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attraction, battle of the sexes, commitment, dating, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, romance, what men like, what men need, what men want, what women don't get
Ok, this post is a bit different from the rest but I hope you all will play along. There’s always such great commentary here, this post is inviting the reader to school the author(ess) and her female readers on the unfulfilled needs and wants of men.
In this post I am hoping readers will comment in response to these questions: What don’t women get from a man’s point of view? How could women meet their man’s needs better? In your opinion what are women missing big time about the male side of relationships? What has a woman done for you in the past (or present) that you think most women should also do, but don’t? Being in a relationship, I am thinking in a relationship, but it could also be when dating, pre-dating, etc. At any stage.
It can be anything from buy him a beer or dinner to get up and make breakfast for him every day (or pack his lunch or make him sandwiches or whatnot) to wear lingerie (or not), whatever…maybe those are examples of what girls think guys want but they don’t…I dunno, that’s why I ask… I truly want to know, from a guy perspective… so go wild. There are no wrong answers. From the simple to the complex. Anything goes.
Female readers are also invited to ask their male partners, if they dare, and share what is said/learned.
I look forward to hearing what you all have to say from the male point of view about things women just don’t get, but should…
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Just generally, treat men with respect. If the men are family, be submissive to them. Don’t try to be “better men”. Don’t expect men to be “better women”. Throttle back on the advantages you get because the Feminine Imperative is ascendant. Don’t frivorce for cash & prizes. Etc.
If you want a relationship, be sweet. And, men, compliment women when they are sweet to you.
@ theadsgamer, thanks for going first! Well said, and a good reminder — simple but all too often these basics are overlooked to the doom of many a relationship!
Once again, men are supposed to do all the work, while women prattle about ‘bitter angry losers’. This is right up there with “Tell me what you’re thinking right now.”
BV I actually truly want to know! But I know, I vex you. I don’t mean to, really I don’t…
Can you humor me? What’s one thing that a woman has done or could do to make BV stop and go, “Wow, now that’s what I am talking about!” 😉
Make sammiches for her man she should.
Yay yoda! I knew you would vote sammiches. Can you explain more what that means? (It took me a long time to build up the courage to ask, I thought it was red pill code for something else for the longest time…)
Women expect much from their men they do.
Perhaps for more than needed they ask.
Ask much from men for their benefit they do.
More content men would if for family’s benefit it would be.
“Sammiches” a metaphor they are.
Shows that she is willing to do simple things quietly to support him in his endeavours she is.
Like for example bv, I have heard you mention many times you wished you could have a relationship with a woman that’s committed and meaningful and loving without that leading to the “Where is this going/marriage?” discussion within 3 months or less, or even ever. That you could be understood in your need and want for a companion who doesn’t require marriage or cohabitation as a basis for that relationship to continue/succeed/endure/be meaningful/last. (Not to put words in your mouth, and please correct me if I am wrong.) Stuff like that…
If a woman willing to make sammiches not,
then worthless to her man she is.
Redpillgirlnotes,
Nine hundred years Yoda has lived.
Eight hundred of them narried to Mrs. Yoda.
Always making sandwiches for Yoda and the Padawans.
Much joy it gives her to see joy inothers.
I asked Mike this one, and here is his response.
In steps (aside from the unmentionables, which are assumed without mentioning) 🙂
1) First and foremost, be pleasant to be around. Overall positive energy, the vast majority of the time (limited bitching, complaining, ‘weird stares’ and so forth).
2) Be supportive.
3) Continue to progress in life…don’t be stagnant. Learn new things, have goals, objectives, ect (this needn’t be anything earth shattering, just overall growth as a person)
4) Take care of yourself, physically…maintain a healthy fit body.
Just to add, I think one and two cover all the “little things”…if you’re supportive and pleasant, you’re going to laugh a lot together and do things for him to make him happy. And so forth.
Pleasant important it is.
Obvious it should be.
Women believe that their position is so strong that they care not.
Be objective, if that’s not an impossible ask. Before you criticize him to his face or behind his back, ask if you’d like it to happen to you. Put yourself in his shoes before you feel inclined to damage him.
