Tags
allure, attraction, break up, dating, feminine, intimacy, love, marriage, masculine, red pill, relationships, romance
In today’s male/female romantic relations, total openness, honesty, and transparency are encouraged. And when it comes to some things, I would agree.
But I would also argue that I have made the mistake in the past of not preserving a little bit of mystery — not sharing my each and every feeling, thought, or memory.
I believe in days gone by, women knew this was a key aspect of femininity, and that it created attraction.
I am not talking about being deceptive, dishonest, or deceitful. I am referring to smaller things, like shutting the bathroom door when applying makeup, or dressing, or not wearing the scary mud mask while he’s around.
“Let me slip into something more comfortable,” is an example of preserving a little mystery, disappearing, then reappearing looking like an alluring package to unwrap. Versus just unceremoniously dropping your clothes to the floor, with an “there’s nothing we haven’t all seen before, here” attitude.
Even a change of hair color, style, wearing something different than your usual style, all these things can bring freshness into a long term relationship. Much better than not caring and just letting oneself go.
I guess another way to put it is be enchanting. Advocates of game say the male needs to continue with his seduction techniques even into marriage, and I would argue women should work as well by remaining a bit mysterious, being enchanting herself.
It’s the yin and the yang. As much as we drive each other crazy at times, men and women still can’t seem to leave each other alone. Why? I believe it’s our differences that draw us to each other, so this whole trend toward being androgynous would seem to have the opposite effect.
Don’t believe me? Wear a dress or skirt instead of pants, jeans, or slacks one day. See how many men notice. I have even had men stop and say to me how refreshing it is to see a woman dressed in a skirt or dress these days, like a woman!
What do you think? Does intimacy have to mean letting it all hang out? Or does letting it all hang out kill attraction?
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Inability to be your one true self in a relationship will eventually lead to resentment.
I’m reminded of a humorous anniversary card with some guy sitting on the toilet, his wife next to him shaving and it said (something like):
Bob knew when he saw Marge shaving that a night of romance was in the cards.
LOL!
Yes, a little mystery is good.
Here’s another:
Kate was about to get married and her mother told her,
“Kate, a woman must maintain a little mystery. Always leave on one item of clothing in front of your man.”
Kate married, and the happy couple went away for their honeymoon.
When they returned, they paid the in-laws a visit and the groom had a chat in private with his new bride’s mother.
“Um…is there any sort of history of mental illness, or something, in the family?”
The mother said, “My goodness no! Why do you ask?”
“Well. Kate refuses to ever take off her hat…”
Mummzy:
One’s “true self” is an ever-changing self. Which one is “true”? The one you show your friends? Coworkers? Family? One’s “inner voice”…should everyone spout whatever comes to mind as though they have Tourette’s syndrome to “keep it real” and “honest” and all that?
“Your one true self” might make a nice Hallmark card but it doesn’t exist in reality. I’m not the person I was at 10 or 20 or even last year.
I too struggle with the one true self, and of course a person should not partake of a relationship where they are giving up key identity things, because yes that will lead to resentment. I am not taking about that level of not being your true self, but I could see how it could be read that way. This does not mean you should abandon core parts of who you are to make things work. I am talking about playfully, lovingly, nurturingly…to yourself and to your partner. And of course in healthy relationships that is flowing both ways, not one way.
I could tell stories of times I have given up core parts of my self in relationships and how that does NOT work and is NOT good or healthy, for sure. Maybe in another post… not sure I can go there today. 🙂
Thanks for adding those thoughts MD and Liz!
I went looking for this song from the movie “The Woman in Red” and had forgotten that it was also in “9 1/2 Weeks”.
More vanity and materialism, I see. Do you not find meaning in life without your physical appearance? What’s going to happen when you are so old that no man desires you any longer? (I.e. past age 40)
Changing your hair color is unnatural.
And a dress is only feminine because you’ve been brainwashed to think it is. The purpose of clothing is to cover your body, to prevent it from being a sexual distraction to men you don’t know, and pants accomplish this reasonably well.
In Biblical movies, I all see all men and women wearing long hair and long robes. Jesus and Mary are both typically dressed about the same, yet I can still distinguish one gender from the other. Facial hair helps, but mainly men and women simply have differently shaped faces.
How about to enhance your romance you go an an adventure, do something interesting together? Appreciate the other person’s company and the warmth of his/her spirit rather than obsessing over how he/she looks.
Those evil “red pill” guys still have you brainwashed into their cult. They are anti-Christs, villains, and eventually they will perish.
Truth be told, long hair does make a girl look better than short hair, in my opinion (not to say it’s a deal breaker).
