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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

~ A site for women interested in a red pill perspective (where men are welcome too!)

Notes From a Red Pill Girl

Monthly Archives: February 2015

Examples of the Red Pill in Movies or Music?

26 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill

≈ 119 Comments

Tags

alpha male, attraction, bad boys, battle of the sexes, beta, blue pill, dating, divorce, marriage, movies, music, red pill, relationships

Since stumbling across the red pill philosophy, I find examples of its various theories all the time in music lyrics and sometimes in movies.

How about you?

This is another interactive reader post, I am hoping that you will share examples of red pill music (lyrics, links to videos, etc) or movies here in the comments.

Probably the most red pill movie I have seen would be “The Hangover.” It is absolutely filled with great examples of all sorts of red pill tenants, plus its pretty funny, if you like sick humor like I do.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1119646/

As for red pill songs, there are so many. I will list them as I think of them in the comments.

Please, chime in!

What Women Don’t Get

20 Friday Feb 2015

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 81 Comments

Tags

attraction, battle of the sexes, commitment, dating, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, romance, what men like, what men need, what men want, what women don't get

Ok, this post is a bit different from the rest but I hope you all will play along. There’s always such great commentary here, this post is inviting the reader to school the author(ess) and her female readers on the unfulfilled needs and wants of men.

In this post I am hoping readers will comment in response to these questions: What don’t women get from a man’s point of view? How could women meet their man’s needs better? In your opinion what are women missing big time about the male side of relationships? What has a woman done for you in the past (or present) that you think most women should also do, but don’t? Being in a relationship, I am thinking in a relationship, but it could also be when dating, pre-dating, etc. At any stage.

It can be anything from buy him a beer or dinner to get up and make breakfast for him every day (or pack his lunch or make him sandwiches or whatnot) to wear lingerie (or not), whatever…maybe those are examples of what girls think guys want but they don’t…I dunno, that’s why I ask… I truly want to know, from a guy perspective… so go wild. There are no wrong answers. From the simple to the complex. Anything goes.

Female readers are also invited to ask their male partners, if they dare, and share what is said/learned.

I look forward to hearing what you all have to say from the male point of view about things women just don’t get, but should…

Most Problems Are User Error

19 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill

≈ 44 Comments

Tags

abundance, achievement, best life, break up, break ups, breakups, dating, divorce, goals, happiness, health, heartbreak, highest life, lack, loss, marriage, positive thinking, quitting smoking, red pill, relationships, sadness, sexism, struggle, success, weight loss

Someone* once said to me, “Most problems are caused by user error,” meaning many of the struggles in life are self-created ones.

Realizing this can be a double edged sword. On one hand it is empowering — to struggle or not in most cases becomes a choice. On the other hand, it requires taking responsibility for your life outcome, owning that you are the cause of your problem.

Try it. Make a written or mental list of your biggest problems and struggles. Then ask yourself how many of them are actually caused by your own decisions and choices, or decisions or choices you should/could be making but aren’t?

It can be both painful and liberating to realize nearly all factors in life are within our own control. That life is, like it or not, good or bad, what we have made it.

Sure, there are exceptions, times when circumstances beyond one’s control impose suffering — like being born into a dysfunctional family, getting cancer, losing everything in a fire or natural disaster, being laid off due to a downsizing, having a partner dying or walk out with no warning, being caught up in a war zone.

But even in these cases, there is still a choice involved and that choice is how you respond to factors out of your control. Constructive or destructive, how you react to tragedy is still a choice completely within your control. (Understanding this is what heroes and inspirational souls are made of.)

Luckily, true tragedy beyond control doesn’t strike often in life. Most of the time there is no outside random situation or circumstance imposing the suffering. Upon examination, we are usually creating the situation ourselves with the choices large and small we make every day. In these cases it’s as simple — and as hard — as choosing to do different.

Pity parties, blaming others, or adopting a victim stance may soothe the ego, but they only prolong the suffering.

Start doing yourself a favor, if you have been falling prey to user error forgive yourself (we’re all human), then take ownership of your life, identify the user error that’s causing you (and very likely others) suffering, and take action to change the situation from what you don’t want into what you do want.

