Last Father’s Day I did a post on why kids need their dads. This year I am going to focus on why moms need their kid’s dads, too!
(And yes, I know, I am a single mom. So if I think kid’s need their dad’s, where are mine? Well, that’s a long story and one I am not going to go into here. But it is because of my living as a single mom that I know firsthand the ways dads are a huge asset to moms, and so that is what I would like to focus on rather than my personal story and mistakes.)
Before I had children, I did not realize how much time and attention and energy children take. It is hard to explain to someone without children. But after having children myself I realized why women didn’t rule the world. They were too busy with children. And that’s not a bad thing.
I also realized why it is good for the man to be the leader in the family, because once mom has children (which was not really a choice up until 40 years ago, so all this is ancient programming) she really NEEDS someone else to take the lead so she can focus on the offspring.
And so the division of labor began, not out of oppression, but out of necessity. Women who are pregnant or who have young children simply cannot hunt. How on earth could a woman hunt with a howling offspring scaring off any game long before she can get close enough to catch it? Today, hunting has been replaced by a indirect trade economy where money is exchanged for things like food. Sure, mom could go get a job, and many do, but she still can’t leave the offspring home alone and so it’s either her caring for them or her paying someone else to care for them while she works.
I am going to say something truly shocking here but — how about DAD can go hunting (or to work) and mom can take care of the kiddos? And while she is caring for the kiddos and teaching them about life she can do things like cook, and nest, and take care of the home front? To be a helpmate to her lead. It kind of makes sense, doesn’t it?
Many of the stay at home moms I know struggle with dissatisfaction, in part because I believe our society undervalues this actually very practical division of labor. These days, SAHMs are all too often treated like they are “wasting” their lives. And of course they also often go without some of the material things two income families may have. But are they “wasting” their lives? Hardly!
When I was expecting I had this quote by Jacqueline Kennedy hanging on my fridge: “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.”
So that’s why moms need dads. So dad can take the lead and mom can focus on the very important job of raising the kids. (Mom can always have “a career” when the nest is empty. In everything, there is a season.) And of course, as I wrote about in the link above last year, kids need their dad, too. It may sound old fashioned, but it works.
And as someone who is trying madly to both hunt and be a mom, trust me — moms need dads (women need men). If you have one, willingly hand him the reigns, cheer him on, be his biggest fan, and thank him every day for all he does for you and the kids. He’s a hero!
Let those who have ears hear.