Tags
abundance, abuse, appearance, attraction, dating, fashion, feminine, feminism, hair, make up, marriage, sexist, style
I remember an elderly woman telling me early into my first pregnancy that I should always try to look my best while I was expecting. At first I was offended. Look my best? My looks had nothing to do with who I was. How I looked didn’t matter. Was it some warning that I was about to get fat and unattractive if I didn’t watch out? I was very upset with her.
But as the days went on, I decided to follow her advice, just to see what would happen. And I found out something very surprising — when I looked my best, I felt a whole lot better. When I felt a whole lot better, people treated and reacted to me much more positively, which lead to me feeling even better. It was a self affirming cycle.
So in the end I did follow her advice, and as a result I got tons of compliments on how good I looked during my pregnancy and I also felt more beautiful than I probably had in my entire life. I had a really great reason to be eating well too, and sleeping well, and reducing stress, and in general taking excellent care of myself, much better than I had before my pregnancy. As a result my skin looked great, my hair looked great, I was the glowing picture of health.
There have been other times in my life when I have not looked my best, usually when I was not feeling my best. I wasn’t sleeping or eating well, and it showed in my hum drum posture and facial expression. I would choose dark, drab clothing, usually baggy or unisex. I didn’t take care to do my makeup and hair. And guess what? People didn’t react positively to me, and as a result I felt less positive about myself.
Something else all this taught me is that when you are not feeling your best, that’s exactly when you should make an even greater effort to look your best. Wear bright cheerful colors, clothes that fit and flatter, do your hair and makeup. It’s an amazingly instant mood booster. If you don’t believe me, why not try it for yourself?
If like me, you were taught that women shouldn’t care about how they look, that caring about your looks would make you shallow, vain, a victim, underpowered, or oppressed, let me assure you that could not be more opposite of the real truth.
Numerous studies show that women who look good have easier and better lives in all sorts of ways, from landing better jobs to getting paid more to associating with others who have a good self image and attitude. If you are in a relationship, your partner will react more positively to you. If you’re not, you’ll get noticed and likely approached far more. It’s just reality.
I am by no means a traditional beauty, not a fine featured girly girl type. In fact, I think I am a bit odd looking, Bohemian. But when I am dressed well and my hair and makeup are done, I noticeably turn heads, even at the age of 43. If I add a big smile and a friendly nature to it, maybe a little flirtatious edge, it can move mountains. Add a dash of femininity to it with flowy drapey fabrics, skirts, heels, and well chosen accessories, and it bumps up even more. I should do this every day, but currently I don’t. I am going to start.
And it’s not just men, women respond much better to me as well. People like happy, attractively groomed, upbeat people. They just do. If you aren’t making an effort, you simply sink into the grey boring background rather than “pop.”
Luckily I am kind of a natural type, so I don’t spend huge amounts of time doing my hair or makeup. I don’t like an artificial “made up” look, but I do look noticeably better when I apply makeup, style my hair, wear flattering clothing, and am taking care of my health and fitness.
Knowing what colors and styles are best for you is key, too. Accentuate the positives, play down the negatives. My friend has a lipstick that looks amazing on her, kind of a shimmery champagne color. I tried the same color and it made me look drab and washed out. Bold lip color, on the other hand, works great for me. In a similar way clothing that looks great on one person, may only emphasize problem areas on another. You have to know yourself, and not be afraid to experiment a bit and have fun with it. I think of it a bit like theater, a kind of performance art that gives clues about who I am and what I care about.
I believe almost any woman can increase her appeal with effort. Sure, not every woman can be a supermodel, but almost any woman looks much better when put together than when she doesn’t make an effort.
So always try to look your best. And especially when you don’t feel your best. It’s in your own best interest. And it makes others happy and responsive to you, too. I am so glad I was given this “old fashioned sexist” advice that led me to understand this very simple way to make my life easier, better, and more enjoyable. I really don’t see any downside to it!