Aviation video for Liz and Mike.
For marriage appearance enough it is not.
Sandwiches are important too!
It’s not the sandwiches themselves, it’s that it is a demonstration of concern.
That’s what gets the feminsist all in an uproar.
@ fuzzie that’s what gets me, since when was showing concern for one’s own nearest and dearest a negative? It’s clearly gone way too far, I really do think people, the average joe and Jane, have bad enough. I predict a shift in the wind, not just feminism.
I agree with Mike’s comment, via Liz.
Redpillgirlnotes,
I am keeping my fingers crossed but what has to happen before change is that a lot of women have to shocked out of complacency.
Making sammiches:
1. At a party, I had a problem opening a flask which had booze in it. A woman friend saw it and went out to her vehicle to try to locate pliers in order to open it. Pliers wouldn’t work. She shared her wine with me and chats with me. Sweet.
2. Another friend shared two of her beers with me on a camping trip. She lent me one of her walking sticks once. Chats with me and respects my boundaries. Sweet.
3. A woman has been gaming me despite my clear statement that I stop at flirting. She hardly chats me up and never does anything for me. Never thanked me for teaching her a dance move that I learned from private lessons. Not sweet.
LOL we can’t win with BV haha
omg I’m loving Yoda’s comments!
How about loyalty….? Something that runs to actual loyalty inculding thing like not bitching about a man to everydamnone she knows?
Back in the day that was called gossip, and there is this book with all these rules laid down by this strange Sky God and well He’s aginit that whole gossip thing.
My husband’s working till super late… but I’ll try to say the things I know he’s told me he really appreciates (now and in the past):
When we were dating, we were both working (me in the summers, him all year long) and in full-time college… he was working his butt off on graveyard shift as a waiter & still doing a full load of classes during the day, and usually he’d pay for dates… but since we ended up being together almost 24-7, I would pay sometimes just to show him how much I loved him. That and it just got to be impractical to expect him to pay for me constantly, so I’d either pay my own way, or treat him sometimes. He appreciated me not using all his rent, grocery, and bill money.
Married, it’s always helped to support his long-term career goals – really support him… like make sandwiches & pack his lunch everyday, iron his clothes or send them to the cleaners if need be for when he needs to go to court. It’s the going above and beyond that he seems to really appreciate from me – mostly it’s creating an atmosphere of peace at home, a place where he can feel completely relaxed enough to enjoy life & our family. Little things like when he leaves, I go out with my son & baby to see him leave in his truck (and boy do we miss him, it’s like the life of the party has left!). He recently bragged about this that he gets the best send off when he leaves, so it matters to him.
Fostering a good relationship with him and his sons – that’s an important one to me, seeing as how so many men have a horrible relationship with their father, I know my husband values being a respected and looked-up-to dad. He doesn’t want to be like his father was, so he’s pioneering a new trek with what legacy he’s leaving for them to remember him by. I try to help that by never putting him down when talking about him to my older son.
After having a baby (the first time), my husband liked that I didn’t “let myself go.” He was very happy that I worked to get the weight off and still cared about my appearance.
And he’s always let me know how much he appreciates our sex life – he knows friends that don’t have that fulfillment in their marriage & sees how it taints their entire existence, so meeting that huge need has made life easier and more fulfilling in so many more ways than just sex itself.
I secretly adore BV, even so! 😉
I agree Ton, loyalty and not talking about your man and your relationship is really big.
I like it dragonfly, those sound like great ways to build your relationship up! Well done!
I finally got up the courage to ask my fiance what I could do better and and said, “Just keep doing what you are doing” with a big smile. Wow, that feels good! Still I know I could improve in so many ways, so he ain’t seen nothing yet!
I try to be mindful of all I have learned around the manosphere from the red pill and hearing the guy’s side of things. I try to remember not to “girl out” and make things too complicated, and remember the basics like keep his belly full and give him lots of affection. I also look for ways I can do something to make his day easier or to lighten his load, like fill his wood box, clean his house, get the fire and dinner going so that he comes home to that already underway (I have a key!) Respect is easy to give him because I truly admire how he really has his act together in every area of his life and he keeps that all in balance, which inspires me to step up my own game. I also try to do what Liz’s post says, although I could work on the stink eye thing (it’s not THAT often, but still!) I know women who do anything but create a safe and loving home environment, I am surprised really that some of their husband’s even come home!
