A gal I know through work who has been toying with the idea of frivorcing her husband is once again “unhaaaapy.”
Why is she unhappy? In short because her family is coming undone at the seams. And yet she fails to see the obvious, that she herself is smack dab in the middle of it.
She simultaneously berates her husband for not being the head of the family while at the same time fighting him tooth and nail to be sure he isn’t. Had she listened to him and let him lead rather than run interference, her 17-year-old daughter would not have gotten pregnant with a boy she barely knew on purpose out of rebellion, her son would not have dropped out of college because his bossy new girlfriend told him to or else, her 14-year old daughter would not be on the Internet meeting boys who claim they are 17 and making out with them in cars, and her 7-year-old son would not be living in terror at the constant threat of losing his dad if his mom follows through on her ongoing threats to divorce.
Her husband has tried to take action to prevent all of the above disaster from happening, only to be thwarted by her sticking up for the kids and telling him not to be so strict.
And yet as she wails about the state of her family, her own role in the fiasco continues to elude her.
Ladies, don’t be like her. Don’t be so darn headstrong you refuse to allow your man to be the head of the house. The only outcome of such behavior is dysfunction and disaster. If she can’t accept or respect hierarchy and authority, how can she expect her children to? That’s right, they don’t listen to her just like she doesn’t listen to him.
Maybe put another way, perhaps like me you have worked for both male and female bosses. Which was the best leader? If your experience is anything like mine, the male bosses are far more even keeled and on point.
If my friend had any sense she’d swallow a huge dose of her pride, hand the keys and the wheel of their family to her husband, and step out of the way so he can do his best to save their family before it all falls apart. I doubt she will, but I am hoping against all reason that she surprises me.
Once again, it’s all in the Book.
Let those who have ears hear.
I’ll bet this gal also hardly sleeps with her husband. Trying to wear the pants in the family is a good way for the woman to lose her tingles. The rationalization hamster will start spinning in its wheel, and say that she has to keep wearing them because she is the better decision maker (regardless of whether she is or not). Then the sex drops off, and the frustration increases.
It is a vicious cycle this one.
Indeed Eccentric, she’s admitted as such. Her own actions are killing the tingles, in addition to her family’s and her own well being.
The man needs to get himself some options. Only way to recover. I just wrote a post about Red pill men hating Dread Game.
https://theasdgamer.wordpress.com/2015/10/07/why-do-red-pill-men-hate-dread-game/
Gamer, he does in a way practice dread game, and it does work. His method is more financial than relational. On multiple occasions when she’s made moves to divorce, he starts to initiate scorched earth policies, she backs off.
Beta bucks dread. Doesn’t generate tingles. Having options -> preselection -> tingles
True, beta bucks dread, good name for that!
I kind of have to wonder why it always has to be up to the man to fix things when the wife is driving the train off the rails. I am also thing about Dalrock’s warning to young men looking for a spouse. It’s the future children that have to be concerned for. However, they got married close to twenty years ago, who could have seen this coming that far off?
“Maybe put another way, perhaps like me you have worked for both male and female bosses. Which was the best leader? If your experience is anything like mine, the male bosses are far more even keeled and on point.”
I’ve never worked for a woman, but have had female managers working for me, and known many additional female managers and executives….many of these were quite excellent, as would be attested by those who *did* work for them. So I’m not convinced that there is a systematic problem with women as leaders.
A problem we have as a society, though, is that women and girls are being told over and over and over that POWER is the most important thing. To take a relatively benigh example, there is a website called A Mighty Girl, which various FB friends are frequently linking. It is very good to give credit to women who have been extraordinarily creative or otherwise accomplished…but why is the term *mighty* appropriate for a scientific or musical or artistic accomplishment? I never heard anyone referring to Einstein or Picasso or Beethoven or even Alan Turing as “mighty.”
Less benignly, there is a book called “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office.” I haven’t read it, but the very title is encouragement to bad behavior and organizational politics of the worst kind.
