Tags
alpha male, attraction, bad boys, battle of the sexes, beauty, beta, blue pill, break up, break ups, casual sex, commitment, crisis, dating, divorce, drama
As I listened to my former neighbor describe her continually messed up love life, it suddenly occurred to me how she was really the one creating all this angst.
Now if you asked her, she’d swear up and down that she’s the victim here, “they” are doing all this to her.
For a long time I bought it too. After all she’s so convincing in her blameless tales of woe. I used to empathize with her bad luck. But post red pill awareness, it’s abundantly clear that she’s an active participant in creating all of her troubles.
For example if ever there has been a plate spinner, it’s her. She’s always got two or three guys she “can’t decide between” on the line, then rotates in a few random encounters here and there to boot.
Naturally, the men in these tales are not so into that, and drama ensues. Oddly (or according to the red pill maybe not oddly at all) the only one who she has it bad for is the one who blows her off and who seems to care less what she’s doing as long as she’s available when he wants her. Which is about every three months.
I hate to say it but she pretty much confirms almost every red pill cliche in the book: AF/BB, opportunistic love, bad boys over good guys, etc.
How does she get away with it? Well for now she’s still young(ish) and very attractive. I fear someday she will be the 50-some lady sitting at the bar wondering where have all the good men gone?
And if that happens, I suppose she’ll have nobody but herself and her disastrous self-sabotaging choices to blame.
Or maybe by then she’ll be reaping the seeds she’s planted when her own two daughters she’s dragged along for the ride become teens and start creating self-imposed drama themselves? I sure hope not.
Lately when she starts talking about all her troubles, I have been dropping in tidbits of red pill wisdom. She actually latches on to these little nuggets, surprisingly, and is quite interested. Which leads me to believe she’s really not that conscious of the self-destructive, no-win cycle she is creating, or how to break out of it. Hopefully in time that light will click on. In the meantime, she seems to be giving the Kardashian’s a run for their money in the drama department.
Here’s an idea: When tempted to indulge in something you know you should not, try asking yourself my go-to drama busting question, “Isn’t my life already complicated enough?” Chances are it is, all on its own. No additional drama necessary!
Let those who have ears hear.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Wise like Mrs. Yoda you are.
Preach!!! But seriously I resemble your post. And now im working hard to accept responsibility, learn and move on. Thanks for the post.
Redpillgirlnotes,
Lots of head scratching here. My scalp is getting sore from all this. What I would like to know is how can these women keep multiple men in orbit when there are only as many men as women in the population?
What I would like to know is how can these women keep multiple men in orbit when there are only as many men as women in the population?
Because men strongly attracted to younger women they are.
Without this, such a scheme work it would not.
I have been dropping in tidbits of red pill wisdom. She actually latches on to these little nuggets, surprisingly, and is quite interested.
Which nuggets these would be?
How do spinners spin? Because a lot of people are in dead bedroom relationships and involuntary celibacy, while a few are really, really busy spinning. There is probably a Pareto 80/20 rule going on here, or at least some number approximating that.
But to the point of this woman’s “indecision”. That’s just a plot device, a convenience for her rationalization hamster to justify pursuing the strong feelings that she is getting, albeit negative emotions along with the positive emotions. Strong emotion fuels passion, and passion fuels spinning, which feeds self validation and physical good feelz. She’s spinning the drama to feel justified in her emotional and physical feelz. And to make this form of Game even more perverse, she gets additional validation by telling her friends the “Woe is me!” story and getting that form of pity validation. If this form of Game wasn’t so evil, it would be brilliant!
@ Yoda, I will explain to her why she is attracted to the bad boy, how that usually plays out, what she might want to think about doing instead, etc.
For example, the guy she’s hung up on, despite his treatment of her, I explained what is drawing her to that dynamic (she sees him as alpha but he’s not) then explain to her how and why he’s not alpha, and it has seemed to dampen her attraction to him. But then again…. she’s pretty mired in this whole pattern.
@ eccentric, I think you nailed the dynamic exactly. This guy she’s hung up on has figured out how to trip her trigger sexually and the hook is set, despite the rest of his behavior. Meanwhile there’s a really great guy she’s stringing along but not feeling “it” with. I tried to clue him in but he told me he doesn’t want to “play games.” Too bad, he could have her following him like a puppy if he would!
But by bit learn she might
“there’s a really great guy she’s stringing along but not feeling “it” with”
Man is a fool.
But fun drama would be?
Especially if not affected directly by the wreckage one is?
@ cill if he would walk (the good guy) she would chase. Guarenteed. its obvious her wiring is she wants what she can’t have. He refuses to do it, and so she walks all over him. She’s even said as much to me that if he would just not put up with her nonsense… Man up or whatever. Not to just accept her bad behavior and hope he’ll be last guy standing. His “weakness” repels her. He’s afraid to draw the line out of fear of losing her, but not drawing the line is in fact a big part of the problem.
