abuse, break ups, dating, divorce, heartbreak, marriage, red pill, relationships
I saw a comment on another red pill blog that explained perfectly a key difference between men and women. I wish I had copied it then so I could paste it here now, because it was beautiful and poetic and explained so well something we women live with on a daily basis but men do not: shifting hormones.
The post was from an older man to a younger one who had lost his girlfriend, right before the holidays. It sounded like hormones were involved. The older man explained women are not like men. Women are more like clouds, constantly shifting from day to day and even minute to minute thanks to our ever changing hormonal state starting in puberty and going through menopause.
Clouds. I thought it a good analogy. And he said it not in a negative or blaming way, no “hormones make women evil” stuff, he just schooled this younger man that that’s how women are, they can’t control it, that dealing with women meant dealing with this, and that for a man being ahead of the curve instead of caught off guard (keep a chart, maybe?) makes relationships go a whole lot smoother. (I will try to find the original post and quote it….but that is the much less poetic and profound cliff notes version.)
I was blown away by his understanding of something I don’t totally understand myself or acknowledge nearly as often as I should. I don’t know about you ladies, but even after 30 some years of month after month, my fluctuating hormones can still catch me off guard, especially right before “that time.” And there I will be, pissed, feeling like I want to throw a car across the yard, picking a fight with my man, feeling it with every fiber of my being, and then the next day – Whoops! Oooooh…so that’s why I was so upset.
Then I have to admit it and apologize. How embarrassing.
Before you fight with your boyfriend/fiancee/husband/spouse/FWB/insert term here, check the calendar. It might be your hormones, not him. Just sayin’!
To the men reading along, I wish we could control it but we cannot. God knows I have tried, and I am sure other women have too. We envy your logical, steady (constantly on) hormonal state. I can only hope that there is an upside to all our female hormone induced shape shifting. (Oh yeah, those same hormones give us curves!?!?)
Whatever it is, men and women and women and men can’t seem to leave each other alone for long, so there must be something about it that works. Right? Um yeah….trying to think positive here, ok? Making lemonade and all that.
Or maybe it’s all just a cruel joke. The jury is still out.
Let those who have ears hear.
The one part of my depression therapy that helped (cyclothymia, which it probably is, isn’t on most CB therapists’ radars, sadly), was tracking my fluctuations in moods around my periods. Whilst cyclothymia is not originally hormonal and slips outside of the cycle at times, hormones can actually affect it and drag it into some semblance of a pattern. Sitting down and drawing a “heartbeat chart” of how my mood went into depressive vs hypomania was helpful. It showed a lot about the true nature of my depression as well as a lot about how my hormones in general affected my moods within the context of and outside of the cyclothymia. Now if I feel spontaneously sad, lethargic, energized or detached, I know to check where in my menstrual cycle I most likely am and to take note of what is likely to happen next based on where my hormones are and what the most common follow-up is in terms of mood.
Knowing my hormones has saved me a lot of stress, a lot of cancelled lessons and a lot of broken items (shaky hands and poor coordination is one of the symptoms).
Hormones totally affect these female mood swings. I have PCOS, so I have unusually high testosterone levels and lower estrogen/progesterone levels, and most of the people in my life consider me to be a stoic, unemotional woman. Don’t get me wrong; I have emotions, but mine tend not to be as pronounced or as in flux as a lot of the other women I know.
I am leaning to cruelty. To cheer us all up, bear video!
Superslaviswife I am glad you and your doctor were able to make the connection! Thanks for sharing that, very helpful!
Interesting Aurora! My best friend’s sister has PCOS and doctors missed it for years, this was in the late 80s and they were not as aware of it as they are now.
I feel for you guys, fuzzie, I do! We women are baffling I am sure!
There is a very interesting book, The Hour Between Dog and Wolf, about the effect of bodily processes on the mind…indeed, the author (a former securities trader turned neuroscience researcher) is an anti-Cartesian who would argue that the mind/brain cannot be considered in isolation from the body. The book is mainly but not exclusively focused on the effects of testosterone.
The cliche – ‘to err is human but forgive divine’ allows us all to share in a higher calling.
Men need women and women need men.
