Frequent commenter Fuzzie suggested some dating wisdom directed at women on another blog that I felt deserved a post on the topic: Instead of looking for every reason to eliminate a potential suitor, focus instead on all the positives.
I have many times watched friends turn away an otherwise really great guy for rather minor reasons. Ironically I have watched these same friends put up with all sorts of BS from less great guys. Go figure!
So while you don’t want to mislead or string guys along, it’s also wise to not judge a book by his cover too quickly. A long “must have” list describing your perfect Prince Charming may keep you from finding a great match that’s not what you expected, but turns out to be even better!
Let those who have ears hear.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Women will turn away from men who have lots of beta positives because there’s no chemistry.
Attraction is important for sure, too, Gamer!
Redpillgirlnotes,
You gave me credit for a good idea! I’m famous now! In all seriousness, I took that from The Private Man. A couple of years ago, he wrote a post advising to do precisely that. Rather than look for negatives and find cause to reject, look for positives to find cause to accept. Isn’t that the whole point of the exercise? Winning would be finding someone. It’s not going to happen if they are all rejected.
it is kind of a transference. This is how men operate.
@ fuzzie, would you happen to have a link to that original post? If you do, please share! 🙂
Chemistry will often cause negatives to be seen as positives and other positives which are lacking to be seen as unimportant.
Redpillgirlnotes,
It’s over two years and I can’t remember the title. I wish I could. It was a good post.
But, that was the essence of it. Look for the postives. I think what women are doing is looking for red flags. Maybe online dating has something to do with this. The women are overwhelmed and they go into a sorting mode.
The main point of the post I agree with; that many women today look for fault in potential suitors and subsequently pass up some viable potential husband material. Intentionally seeking to identify male traits such as a man who has a good heart, honesty, fun, work ethic, faith in God, potential good father, etc; instead of only quickly dismissing men who are not hawt enough. According to my observations, women who readily find fault in men are just using fault finding to brush off the dude due to him not possessing a caliber of tinglidge she aspires to.
Nevertheless, women cannot be expected to totally not be interested in physical attraction. We men ought to understand the desire of physical attraction. I do agree, and presume all here agree that physical attraction SHOULDN’T be more important to women than men due to men historically bringing other elements to the marital table such as provision and protection. But here is where our feminist culture is severely broken down. As we here understand women today seek physical attraction (tingles) to the same degree that men do.
Therefore, sadly, men need to understand this and plan their lives accordingly. I have finally concluded that marriage is not worth it. Not even for young men. Marriage is too much of a roll of the dice, with so much potential pain in the offing. Divorce is so hard on men who love their children.
If I had a daughter I would want her to find a good young man and marry young. I wouldn’t want a daughter of mine to ride the carousel. I don’t have a daughter; I have a son THANK GOD! My son, of course, will decide for himself if he will marry. He knows there are many, many downsides for men. He and a few other teenage boys have discussed this while gaming. He and I also have had limited discussions about red pill stuff.
I’m on an Edith Bunker rant. Anybody remember All in the Family. Edith would go on and on talking and Archie would roll his eyes….
I wanted to just interject that women also normally desire physical attraction, but that desire has gone haywire to the point of sever sluttiness.
I’m done.
One form of “focusing on negatives instead of positives” is the long “checklists” which many women seem to maintain for prospective husbands (prospective bed partners, maybe not so much.) This is related to the phenomenon of employers creating ridiculously long and detailed lists of requirements for prospective employees. See my post about The Hunting of Five-Pound Butterflies:
http://chicagoboyz.net/archives/12370.html
I have many times watched friends turn away an otherwise really great guy for rather minor reasons. Ironically I have watched these same friends put up with all sorts of BS from less great guys
Generate tingles those “less great” guys did.
Why women so “check list oriented” they are?
Yoda
Not that I can claim to know what goes on inside their heads but, I think the “checklist” is contrary to the point of this post. It is used as a means to reject by finding fault. It’s looking for negatives instead of positives. Do women have such a surplus of men that they need to streamline the process to this extent?
Stupid hujans, you’re making it all too complicated.
The video is all right for kids to watch.
I agree women today are often choosing based on tingles, and sometimes that probably works out, but from my real world observations, seems quite often it doesn’t. And sometimes following the tingles is downright disastrous. (To be fair I have had male friends who seemed drawn to the train wreck (but cute!) women over and over despite the obvious, so perhaps tingles can mislead both sides?)
That said attraction is important, and can be a sort of “couple glue” as Gamer suggests that makes it work despite differences and missing elements. Liz has said similar about her marriage, stuff that would buy him or her otherwise just doesn’t or even seems endearing when the “it” factor is there.
@fuzzie I like the idea of a shorter core “must not” list than a lengthy “must have” list. I don’t think I can ever recall a female friend approaching it in that way, such as he must not (whatever non-negotiable vital and top 5 their cannot-cross moral/philosophical/worldview/compatibility/attraction lines might be.) A kind of don’t sweat the small stuff approach?
So is the girl who passes on the good solid guy for nit picky reasons then puts up w far more bs w another making good choices, or no?
Oops, bug not buy.
Redpillgirlnotes,
In online dating, you see the 476 point checklist all the time. I just got sick of it. However, I have heard that all goes out the window for tingles. They say as much in their profiles when “chemistry” is the priority.
I have to confess that it would make me ill to go to OkCupid and read profiles.
Fuzzie, I know the post you’re talking about, i reblogged it on my blog under “Single” let me find it
I think this may be what you were talking about Fuzzie, but I might be wrong
https://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2014/10/26/a-dating-exercise-for-women-re-post/
Dragonfly,
While I remembered the original, you found the repost. Thank you! That’s it!
I read the thread following and you had to deal with a snarky grinch. It seems to me that the snarky grinches are getting more active on sites that feminists would object to. I hope Santa brings them a lunp of coal for Christmas.
Oh how funny Fuzzie! I forgot thank God.
It’s funny… I think sometimes God helps us try to forget the troubles we go through so that we can continue to live being happy.
Dragonfly,
Could that be a tangent to the original post? Yes, we do try to put unpleasantness behind us. However, the next time I have to deal with that, I may search youtube for the The Grinch Song and link it. 😛
Betas are drawn to cute train wrecks because they thin k rescuing the train wreck will win her affections forever and they think they are not able to pull a cute non train wreck based on their beta value
Betas are fucked up in the head as in their beta conditioning messes up how they view themselves as sense of self worth. Their low self worth is reinforced when they strike out in the dating game