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abundance, androgeny, attraction, battle of the sexes, beauty, career woman, dating, divorce, empowerment, feminimity, feminine, feminism, girl power, happiness, joy, masculine, masculinity, red pill, relationships
Over the past few years, I have been exploring the meaning of being female in a post-feminist world. And I have come to a very surprising (even to myself!) realization about “girl power” — it seems to mean the exact opposite of what I had always been led to believe.
Let me explain. I was raised in a world where “girl power” was defined as “doing what men do.” And I did. I took auto shop and woodworking classes in high school (along with only two other girls in each class), went to college, got a career, made good money, supported myself, started a business, and more.
I was opening doors, and for myself, thank you very much! I avoided things traditionally considered “feminine.” I wore unisex clothing like jeans and t-shirts, avoided “the domestic arts,” shunned girly-primping, wore flats, and told myself that I would, “be taken more seriously” for it.
Was I taken seriously? Actually I was, but not because I did my best to avoid anything “female” related. I was taken seriously because I did what I love and have followed my passions and put my heart and soul into everything that I did.
Well almost. I cringe to say, but I did not put my heart and soul into my marriage. Rather than be a wife in the traditional sense, I strove to emulate the supposed “marriage of equals.”
Long story short, that didn’t work out so well. For either of us. And I regret it. Not that it was all me, but if I am honest a part of it was. At least half. But what is done is done, that’s 7-plus years of water under the bridge now.
A few years ago I started looking at my life and wondering what had led me to the place where I found myself. I had executed the feminist script to perfection. But despite being practically the “single independent woman” poster child, I found the end results to be lacking. I was lonely. I didn’t “get it” when it came to relationships.
And so while exploring this angst, I stumbled across the red pill. As I read blogs and message boards populated mostly with men talking about men and women and relationships, I was shocked to learn men weren’t happy with this brave new world, either.
They encouraged each other to explore what it means to be masculine, to be a man, to do things men traditionally liked to do. This made me wonder, what would happen if I did the same, explored what it meant to be feminine?
So I did. And the results have been pleasantly surprising! Rather than find it drudgery and oppressive, I found that I like pulling an amazing loaf of fresh baked bread out of the oven, and that folding fresh, warm laundry can be surprisingly sensual. I’ve been potting up flower baskets and fluffing up my nest ever since.
While I have a ways to go, I have to say an increasingly neat and orderly home is a big improvement over my formerly half-assed, last ditch, and cluttered surroundings. Oddly, I have found the more beautiful I make it, the happier myself and my children are getting. And it’s been more sweat equity than shopping spree — I have found it doesn’t have to be expensive to create a home that provides cozy refuge from the world. It’s a work in progress but I am slowly editing room-by-room, getting rid of “stuff” and keeping only what I truly love. My girls are loving it, too!
I’ve also been playing with the traditionally feminine spheres of beauty and fashion. Again, this has all been on a budget, but with some creativity and a few great consignment shops, I’ve replaced much of the jeans and t-shirt wardrobe with flattering, feminine attire. I still have jeans and t-shirts, but now they emphasize (modestly and tastefully) my female form rather than disguise it. I wear skirts a lot more. I even ordered a pair of strappy summer sandals with (gasp!) heels. I got some shimmery make up and learned some new techniques for applying make up via online videos, and I have been painting my finger and toe nails, too!
Along the way I have redefined the meaning of “girl power.” I have been shocked to discover I find more joy in embracing my feminine side than I ever did trying to act more like a man than a woman. And yes, I am still taken seriously, maybe even more so!
To trying to be a man, I simply say, “Pfffft.” I’ll take the shimmer, and flounce, and channeling my energy into making my surroundings beautiful for me and mine over trying to be more like a man any day!
What do you think? Should we redefine the meaning of “girl power” to mean reveling in the power of femininity? Or is it better for women to act just like men?
It appears to me you discovered the true “girl power”. What you had been practicing was “boy power” that the feminists had tried to relabel in an attempt to make it their own. Girl power and boy power are separate but equal.
