuit!
Maybe solipsism is even somehow a result of female communication patterns and having to discern what part of an indirect message was about her or would affect her in relation to the village? Interesting. I may write another post on this. I was thinking at my daughter’s preschool for example, if two girls disagree over a toy it’s likely to end up with “I am not going to invite you to my party” or “I am not going to be your friend.” And when boys just grab the toy, well that does not go over well, but the threat of not being included doesn’t phase them where for the girls it’s like the ultimate threat. Hummm. It all ties in somehow. Preschool behavior can reveal a lot about gender interactions I bet! Another post…
Solipsism is the “philosophical idea that only one’s own mind is sure to exist,” meaning that the only reality you can be sure of is the one that you perceive yourself. It is not self-centeredness or selfishness, and it is most certainly not an inborn trait connected with femininity.
I agree that most contemporary women are far too self-centered and selfish, but I blame feminism for that — it is not a defect of the female gender, but the result of the culture in which most of these women were raised in. In more traditional circles, women are much more considerate of others.
Interesting flowerofthewoods! Thanks for sharing that.
Redpillgirlnotes,
I think that you are on your way with this blog. You are attracting your own commenters. Good for you!
You have a good point. All husbands are bad husbands, or at least most are, and all wives are good wives, or at least most are. Even if the wife says that her husband is very loving, he’s a bad husband, because most women are attracted to jerks. So loving husbands will be unattractive to their wives, making them bad husbands. And attractive husbands are jerks, so they are also bad husbands.
Well that’s a harsh generalization. My dad is a good husband and my mom is a good wife. They do exist. Its just hard to make a relationship work. And alot of people are fed the idea of the fairytale romance which isn’t really a functional thing.
I do remember Shelby Foote
Shelby Foote made Ken Burns what he is now. Without him, the Civil War
would have been marginal at best.
I blame feminism for that — it is not a defect of the female gender, but the result of the culture in which most of these women were raised in
Is feminism the cause of what is in women, or is what is in women the cause of feminism?
Redpillgirl,
Is your neck really that thin?
Then he’d ask what he would get. And he’d get a blank stare. In both cases the gals could not come up with one thing!
One thing should have been obvious is “sex”. But perhaps not.
How do YOU know with any certainty that the man who’s wife left him was a good husband?
The frivorce script is so common that fellas believe it to be true almost automatically. Probably not good enough for a court of law, but pretty close.
In prospective business relationships, the person who thinks he/she is in the stronger power position will tend to focus more on what they can get and less on what they will give…there person who perceives themselves as being in the weaker position will focus the other way. Perhaps the same is true here.
I bet that a woman worried about winding up as a “spinster,” in a small town in 1900, would have devoted a lot of thought to what SHE had to offer to a potential husband, what she could do to improve those assets, and how she could best sell herself.
–David Foster
Farm boy no 😉
Yes, you should always walk a mile in another man’s shoes before you judge him. That way, when you do get around to judging him, you’re a mile away and you’ve stolen his shoes.
Good one Sumo! Lol. Thanks for visiting.
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Oh my, here I go again; commenting on a old article. I had never heard of the word “solipsism” until now but it does explain some really odd and destructive behaviors I’ve witnessed in some women.
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