Let those who have ears hear.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Reading this, I’m reminded of my first pregancy. We were kind of young then, and times were tight. I made the mistake of listening to one of my girlfriends who told me I was going to get very fat, and wouldn’t care what I looked like, and the best option for maternity-wear is to just buy two outfits to interchange them and get them from the ‘full-size’ woman store. I was so excited about the pregnancy I went into the large woman’s store and bought two outfits…before I was even showing.
Back then (this is only 16 years ago), they had maternity stores, but not many…and most of the maternity clothes were pretty ugly. Old navy didn’t have it’s line yet, and I don’t remember if there was an option to buy on the internet…pretty sure not, if so it was unusual back then. Anyway, long story long….this was a HUGE mistake (pun intended). I didn’t show for the first six months and wore my regular clothes, but when I did show the outfits looked like hell (and obviously didn’t fit…I got “fat” but gained 35 pounds mostly in the belly…I’d have had to gain 80 to wear that stuff). Worse, AFTER I wasn’t able to go right into my old clothes of course, so I still looked like hell for the subsequent three months or so. I hate all of my pictures from that time. I think I borrowed an outfit from a friend for one ‘family photo’ at the two week point. It would have been better if I’d just asked for used hand-me-downs from friends (or bought consignment).
Anyway, I didn’t make that mistake again, and looked really good for my pregnancies after. I still remember being eight and a half months pregnant with my last, at a squadron party, wearing black boots that went up my leg (Italians call them stivale) and a faux red suede leather long-sleeve dress from Old Navy. I felt like a million bucks. Even better when I saw, out of the corner of my eye, one of the confirmed bachelor pilots watching me walk across the room and overheard him turn to another pilot and say, “What a wife!”
There may be more to it than dressing well. How you feel about yourself shows on the outside. Perhaps taking the time to dress and prepare your appearace helps “trick” your self esteem enough to get the “happy” snowball effect going.
++1 Fuzzie! 🙂
Agree 100%. Been trying out dressing a touch more feminine and everything feels so much better. Even through minor injuries, depression, stress or just frustration with everything, having a shower, dressing up nice and tidying the house makes me feel like everything is back in order.
And, on pregnancy: I think it’s become very much a habit in the West to make pregnancy out to be an illness. Like when you are ill, you need to rest, don’t worry about exercise or you will make it worse, eat whatever you like, don’t dress up or spend too much time outside, etc. You are recommended to see the doctors regularly in case something has gone hideously wrong. Eat every vitamin pill available, not just your pregnancy boosters, because in your frail state you will be needing them. And then it all ends when you go into hospital, join the baby production line that many maternity wards have become, get sedated and treated and return to your “natural state”. The idea of only having key checkups, eating healthily, doing plenty of exercise for the first six months, keeping yourself in order and giving birth in a comfortable, quiet environment wherever possible is apparently what’s “wrong”.
@ Liz, agreed nothing is worse to wear during pregnancy than frumpy, dumpy, baggy clothing. This lady did me a huge favor with her advice, even if it made me mad at the time!
@ Fuzzie true it must be on the inside as well. I do find if the inner state is waning, making that extra effort on the outside does boost my mood. It’s a kind of way to as you say get the ball rolling the right direction.
@ SS, yes I agree! As someone who also works from home, perhaps you understand the temptation to roll out of bed, throw your hair in a pony tail and work in your pajamas. BUt I find I am far more efficient if I get up, shower, dress, etc as if I am going out to work. It gets me in the work mindset and I get a lot more done.
Wow. That’s really shallow and materialistic, and I find it particularly disturbing that you had the nerve to quote the Bible with that “Let those who have ears hear.” when the Bible is all about spiritually, not physicality.
Satan worships the body (as you seem to). But God worships the spirit. You have been deceived by Satan.
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.”
(Matthew 23:25-27)
God gave us bodies, and an appreciation for beauty.
Nice try though. Wow there are some disturbed people on the internet.