Did you know that suicide is the leading cause of death in men under the age of 45 in England, and the second leading cause of death in The United States for those under age 34?

Men also commit suicide at a rate of 4 to 1 in England, and as the chart on this page shows, of the 6500 U.S. suicides in the 35-44 age bracket, over 5000 of them were men.

And yet, where are the public information programs about male suicide? Where are the programs targeted at helping lower male suicide rates? Where are the support groups and other resources for men contemplating suicide? Where is the research into why men commit suicide? Where is the month football players wear red to help raise awareness of male suicide?

You’d almost think male lives don’t matter based on the lack of attention paid to this very real health threat. What does that say to the man pondering taking his own life?

Male lives do matter. And they matter just as much as female lives.

It’s time to rid ourselves of the thinking that any attention given to male issues somehow takes away from women’s issues. That men don’t need support because they have male privilege.

As the suicide rates clearly show, being male isn’t easy. And the fact that this very preventable leading cause of male death is getting zero attention is a disgrace.

Male lives matter just as much as female lives matter. If they don’t, the femanist rallying cry of equality is nothing but a cover for female supremacy, not equality.

So feminists, which is it?

Let those with ears hear.

———-

p.s. Sadly, if this post was written by a man, he would very likely be accused of being a misogynistic woman hater. Men can’t even speak up for themselves without risk to their professional and personal lives. Ladies, this needs to end. We need to speak for men if they are not socially allowed to speak for themselves! Male lives matter! All lives matter, or none do.

Have you heard of “choice addiction?” It is the paradox caused by an abundance of choice. Rather than leading to happiness, more choices seem to lead to never ending angst over which choice is “best” instead.

In relationships and especially marriage, choice addiction can lead to a dangerously dissatisfied non-committal attitude long after a commitment was supposedly made. Other options are considered after the door is supposed to be closed.

I have watched women endlessly go around and around in their own mind, questioning the choice she’s made in a mate, wondering if he was the right choice, wondering if there is a better choice? Meanwhile such internal strife ironically is what destroys any hope of living in and enjoying the moment.

Serial monogamy, casual relationships, and no-fault divorce just add to the choices. When social norms looked down upon such practices, women were more likely to choose thoughtfully and then embrace the choice she’d made, making the best of her situation. Today women are encouraged almost to walk away over the slightest dissatisfaction, to seek a “better” choice.

Choice addiction is an illusion. More choice, unending choice, and choice churn don’t lead to happiness. There is no magical, mystical “perfect” choice. In fact the best choice of all seems to be to accept and embrace a choice once made. To ignore and dismiss any further choices.

So if you find yourself slipping into the choice addiction mindset,  remember — more choice isn’t necessarily better. And that every choice, even the best choices, include ups and downs, pros and cons, and pluses and minuses.

Studies show that it’s actually easier to find happiness and satisfaction when choice is limited versus when choice is abundant. In the current anything goes world, it may be those who choose not to consider their other choices who find  the greatest contentment and joy in life.

Let those who have ears hear.

If anyone wishes the world could just do one big group hug and be done with war and violence and  conflict, it’s me.

I have long struggled to understand why violence exists in an enlightened world, why the seemingly primitive and barbaric practice of war has not gone by the wayside in civilized modern life.

In fact it’s my own inability to comprehend the purpose of violence that led to my continued pondering of its possible role and meaning.

I am a big believer that the world works the way it does because somehow something about even the most seemingly irrational behavior actually works on some level. And not only works, but works enough that it more works than it doesn’t work.

On a macro scale, that’s what the red pill is about. It is about questioning, examining, and in turn understanding the way things actually work as a way to navigate life rather than approaching life as we wish it worked, were told it should work, or how we believe it could work. How it actually works. The truth, regardless of how bitter, unpopular, or unpalatable that may be.

Why bother? Why subject oneself to that rather than put on rose colored glasses? Because as good as rosy colored glasses may feel at the time, they inevitably lead to a much more painful or pricey outcome than facing the cold hard facts of life head on and acting accordingly.

The Red Pill often focuses on gender and relationship dynamics between men and women, but it actually goes far beyond that. One could argue it applies to nearly every aspect of life.

Which brings me back to the question of violence. What purpose could violence serve? Is there any upside to violence?

It suddenly came to me that it’s the threat of violence, and if that fails actual violence, that creates peace, stability, and civilization. As paradoxical as that may seem. It’s the threat of violence that keeps violence at bay.

When threatened on a personal or national level, shying away from the threat of violence or if necessary the use of violence to restore order will not lead to peace or resolution. In fact, wavering early or ignoring reality only leads to bigger problems requiring even more violence to bring things back to order, to restore peace and stability.

