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break up, break ups, commitment, courtship, dating, divorce, engaged, engagement, faith, marriage, proposal, propose, red pill, relationships, wedding
So it’s been quite the weekend!
On Friday, my beau and I went out to dinner. It was a weird day to start with, maybe the full moon, and anyway he said halfway through dinner, “Just so you know, I am not going to propose over the holidays.”
Ummm, ok.
Ouch.
I literally felt sick, my stomach instantly churning. Being single sucks. Dating sucks. Insert negative inner voices here.
I have to admit I was hurt by the statement, and on the way home when he asked why I was so quiet, I (calmly) explained that while I was not expecting a proposal by any means, it would have been better never to say anything about a possible proposal than to bring it up just to say it wasn’t happening. I asked if he could please just take me home. All the way there, I did my best not to start crying. Ug.
Needless to say, it wasn’t the best date we’ve ever had.
The next morning we had a really good talk about it and I felt like we both aired our thoughts and successfully navigated our way to the other side of an awkward moment. Whew. He asked if we could go out that night. I said of course. I opened my business at noon. At ten minutes to six, when I was getting ready to close, there he was to pick me up.
We went out to dinner, and then back to his place for dessert. He walked into the kitchen to get it, and came back with a plate with two pieces of cheesecake, and a ring box.
And explained he wasn’t going to propose over the holidays, because he couldn’t wait that long.
Needless to say, didn’t I feel silly?
And then I said, “YES!!!!!”
Yep, Red Pill Girl is engaged. You heard it here first. And for those who have been following my tale over the past year on various manosphere blogs, and who know how far I have come, and how much I have learned, and how earnestly I have studied male and female relations, and striven to understand what I was doing wrong so I could start doing it right, and how much advice and support and encouragement (and at times stern words of correction about a wrong way in my thinking) I have been offered, I thank you. Thank all of you, new friends and old, for helping me get my head on straight so I was ready for this moment. From the bottom of my heart!
I am going to love him for the rest of my life and I am going to make being an awesome wife and partner to him my highest priority. He’s the captain, I am the first mate, the kids are the crew, and we are on this voyage together. I fully realize this isn’t some Disney movie. It’s going to take work, and grace, and there are going to be hard times and good times and yes, it’s a risk. But I would say thanks to help from many here and on other blogs I frequent, I now get what I did not before, and I think that alone helps mitigate the risk enormously. That and knowing now, there just is no not working it out. The grass isn’t greener and we both have been there, done that, and we both know that it is true.
In short, the manosphere has taught me how we’ve all been told it works for the past 40-some years, and how it has always really worked, are not one and the same. The information is out there for any who seek it. The Red Pill goes down bitter, but better to live with the truth than to keep believing pretty little lies that only lead one astray.
And I hope for all of you other singles (who wish it) you too will find a great mate to share your life journey with. And in case anyone is wondering, Red Pill Girl is not going anywhere. She’s just turning the page to the next chapter of her Red Pill journey.
Congrats. I hope it works out happily for all.
I will be doing everything I possibly can to make sure of it Spawney! One thing I have learned is that relationships don’t “just happen.” Happiness is a choice, and an action. I know I need to be happy with myself and bring my happy, not expect HIM to make ME happy, Happiness is an inside job!
Holy CRAP, Bloom!
That’s awesome!!!
Congrats! π
(and fwiw, I think you handled that ‘won’t propose over the holidays’ thing like a bossβ¦better than i would have π )
Wow! So many awesome, well deserved, and happy congratulations to the both of you!
“I know I need to be happy with myself and bring my happy, not expect HIM to make ME happy, Happiness is an inside job!”
I smell red-pill. Sounds like old knowledge re-found. Glad it was worth hanging out with us turble ebul women-hatezing menzz
Thanks Liz! I greatly admire how you approach your marriage and have learned much from you! Thank you! π
Thanks Tarn! π
I know you ebul women’s hating bitter small (ahem) losers! Look at what you have done to me! π brainwashed…. (Hardly!) haters will hate but the red pill has much to offer.
How are you gonna handle the dominance thingie with you running your bi’ness and being used to being the Head Boss? How are you gonna mateguard yourself, being exposed to all those hawt men you see while doing bi’ness?
These are questions that a friend would pose.
