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bad boys, break up, break ups, causal sex, commitment, courtship, dating, dating success, divorce, hookups, how men think, marriage, monogamy, red pill, relationships, single independant woman, what guys want, what men want
Ladies, you’ve likely heard of the book “The Rules” but have you heard of the blog “The Rules Revisited?” If not, may I humbly suggest you go there right now and get to reading? (Well OK, maybe finish reading this first…)
The blog’s author, Andrew, doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to telling it how it is from a guy’s point of view, but if you can set aside reacting to what he’s saying emotionally, I guarantee you will learn things about men and dating that you have never seen, heard, or read anywhere else.
When I stumbled across his blog about a year ago, trying to figure out the puzzling behavior of someone I had just broken off with at the time, it was like having a light click on. I realized much of what I have been told about how dating works (usually by women authors) simply wasn’t true. And while some of what Andrew had to say hit close to home, I couldn’t stop reading. Suddenly a lot about men and dating that had never made sense before came together. I read every post.
Mostly Andrew points out the things he sees women doing wrong or the mistakes they are making when it comes to relating to men as well as revealing from a man’s point of view how they feel about dating and relationships and how a gal can make herself stand out from the crowd.
His blog also taught me what signs to watch for that revealed if a guy was just looking for fun, or if he was looking for a future. And his blog taught me that to find what I wanted, I had to be very focused and willing to cut bait early into dating someone new if I saw those signs, to be brutally honest with myself, rather than to stick it out and hope for the best, while meanwhile allowing guys who liked me or were attracted to me but who had no interest in commitment or a shared future tie up my time or availability to meet someone who was. Ruthless? Maybe. Smart? Absolutely.
Another thing I learned was that at 42, I did not have any time to waste. Lots of men still wanted to date me, but I learned I needed to shift my focus from the larger pool of guys who wanted to “just date” to the much smaller pool of guys who were looking to marry. I realized if I wanted to find someone and get remarried, the time to make that happen was NOW. Yesterday, actually, because at 42 the odds were rapidly shifting against my favor. And I learned whatever marks against me I had in my “value” were my responsibility to compensate for or overcome if I wanted to find my best possible mate. And of course, to also recognize that there is a lot of competition for those great guys, so if I wanted one, I had to be all in. No games.
I cannot say enough how much this blog taught me. If it were not for his writings I am sure I would still be making the same old mistakes instead of currently dating a great guy who is all in, and who is not afraid to talk about or plan our future, together.
Likewise, if it were not for Andrew’s blog, I probably would not have had my head on straight enough to know it wasn’t only about finding him, it was also about being the kind of woman a man like him was looking for. I brought (and bring, every single day) my best, too. Not a bunch of silly girl games and drama like “The Rules” and other dating advice books encourage.
Trust me ladies, Andrew tells it like it is but if you don’t want to waste time and energy on relationships that will go nowhere and instead to find one that will, check his blog out!
Let those who have ears hear.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
I’ve read “The Rules”. Silly me, I thought it was nicely bound toilet paper…you learn something new everyday. 😉
Seriously though, it was complete garbage. If *I* wouldn’t want to be treated the way it suggested, why the hell would I turn around and do it to someone else? That’s just insane.
Though I don’t think there’s going to be much that Andrew’s blog can say relevant to my own life, I’m always for supporting a blogger who speaks the truth about how the majority of men and women should interact. Thanks for showcasing him, Bloom.
Agreed Tarn, “The Rules” was a bunch of bad advice. And even if it did work, talk about a bad foundation to start from. But the authors made a lot of money off it.
Also Tarn, if you approach dating like a man, maybe you already know much of what Andrew reveals! It was an eye opener for me. Many “duh” forehead slapping moments.
I haven’t really dated in years…twice in high school (each time the “relationship” only lasted about a week or so because I was upfront with the fact I wasn’t mentally or emotionally ready for sex/intimate touching), and one date this year with a fellow blogger (see my reblog of his post, “Tarnished”) wherein I found I truly wasn’t the type to have more than 1 FwB.
I’m unsure if I’d call what my FwB and I do “dating”. To me, dating is a test period for compatibility and potential future commitment…Since our relationship is inherently non-committal and we already knew we were compatible due to our strong friendship, I’d be more likely to simply call it “hanging out”.
As for treating the relationship like a man, I’d say you’re correct. I’ve only read 4 of Andrew’s posts so far, but nothing is jumping out as being particularly “new” or revelatory. I just treat my lover (and others) the way I want to be treated myself. No games, no fake pretenses, no unrealistic expectations, and honest communication about both needs and desires. That way there’s no “surprises” as you are consistently on the same page.
“But the authors made a lot of money off it.”
This fact never fails to blow my mind, usually into tiny shards of sadness for our species.
True, I hear Andrew is writing a book, hopefully he will make lots of money helping people get it right.
That would be amazing. 🙂
@ Tarn, I thought it might not be revelatory to you. And I don’t mean to imply that the only relationships are committed/married ones, that’s just what *I* seek. It sounds like you and your fwb have been together many years and are happy and are on the same page and that’s great! I am glad you found each other.