One thing I have noticed seems to be really important to him that I could do better at is sending him off with a kiss and greeting him upon his return right away with a kiss. If I don’t kiss him upon arrival, maybe I am just being absentminded or distracted by the kiddos, I can tell he notices and it bugs him. I like how Dragonfly make a conscious effort to make that send off special.
My guiding principle and one I always strive for is this quote, “A wise woman builds up her home while a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.” I have not always done this, in the past I really was quite the spoiled self-centered brat and that’s a mistake I am determined not to repeat. Hanging out in the manosphere has really helped me be aware it’s not about ME, it’s got to be about US. I can’t even put into words how much this past year plus of hanging around the manosphere has changed me and made me so much more aware of the “him,” side of things.
I could go on and on but I will stop there. I know many in the red pill say women can’t truly love or be there for a man in his time of need. And I would agree, way too few are. I want my relationship and future marriage to be a living and breathing example that not all women are like that. It’s almost like a double dog dare! Lol. I invite you all to hold me to it, too!
“I secretly adore BV, even so!”
How could anyone not? 😉
OT alert:
My husband just called from Baltimore (I think) the airport is snowed in so flights are being delayed and/or cancelled. He said there was a girl who looked to be about 14 talking on her cell phone really loud, swearing, yelling and calling everyone an idiot and demanding to speak to the supervisor. Her dad was there.
Instead of correcting her and telling her to shut up, he asked the person at the service counter if they could speak to a supervisor. The person, a lady, told him she was a supervisor, and the girl started swearing and making demands about her flight. The supervisor told her she wouldn’t be permitted to fly at all…she couldn’t be trusted to follow instructions and was too belligerent. Then the begging starts, the father pleaded, the daughter said she didn’t have the authority to prevent her from flying and so forth. They had to go home. Hopefully this was one of those behavior modifying moments for the 14 year old brat. But it’s doubtful.
Mike said it was pleasant to watch, though….
@ Liz her dad must be so…ahem…proud! What a little princess! 😉
If a man opens a door for one of you women, be sure to honor him by calling him, “Sir”. That will help you to mentally counter a little bit the pervasive FI presence in your daily lives.
If you want to consider yourself a Lady, be sure and view your man as a Lord–as your lord. Give him respect, even more than affection.
Liz,
What a little horror! As adept as she is, she must have had plenty of practice. At least this time, she didn’t get away with it.
To get back to the original post, this is precisely what you don’t want to see in a prospective partner.
It is a big deal Bloom, simple to do but rarely seen. It seems .most women fail right there @ step one
Aw you are going to do great, Bloom – you are extremely conscious of making things work, and that is the only thing I’ve seen repeatedly in wonderful marriages – that the couple (especially the woman, since I think we are the ones that tend to ruin it >90% of the time), is conscious of how much she determines the beauty (or misery) in their marriage and life together.
“A wise woman builds up her home, while a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.” That verse in Proverbs is so beautiful! The fact that you have this as your cornerstone says so much. 🙂
I used to think there was some kind of secret recipe that made relationships work – and in a way, it has become almost “secret” in that it just isn’t taught or talked about anymore. Like how you mentioned when you found Andrew’s blog, that you were fascinated with the truths that he told you about how men REALLY think – these weren’t necessarily new ideas, it’s simply that our culture has suppressed them and tried to make them obsolete (when obviously, they aren’t, they still work just as they’ve always done).
Wisdom is timeless, even if society tries to hide it.
Just thinking out loud…
I wonder sometimes if SIW associate pleasantness and basic consideration with stupidity, and that’s why they’ve programmed themselves to be so unpleasant. When I encounter and agressive and unpleasant personality, I always wonder what their angle is. It can’t give them any real joy to be that way.