Redpillgirlnotes,
It had to happen sometime. You’re good looking, personable, and motivated. That put you miles ahead.
Bagpipe music for me!
These are great questions theadsgamer. My finance isn’t red pill by study, but when we talk about it he “gets it” by what he’s seen and experienced. My business will become our business to make decisions about. Because I agree that if the business comes before us, that’s not going to work. It has to fit into our life, not be my life.
As far as hot guys coming to the biz, that’s easy. Bloom is taken. It’s not up for negotiation or discussion! And gladly so. I don’t care if Zeus himself were to show up, Bloom is off the market.
Bloom-Fabulous news! You’re a kind-hearted and sincere woman whose integrity sets you apart from most people. Congrats!!!
PS-A while back you shared a link to “Bless the broken road,” one of those songs w. a lot of truth to it. I can’t find a link but it’s a great song and good reminder… Congrats π
@ Fuzzie, I have typed a reply and deleted it a dozen times. It’s been a combo of luck, and effort, seizing the moment, and unfortunately some bumps along the way. Both myself and my fiance have certainly had our share of bad experiences, trust me. Really bad. I am surprised he is not mtgow after all he’s been through! But in a weird way all those experiences have brought us to where we both are today. If it is what your heart *truly* desires, don’t give up. The first time he met me, there I was wasting my time with Mad Max’s silliness! He figured it likely wouldn’t last, kept tabs, and when he heard I was single and felt the time was right he showed back up. Meanwhile, it was my frustration about “not getting it” at that same time we first met that drove me to the manosphere trying to figure it out. The universe works in mysterious ways.
Thanks Emily! Yes, everything before leads us to where we are today. Here’s the link to the song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZp6pmgbZyU
How about you? What’s the update from Emily?
Redpillgirlnotes,
I think that it might be best for me to go quiet.
Let’s hope that your good fortune is contagious.
Congratulations!
I am so delighted for you! All my love is going over the Pacific, heading your way…
Bloom! A little bird told me…
In the back of beyond, where I’m currently working I just had to break my “no bloggs until I’m home” rule on this one!
Congrats! If that bloke is half as good as you, you’ve got a marriage will last forever! Sincerely, this is great news! It couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.
Thank you Cill and Ezzy! π
Bloom, I pasted the Cill msg fresh from his email. Cool, eh! Congratulations from me too! I’m too polite to ask for a description of the ring. π
NgΔ mihi rΔ mΕ ngΔ rΔ kei mua i te aroaro
(Maori blessing “All the best for the future”)
Congrats red! Just fuckin do it, let the details work themselves out.
Congratulations π What a trolling proposal though, lol. At least he didn’t do this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQkq1lxRWP8
Thanks Molly. And good to hear from cill and your mum, too! you guys are great! well, since you didn’t ask….. π It’s a beautiful vintage style ring somilar to those from the the Art Deco era, round solitaire, white gold. It’s exactly the one I would have picked! π Timeless!
Thanks Wilson, I agree!
Congratulations darling.
Wow Bloom Cool! I’m as green as Yoda! π
Lol yes Emma I don’t think that would have gone over w me very well! Gotta pick the right girl for that one!!!!
Grats, Bloomer. Lots o’ sex and food will keep yer new hubby happy. You’re on your own with the sex thing, but Sumo’s got your back with the food. π
Sumo that’s funny π
Molly,it won’t be long! You are about to enter your prime years, navigate wisely. I hope you do not take the “learn the hard way” path I did. Listen to your mum! π and the past generations.
Lol, Sumo! Sounds like a good plan. (Blush)
@sumo maybe your next guest post, no fail foods all men love!
I’m sending peace over you so you can sleep. Sleep. I will sleep as well! π
Congratulations! And remember: regardless of your income, spend less on the wedding than on the house and children. From my observations, it will make you far happier in the long run to invest in more durable things.
Very happy for both of you.
Congrats. On a different note, this is just further proof that women don’t face real problems in the current mating market. You’re a single mother of two, with modest wealth if I’m not mistaken, and you could still find someone willing to marry you.
Oh HH, I do like you despite your curmudgeonly ways at times! Yes, as you and others told me, the pdds were mot in my favor. as hard as that was to hear I put my feelings aside and decided that if that was reality, then I would have to be willing to overcome my “liabilities” and improve my “assets” to compensate. It wasn’t easy, but thanks to that and other red pill info I was able to approach it in a different way and overcome all that and meet a really great guy. I am lucky indeed.