Whatever the issue, problem, struggle, or roadblock — from weight loss, to a career funk, to relationship woes, to money problems — it’s almost always just that simple, and just that difficult. Choices. Action. Not choosing. Not taking action. A good attitude. A bad attitude.

And the good news, or the bad news, is the only person who can do it, or keep yourself from doing it, is you.

Let those who have ears hear.

—————-

*The someone who said this, ironically, knew this because they themselves were an expert at user error.

What We Can Learn From 50 Shades of Grey

17 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships, Sex and Such

≈ 33 Comments

Tags

50 Shades, 50 Shades of Grey, alpha male, androgeny, attraction, bad boys, battle of the sexes, beta, blue pill, divorce, marriage, red pill, sex life, sexuality

Like it or not, the book and now movie 50 Shades of Grey has been a smashing financial success. The book has sold more copies than Harry Potter, the movie grossed over $81 million this past opening weekend. And all this despite nearly everyone who critiqued the book saying it was pretty terribly written. (I have not read the book or seen the movie.)

Whether you are in the love it or hate it camp, there is no denying this book and then film hit a raw nerve in a big, big way. So why has it been so successful? What is it that has people (errr, I mean women) buying the books and flocking to the theaters in droves?

Well, for one thing it’s about sex. And as they say, sex sells. More than that it’s about a sexual relationship where the male partner is dominant and the female partner is submissive.

This isn’t the soft, gentle, wrapped in romance style sex that most men and women have been sold as “the way it works.” It’s not roses and chocolates and hopes that with a foot rub and some choreplay there *might* be some sex in return for Mr. Grey, if he’s lucky.

But wait, that’s what women want, right? Isn’t that how it works?

Actually not, as I think the success of this book and movie clearly show. Those familiar with the Red Pill shouldn’t be surprised by this information. Manospherians recognized this dynamic long ago and have built an entire philosophy of seduction and tripping a woman’s attraction wires around it.

What the Red Pill says, among other things, is that women and men are not the same. Gender is not a social construct. Men and women are different.

Yet over the past 40 years a “same and equal” philosophy that women want men to act more like women and men want women who act more like men has been pushed by the larger culture, often called the Blue Pill, much to the dissatisfaction of all.

Not to be crude but what do women like about men? They are hard. What do men like about women? They are soft. What doesn’t work? Soft men and hard women.

I am not saying everyone needs to go get whips and handcuffs to be sexually happy (but if it floats your boat, go for it). What I am saying is that the feminized man and the masculine woman dynamic doesn’t work.

But God forbid you say it out loud because THAT’S JUST NOT OK. It’s misogyny. It’s sexist. It’s abusive. It’s oppressive. It’s patriarchy. Etc.

To that I simply say, it wasn’t men buying these books and movie tickets for the most part, now was it? So who exactly is so titillated by the idea of a man calling the shots? Hummm?

Female sexuality has a side that few women want to admit to but Harlequin romance novel writers, female erotica writers, and the author of 50 Shades all reveal loud and clear. Women aren’t the delicate little asexual fainting flowers the Victorians portrayed them to be.

So why are we as a culture (and in many ways especially women) working so hard to deny that? I think a lot of marriages and relationships could be greatly improved by putting aside the prudish Blue Pill thinking and embracing the Red Pill reality the runaway success of 50 Shades makes abundantly clear.

Hopefully more women, and men, will be awakened to how it works — and how it has always worked — because of it.

Exhibit A…

“He moves suddenly so that his hand is cupping my sex, and one of his fingers sinks slowly into me. His other arm holds me firmly in place around my waist.

“This is mine,” he whispers aggressively. “All mine. Do you understand?” He eases his finger in and out as he gazes down at me, gauging my reaction, his eyes burning.

“Yes, yours…”

Abruptly, he moves, doing several things at once: Withdrawing his fingers, leaving me wanting, unzipping his fly, and pushing me down onto the couch so he’s lying on top of me.

“Hands on your head,” he commands through gritted teeth as he kneels up, forcing my legs wider…

“We don’t have long. This will be quick, and it’s for me, not you. Do you understand?

Don’t come, or I will spank you,” he says through clenched teeth.”