Liz they equate it with weakness
Weak people always equate such things with weakness. They are pleasant and kind because they fear getting punched in the face so everyone must be so because they fear getting punched in the face. Next is, I don’t like being scart so I will be the opposite of what they perceived to be as weakness.
The supervisor told her she wouldn’t be permitted to fly at all…she couldn’t be trusted to follow instructions and was too belligerent.
Recorded to video it probably was.
Felt confident supervisor did.
Young woman “Protest too much she does”
Good point Ton. You’re probably right.
“Recorded to video it probably was.”
That would be fun to watch.
I’m reminded of the 2008 Arizona bus incident. Wish I could find that video now.
Think they’ve deleted it everywhere, though.
It was quite a sight.
http://www.ktar.com/?nid=6&sid=740738
Good point Ton.
Ton bigger than me he is.
Also less green he would be.
But you have epic Yoda powers!
I agree Liz, I met a gal similar to the one you describe, she came with her to look at my property for her wedding. He bragged about his millions, owned hotels around the world. He had raised her and her sister solo.. She was tall and attractive, wearing a skirt so short you could see her underwear (w her dad, wtf?) anyway her attitude just completely spoiled her looks, I could tell she thought nothing was ever good enough and she was never happy. So I subtly blew the sale, not wanting to have to deal w that bridezilla! It wasn’t worth the $$$, what she would have put us thru. Yuck! And you are right, for all that I think that type of person is always small and miserable, no real joy. No thanks!
@yoda good things come in small packages 😉 ms. Yoda thinks so! 800 years of bliss!
I hope so dragonfly! I do agree that a woman’s attitude can make or break it. I have a friend who complains non stop almost about her marriage but what does she do to fix it? Nothing! She’s creating the toxic environment. She’s starting to see if she changes her tune, it gets better but unfortunately it so far is short lived and she goes back to bad habits. So many women do this, I don’t understand why! Drama maybe?
So true ton. Women have a bad habit of sitting around and complaining about their spouses as some sort of girl bonding thing. Not good. Let’s face it, there’s always going to be something negative but dwelling on that instead of all the things going right just creates misery. Plus, I am sure there’s just as many negatives about themselves they could work on, better to focus on “how could I be a better wife?” Than “how could he be a better husband?”
That and it feeds on itself, each hen having to one up the other in the my man sucks competition, creating more animosity, really creating it out of thin air
Liz, projection drives the weak… and women. I deal with a fair mount of bullshit driven by weak people and their projections
I notice that women compete as to whose man does more for her. They need to compete instead as to who does more for her man.
“I notice that women compete as to whose man does more for her. They need to compete instead as to who does more for her man.”
I don’t know theasdgamer.
In my experience, it’s pretty easy to find a woman who boasts about how super-awesome she is in any and every respect…the above is actually pretty rare (boasting about all her man does? that’s a rare one IRL).
@ Liz
In my experience, it’s pretty easy to find a woman who boasts about how super-awesome she is in any and every respect…the above is actually pretty rare (boasting about all her man does? that’s a rare one IRL).
We must have extremely divergent experiences on this topic (stuff she does for her man–not just awesome stuff she does). Or else one of us isn’t paying attention.
If she is the one to be worshipped on the Pedestal, she will talk about what her
slaveman does for her. If he is the one with higher value (her lord), then she will talk about what she does for her awesome man.Liz,
I do remember how Obsidian would link all those “beastie squad” Tommy Sotomayor videos at J4G. His contention was that this was strickly a black phenomenon.
I think it’s spilling over the racial divide.
Paula Broadwell boasted that her most important role in life was wife and mother. She never really mentioned what her husband did for her. She really didn’t do much for him, or her children, as it turns out, but she boasted a lot about how great she was in this role.
I think we do have divergent experiences, theasdgamer. I truly do not know the last time a woman in real life told me her husband was great…usually, if she brings up their husband, it’s in the form of a complaint.
@ Liz
I truly do not know the last time a woman in real life told me her husband was great
I’m working off of what I read in email and on FB. I’m not part of hens’ spouseb1tchfests. Remember what jf12 used to say about how wives would tout how awesome their husbands were when they spoke on the record? Off the record, they will dis their husbands–on that we agree.