By no means am I against men and women borrowing from each others power base for the sake of convenience. It’s when the roles overlap too much you get conflict with your partner from trying to compete with them. Cooperation works, competition does not.
Indeed Eccentric, indeed!
Btw Eccentric, I have been meaning to say I like the whole dandy gentleman thing you have going on there! Excellent pea-cocking, my friend! 😉 Proof positive it need not be only about fuzzy hats and such…
Rdpillgirlnotes,
Iti is good that you are trying to get women to treat their men with some compassion. There’s precious little of that out there. Here’s a link to Stingray’s post that shows the opposite.
https://verusconditio.wordpress.com/2015/06/01/petty-revenge/#comment-8163
She’s trying too.
Btw Eccentric, I have been meaning to say I like the whole dandy gentleman thing you have going on there! Excellent pea-cocking, my friend! 😉 Proof positive it need not be only about fuzzy hats and such…
Ha ha, thanks a lot! It’s actually a Steampunk look I have been cultivating for the last four years, sans the authentic cosplay (so far). Any week I’m not feeling my best I can just go down to the strip where the college kids bar hop and go fishing for compliments on the beard.
But in actual fact it does play a role at least in opening for some day and night game. Years ago it became apparent that when a person becomes well enough traveled and multilingual, the natural progression is to become an International Man of Mystery (IMOM). The mastery of IMOM is to become TMIMITW; The Most Interesting Man In The World. A beard comment opens up DHV stories about General Burnsides, Nokola Tesla, and the second Industrial Revolution.
The Dos Equis Actor, Jonathan Goldsmith, has had an interesting enough life that he can carry his commercial persona effortless. My life has been no less interesting than that of the actor’s. To evolve an IMOM avatar into perfect TMIMITW game is still very much a work in progress.
@ eccentric imom and tmimitw are good strategies! Women love intrigue. I am sure it gets you noticed! Being different is good… Whatever that “different” might be.
Even a weakness can become a strength! A guy I knew growing up who had been badly injured, in a wheelchair, and there he was spinning plates like you would not believe!
Btw had not heard of steam punk, but sounds fun! I’ll be this one! http://www.viona-art.com/sites/default/files/styles/watermarked/public/set/images/seaside-steampunk-1.jpg
@liz, I think Mike might like this look for you? 😉
@ Alana… Maybe this for you? or is it too much?
Omg let’s plan it! Squee! (Kidding…but see how easy that was? Steam punks? Cosplay? What’s this??? … Hamster, smart phone search, hook is set,girl recruits friends, game on!)
Hat’s off to eccentric, well played my friend! Good example!
Real girl power is soft power and it is real power
My maternal grandmother was a modern feminist of her age and had two daughters. One semi feminists who had two kids; a fat chick who will never reproduce and a mega beta who is unlikely to reproduce but she had a career. My mother who is not well liked by her children. My maternal grandmother has 5 grandkids all from my father’s name. She is basically unknown to her grandchildren.
My paternal grandmother had 5 sons and 1 daughter. She stayed at home but made real money and a real name for herself training working dogs. And breeding dogs. 4 out of her son’s are SOCOM vets (3 special froces, 1 seal). Son number 5 drove F4’s for a living. Her daughter married a young combat vet who latter became a big name in the computer world. She has 16 grandkids, 11 of whom are grandsons. All have trigger time. One of her son’s killed three cops in a family war. She has 7 greatgrand kids, 4 greatgrandsons with more to surely follow.
Who has the most power? The shut in with no real family legacy or the lady with 4 sons, 11 grandsons and 4 great grandsons who adore her( well sort of Ton Spawn will never meet her but he will her men praise her to the day we die)
Steem punk chicks are hot
Steampunk women with a bit of an edge and a bit of mystery… Steampunk men with a bit of fashion sense and not afraid to be mannerly… I think these are great examples of gender roles that stay true to their gender power base, yet layer on attributes from the other’s power base to great effect.