@ HH can you elaborate what u mean by women don’t face real problems in the current market. Or do you mean the average gal compared to the average guy or?
Fedpillgirlnotes,
While I can’t answer for Hoellenhund, I can tell you my own observations. There are some outstanding single male bloggers who have been looking for a long time without success. Then there were my OkCupid girl collegues who all found someone. Between the two, I don’t think the bloggers are all that picky, but the OkCupid gals set the bar pretty high.
I knew you would succeed. The primary elements of that being motivation and good exposure.
Best wishes You go girl
Congrats,
Can I come to the wedding and throw plates?
Please give me an email, if you will.
Farm Boy,
That made me smile. Not so long ago, when you would make smart aleck remarks to her and she would threaten to throw dishes at you.
They were figurative dishes.
π» π
@ fuzzie, I will ponder this… If they are actively seeking someone and are doing all they can to maximize their value, with so many women in my age range seeking, I on’t know why this would be so. why do you think it is so?
@ fuzzie to clarify, at 35 plus red pill teaching says tables start to turn, men have their pick. If so, I would think those guys would be in the same smp positioning as women at 22. Are they maximizing it?
I hope that does not come off as flip, it’s an honest and sincere puzzlement why this could be so…
Sure farm boy,I will send that shortly, putting kids to bed.
@ fuzzie and farm boy, for the record I have only thrown real dishes for fun, at a local Greek restaurant where you can do so for $1 a plate!
Redpillgirlnotes,
I had always thought that boys have a demographic advantage after 35. My Dad told me so and he saw it in his time. It’s my own experience and I am not alone. Guys ao all ages are spinning their wheels. I can’t tell what is behind it.
Curious the plate throwing was offered at a Greek restaurant. Grekk women are famous throwing crockery iwhen tempers flare.
Getting back to what you were asking, while Rollo keeps saying men’s SMV increases with age relative to women, it’s not helping.
@ fuzzie if its not happening, I wonder why. As far as I can see, men hold the commitment card, or did traditionally. Women had to do their best to “be chosen” for lack of a better way to say it. Do you not feel men hold that card anymore? Or maybe that women don’t get that? It seems to me women want commitment. Maybe they don’t understand how this works anymore? I am confused too as to why willing men who are emotionally, physically, financially, etc willing and able would not have their pick?
Redpillgirlnotes,
Your presumption on the commitment card being of any worth is that women want long term. I think internet dating has done away with that.
While this is speculation, and it will sound bitter, I think most women are looking for short term with men out of their league hoping to parlay it into long term. I have heard one source say that the internet is only good for guys who want girls with substantially lower SMV. That can only work short term.
But, to be perfectly honest, I don’t know what’s wrong. I have been paying close attention to one overseas agency. He is based out of Las Vegas and got invited to an online dating convention. What he witnessed shocked him. These companies do not care about the efficacy of their product. They only want to enhance revenue.
Another thought, you can’t take what you read here in the manosphere as Gospel. People only know what they see and they do have biases that will distort their perceptions.The stuff that we are covering here is being figured out as we go along.
@ fuzzie true, all of that is possible. It is puzzling. And as you say, a moving target. Add in that both men and women have been told to do what doesn’t really work and it only adds to the confusion.
I too have not seen the tables turn @ 35. What I see is women who would prefer to extract resources through casual dating and occasionally putting out then dealing with the reality of their declining SMP.
They all seem to think their millionaire handy man/ GQ model is right around the corner. I would say declining marriage rates etc point this out and that Dalrock covers the topic like a boss. The numbers not necessarily the why.
Or maybe it’s because the White chicks in my hunting grounds tend to maintain their weight etc. Whatever the reason, my friends who struggle in the smp/ mmp before 35 seem to continue to struggle after 35 & I would say struggle while pursuing lower an lower ranked women. Two nights out, a beta I know from my church days failed to pull a number from a rather plan and frumpy bartender while I successfully sexually harassed our three waitresses. I don’t see this age thing playing out like folks claim. I see the decline in smp/ mmp rank what I don’t see is women settling. If anything I see women elect to be part of an older man’s rotation or like I said date to extract resources while putting out as little as possible
With that said, hat tip @ you Bloomers, didn’t really want to discuss anything serious in your announcement thread but….. Fuzzie started it.