But wives never tout what they do for their husbands!!!!!!!!!
The women on this post are exceptions.
@ Liz, sad but true…I rarely hear a woman say good things about her partner with the exception of my fiance’s set of married couple friends, all except one are very happily married which I really like and think bodes well, he’s got great friends who all like their spouses!
The one couple who aren’t happy, her hubby had an affair and is really not that nice of a guy all around. But she practically introduces him that way every time, “Have you met my husband? He had an affair and we separated but we are back together, not sure I mentioned that?” (ummm, yes, repeatedly
) I get affairs are super painful, but I also think if you are going to work past it, you need to get past it rather than lord it over the partner ever after but…
Same gal who sent me into a jealous tailspin by fawning over my fiance a little too familiarly that I wrote about in my green eyed monster post, ironically! Since then I have noticed she flirts with everyone else’s man actually, so I have chilled out on the jealousy.
And wow that was catty, meow! Ok I will stop now, I’m not a big fan, obviously…
Redpillgirlnotes,
From your last comment, do I sense that there may be two sides to this couple. While she is free to condemn him for his indiscretions, he’s keeping quiey about hers.
Meow.
Tangential to the post, what may be happening in that “I don’t need a man!” may be so deep in the culture that average women don’t care, or feel the need, to leave a good impression. They have men over the barrel.
@ fuzzie, good observations. As for women having men over a barrel by not needing them, more illusion than reality. These gals are blind to how very much all of society working, from roads to electricity to trucks delivering groceries to the store… It’s by far mistly men making the everyday necessities quietly, almost invisibly, happen. I am sure there are female electric libe(wo)men, public works crew members, truck drivers and such but by far those (no glamour, hard labor) jobs are held by men. No???
Redpillgirlnotes,
For a time, the illusion will trump reality. I think that we may be coming close to the end of that.
@ fuzzie as you said, another example of the title of the post? The bigger picture version? Men are not optional, never have been, never will be. Instead of resenting it or denying it, perhaps wo men folk should embrace it and show appreciation and gratitude for the yang to their yin?
Men are not optional for the creation and continuance of civilzation/ society
However once men create civilization/ society men become optional for the individual women. The state (sort of) takes care of her physical safety with police and a standing army; she can call 911 and some group of men will show up and deal with all manner of emergency sceniros; another call and some man will show up to fix her plumbing; if she hits hard times strange men are there to step up for her via their taxes paying for the varied government a wealth transfer/ vote buying schemes
Men created a system where women no longer need individual men and the ungrateful bitches still bitch, moan and whine(BMW). They bmw about men keeping their pay low, men who will only pump and dump them, men who would date them, men who ignore them…. the list of the typical woman’s anti masculine gripes is endless.
Seems so Ton, and more so by the day. Maybe that’s why all these previous civilizations rose then seemingly collapsed at their “height?”
I don’t think that we have ever seen anyting quite like this, with so much acrmon between the exes. Any other civilization would have fallen apar by now.
Curusly, of all the great empires, China is still intact.
Ebul manosphere link
http://uncabob.blogspot.com/2015/02/when-things-get-just-little-bit-tough.html
I still remember the day Mike ran and caught that cat, saving a baby duck.
I was a goner from that moment on. 🙂
Liz,
That Mike!!!
I gues bears aren’t that hungry in Hungary.
Baby ducks make great bait…. and so do kittens
Lol Ton!
