I hate to admit this but lately I have been acting like an idiot and I need to knock it off. The green eyed monster is getting the better of me.

i don’t know why I am feeling this way. My fiancé is one of the most loyal and honest people I have ever met. But for some reason jealousy has still gotten the better of me at least twice in the past two months.

I pout. Get mad. Act like a spoiled brat. Then the next day I cringe and wish I could take it all back.

Case in point, yesterday we were at a party with his large group of friends, all married couples.  For some reason I find one woman in particular threatening. She’s very flirtatious and I also know she’s unhappy married, unlike the other couples. I think she flirts because she’s not getting validation from her own man, but I wish she’d stop seeking an ego boost from mine. Back off, sista!

Maybe knowing her relationship is rocky is why her friendship with my fiancé threatens me. I worry what if she was single? Then the runaway jealousy train gets going,  and I start operating form some two year old level, pouting and acting aloof, imagining all sorts of malarkey.

Maybe it’s what the guys call shit tests.  I am not sure. But I know it’s annoying and if I don’t get it under control it’s going to cause serious damage to our relationship. He’s been understanding so far, but he’s also told me I need figure it out and stop doing it.

I wish I could be like frequent commenter Liz, who just laughs it off when the ladies at the bakery write love notes on the box to her hottie husband.  I’d probably be sending them back the box with threatening notes made up of letters clipped from magazines! I admire her self control.

Luckily for me, he gets it. He’s had his own struggles with the green eyed monster, too.  He knows it’s irrational.

Insecurity and fear of loss suck. And if one isn’t careful, they can drive you right toward what you fear most. Love. It can bring out the strangest things, not all of them good.

So I am going to do all I can to put the green eyed monster in time out before I seriously muck things up. Wish me luck!