Men need to fix themselves and swallow the Red Pill. No excuse for not doing that with the manosphere out there.
David perhaps that’s the better way to put it, when it’s about power rather than being a good leader that’s where the wheels come off the cart.
Maybe the term “mighty” derives from “mighty white”. About 20 years ago at a job I had a few black coworkers with whom I developed good friendships.They would use the term “mighty” to joke around and explained to me “mighty” was used as “mighty white” to describe whites who outwardly acted charitable.
Perhaps a correct usage of “mighty white” would be for a husband to say to a frigid wife after his birthday blow job, “Honey, that was mighty white of you. Here’s a tissue. Any cake left in the fridge?”
Poseidon I am unsure how to reply but you did make me laugh! 🙂
@ fuzzie it’s not always up to the guy ideally, but in this case it seems like he’s gonna have to change his behavior to force her to change hers. She needs some strong leadership or she’s going to run them all into the ground. I get why he may think “why bother?” Except I know he loves his kids and wants to hold it together for them. It still may not work but it’s worth a try. I have been trying my best to get her to see this, and sometimes she seems to, but soon right back to square one. I don’t envy him, and I do feel he deserves much more! He has more patience than I would!
Or I should should sat to force a change in hers, because while he can’t make her change, changing his reactions/response in itself will create change.
Redpillgirlnotes,
Everyone’s go to response is “fix the guy”. There is one small problem with this. He’s not the one wh’s broken.
@ fuzzie I get that but who else if gonna fix it? The kids? 😦
Redpillgirlnotes,
Having lived through it as a kid, I would say that is an nonstarter. Most of it stems from the lslck that SAHMs get. If she were working, her employer wouldn’t ct her this kind of slack. It goes on until it can’t anymore and Steady Eddy hubby has a role of being enabler for all this. Should he try any other course , it’s domestic abuse.
@ fuzzie there’s a lot of room between just going with it and DV, surely?
Redpillgirlnotes,
From what I have heard about DV, just telling her “No” with good reason constitutes abuse. The state has modified marriage to make it feminie dominant.
Cill has a new post and the woman being discussed should read it.
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2015/10/08/forever-needing-a-new-man/
@ fuzzie well this couple has two problems: she’s the boss, he isn’t. Either could take action to change their part of the problem. Neither can fix the other. In the post, notice I urge WOMEN to avoid this. 😉
But 80% of men ARE broken. Women are, too. That doesn’t absolve the broken men of their responsibility to fix themselves.
Redpillgirlnotes,
You’re right. He has to take over the house. I don’t know how to tell him how and it’s not your place to teach men. Perhaps, the best thing to ell him is to not take any moe foolishness from her. If she persists, walk away. He may need a buddy with a spare room.
If a person really wants to “save the world ” they would work to put women in their proper place. They are, as a rule, unsuited for leadership at the genetic level
Women are suited for leadership over other women and over young children, as a rule. Some women are exceptions and are suited for leadership over men. Deborah and Miriam, as two biblical examples.
I would appreciate you posting about leading men and the importance of making emotional connections with them (maybe awe, fear, kinship, brotherhood, esprit de corps, etc.).
Gamer, Deborah and Miriam are excellent examples.
A more frequent example of female lead is wives leading their husbands and families into the poor house with grandiose, out of control spending. But there are men who are also not competent in the area of finances.
Quite an interesting world we inhabit.
Women are most def not suited for leadership over women a day kids
If so all female organizations would be successful and so would single mom’s
she’s the boss, he isn’t
The children in charge they are.
Need limits children do.
With no limits children feel that they are being protected not
Indeed Mrs. Yoda. Children running the show is not good, not good at all. Especially for the children.
So true, Mrs. Yoda. I was talking to this gal yesterday about her 13 year old daughter, who is really acting out. Sadly her behavior is an expression of exactly what you describe, a double dog dare for limits. I fear for this little girl’s safety as she makes escalating bad choices. Her parents not having it together is destroying the children 😦