As I have mentioned before, I was raised to be a modern career woman, not a wife. And now that I am engaged to a man whose house is spotlessly clean while mine is barely controlled chaos, I realize I have some personal growth to do in the area of domestic skills.
I knew this day would come. Months before we met, I cringed when I first read this blog post telling girls if they want to attract a life partner, they should really clean up their house and car. I knew it was true.
Granted, as my fiance will so generously point out, he doesn’t have two young children living with him. That makes keeping house a lot easier. But even so, I have to admit I may be able to run a business but when it comes to running a home, I am “domestically challenged.”
When we started dating, I was afraid that he would run away screaming the first time he stepped into my place. It’s not dirty exactly, it’s just like the junk drawer exploded, then then multiplied. There’s simply too much “stuff.” My personal demons seem to be mail, laundry, and toys. They are everywhere.
I avoided it as long as I could. But eventually, the day came for the big reveal. Luckily he did not run. However he did say, very nicely, a few weeks later that he’d been thinking about it and decided if we were ever going to live together, we’d have to live, “more his way than mine.” And he made it clear that while he didn’t mind pitching in, he was happy to help, he wasn’t going to do it all.
And he’s right. I am 43 years old and I don’t know how to keep house. But it’s high time I learn.
Luckily with a few Google searches I was able to locate exactly what I needed, a day by day, week by week, month by month list of things to do. It seems so simple when it’s broken down this way. This I can do. Thank goodness for the Internet!
I am so glad that I have found a man who loves me and understands me and yet also challenges me to grow. (He just walked in as I am writing, I told him this, and he chuckled good-naturedly. He said I am challenging him to grow, too — in patience! Lol.)
One thing I love about this man is that he gets we all have weak spots and this one is mine. I am painfully self aware of it already. So I appreciate that he didn’t shame me, or bash me, or insult me. He just set the expectation and left it up to me to choose to rise to the occasion (or not).
Things are already starting to shape up and you know what? I love it! Being surrounded by clutter and “stuff” is draining and demoralizing. I have been going room my room and getting things in order and now when I walk into those rooms, it is like a sigh of relief. It makes me want to tackle the next room, and then the next. The kids love it too, and I plan to help them learn right along with me.
Together we are dreaming and clipping out images of interior designs we love, and he is busy planning the remodel. It will be a fresh start. My house will become “our” house. (Meanwhile he’s debating between selling his house or renting it. Either way all he would have to do is put up a sign, it’s already “show” ready. Cute as a button, it will be rented or sold in a flash.)
As we move toward that day, this year, I plan to go on a journey to rediscover the Goddess of the Hearth. In a post feminist world, she’s been lost in the shuffle. I realize I have missed her, I long for her, I need her, she’s my missing element. I want her to help me build a nest that is cozy and warm and a place of sanctuary for myself and my family.
How about you? If you are missing her too, join me! Court the Goddess of the Hearth in 2015. A beautiful, orderly, nurturing home awaits.
“Turn away from the world this year and begin to listen. Listen to the whispers of your heart. Look within. Your silent companion has lit lanterns of love to illuminate the path to Wholeness. At long last, the journey you were destined to take has begun.”
― Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy
Let those who have ears hear.