Women are more like clouds, constantly shifting from day to day and even minute to minute….. sounds like another case for…..”commitment phobia”
men want women; women need men. big difference my friend
I could disagree and say women can control it. Lord knows all three of my girls do. takes some self awareness and desire to control themselves which that whole women are like clouds thing takes away the desire by give women and out.
or if women cannot control it why do we let y’all vote, drive cars, hold important positions etc etc. y’all are incapable of controlling yourself and therefore should be treated like children
Scfton, you never disappoint to call it like you see it! Thanks for that perspective. 😉
Actions ware controllable. Things like depression, moodiness, et al, not so much. Men can get the ‘chick emotion’ experience when they have too many soy lattes, or when artificial levels of testosterone turn to estrogen. The results aren’t good.
It’s simply a fact that about one week out of every month you simply can’t be arsed. Think about the grocery store…an entire aisle of supplies for female parts issues. Lotions and potions and solvents and cotton pony products. There’s a huge industry surrounding the care and feeding of the twat. It’s an enormously high maintenance item, which also, unfortunately, comes with a high maintenance personality.
I agree outstanding bachelor! I think a very limited memory, like less than a day, probably helps men and women get along for the long haul, too!
puts the lie to troll-son claim of seeking validation but….
which is it darling? are you dependable or unable to control yourself every 28 days?
There’s a huge industry surrounding the care and feeding of the twat. It’s an enormously high maintenance item, which also, unfortunately, comes with a high maintenance personality.
Lizard, you owe me a new monitor. This one is covered in the root beer I just snorted out of my nose.
My husband doesn’t mind that my high maintenance personality comes with my high maintenance equipment. He kind of looks forward to my period. He’s always after me sucky charms.
Sorry Sumo. 😛
how did women live and have sex lives before all the twat support products?
@ scfton I plead the 5th! Does that cloud look like a bunny, or satan? Hummm… Hard to tell sometimes… Bunny… No wait satan… Or no bunny… Damn clouds! Lol.
@ Liz thanks for lobbing in that one, nice diversion! Lol.
@ Liz re me sucky charms, took me a sec to get that one lol!
You’re killing me here, Lizard. 😀
LOL but its a serious question.
Right now women get to have their cake and eat too but reality will catch up with us as a people
@ scfton by “can’t control it” I meant the ever changing hormones, but my behavior yes. Yes that I can control. (Throws a one ton pickup at ton while head spins around…kidding!)
how many women actually control their behavior?
@ scfton, well according to you, at least three! 🙂
Trying to think up a joke with a ‘save it fellator’ punchline….
Wife’s on the rag so no sex tonight? Well…have it fellator!
3 out of how many millions? I can count maybe 10 in my life
It’s always been tough to get men and women to live together. The problem now is that it has gotten next to impossible, all to feed some woman’s ego. I’m not saying men are perfect but, it would help if women were more cooperative. That’s all.
@ fuzzie it’s complex and feels so big. Getting the genie back in the bottle as if none of the last 40 yeas happened doesn’t seem likely but I cannot see a good path forward either, for men and women and society as a whole. Think, think, think Bloom!
When was finding a “good path forward” laid on your shoulders Bloom?
No one has fond one because there isn’t one; figuring out what is best for kit and kin is enough for anyome
It’s not that you should think, it’s that women should feel. They need to be told, in no uncertain terms, there are only enough men to go around one to a customer. It really is that simple.
“how did women live and have sex lives before all the twat support products?”
I’m sure they had their tricks.
no doubt Liz, no doubt but modern folks act as if life was unbearable before year 2000 or so which simply isn’t true
@ scfton this is a good point. Americans need “stuff.” The Amish, for example, manage a lot without all the modern gizmos. We could learn a lot from such “simple living, off the grid” folks.
I don’t really understand men who complain about menstruation. It’s one of the things that makes a woman a woman. It’s like buying a Ferrari and complaining that the engine is too loud.
Lol, very true Walker4Long. And trust me, many women also complain about it, but despite probably everyone wishing it wasn’t so, it still happens anyway!
To expand on what Liz had to say, we don’t know what people did. There seems to be an ongoing debate among Medieval historians about women and underwear. Did they wear it or not?
We did find out something recently. They had brassieres made from linen.