So while I abhor unnecessary violence, I no longer cling to the Pollyanna notion that violence has no place in a peaceful world.  Without the willingness to counter senseless violence and threats to peace with the use of force, there would be nothing but escalating war unending. The true triumph of evil.

Let those who have ears hear.

Are you familiar with the concept of “safe spaces?” On the surface they certainly don’t sound harmful, but they actually are a threat to the very ideals our country holds so dear.

Safe spaces are areas set aside where supposedly grown adult college students retreat to so they aren’t exposed to any alternate point of view or type of person they disagree with.

Rather than realize the world is filled with all sorts of people and that dealing with that is part of life, they demand “someone” (usually the university) protect them from alternate points of view.

When I was in college this world was only beginning to take shape. There were hints of this new order to come but it hadn’t gained full momentum. Freedom of thought, freedom of expression, and open spirited debate were fully encouraged. Such activities lead to thinking, discussion, and the consideration of alternate viewpoints.

It was kind of the point of college, in fact, to teach students to be future leaders, to break them away from the drone group think model they had been exposed to in high school intended to prepare the to be good little cogs in the machine.

Safe spaces are unsafe to the ideals of freedom.  It’s akin to the conditions that eventually lead to incidents like The Salem Witch Trials.

Safe space seekers, I challenge you to challenge yourselves. Go out in the world and expose yourself to people who are radically different from you. Debate and discuss. Endure alternate viewpoints. You can do this snowflake, I know you can.

Our nation needs leaders who don’t require safe spaces and censorship. So stop being a baby, put on the big kid pants, and get out there. Chances are you’ll find a lot of what you are afraid of are simply boogey- people of your own imagination.

Let those who have ears hear.

Did your mom ever talk to you about blackouts?

Blackouts are caused by drinking too much, too fast, or on an empty stomach. And while many people think only hardcore alcoholics have them, a recent study found half of all students reported having had one or more during the college years.

Blacking out is different than passing out, and despite what many people assume you may not appear drunk to yourself or others. You could in fact be walking around, carrying on perfectly charming conversations, and acting much like your usual self.

Ironically it’s when people drink more slowly for a longer period that they appear “sloppy drunk” not necessarily when they are blacked out.

And it depends more on what you are drinking, when you ate last, and how quickly you down drinks back to back that determines a blackout  than the total number of drinks you have. It can happen after as few as three drinks quickly downed on an empty stomach.

There is much attention placed on consent laws as a way to reduce the numbers of sexual assault allegations. But I’m writing this to the ladies in the room: women can’t just assume others will know they have had too much to drink, especially in a blackout situation where you may appear completely coherent and even give full consent at the time. Even those closest to you may not realize your lights are on but nobody’s home.

The best way to protect yourself, and others, is to avoid drinking patterns that could lead to a blackout. Make sure you always eat before drinking alcohol (eating later won’t help), pace your drinks rather than drinking several quickly back to back, avoid drinking games at parties, and opt for weaker drinks over stiff ones.

Your mom may not have told you this, or maybe your mom won’t talk about about drinking at all, so I will. It’s a lot easier and more common than is openly discussed to blackout when drinking, especially if  one is young and not familiar with how they react to alcohol. If you do drink, drink responsibly and safely. Not remembering the party the next day is never a fun experience.

Let those who have ears hear.

In college, I worked a student-hire job at a small  military base with a special ops unit.

Besides being an awesome job, it also gave me a huge respect for these men who had said, “Hell yeah” when asked how they felt about being dropped behind enemy lines in the most dangerous places on the planet without any guaranteed ride home.

At that time there was a gal on base who wanted to be one of them more than anything. She had one of the most pure spirits I had ever met, and I have no doubt she would have given anything to be among them. But back then, women could not be in combat positions, much less special ops, teams who went in long before there was any official “going in.”

I don’t doubt this gal thought with every fiber of her being that she could and would do the job. She was a fine soldier, no doubt. From what I saw she had no chip on her shoulder, no feminist agenda. She simply saw greatness and wanted to be a part of that.

And yet, when I watched the movie, “Black Hawk Down” I realized why this was not meant to be. As I watched I could not fathom how men could not abandon the weak and the wounded to save themselves.

It is simply in the female genetic code to survive. To survive personally. To submit rather than to die. No matter how logically a woman may think she would not, the reality is she will.

Women can be of huge support to men, including in the military. In fact “to protect their women” even idealogicaly is a large part of why men from time unrecorded have fought and died in battle.

If women want to help, the best way is not to demand they can become special ops soldiers, but instead to be the pin-up who is waiting to welcome him home.