Lol Ton.
I would have guessed you like that type.
😉
“@liz, I think Mike might like this look for you?”
Lol Bloom. 😛
He’d like the boots and stockings.
Ton, do you have these sorts of books, on your coffee table? 🙂
http://www.amazon.com/SuicideGirls-Beauty-Redefined-Missy-Suicide/dp/1934429163/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1433249509&sr=8-6&keywords=suicide+girls
@RPG,
One of the best books I’ve ever read is called “Stumbling on Happiness” by a psychologist named Dan Gilbert. He discusses the idea that humans are spectacularly bad at “affective forecasting” – predicting what will make themselves happy in the future.
He gives all sorts of (really interesting) reasons why this is true, the gist of which is that we tend to think that what we will want in the future is basically the same as what we want right now. Consider the absurdity of asking a young child what she wants to be when she grows up – she has no idea….but she knows what she wants to be right now. She has no concept of how her life will change in the future, and how those changes will change what she wants.
At the end of the book, the author makes a few suggestions as to how to combat this problem. The best of his suggestions IMHO is to find a group of older people who have done what you think you want to do, and see how it turned out for them. Ask them where THEIR pitfalls and challenges were, and what they would do differently if they could. Because chances are, if these people ran into certain difficulties on their path to what they wanted, we will run into similar difficulties along that same path.
Why am I bringing this up? Because so many women who followed the feminist path (as you did) report the same problems you are reporting. What they thought would make them happy did not actually make them happy – and they are upset, and wonder how they could have known. Hopefully younger women will talk to women like yourself and learn. They should be free to chose their path, but their choice should be an informed one.
@ Jeremy indeed, that’s one reason I do the blog, to try put what I have learned out there in hopes it will help others avoid the same. The feminist life script is broken, working it harder still won’t make it work. But it’s held up to women like some holy grail. I see that as the blue pill equivelant for women, similar to the guy who does his best to not act “like a guy” then finds that just doesn’t work! Thanks for adding that, I’ll look into the book.
LOL I banged an army girl who posed for them.
Use to grove on this professional cosplay chick but the few steam punk chicks I have meet are not hot.
Not sure I have type beyond hot and feminine and both those groups model each
Lol Ton. I am out of the loop, had not heard of steam punk till now. I like the costumes, tho!
I probably should do community theatre at some point, I love costumes and Halloween and all that. Lots of Infp’s are actors/actresses! Other people and their motivations fascinate me, acting is somewhat a way to explore that, being in someone else’s shoes.,,
No Steem Punk, don’t know what a pimp hand is…. wtf woman?!?!
Look at those girls and cosplay girls. Feminine poses, feminine hair, nice womanly bodies vs the hard angular look of run way models, a hint of sexuality, a little demure at the same time… that’s some powerful mojo right there.
But as a cis gendered hetronormative rural and Southern White man that’s just the way I prefer to oppress womenz
I know Ton, you are horrible! Look at you! 😉
But I am so.good at being horrible and here’s the secert of all secrets…. chicks dig my kind of horribleness
@ ton I am not even sure how to reply to that! Lol. But yes I agree there’s something to women being women. Agreed.
LOL a writer lost for words….
I LOVE the chick avatar Bloom!
Mega-Squee. 🙂
Touché! It does not happen often! I just did not know how to Rey where if didn’t sound, ahem, pervy! Lol. Well done!
@ Liz quee squee squee! I knew you would appreciate it! The new chick just hatched here yesterday looks very close to this one. (Group hug!!!)
Use to grove on this professional cosplay chick but the few steam punk chicks I have meet are not hot.
That’s to be expected. Most women aren’t hot, they’re average. This applies to subcultures as well.
Congratulations for ordering a a pair of strappy summer sandals with high heels! I hope you also wear them and not just ordered them. 🙂
By the way I like your blog. You are doing good work. Keep posting!
Why thank you Phillipe! I did get them and have been wearing them! 🙂
Good girl! 🙂