@mazemangriot welcome! Recognizing one’s drivers is the first step to learning how to overcome what’s not working. Stay the course and I can promise you will have a much happier life for it! 🙂
@ fuzzie the truth is it only seems like women hold all the cards. In reality, they are just as confused and grasping at straws in this messed up dating/marriage market as any. Probably more so.
Rdpillgirlnotes,
The “Good Guy” will walk. There’s only one problem, he won’t be coming back. It will be final. He’ll just run out of patience.
I don’t know about girl perspectives, at least, not directly. When I try to put myself in their place, I end up needing aspirin.
@ fuzzie and I would not blame him. Yet remember this, women have always been thus. Railing against it does no good. But knowledge, while it won’t change what is and always has been, it at least provide some opportunity for offense, defense, strategic plan, and such.
Redpillgirlnotes,
It’s not supposed to be this difficult. Boy mets girl, they like each other, down to the drive in to share a milk shake, the rest is a forgone conclusion.
Somebody, somewhere is throwing monkey wrenches into the works.
@fuzzie Didn’t they teach you the true dynamic on the grade school playground? A boy chases a girl until she catches him.
I must have been sick that day.
@ fuzzie that’s in the movies. It’s never been like that. Or if it has, they were extremely lucky. Most everyone else has to stumble a bit before they learn to fly.
A question: Does this woman have *other* sources of excitement in her life, above and beyond the largely self-created romance drama?…ie, does she have hobbies or sports she loves, and exciting/meaningful career, etc?
My hypothesis is that many of those who create chaos in the romantic lives do some because they are pretty bored with life in general. Those who have other sources of excitement prefer love lives that are a little calmer.
the truth is it only seems like women hold all the cards. In reality, they are just as confused and grasping at straws in this messed up dating/marriage market as any. Probably more so.
Write post about this one should.
My hypothesis is that many of those who create chaos in the romantic lives do some because they are pretty bored with life in general
Challenging it should be.
But not too much.
Because become frustrated and quit they will
RPG…”@ fuzzie that’s in the movies. It’s never been like that. Or if it has, they were extremely lucky. Most everyone else has to stumble a bit before they learn to fly.”
See my post about Goethe and his first love, in 1764:
http://chicagoboyz.net/archives/49069.html
I do think it’s probably harder for most people today than in most previous times and places….some of this was inevitable, some of it was not.
Related post here it is,
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2015/07/21/excitement/
completel off topic but, had to share.I’m diversifying.
Happy mooses!
Be careful trying to help women like that with advice of what to do. You probably do it really well – especially offering tid-bits so that she isn’t overwhelmed. I had friends like this in college that just didn’t get it and would let themselves be used by alpha guys as plates… but when I’d try to tell it to them straight, they either started crying, or got really angry.
Maybe people need the truth in small doses… truth is painful right?
@ David that is a really good question. No she really has nothing else of note happening in her life but the romance drama. Sad!
@ Dragonfly yes, I have learned that it’s better to drop in little nuggets, in a general way, rather than to give direct advice. I have lost friends in the past being to open about my opinions so I have learned to kinda slip it in, almost in passing, see if they bite, then proceed. Like I might say, “You know in this blog I read, this person was saying…(insert similar scnerio as they are in but don’t say so directly) and usually that works really well. People might not change right then, but the hope is the seed is planted, and will grow in time.
@ Dragonfly in addition, yes it is really hard for a gal to admit that while she hopes her behavior will lead to snagging the alpha, in reality she’s wasting her time. Women want to believe in the fairy tale ending. To their own doom in many cases.
No she really has nothing else of note happening in her life but the romance drama. Sad!
A mother she is not?
The post that Yoda linked above, about “excitement,” reminded me of something St-Exupery wrote:
“There is a density of being in a Dominican at prayer. He is never so much alive as when prostrate and motionless before his God. In Pasteur, holding his breath over the microscope, there is a density of being. Pasteur is never more alive than in that moment of scrutiny. At that moment he is moving forward. He is hurrying. He is advancing in seven-league boots, exploring distance despite his immobility. Cezanne, mute and motionless before his sketch, is an inestimable presence. He is never more alive than when silent, when feeling and pondering. At that moment his canvas becomes for him something wider than the seas.”
(for those who don’t know him, St-Ex was not an actual *saint”, but rather a French aviator and writer, whose life included more of the external kind of excitement than most people could stand)
how can a woman keep multiple men in rotation?
Aren’t that many people worth banging. I counted 10 doable chicks on my regular day of running around town. 10. Chicks are more picky.
a man with a strong frame and options holds the cards; women only have a stacked deck with betas because because are unaware or unwilling to do what is required.
a man must create drama for his woman or she will create it for herself. And that shit never leads anywhere good.
women don’t let themselves get used by alphas. They want to be used by alphas