Factors affecting women’s pickiness regarding men
1. Women don’t want damaged goods. Divorce damages men, especially given current divorce laws.
2. Women have a pathologically-high status relative to men, which makes most men unattractive.
3. Women don’t need men for resources, so the Beta Bux side isn’t working.
Upshot: As Fuzzie said, women are sleeping around, hoping to land a hot guy. Not to throw water on your parade, but I see engagements being broken by women because the hot men are promising commitment but continuing to sleep around.
@ scfton that’s ok re talking serious, I don’t take any of this personal, and my engagement is after all a great way to bring up this topic that I think many women misunderstand. I may do a post on that, I think a lot of gals do think that guy is just around the corner when it’s really their own choices that are keeping them from finding him. For example: http://elitedaily.com/dating/break-up-with-your-almost-boyfriend/823605/ I have seen lots of gals play the “maybe he’ll eventually like me” game. They don’t see the obvious. I do think that will be a whole post of its own…
@ scfton as far as what you think men are missing after (or before) 35 I think that’s a post better written guy to guy, I have thoughts on it but not being a guy and knowing how it feels to be the approached, I could be way off so I don’t want to embarrass myself or sound like I am saying, ” guys just need to x,y,z…” and minimizing it.
Oh and ps hellhound actually started it π
@ theadsgamer true, the engagement period can be an interesting “pre-marriage” experience, I have already been experiencing that. If something’s not going to work, best it end at engagement is my opinion. I don’t see that happening in my case, but I am not a fortune teller. Hopefully not! But as much as that would hurt, it would hurt a lot more to find out one’s husband (or wife) continues to sleep around after offering commitment. π¦
@ theadsgamer by already experiencing that I mean my fiancΓ© is already taking the lead and making decisions about things, as he should. He’s setting the frame, so to speak. Nothing earth shattering but pre red pill I bet I would have bucked that. Now I get it. He’s doing what guys do, lead. I am not going to fight him on it, but for one used to making her own decisions…it’s…err…been a growing experience! π
Redpillgirlnotes,
You did the right thing finding your beau when you did. I have the feeling that the SMP is headed for some instability.
May things go smooth for you both.
Thanks fuzzie, agreed I feel like things may get worse before they get better. I am writing a new post explaining it from the gal side, it may not be so popular but I think a lot of women just don’t get smp values and how all that works but it’s very useful information for avoiding the “woah now, I am not your boyfriend” style relationship..
@ fuzzie see the link above for an article written by a gal who sees the effect of shooting above her smp, but she still doesn’t get the why behind it. I have seen many women not get the red pill connection and keep making the same mistake thinking it’s the guy who is to blame rather than to “get” her own role in it and how to stop it.
I’m simply telling it like it is. There’s not much to explain. Consider the narrative about the mating market that is accepted by the mainstream and widely believed by women. How does it go? Men are nasty, sleazy, opportunistic dipshits who just want to heartlessly use women for hedonistic casual sex. All of them are chasing after the same few hot sluts, ignoring the huge number of homely female geeks, “curvy” women, heroic single moms and fantastically educated women just dying to have romantic yet egalitarian relationships based on mutual respect. For these poor women, the mating market is horribly brutal.
Needless to say, it’s all BS. You’re just one proof. You’re an aging single mother with modest means, yet just how difficult was it to find some dude willing to marry you? Not much, I suppose.
It’s evident for anyone with a brain and a pair of eyes that the mating market is much, much easier for an average woman than her male counterpart, which isn’t surprising considering that the whole market is optimized for female interests.
Ouch HH! But yes, I see your point. My fiancΓ© is 10 years my senior, has grown kids, doesn’t want more bio kids, yet likes my kids and is a willing partner in helping me raise them. And we get along really well, have chemistry. I am not cash rich but I have assets equal to his between my property and the biz, so that helps him feel I have “skin in the game.” After finding the red pill I realized this was the type of partner I should be seeking, not someone my age or who wanted bio kids. So I did. And luckily also I (unkniwingly) caught his eye when we met a year back. I am actually a pretty cool chick, btw! π and thanks to the red pill, I “get it” more than most. That helped. It was not easy but then again I don’t back down from a challenge, you guys telling me I had almost no hope spurred me on! Lol.