And I’m glad you seem to have found someone to share your life with. I hope it works out, and you make each other very happy. 🙂 With your newfound knowledge, I do believe you are quite capable of putting the work in to make it succeed!
I don’t think that I need to link the Bear Trampoline video again but, that sums up dating for me. It’s like dating is all about trying to find fault and reject when it should be about finding somene to accept.
Glad to hear that things are going well for you. Your attitude is in the right place, putting you ahead of all your competition.
While this may work for girl polar bears, it’s posted for the amusement of humans.
Thank you fuzzie. I may still crash and burn, dating is always a risk, but I think the work and study I have done to try and understand all this over the past year have improved my odds of avoiding the common pitfalls anyway. As I have said I think you are an awesome guy and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders about all this. Any girl would be lucky to have you! But yes, too many people are focusing on the wrong things and I think the good ones are missing out in this market to the flashier ones who play the games. From the guys I know, it sounds like many women even my age are all about keeping their options open, not realizing their odds are getting worse by the day. They should like you say be looking for good commonality not holding put for some dream fantasy guy checklist.
I haven’t read the rules! Sounds like I haven’t missed much 😀
Redpillgirlnotes,
Molly is Cill’s cousin. He speaks very highly of all the women in his family.
Molly,
It has been a long time and I never did read it but, it was a short work of advice to women saying “play hard to get”.
I guess I’m the “hard to get” part without the “play”!
“Playfulness”, okay, “play” no way! Playing is preying. I shall not prey. I learned from my mother.<3
Trust me darling you are way ahead of the power curve compared to most 42 year old single moms. If the dating thing doesn’t work out I still haven’t put that bike together and I’ll make the trade with your brother
@ Molly welcome! Yes you didn’t miss much. The book was all about playing silly head games. Thanks for posting. I am curious how dating works in New Zeland? Feel free to share!
Lol sounds good Ton! In the meantime be safe.
safe? where is the fun in that?
Ok how about be well? 🙂
lol missing way to much lung to be well…… not to mention everything else like defective brain, hip that has been dislocated twice…. I can do drunk and happy pretty damn good though
@redpillgirlnotes thanks so much for the welcome! I read y blog last night! You are a wise woman.
I’m not into the dating scene much. I plan to do my big OE about 2 years from now. So far I haven’t travelled a great deal on my own. My parents do take us with them on overseas trips, so I’ve seen a lot of the world yet not the dating side of it! I’m guessing the dating scene works pretty much the same here as in your country. In a few years I *might* know for sure? Time will tell.
Re men, I follow my mother’s recipe which was passed down to her by her female ancestors going back a long way. I’m not sure if I can talk about it much, it’s kinda hush hush. I could find out? I ❤ your blog!
Life is for living, and happy and drunk are better than lots of other things one could be. Cheers! 🙂
I see, what’s an OE? How old are you Molly? Glad you are enjoying the blog! 🙂
And Molly yes, if your mom thinks it ok, I would love to here her secret! 🙂
we can also add smugly satisfied as miss SIW just owned up to always wanting but never finding a sexually aggressive and dominant man
its a bad joke that won’t go away at this point
OE is Overseas Experience. Maybe it’s a kiwi expression. We all do the big OE when we hit 20 or so.
Ok I’ll ask mum re the recipe. 😉
Take care now, y’hear? (my America-speak) 😉
Surprise, surprise! 😉
I see, an OE sounds like a good tradition. More Americans would do well to travel young like that, see a bigger picture of the world! Do you know where you will go? How long does an OE last?
Yes, Kiwis are the most widely-travelled people in the world, coz we’re so isolated. A Big OE lasts at least a year. For some of my cuzzies (especially the males) it has been one big permanent OE never to end! I’ll go to Europe first because I have friends there.
I’ve heard you can perform the Kamate Haka almost anywhere in the world and there’ll be a Kiwi somewhere there to join in!
Mum says she will have to read your “site” first! O Dear what have I started up? (it’s okay, really it is 😉 )
A whole year (or lifetime!) travel? How strict are New Zealand immigration laws? Just kidding, but it sounds like a great thing to do! Maybe I can adopt the tradition! Europe will make a fabulous entrance to your OE! How exciting!
I will look forward to hearing what your mom thinks! 🙂 (gulp!)
hehe! 😀 We shall see…
Mum would be about your age 😉 🙂
She’ll see my comments soon! Hi ya Mum! Luvelly day here! 😀 xx
Sorry about the delay!
There are many ingredients, to cover other eventualities such as when she has no daughters. This is the side of it closest to the “dating” side. I think it’s not so much *what* is told as *how* it is told. Anyway, these are the words my mother told me:
“I followed the advices my mother had received from her mother, and so on, going back many generations. I have passed the same advices to my daughters. I was told these advices were too precious to be owned, that each woman was a caretaker of them until she passed them on to the next caretaker. On seeing her daughter heed them, the weight of responsibility becomes sunlight on a mother’s shoulders.
My ancestors knew all about female ‘group think’ (as it is now called) long ago, except they decided to apply it vertically (through the generations) rather than horizontally (across present generations). They saw the vertical approach as a strength and the horizontal as a fatal flaw. We draw our strength from all woman before us who have heeded the advices. All women have the capacity to carry them within.
