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abundance, abuse, attraction, bad boys, battle of the sexes, blue pill, break up, break ups, dating, divorce, feminism, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, romance
As I have mentioned previously, I often see women (mis)treating their loyal and loving husbands with less than the same. It puzzles me why women would do this, as it seems like it is keen on destroying the very foundation their relationship rests upon.
At another Red Pill site, there’s been an interesting discussion on why women might treat their man with contempt, and what can be done about it. (It is my theory that men can also treat their partner with contempt, and that’s not ok either.)
The theory that was floated is this: that research has shown this dynamic leads to many a divorce:
“In the original research, the four observed predictors of divorce were
1. Wife showing contempt during conflict with the husband
2. Husband and wife being defensive
3. Wife complaining, husband stonewalling (Demand/withdraw pattern)
4. Wife emotionally detached
Gottman, J.M., (1991). Predicting the longitudinal course of marriages, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 17 (1), 3-7.”
The solution, according to the one who floated the theory is for women to resist the urge to show contempt during conflict (re: be nice, fight fair, etc.)
Or if she won’t, the recommendation is for the man to respond by running dread or using bemused mastery (threatening to walk or treating her like a spoiled child.)
In my opinion, contempt is a disastrous attitude to bring into a supposedly loving relationship. Yet time and again I see it acted out, and it truly is a love killer.
So ladies, can women be nice to men? Can women resist the entitled princess act so endorsed by the current culture, and show her man some (gasp) love and respect? As “old fashioned” as it sounds, I’d recommend it!
[And if it isn’t clear I am talking about otherwise “healthy and good” workable relationships, obviously this advice does not apply to relationships involving abuse on either side. In that case, I recommend ending the relationship and exploring through therapy or other means how to recognize and avoid abusive relationships in the future.]
Let those who have ears hear.
Maybe the reason women resent their husbands is because all sex is basically rape, and pregnancy is painful. The only reason women tolerated their husbands in the past was because they needed them for survival, but with modern technology this is no longer the case. So, what happens when you have a situation forced on you that is more trouble than it’s worth? You get resentful.
If you want to end feminism, we should destroy all this electronic equipment and go live on farms or in log cabins in the woods. Old-fashioned romance and chivalry would re-emerge, as women would cling to men for protection.
As an alternative, modern men could stop being insensitive idiots who pick the wrong stuck-up slutty girls as girlfriends. He assumes just because the girl doesn’t resist his sexual advances that she wants him. He gets romance confused with date rape, and the relationship falters because there was no real emotional connection to begin with.
In either case, it’s about having a strong bond that resists the repulsive force of an argument.
(That pretentious line “Let those who have ears hear.” you keep using comes from the Bible. It occurs there several times in the New Testament. Do you think you’re a prophet?)
Matthew thanks for commenting but I am not sure I follow you.
And yes, I realize that line comes from the bible. I think the bible has good solid life advice in it. I do not think I am a prophet by any means.
I think the question is where the contempt comes from.
It’s one thing to be sulky, sad, angry, etc when we don’t get our way. But contempt is a mixture of anger and indifference to the opinions, wants and needs of the other person.
The anger component I get. But the indifference is, I think, a result of women being told over and over again that they are entitled to whatever they want. And often they don’t even perceive themselves as wanting it. For example, a husband and wife might argue over household chores/cleaning. The wife feels that the house is filthy. The husband thinks it’s fine, and would rather watch the baseball game. The wife doesn’t feel that she WANTS to clean the house, she just feels that it needs to be done. But by any objective measure, it does NOT need to be done. It is a want, not a need. But she will view her want as “mature” while his is “immature”, even though technically they are both just wants.
It is this feeling of superiority – the woman’s “maturity” versus the husband’s “immaturity” that leads to feelings of indifference to the husband’s point of view. After all, if his point of view is immature, why should she care about it? If her point of view is mature, shouldn’t she be entitled to it? And if this is the case, why shouldn’t she be angry about it?
This is why, IMHO, contempt is so toxic. It isn’t just anger, it is the de-facto presumption of one’s own correctness and the other person’s incorrectness. Once that assumption is made, what is the motivation to express kindness? How can one respect the immature?
Redpillgirlnotes,
I was thinking that this may all be about the culture that puts women on pedestals andmen in the gutter. That may be part of it. There may be more. If you see this in public, it’s a demonstration of feminine social dominance. She can treat him just as badly as she chooses and he just has to rake it.
It doesn’t put marriage in a good light and it has to repulse both men and women.
