One of the problems I have encountered being raised in a post feminist world is that I got almost no instruction on traditional woman roles, such as how to keep a house.

For all of my adult life, I have been a day late and a dollar short in the domestic front. While others seem to have the mechanics figured out, I struggle to deal with what seems like endless piles of laundry, dishes, and undone chores.

And it’s not because I haven’t tried, or worked hard, or many a time gotten something in order only to have another area fall into disarray. It’s humbling to admit, but I just somehow don’t get it. This is obviously not a selling point or one I flaunt openly (except here!)

What I have come to realize is that I was so busy being taught how to be a pseudo man and live in a man’s world of career and business, I completely missed “being a woman 101.”

Luckily I have found someone who understands this, and thanks to the Internet, she’s able to lovingly teach me one baby step at a time. Her name is Flylady and like me, she once had CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) too.

One thing I love about her methods are they are positive and nurturing, almost motherly. Forget the inferiority complex and self blame, it basically boils down to homemaking is a skill that must be taught. If one was not taught, she can learn, and Flylady will help.

Another thing I love about her method is that it’s a gradual one. No grueling 8-hour marathon cleaning sessions. In fact it starts with only one step, a sparkling clean kitchen sink.

As new habits are formed it becomes more of a lifestyle than a quick fix. Like a patient and good mother, Flylady is there via e-mail reminders of daily tasks and then 15 minute decluttering sessions to help guide you to wherever you are to where you want to be.

For me, that’s a not perfect but calm and serene retreat that welcomes me and my family home like a warm hug, not the all too familiar feeling like my world was in order until I entered my house.

So if like me, you have some remedial home economics skills to brush up on, know its never too late to give yourself and your family the gift of a cozy, clean, orderly nest. Something the feminists never told you was it can be a very joyous, nurturing, and satisfying quest for a woman to “play house.”

And it all starts with a sparkling clean kitchen sink.

p.s I am not sure if Flylady had this in mind but while  my sink was soaking w bleach water I ended up cleaning the entire rest of the kitchen, and it looks great! Every journey begins with a single step…

A former neighbor of mine is a perfect example of how far down the wrong road tingles can lead you.

Tingles are basically feelings of sexual lust, usually for the so called bad boy. The bad boy often comes across as alpha, although in many cases I have seen such men are often good at generating tingles in women but not much else. Of course namalt.

But back to the tale. So this neighbor, who we will call Vixen, is a former cheerleader, party girl, looks similar to a young Demi Moore. In high school, she was the gal topless and making out with another girl for attention at parties. Hot, right?

Well Vixen married young, then left her first husband for his best friend, who I call Hercules. Together she and Hercules had two daughters, and it was when she was 8 months pregnant with the second (now 7) that they moved into a house two doors down.

My oldest is wi 6 months of hers, so we arranged some play dates. At first Vixen seemed to have things pretty well figured out, and she seemed happy. But as time went on I began to notice she is very good at saying all the right things, but doing the exact opposite.

Within a few years Vixen and Hercules split, a long story I have written about elsewhere. Basically they opened their marriage and things went from bad to worse, with them taking turns going out to the bar on alternate nights to get attention and validation from hook ups and other nonsense.

Well naturally that didn’t work so she arranged a branch swing, starting an affair with a then married friend from high school. He’s got a good union job, and promised her a bed of roses to leave her marriage. “I’ll be there for you,” he said. “I’ll put you up and pay for it all and then we’ll marry within a year.”

Except he didn’t. Once she left her marriage his story changed to, “you need to stand on your own two feet for awhile.” Rather than walk away, she decided to beat a dead horse, doing her best to try to make him live up to his broken promises.

Now this guy is nothing to look at, small and kind of creepy really. But apparently he understands how to generate the tingles in bed and she was hooked. The sex was wild, whenever he decided to call.

Meanwhile she met and started dating another guy, also with a great union job, who is truly smitten with her. He offered to take care of her and her girls, buy a house, she could stay home, be loved and cared for.

Except she didn’t feel the tingles, and she couldn’t stay away from the bad boy. Whenever he called, off she would go, ditching her steady Eddie for tingles.

For some reason he hung in there, hoping to be the good guy still standing at the end of it all. I suppose if guys can get tingles, he’s got them for her. Ironically he used to be a player until he met the one who played him. Karma? I am not sure.

In any case this has gone back and forth for several years now. About two months ago she told me she was pregnant, w bad boy’s baby. (Steady Eddie is snipped, 3 grown kids of his own.)

Once again bad boy made all sorts of promises, and said they would marry and raise baby, only to change his mind after she packed up half of her apartment preparing to move.

I dropped in on her this week after picking her kids up from school for her on a half day, and we sat, among the boxes, while she updated me on the latest. It appears now that bad boy is gone, Steady Eddie is having serious second thoughts himself. Imagine that?

Tingles and attraction are very important, but they can also lead a gal seriously astray. And when they do she may find herself pregnant, alone, and surrounded by broken dreams and half packed boxes, with no idea what on earth she’ll do next.

Let those who have ears hear.