There’s something else that our esteemed hostess is not guilty of but, a lot of women are. They simply do not understand and cannot relate to men. Men have been getting bad press for so long that these women believ it.
I try fuzzie, I try! Like Liz has said, I have always found men to be more comfortable to be around than most women. Men are straight shooters, despite the press otherwise, it’s women who are far more likely to knife you in the back than guys, by far.(some exceptions, of course, but far far fewer) That’s my take anyway.
Look how you guys have my back, just for instance. I know if I am not paying attention and get trolled or flamed, you guys will back me up. True blue! And even like HH, hey he says what he thinks, to my face. I respect that. Even when we don’t 100% agree.
@ fuzzie for a bunch of bitter ebul womenz haters, ya’ll are alright! (Said w irony, you guys are anything but!) π
Redpillgirlnotes,
We’re not ebul women haters. It’s just that we are struggling with disappointmenr.
We are true romantics under it all.
I would agree, most women don’t get that either. I can see that about all of you, true blue! You guys are all catches in my book, too bad most of you are mtgtow bc of the way things are. Womenkind’s loss!
“I have always found men to be more comfortable to be around than most women.” Me too! Women hate me on sight! A woman like Bloom won’t hate me for being good looking. If she doesn’t mind Unca Spawny she won’t mind me either π
Women see I like men and hate me all the more! I feel like saying “Hey I didn’t choose my grandparents! Go blame them!” As I age, the hate should decline BUT… I see women give Mum the evils at her age! Woe, anyone know a plastic surgeon who makes uglies? π
“I can see that about all of you, true blue! You guys are all catches in my book”
If only they were younger (sigh) π Young sux (myself I mean)
H/T to Spawny for fionding this one. We have gotten a litttle heavy. This one is all about creulty.
Molly,
It cuts both ways. There is always something.
Exploitable dog thinks with his tum XD
Wow that divorce is gonna be one for the ages.
There’s more!
The flatulent gorilla with eyes tight closed…. haahahahahaha! π
How funny was that! Who makes this stuff. π‘
Molly, A smart bear would not give away his sources. π» π π»
https://www.youtube.com/user/klaatu42
I”ve seen only a few of them.
I’m not sure most men under 35 are missing anything Bloom they are simply not grand enough to be the 20% of men women grove on. It women with unrealistic expectations driving the train and not necessarily any deficiency in men (Leastwise my peer group)
LOL always said you’d do ok in the mmp and should look at men 10+ years older than yourself…..
Molly, yes I know what you mean. In female friends, I always look for women who are happy for other women, not jealous or sabatoging.
I can see why you would say so Molly! They all are pretty great! π
Wow what time are you up, Bloom! I calculate 1:23 am eastern time right now unless you’re in the west USA! Are you an insomniac?
And your blog is on UK time, a truly international blog! π
Lol scfton if i remember right, at first you told me I was too old and had kids and any guy would be crazy etc etc so there was no hope, I may as well get cats, or something! I think i meltdd down and told you off. maybe threw dishes. But I think you came around in the end! Not bad for an old gal, eh? π (what’s that sonny, eh???) just kidding.
You may as well have double dog dared me! Lol.
Yep, west coast. 10:48 pm here now. π but I am the occasional insomniac, yep. π what time is it in New Zealand?
Gmt time! π
At 10:48 pm Wednesday your time it was 7:48 pm Thursday here (i.e. your tomorrow). I’m 21 hours ahead of you! The interesting thing is, you and I share “awake time” more than I do with Spawny or Fuzzie. In real time Spawny’s midday is my midnight!
Each 24 hours I’ve got a couple of narrowish windows to talk to Spawny. I make the most of it by giving him as much cheek as I can! π Spawny likes having his leg pulled π
How’s tomorrow going, Molly? Wild to think that! Enjoy living in the future! π
Well after a long run of sunny days, expect a wettish one tomorrow! Also expect internet connection problems and having to reopen your blog site many times. π You will have a happy day tho spending some lazy time on a surfboard sorta floating on the calm and… doing nothing really. No Orca today. I do see the big stringrays 6 metres down, that the Orca like to hunt. π Nice to know your day tomorrow, eh? π
That sounds so amazing, Molly (not the rain, but the orcas and rays). Even seen a spotted eagle ray? Extremely cool.