I’m pretty sure that “being on the rag” meant an actual rag in times before. Herbalists (aka “witches” sometimes) did some swift business catering towards female “issues” too. And people didn’t live anywhere near as long, and most women spent the majority of their reproductive years in some state of pregnancy which they didn’t always live through.
FWIW, even in my mother’s day “witches” did some swift business attending to female “issues”. Her roomate was a witch/herbalist. Some freaky stories there, actually….
Should add, the above was in Italy. Doubt they had much of that in the US by that point (1960s).
Just to add, for the boyz who might not know what “issues” I mean:
Women’s plumbing makes them prone to maladies like yeast infections, urinary tract infections, also bloating, cramping that can be very severe in some cases (like endometriosis), and then pregnancy issues (keeping or losing), and after that help with getting things back to normal after birth (lots of damage under there), and milk let down.
Just to add, for the boyz who might not know what “issues” I mean
I was perfectly content not knowing what you meant.
It’s a thread about periods, Sumo!
And I’m a nurse.
That was so, so very tame, really.
I have heard in some tribal cultures there was a hut where women went during that time of the month. There are reports that some women stayed there indefinitely! Lol. They must have been drama queens! Can you imagine????
Oh the joys, eh Liz? Ak. 😛 Actually I got really lucky, besides the mood swings I pretty much have it easy and both my pregnancies I really enjoyed and had little to complain about, beyond anemia and being tired. I loved being pregnant actually, I may not have looked my most beautiful but I felt like a goddess! I am so glad I was able to experience that. I have a plaster cast of my belly at full blown from #2, it’s very cool!
Ever hear of the ‘red tent’? That’s from back in biblical days.
The women were all required to spend the week in ‘the red tent’ once they got the curse.
“I have a plaster cast of my belly at full blown from #2, it’s very cool!”
That IS cool, Bloom! 🙂
Heh, just looked up the ‘Red Tent’ (I read the book, recommend it). The veracity is disputed. So I might be mistaken. Women back in the day were pregnant pretty frequently so monthly mensus weren’t all that regular or common.
Lizard, I performed an LE function in a hospital for the better part of a decade. I’ve been sprayed/doused/covered in every bodily fluid known to man (or woman). I’ve dealt with things that even the nurses wouldn’t go near, and I’m STILL grossed out by Aunt Flo and all of her accompanying hoopla.
Keep it in your pants, sister.
@sumo I can’t imagine! I am glad that I can make money writing about medicine, not practicing it. I am sure you and Liz have seen some pretty gnarly stuff. But thanks to both of you for doing it, nurses are awesome! I admire them highly.
Preach it Brother Sumo. I have seen years of direct action ground combat. I’ve seen my share of piss, shot, blood, guts, brains etc
I can’t help it! Had to link this. I think Liz may appreciate it the most, as she has boys.
I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to kill the thread.
It was a cute video, Fuzzie! 🙂
You didn’t kill anything.
It’s just the there are only so many ways to discuss and explore all the many possibilities when it comes to the topic of menstruation.
…we could discuss personal soiling…I mean, we could really go there! Or bedsheets…I’ve always thought there’s a market out there for a sort of ‘urban camo pattern’ bedsheet with splashes of red. Kind of like a marble pattern. Of course, since I’m me I’ve thought about this for semen too….red, white, blue “no one needs to know” camo pattern, “own that mess! Wash at will!” (kind of a spin off the Airforce ‘own the skies, strike at will thing)
Lol Liz! I will have to come up with a new post to discuss!
2 – 3 days of the month while you’re ovulating you badly want to jump our bones. I’ll gladly abide the other 26 days to get that.
Hi! Just found your blog and I love it! I’ve just discovered red pill but I’ve been living like a red pill woman for about two years now, thanks to reading Fascinating Womanhood.
I’m a young wife and mom whose hormones are all over the place due to breastfeeding and lack of sleep. I find that being able to laugh at my mood swings helps. My hubby has no problem telling me when I’m being irrational and laughing at them as well. Like they say laughter is good medicine!
Look forward to following here. 😁
Thanks Jodi! Glad you found the blog and I look forward to getting to know you! I get the hormone thing, and baby thing, and nursing thing! Love your man and your kids more than anything else and you’re on the right path!