~ E.L. James

That text didn’t sweep through suburbia faster than the latest measles outbreak for nothing. And it wasn’t men who were telling their friends about it, it was women.

What does that say?

Let those who have ears hear.

Why Humans Aren’t Extinct

12 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Sex and Such

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

attraction, battle of the sexes, break up, break ups, celibacy, commitment, dating, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, remarriage, second marriage, sex, true love

I saw this quote on another blog and I thought it was both likely the truth and also funny enough I had to share. Ladies, you have been warned!

“If it weren’t for sex, men would have hunted women to extinction centuries ago.”

~ Cautiously Pessimistic

I could speculate about the sex lives of dinosaurs and try to debunk the whole ice age/meteorite theory here, but I think that might distract from the point so I will just keep this one short and sweet!

Let those who have ears hear.

It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over

11 Wednesday Feb 2015

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Uncategorized

≈ 19 Comments

Forever.

That’s a long time whether you think that means for life or for life and beyond.

Either way, it ain’t over till it’s over.

The world can be a difficult and perplexing thing.

That’s ok, everyone secretly feels like that.

And here’s the really good part…

You can decide to make your life happy, or not.

You can decide to be happy, or not.

You can take action to be happy, or not.

And either way, it’s all the same.

There you are. Not happy?

Choose to be happy.

Choose to feel happy.

Choose to do happy.

There is no short cut to happiness. Sorry.

But it’s there if you choose it.

It’s there if you feel it.

It’s there if you be it.

And either way, it’s all the same.

There you are.

Living your choices.

Living your path through consciousness.

And so?

What’s it going to be?

Luckily….

It ain’t over till it’s over.

All you have is right now.

But right now is a powerful thing.

Choose wisely.

Let those who have ears hear.

Money Matters

04 Wednesday Feb 2015

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Relationships

≈ 108 Comments

Tags

abundance, AFBB, divorce, finances, frivorce, hypergamy, inheritance, joint accounts, marriage, modern marriage, money, red pill, remarriage, second marriage, seperate accounts, solopism

I recently met a friend for lunch who I hadn’t seen much of since she got remarried about 18 months ago. After I caught her up on what was new with me, I asked how married life was going? Her face fell, and she replied, “Let’s talk about you.”

I probed more. They had faced several very significant challenges in the short time they have been married. He changed jobs. She tore her ACL and had to have knee surgery. He had been battling with a mysterious recurring sickness and was laid off from his job because of time off work. Then the worst blow — her mom, who she was extremely close to, died suddenly from a brain aneurism. It had been a bad, bad year plus.

On top of all that, she was about to get an inheritance from her mother’s estate and it was causing issues between her and her spouse. My friend is very thrifty and money conscious, where her husband is more laxidasical and has had trouble with debt before. As she talked I could tell there was a real power struggle going on between them over finances.

We agreed, when we both married young the first time, nobody had any assets they felt they needed to protect. Everyone was broke, and it all got built from the ground up. Back then what was mine was yours and what was yours was mine. Joint accounts, joint property ownership, joint everything.

Unfortunately, that joint everything became “half mine, half yours” after both of our divorces. Her husband had also been through that experience. She has one child, he has none. At 45, life is more complex than it was at 22. So they entered into their second marriage as many couples do, what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours.

Or, it sounds like that’s what she wants it to be. It sounds like he would prefer more of an “ours” model. This feels threatening to her because while he has the better paying job, she was the one who had a house (at the time they married it was underwater in equity, it is now back at market value plus her sizable down payment.) Her plan, before marriage, was to leave everything to her son, including the house.

And now there is a chunk of change coming in too from the sale of her mother’s estate, split between her and her brother. She didn’t say how much, but I would guess it is around a quarter mil. She’s the executor of her mom’s estate and has been dealing with some very yucky family dynamics as relatives came out of the wood works demanding “their share.” She’s understandably paranoid.

As I listened to her talk, I could tell that she had been keeping her husband out of any of the inheritance discussions. She considers this money “hers” and her plan is to sock it away for retirement, pretend it doesn’t exist.

He’s hurt by not being included, and feels the money should be “theirs.” He says that’s his plan when he gets his inheritance.