LOL I told you those things and that you can do it by working smart/ bringing assets to offset liabilities…. and looking to older men. you freaked about your kids being liabilities etc which I understand but you had/ have offsets and it worked out for you.
I never once denied you had assets #1 being your looks and masculine positive attitude.
“Even seen a spotted eagle ray?”
Not ‘even’β¦.meant to say ‘ever’. We have them out here.
Sounds like an amazing day! Especially the surfboard floating part. Enjoy! It’s winter here, no surfboarding for me. Lots of rain, instead!
@ scfton very true! Indeed you did. And you were (wait for it….) right! π
Do you mean the beautiful Spotted Eagle Ray? Cill sees them, they’re out too deep for me. I see “Smooth Manta Ray” largest of the worldβs stingrays! Adult weighs well over 350 kg (770 lb) and 2 metres (6 feet 6) across, stings in front and at rear both with toxin glands.
Once I dove down from my surfboard in 6 metres (about 20 feet) to touch the bottom with my hand. It didn’t feel like sand then it moved, 2 big wings stirred under the sand, it was a Manta ray big as a dinner table! It was so cool I tried to follow it, and when I told Cill he lectured me for half an hour π¦ People get killed by the toxic spine which lashes like lightning, I’m lucky to be alive! Even Orca have been killed by them! Woe!
I’m so glad I had the experience tho, I touched a big ray and I think he liked it! π I call him Pop, the biggest ray down there!
(Cill went out with a knife and searched for it when he thought I wasn’t looking. He knows I’ll be back in the water, soon as I get a chance! π )
I’ve seen him since, a big ray sunbathing on the bottom. I have watched Orca hunt him right below me, and catch other rays but not Pop yet… Fingers crossed..
Orca pods hunt as a pack.
“Smooth Stringray” (a.k.a. Short Tailed Stringray”) pic:
My error, they’re not a type of Manta ray, they’re a type of Eagle Ray closely related to your Spotted Eagle Ray Bloom! The Smooth Stringray is at least 14 feet long, the Manta Ray is larger still (not by much tho).
Dangerous: http://e2nz.org/tag/hauraki-gulf/
Yes, don’t get too close to those big rays!
Remember the Crocodile Hunter. π¦
Sounds like you’re quite the diver, Molly.
I don’t do any diving (my ears don’t handle it well). The rays I’ve seen are further out, and I’m paddling around the boat snorkeling.
My husband does dive, he can hold his breath for four minutes. He sits on the floor of the ocean with his speargun and waits for the fish to come by and check him out. It’s called ‘aspetto’ (meaning ‘I await’β¦who knew the Italians are spearfishing folk? I didn’t, until he took it up as a hobby).
Anyway, sorry for going off topic Bloom. Stay warm, congrats again, and best wishes to you! π
LOL I am normally correct in such things darling. And for whatevere reason people recall me jumping their ass even though I spend more time showing them where they are doing right etc
I loved hunting fish with a spear when I lived in Hawaii. Sadly I was never very good at it; being down a lung is hard of the freediving success
Liz as I said in a comment held up by moderation (coz of 2 links) “Pop” is a βSmooth Stringrayβ (a.k.a. “Short Tailed Stringrayβ) he’s not a type of Manta ray. I got that wrong.
When it passes moderation it has an awesome pic of a βSmooth Stringrayβ ^^
Your husband’s method has a low waste rate. Perhaps the prey wonder if you are dead. I didn’t know it’s called aspetto.
This virgin lonesome place is clean as clean can be, and no background of “people” anywhere. Cill won’t invite people here, while I’d have to share it with everyone! He’s a recluse! Best I can describe it out here: nature is the only sound in the silence.
How cool Molly! I swam w stingrays in the carri ran, but they were wo stingers. Swimming among them wash me flying w a flock of birds. I think they liked it, too! You area my to live close to the ocean and amazing wildlife!
No worries Liz, off topic is ok! I love to snorkel and scuba dive. Do you know how to clear your ears Liz? You he your nose and blow air into your sinuses while descending, if it hurts you have too much pressure, need to go up, clear ears, then descend again. Some people have trouble doing it bc of the way their sinuses are, I sometimes do but if I go slow and stay ahead of the pressure I have found that works!