And puppies. 😛
Ok, time for my true baby duck story kids, gather round and listen up. Shortly after moving into my current house, which had been vacant for almost a year, I hear all sorts of commotion in the yard. I go out to see and there is a duck flopping around, apparently fatally injured and on its dying breath. Not far away was my cat, who was a very skilled hunter, moving in on the easy target. Then I spied them, a little line of fuzzy yellow ducklings high tailing it toward the barn. Luckily the cat was too distracted to notice them. “Oh no,” I thought, “I am going to have to take care of these poor baby ducks with the injured momma, raise them up for her.” So I go to get a laundry basket to catch them in, trying to come up with a plan for best dealing with this wildlife catastrophe unfolding right before my eyes. Just as the duckies disappear under the barn foundation, and the cat is inches away from finishing off the duck, she snaps out of it, I could swear she gave the cat the feather (not having a finger) and off she flew to rejoin her babies. I reckon she had been nesting in the yard, which prior to my moving in had pretty much been all hers, the eggs had hatched, and she was moving her family to less inhabited digs or to the river 1/4 mile away. When the cat appeared, she went for the old duck fallback, the broken wing act. Quite the actress, and mother, that duck. Hope they made it. No nesting ducks (that I know of) around here since. True story.
So there Ton, the ones who got away! 😛 He he he
Redpillgirlnotes,
I am glad that you duck story ended well.
Me too Fuzzie, and I am also glad that I didn’t have to figure out how to catch those baby ducks! Pretty zippy and evasive they were! All’s well that ends well!
p.s. I tried to find a duck with a fake broken wing video but all I could find was a killdeer. Not to insult the killdeer but they have nothing on a momma duck when it comes to acting! I could not believe she wasn’t actually injured, it seemed absolutely 100% real.
Redpillgirlnotes,
That story is worth a steak dinner. Mama Duck was gpoing to call attention to herself until the little ones were under cover.
Brave Mama Duck.
@ Fuzzie, agreed. Funny that animals seem to get it better than we do, eh? I thought we were “the intelligent” species???
Here’s an aviation video that all can appreciate.
Redpillgirlnotes,
Seems to me, after watching tat, the ducks are smarter.
Awesome duck story, Bloom!
(and…er…interesting aviation video, Fuzzie) 🙂
Lol, pretty funny! However I would think they probably should not have video taped that, I wonder what the taxpayers in Sweden think about all that? 😉
What most women don’t seem to get is when they wear spandex pants in public it makes me want to throw them to the ground and fuck them on the spot, and the only reason I don’t is because I don’t want to go to prison.
What women don’t get:
That the silent treatment and/or witholding sex/affection is not a smart strategy. It has diminishing limited returns. Each time it’s used the man becomes more inured to it. As I once said to my ex-df “if you keep pushing me away I might come to like it over here without you.” Eventually I did.
When women complain about their men it doesn’t encourage us to want to do/change for them, it just alienates us. Hearing a frequent litany of my faults just wants me to be far away from you.
BJ’s can heal many slights.
If you let your man leave the house hungry and/or horny he may find a source outside the house to take care of either or both.
We want to be your hero, we really do, and if you make us feel like we are there are few things you won’t be able to get from us.
The most attractive thing a woman can wear is a smile.
A Happy Wife is a Happy Life, that’s true. But a miserable wife is a reason to stay out late with the boys and drink.
That to men, sex and love are not separate things. This is at the heart of the double standard and it explains why girls don’t understand the double standard. Men and women are built to both give and receive different forms of love. Women find it more difficult to forgive an emotional affair than a physical one because a physical one is “just” sex. Of course, that is the opposite from men. Men can forgive an emotional affair, but never a physical one. It is my theory that when a woman cheats, it is always fatal to the relationship (even if they stay together for the sake of the family, the marriage will never be the same). This is because a woman’s love is not about who she allows to take her on a date and pay for her dinner. It is who she gives herself to sexually. This is why Alpha Fucks/ Beta Bucks is so egregious. Men don’t want to settle down and raise a family after leaving their “wild days” behind. They want the exciting sex with their spouse. That’s why men are generally unwilling to commit to a girl who is not chaste, or will marry a girl who is not chaste only when they don’t have options. The more partners she has had, the less likely it is that you will be her best lover. As a guy, the idea of not being the best sex my wife has ever had, of their being a guy that made her feel amazing in bed in a way that I can’t, of her doing sex acts with previous men that she won’t do with me, is completely unacceptable, and the only way of insuring that I am the best she’s had is if I know that I’m the only guy she’s been with.
After all the complaining about the unfair double standard, chastity still matters. In fact, if you want to get married, it matters way more than girls realize.