Let those who have ears hear.

I have written about Flylady before, but wanted to share this simple but awesome way to bust clutter in 27 ways!

Set the timer for 15 minutes.

Grab a box or a bag and pick up 27 things to donate, or 27 things to throw away.

Smile! Feel the freedom!

Repeat several times a week or daily until the clutter is gone!

Now why didn’t I think of that years ago!

I am not sure how this is Red Pill in any way, except embracing the manifestation of your highest and best self while crafting a wonderful life based on simple truths.

Or something!

Let those who have ears hear!

In contrast to yesterday’s post, today I’d like to share the story of a group of women who came to my business last weekend.

The four women were all mid-40s. As they were talking it came out that they had not only all known each other from middle school, all four had gone on to marry their first boyfriends. And all four were still happily married!

So I of course had to ask what they thought of the advice given to young girls today that they need to “explore” rather than settle down young?

All said they didn’t feel they had “missed out” on anything, and one admitted she’s glad she was her husbands one and only sexual partner, and she his. Knowing it was a big relief for her, she said. They had been together since they were 15.

All four talked excitedly about their husbands and children. They were refreshingly positive and drama-free. Instead they seemed to be deeply connected to their partners, kids, and each other as friends.

They were all attractive, multi-faceted women with interests and hobbies, not sheltered Stepford wife types or boring plain Janes whatsoever, nor did they seem to be uptight, closeminded, or overtly religious.  If anything, they were probably some of the coolest and most interesting gals I had met in some time.

It’s rare today to meet couples who are each other’s “one and done.” In fact today, social norms would probably consider it “weird.” But from what I saw, it hadn’t seemed to harm any of those gals, and in fact they seemed remarkably happy and content.

Let those who have ears hear.

This morning I stumbled across an article by a 28-year-old girl bemoaning the fact that nobody had put a ring on it. In fact, not even close.

She had tried Internet dating, matchmaking, being picky, not being picky, following “The Rules” and not following the rules. She seemed to get plenty of first and second dates but nothing went far beyond that.

A quick web search revealed the likely reason – article after article chronicling her Sex In The City style exploits throughout her teens and 20s. It was all there for the reading, the “empowering” hook ups, the one night stands, the pump and dump heartbreaks, the “go gurrrl” slut-claiming revelry.

She’d watched Carrie Bradshaw and friends and apparently moved to New York City as soon as she could to live out the script in real life. But unlike in the movies, apparently there’s been no Mr. Big happy ending.

Her excessive selfies over the years reveal the result. At 23 she looks fresh faced. Five years later she’s got the appearance of a washed up party girl who looks like she’s in her late 40’s, not her late 20’s. It’s unclear if she’s a heavy drinker or a herion addict but whatever it is, she’s starting to look a bit like Charles Manson.

Her many articles posted on xojane and other herd mentality sites show she’s steeped in the narrative of the “modern woman.” She’s explored her sexuality and likely profited short term by writing about the “journey.”

But here’s the rub – Google lasts forever. If I found all this in one web search, any man considering dating, much less marrying her would too. And guess what? Women might be ok with other women being sluts, but most guys aren’t. Call it a double standard but it’s a standard that isn’t going away anytime soon. (Plus, the majority of guys aren’t getting that kind of action, anyway. And the ones who are aren’t looking to put a ring on anything.)

Her story illustrates the cost of following the herd, before she was even old enough to realize what she was choosing, she’s pretty much sealed her own fate. At 28, she’s peaked. Even the hook ups are getting harder and harder to find.

Not surprisingly, her more recent selfies feature a new life partner – a cat.

Let those who have ears hear.

Have you ever noticed how watching talk shows or other programs featuring the worst behavior humanity has to offer can put you in a terrible frame of mind yourself?

It’s almost as if emotions are contagious, or can be absorbed from others. For this reason it’s good to beware what you let in, so you don’t sink to the depths of the lowest common denominators yourself.

The same can be said for the people in one’s life. I have to admit I have long had an affinity to folks who are struggling, and I find a lot of satisfaction from trying to help people out. But I have to watch this tendency, so that I don’t get bogged down myself.

And I have come to also realize sometimes people are so toxic and troubled yet hell bent on their ways that it’s best to limit your direct exposure to them altogether and to pray from afar that they will figure things out in time. They are simply too toxic!

Even the news can have this negative affect because mostly news is about what’s going wrong, not what’s going right.

It’s just so much easier to live a positive happy life when you consciously surround yourself with positive and happy people and ideas. And when you yourself are positive and happy, you pass those same emotions on to others!

Let those who have ears hear.