But pants or a skirt is irrelevant unless a girl wants to show off her butt, which can be slutty when it’s taken to an extreme (I.e spandex). When I see a girl from the front, I’m only going to look at her face and breasts, so basically nothing from the waist down matters. (And I’m not suggesting you show cleavage either.)
Although, pants can sometimes show off the shape of your legs too, even better than a skirt, which may suggest whether you have a healthy (I.e. desirable) body. It’s a tricky balancing act between being pretty and being slutty. A little loose is more classy than extremely tight.
(I am heterosexual, just not “red pill”.)
@ Matthew Ch.:
I believe I remember you from the blog, https://empathological.wordpress.com/ a couple of years ago. Your comments were interesting. Amazing coincidence that I found you here by clicking on redpillchick’s name on another blog. What a day…..
The one-true-self comments above I found to be sorta amusing. We do tend to grow and change as the years pass. I agree that being “real” in a relationship is paramount. Too many men and women act phony for the purpose of landing the other person. (or trapping the other person).
Japanese believe that every person has three hearts – the first is the one we show to the world at large; the second is the one we show to family and close friends; the third is the most private, and the one we keep to ourselves and do not share with anyone.
On an unrelated note, I find it amusing that someone who thinks that red pill folks are “evil” spends their time perusing a “red pill” blog.
Matthew thank you for your comments. I think you might be misreading some of this or perhaps in haste I did not fully express myself, I am not promoting women to be vain or materialistic. Not at all. And perhaps you believe wearing make up or coloring one’s hair is wrong, I know some beliefs do. Make up and hair products and revealing clothing are not necessary to be attractive. modesty is very attractive, and all to rare. i appreciate your concern but I am not brainwashed by these red pill guys nor do I think they are evil but I am curious why you do?. All I am trying to say to women is to be aware of their mate’s needs, the dance of attraction should not end at the alter, it is a glorious gift to be shared for a lifetime. And I should have added no matter how attractive one is on the outside, if they are not equally or more attractive on the inside, it’s as wasted as a gold ring in a pig’s snout.
I would agree Matthew, a woman can dress both modestly and attractively and that can have even greater appeal than immodest clothing.
Sumo: “Japanese believe that every person has three hearts – the first is the one we show to the world at large; the second is the one we show to family and close friends; the third is the most private, and the one we keep to ourselves and do not share with anyone.”
That’s interesting, Sumo! Think the Italians have many more hearts….all of those, plus the superstitious heart that comes out when a black cat is around, or something. The political heart that comes out during election season or when engaged in bureaucratic endeavors (that one is black). Women of course have hearts that change depending on the monthly cycle/brain chemistry… 😛
I should add, if I didnt’ “mix it up” I’m pretty sure my husband would have grown tired of me long ago. He grows tired of pretty much everything, but not me, strangely. I credit my peculiarities. 🙂
Liz,
I am behind on aviation videos. Here’s one with wide ranging appeal.
Lol! Fun video, Fuzzie.
🙂
It’s pointless for a girl to tell a man what he wants. Tell us what YOU want, like this girl:
In his book The Art of Seduction, Robert Greene discusses the archetypes of the seducer… My personal favorite is the Dandy, who creates a unique, often odd image for himself. Mystery’s peacocking method is the best known example of the Dandy at work. Men should strive to be far enough outside the norm to be noticed while still fitting into the culture.
It’s good to be a little… off. In more than appearance, it pays to be different.
Thanks for adding that Wolf N. Shepherd. Would you say the same is true for women, being a bit different is good?
It’s always good to stand out, but men and women do it differently.
I wouldn’t say mystery isn’t the right word. I would say there is absolutely no mystery marriage. However we do both put forth effort to do things for each other, we surprise each other for no reason at all.
You are so ooo right about dresses. I don’t really ever wear pants. If you want service with a smile put in a little effort when you leave the house and watch men rush to be courteous and helpful. They are desperate for a glimpse of feminine beauty in a jungle of sweatpants.
Men don’t notice anything you wear or do, or how you do your hair. They notice whether or not Junior did his algebra or if dinner is on the table or not. They will also notice if you spent money on clothes, hair or so forth because that money won’t be in the account, and then you’ll really get it.
There’s no point. Spend the money on the food he wants for good meals that are what he really wants, and make sure you’re shopping as judiciously as you can to get good bargains on homeschooling items so you don’t spend too much. They’re men. They’ll definitely notice if you spend money, they’ll definitely notice if your seventh grader can’t do algebra, and they’ll definitely notice if dinner isn’t on the table at six.