From what I’ve observed, most women are contemptuous towards their men when they feel like the guy is a ball-less little dweeb. “Soft dread” or “bemused mastery” would only reinforce the idea that he is a ball-less little dweeb, and lead to her treating him with even more contempt (and divorce).
The best thing to do would be to calmly assert, “You will treat me with respect,” then stick to it. Or kill a mountain lion with his bare hands. You know, something that shows he can hold his ground and be a man.
Whining about it to his boyfriends online will not earn a man proper treatment or respect.
Matthew C.,
I’m a bit lost on your argument. Leaving aside that I don’t believe all sex is rape (assuming you were being serious), returning to a less technologically advanced time may indeed result in more chivalry towards women. However, that wouldn’t change the fact that pregnancy/childbirth is painful and potentially dangerous. Perhaps there’s a connection between Natural Living and pregnancy negatives that you could explain more fully?
As per the author’s use of a Biblical phrase: A lot of Christian bloggers do this. Not a one I’ve read has ever claimed to be a prophet. It is simply that their faith is important to them and some phrases are useful in other contexts.
MC is a troll and has already been shut down at Empath’s place. Pay it no never mind
Can women be nice? They cannot open the door for a man with a cane in one had and a toddler in the other so I’ll say no
You seem to talk about marriage, but I’m more interested in dating, like what women/girls want. I could read the Heartiste blog, but those guys mainly seem interested in explaining how to commit rape without being arrested (and how much they hate blacks and “mudsharks”). I’d like a female perspective on such matters.
Do women want us to rape them like in 50 Shades of Grey? Is that the “red pill”? If I don’t rape a girl, does that make mean I’m a beta male?
Contempt is a result of pride, and a person who struggles with pride is one who struggles with being better than or competing with other people.
I saw the bible mentioned but can’t find a verse, might I suggest “outdo one another in showing honor” Romans 12:10
Also, I thought the “red pill” philosophy encouraged promiscuity in men. If a guy has no dedication to a woman, then why the hell should she care about him at all???
The “red pill” is good for submissive, masochistic girls with no self-respect.
Matthew ah I see, the red pill is not one set philosophy, there are forums that would be as you describe (get as many gals in bed as quickly and w no strings attached as possible) and that is not what I am advocating at all. There is another set of red pill thinkers who could be described as more traditional, as in a return to male/female relationship dynamics in days past, a return to not casual relationships, I would consider myself more of that group.
The expression red pill merely means seeing the truth about women, men and the smp/mmp and dealing with women the smp/mmp in an effective manner based on truth
Nothing is about how to rape women. That’s pure feminist spamming tactics right there. Designed to shut down the flow o information and get men back on board with the feminine imperative
@flowerofthewoods
I don’t understand your comment. If a woman thinks her husband is a “ball-less dweeb” why did she marry him? If she did marry him, perhaps he has features she liked? If he works all day to support her, perhaps he is worthy of her respect, even if he gives in to her demands too often? And if he does give in to her demands because he loves her, perhaps she could learn to perceive that as an act of love, rather than weakness? Perhaps the problem is more in her perception rather than his behaviour, and maybe it is her faulty perception that sabotages her marriage?
Further, you denigrate the concept of “soft dread”, then you suggest women use precisely that! You state that if the husband acts a certain way, she should divorce him. How is that not identical to soft dread – holding the threat of divorce over someone’s head to coerce a change in behaviour? Do you really think a wife who holds her husband in contempt will respect him because he tells her to (in a firm voice)? Or was your comment intended to be satire?
Can women be nice to men? Yes.
Should women be nice to men? Yes – when it is deserved. Alpha Bad Boys are on their own.
Will women be nice to men? It appears this only happens when he has something she wants.
I’m thinking of Amy Schumer at the moment. I have very mixed feelings about her and her performances. I do not find her funny in the slightest, yet she has an incredibly good eye toward some of the fables and foibles of modern social interaction. I fail, however, to see any respect for men from her, and I don’t see that she appears to like men as people.
She is a product of her time, and as I see it, wants more from life than she’s getting like so many women. To me, she appears mad at men for not being as attentive and giving as modern women want, and there is no low to which she won’t sink to make men look bad. It’s what’s made her a feminist heroine.
As a man who rarely ever attracted the tens of the world, she could have been attractive to me if I didn’t know her. I might even have attempted to date her. But I guarantee that it wouldn’t have lasted past a second date if her performances and interviews that I’ve seen are indicative of her personality.