Love a man for his character, that is the base, and all else is ‘learning steps’ about each other, some delightful, some painful. Feel it from the wisdom of women who committed to men of good character in the past. This was instilled in me so strongly, good character became the romance of my dreams at an early age. My imaginary Prince Charmings thrilled me with their integrity, empathy, steadfastness and power of good character. I married a man who could not have taken my heart had he not been first and foremost a good man.
Once committed, for as long as he stands to the contract and he shows his commitment by his words and actions, we will honor it. Whenever we start to feel critical or impatient, or (most fatally of all) start ‘comparing our lot’, we feel the support of the sisterhood who started failing in the past and yet stayed strong.”
Molly,
My first impulse about your strategy was to think of something that Moehau Man would consider. Find a guy you like, conk him on the head with a club, and take him home.
Your Mom’s way is much more sophisticated.
That is most beautiful and profound! Wise advice, I cannot see how seeking, committing to, standing by and loving a man of character who is good to his word could be a bad path. Thank you for sharing that, it is really worthy of it’s own post, if you agree I would like to do so?
Molly seems a doll! You must be proud of her.
Thanks Molly!
Thank you! The way they tell it, the vertical group think is made to sound like the key. I ❤ my Mum! I'm proud of her, and my Dad and my brothers and sisters and– aw shucks I'll run out of breath!
redpillgirlnotes I’m not sure if you’re asking me or Fuzzie? If me, Mum agrees, she is nervous but says “might as well nail my colors to the mast!”
@ Molly please tell her I am honored. I will cut and paste her advice into a post of its own over the weekend! Please tell her thank you!
🙂
I’m sure she’ll feel honored too. The only part not true to the old recipe is “Group Think”, however the original word was too insulting to women though women coined the word in the first place! So “Group Think” will have to do! The original word really was absolutely dreadful! 😛
@ Molly, Ok now I am curious what the word was but I will use my imagination! Shall I call it a guest post by “Molly’s Mum” or what name would she like me to use? (A pseudonym is fine, it does not need to be her actual name. In fact I would suggest not her real name.)
She is happy with “Ezzy”.
@ Molly perfect! 😀
Gosh I hope it works! It’s not exactly feminist, It might get some fembot comments. O dear, nervey nervey nerves. I’d be a hopeless blog owner! I don’t know how you do it
RAGE!
Good lord youre 42 not 82, you have plenty of time.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Happy Thanksgiving Fuzzie!
(I better look up exactly what Thanksgiving is! We don’t have Thanksgiving. It’s a happy day? )
Worry not! I am surprised I have not gotten more of those comments myself. If they do post, I am sure fuzzie and scfton and farm boy and others will enjoy setting them straight!
Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!
@ Wilson I will have to find the stats but the numbers show remarriage rates drop sharply after age 45. For first time marriages, many women are putting it off until their mid 30s then finding they waited too long, many of the good guys are taken or those who have been divorced are walking wounded. I will find a link that explains this better…
Molly,
Thanksgiving is a good holiday. The only one who could say anything against it was my great aunt and she said it was a Yankee holiday. Mostly it’s about gathering family and eating a big meal.
Thanks Fuzzie 🙂
@ Molly thanksgiving is a day when people eat turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and corn and pie and all sorts of goodies w famy and friends and reflect on what they are thankful for. The first one was supposedly a meal shared between the English colonists and local native tribes back when the US was being colonized.
Wow! Cool reason for a holiday!
In NZ you would add alcohol to the goodies, to wash it all down with 🙂
Lol, yes there’s that, too! Cheers 🙂
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Molly…I think the vertical vs horizontal model is very interesting. Is that your own terminology, or have you seen..heard it used somewhere?
@David Foster
“heard it used somewhere?”
My mother told me the vertical vs horizontal model, and she heard it from her own mother etc. We know who the mothers were. Her family were Norman landowners traceable pre 1066.
“My own terminology”? I wish! 😀
( ❓ Molly is not silly)
Great writeup, Bloom. Hope you had a good holiday. 🙂
Redpill girl its marriage not the survival rate of some tropical disease. Who cares about statistics, live your life have fun, you have plenty of time to get married.
I get that Wilson, and agree. I am a 1 percenter in so many ways, from I was not supposed to be conceived, to my blood type, to my personality type. I agree statistics and statistics, individual results vary. I would not marry just to marry, but I also believe in making one’s life happen, not waiting for it to. To marry to someone one is not absolutely 100% into is foolishness. I would be the first to say that.
You arent Jesus are you?
Who cares about statistics, live your life have fun, you have plenty of time to get married.
Elizabeth Gilbert, is that you?
I’m loving your blog! I guess I am way more “red pill” than I ever knew 🙂 I agree with every post!
Why thank you girlwithadragonflytatoo! I felt the same when I stumbled across the red pill myself! I wish more women knew about it, which is why I started this blog. So many people would be so much happier! 😀
Yes! That’s why I started writing about marriage and sex – was to try to help people have or make their marriages better. ❤ We are kindred spirits! So glad to find you!