Have you ever heard of a hen party? It’s when two or more women get together and then talk about everything that’s wrong in their relationships.

On the surface, hen parties seem to be about mutual commiseration and support. But really what they breed is negativity and dissatisfaction. They encourage “the glass is half empty” thinking.

The same with talk shows and other negative based reality television and the like. Such shows only get ones mind spinning about everything that’s wrong, sometimes creating discontent out of thin air.

Time and again I have noticed happily married women are the ones who avoid these man bashing sessions and who never speak ill of their partner in public. Not because he is perfect and they just got lucky, but because such women know that loyalty and respect are important relationship building blocks, and that they are a team, not on opposite sides.

To bad talk one’s partner is a betrayal of the team. It’s literally switching sides, aligning more with the hen party than with your mate. It’s a recipe for disaster and discontent. Just don’t.

Let those who have ears hear.

For several decades, social trends have pushed for equality between men and women. On the surface it all sounds good, but is it?

The trouble with equality is it seems the group demanding it often doesn’t stop at equality, but pushes for the special rights and privileges they percieve the other group has enjoyed all along.

However, often overlooked are the drawbacks, counterbalances, or responsibilities that came along with the supposed “privilege.” Or in other words, the group seeking equality often wants the upsides without the downsides. They expect the other group to continue to absorb the downsides while losing the upsides, adopt the downsides their group previously carried, and to not gain any of the privileges associated with being part of their group.

In other words, it becomes a land grab and the new deal is anything but equal.

Today we seem to live in a world that is tolerant of anything but intolerance. Has this created utopia? I’d argue not. Not for any involved, actually.

There is a reason why the old ways work. They developed very slowly over many centuries, with I am sure much trial and error. If anything the old ways provide privileges to both sides and downsides to both sides, more yin and yang than equal-shmeequal. And as imperfectly perfect as it was, it seemed to work well enough for all — men, women, and children.

Compare and contrast that with how things are working for men, women, and children today.

It’s all in the Book, by the way. Great life advice whether you consider it fact or fiction.

Let those who have ears hear.

You are not a special snowflake. And neither am I.

I know. None of us like to hear that, but it’s true. The good thing about realizing it is it will hopefully prevent you from making disastrously bad decisions, like people who think they are special snowflakes and the rules of life don’t apply to them do. Because guess what? They always apply. To everyone.

You’re welcome. 🙂

I am telling you this out of love.

Let those who have ears hear.

A girl I knew in college’s mom gave her some excellent advice, while other moms were teaching their daughters how not to get pregnant, she was telling hers, “bake cookies.”

This girl was stunningly beautiful in that fresh scrubbed type of way, delicate features, petite, and with long curly hair that always seemed to be in perfect ringlets. She was sweet and kind and never said a harsh word about anyone. Adorable would be the word.

Yep, and bake cookies she did, with her mom, on Saturday nights when all the other girls were out dating up a storm.

Sure enough her sophomore year this girl got engaged, to the pastor’s son no less, and they married soon after. I lost touch with her but somehow I bet that all worked out and maybe by now she’s teaching her own teenage daughter to bake cookies.

The old ways may not be so popular these days but I have yet to meet a guy who can resist an expertly baked warm oatmeal chocolate chip cookie.

Let those who have ears hear.

Today I saw a homemade plaque that said, “Thank God for dirty dishes, they mean we have food to eat.”

I thought that summed up the idea that life is all about how you look at it pretty well.

Are you counting your blessings as curses?

Let those who have ears hear.

There are two women I know through work who suffer from what I call “harpy syndrome” to the detriment of all involved. Trust me -don’t go there!

With these two, both sahm, it’s never enough, it’s never right, it’s never good. Problems, problems, problems. These gals can go into minute detail over each and everything wrong in their life/spouse/property/children/etc. like a dripping faucet, the complaining just goes on and on.

From my perspective their lives actually look pretty good. They really want for nothing materially, their husbands earn the family income, they raise the children, and now that the kids are in school they have lots of time for their own hobbies and interests, too. They have nice homes, nice cars, and nice things.

Oddly I rarely hear them talk about the good things in their lives, or about any solutions to these well laid out and extensive list of negatives they see themselves suffering under. Nope, just the same old harping about all that’s wrong.

in both cases their marriages are, no surprise, “a problem.” And they tell their husbands so on a regular, if not daily, schedule.

Both fantasize that getting rid of their spouses via frivorce, and living the good life. But they have NO concept of how it will work later.

What I wish both these gals could see is that nobody’s life is perfect or easy. There are always negative, but there are always positives, too.

Focusing on ones problem like a broken record is a sure fire way to make your spouse and children unhappy and to fill a home with discord rather than joy.

Complaining, or not, is a choice. So is choosing to be positive vs negative.

If you see something wrong, try to resist the urge to harp on it. Look for the upside instead, and be cheerful and great full and happy! It works so much better.

Let those who have ears hear!

A red pill concept I have found to be true over and over again is how many of our inter-gender issues are caused by projection. Or in other words, men and women acting how they would actually like the opposite sex to act.

For example, today women are acting brash and cocky while men are getting meeker and milder. In reality women like brash and cocky guys while men prefer meek and mild women. Meek and mild men don’t do it for women, brash and cocky women don’t do it for guys.

Can you name any other examples of projection?

What do men want in a woman? You might be surprised!

For the past two years I have been listening to men talk about what they want from women via red pill message boards and it basically boils down to they want them to look pretty, be feminine (long hair, dresses, jewelry, grace, poise, etc.) not be overweight (but not rail thin either, just proportionate), have some domestic skills (interest in nesting and cooking) and to have a pleasant personality. Oh and of course to be passionate about him!

It’s actually pretty simple. Do the above and you’ll be ahead of 80 percent of your peers.

Yep.

Apparently they prefer the above over your education, career, and accomplishments. (That’s what women are interested in about men, not the other way around.)

Maybe it’s “sexist” but they are the opposite sex. And they are not going to change, no matter what it says in Cosmo.

Let those who have ears hear.

Something that has fallen out of fashion but I feel is long overdue to return is the concept of women being a helpmate in a relationship.

Woah, woah, I know it’s taboo but just hang with me a bit. I am not talking about the short end of some stick, or oppression, or misogyny. Being a helpmate doesn’t mean being a doormat.

Today’s relationship model promotes equality or even female dominance rather than the helpmate idea. However as I look around in real life, I am not seeing that working out so well. Divorces and broken families (or never being an official family at all but just shacking up or baby momma-ing it) have become the new normal. How’s that working out? Are women (and men and children) happier for it?

Consider the helpmate model, instead. In this structure the female willingly allows her man to take the lead in the public sphere, supporting his career and life goals. Her focus is the home sphere, keeping her family well fed, clothed, and cared for.

Maybe another way to look at it is yin/yang. The couple agrees to divide and conquer the tasks of life together. The needs and success of the whole supersedes the individuals.

Does being a helpmate mean he’ll never fall short, make mistakes, fail, or lead in the wrong direction? No. Because sometimes he will. But when he does, the helpmate helps, she doesnt berate or attack. She doesn’t point it out to others. She doesn’t hold a grudge. She forgives and forgets. She understands that her goal is to build him up, not to tear him down.

Imagine a relationship where by handing over the captains chair and standing by to assist as first mate everyone wins. Peacefully, cooperatively, lovingly. No drama, no fighting, no power struggle. Ahhhh.

I hope it catches on and becomes a new trend, myself! To helpmates!

Let those who have ears hear.