Surely you have heard the rally cry of the modern woman, “You go, girl!” On the surface it seems to be an endearing term of pro-female encouragement. But is it?

Many times it can actually be exactly the wrong advice, especially when what a friend really needs to hear is, “Woah, girl!”

Women tend to naturally empathize and try to build consensus when communicating with each other. And in and of itself, this is not a bad thing. It can be very nurturing.

However in today’s culture, there’s a lot of bad advice floating around, advice that destroys families, lives, and women themselves. Such advice is often given with a “You go, girl!” positive spin, like it’s the path to happiness and enlightenment rather than instability and destruction.

Before I stumbled upon the red pill and read accounts from the male point of view about just how astray “You go, girl!” can lead a woman, I will admit I had not stopped to really consider the downside of this seemingly upbeat advice. I had many times (even at bible studies!) sat with groups of female friends and listened when women who talked about struggling in their otherwise healthy marriages with boredom and undefined unhappiness and contemplating starting over were told, “You go, girl!” when in reality the issues were completely fixable, perhaps even just a normal ebb in her overall life flow. How destructive.

Another time, “You go, girl!” can be bad advice is when a woman is encouraged to “find herself” via sleeping around or hooking up with men out of lust or as some sort of self-validation. How dangerous. I have even heard women advise married women to do so, behind their spouse’s back. Really?

There’s a big difference between truly supporting a friend and foolishly encouraging her on a path of self-destruction. So before you reflexively go along with the “You go, girl!” party line, pause and ponder what she really needs to hear. And if it’s “Woah, girl!” don’t shy away. You could be the only one who tells her what she really needs to hear, not what she or others are telling her to justify a poor decision.

Let those who have ears hear.