Then she dropped the bomb, she was considering a divorce before the inheritance is settled as the solution!

Wow. My red pill knowledge kicked into high gear. Frivorce, AFBB, hypergamy, solopism, all of it was right there front and center. She had been struggling financially when they met, barely making the bills. She welcomed him then. Now that she has a better job and this windfall, maybe she doesn’t need him anymore? I could see the hamster wheel spinning!

So I asked a few more questions. Was he physically abusive? No. Was he emotionally abusive? No. Was he cheating? No. Did he have an active addiction? No.

Then I said it. “So you got into this thinking forever or….?”

I don’t think that was what she was expecting me to say.

She paused, then she whispered, “Forever.”

“Ok then.” I said. “So let’s stop talking about divorce, and start talking about how you guys can work through this.”

It was obvious to me the problems wasn’t that she wanted to keep the money, or that he wanted to share it, but that they didn’t agree on it one way or another. I took a devil’s advocate role, voicing some of what I imagined her husband must be feeling (and I am sure it isn’t good!) I gently pointed out that maybe she was still thinking like a single person. Maybe she should at least include him in on the discussions about the money. Sit down, each with a piece of paper, and say in each of their ideal world’s what they would propose they do with it.

Ak. Communicate? She was obviously uncomfortable at the thought of that discussion. Then it came out, she wasn’t communicating much of any of this with him, she was having most of this discussion in her own head. And *bingo* that was a problem she had had in relationships before.

We talked about her mom, and what her mom might want her to do. I pointed out that the inheritance was a generous gift, meant to be a blessing, not a burden. And that I could understand why she wanted to tuck the money away, her mom was trying to make her life easier and more stable by leaving her that money.

We talked about some advice I had seen years earlier by the female financial guru Suze Orman. It was a question much like this, what to do with an inheritance? Orman’s recommendation was to take a set amount and spend it on something that would bring joy, as a way to celebrate the gift this person had given. Then put the rest away. Orman pointed out, otherwise in most cases, an inheritance is gone within a year with little to show for it in the end. My friend liked the sound of that.

As we talked further, my friend revealed she and her husband had not gone away together, alone, since they married. Her teenage son, who has a schedule packed with sports events that take up most weekends, lives with them. And they had also taken in her husband’s best friend’s teenage daughter, while he worked two week on, one week off shifts in Alaska. (The girl’s mom is a drug addict and not in the picture.)

Ah ha, it suddenly came to me! How about a vacation, alone, just the two of them, as the way to spend the part of the inheritance to bring joy? And not one big vacation, but 6 smaller weekend getaways spaced out over the coming year. And then maybe 6 additional weekend trips as a family?

(I wish I could say this was my idea. But it’s not. This is something my fiance told me was a requirement soon after we started dating, he would insist on us getting away once a month, alternating between family trips and couple’s time. I own a business that operates weekends, so I had not been away anywhere in a long, long time. At first it was hard to leave, but in the end he was so right! We’ve already gone on many fun adventures with the kids and by ourselves and that time away is always such a time of bonding. Now, I can’t wait for that one weekend a month!)

She liked it. The rest of our lunch went well and I could tell she was feeling a lot more hopeful about things than when she walked in. I hope she stops obsessing over the thought of divorce as a solution, and starts working with her husband to come up with something that feels right to them both. She’s a good person, who has been through a huge loss. I get how she could go there. But I hope she doesn’t.

After we parted ways with plans to get together in a few weeks, I met up with my fiance and shared what all had gone on. It was a great opportunity for him and I to discuss some financial details we hadn’t really gone deeply into. We’re still having that discussion, how do two people who have taken the divorce hit and have assets we fear to lose again, build a life together? And what about our children, and what we want to do for them? (He has 3, I have 2.) Will it be yours, mine, and ours? Yours and mine? Ours? We haven’t fully decided but we are discussing the pros and cons of each approach.

They say money is a leading cause of divorce, and I believe it. Money and the way we view it and allocate it are deeply rooted things. Yes. Money matters. But should it be a reason to divorce?

“For richer and for poorer, till death do we part.”

Let those who have ears hear.

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