As the commenter quoted in this post reveals, many of the problems women bemoan in relationships aren’t caused so much by men, but by women reading male behavior through a female lens (and yes, in the reverse, too, but this blog is aimed at women so that’s why this post is geared toward women.)
The concept is called projection, and it can be seen causing strife in male/female relationships in all sorts of ways.
The problem with projection is that often it flies under the conscious radar, so the person doing the projecting doesn’t even realize it.
One example could be how women obsess and will endlessly read the tea leaves of male behavior to determine if a guy is truly interested in her, or not.
At the same time guys say it’s as basic as, “if he’s talking to you, he likes you.”
So why the confusion? If they are honest with themselves, women often operate a so-called beta orbiter network. These beta orbiters are within the “let’s just be friends” zone, but girls will often pretend that maybe she likes him or could like him to get him to do boyfriend-like things for her (like take her out when she doesn’t have a “real” date or provide boyfriend-like emotional support.)
Sometimes (or depending on the girl, often) she’ll string them along with romantic gestures or some physical intimacy in order to gain favors or keep him on the hook as part of her “backup plan.” (Note, I am not saying it is good or fair to the guy. It’s not. At the same time it’s just something females do for some reason, so one has to consciously NOT do it. I suspect it is a subconscious safety thing, but again it’s just as unfair to do to a guy as it is for a guy to string a gal along.)
In turn, the beta orbiters may be projecting as well, believing that if she talks to him she likes him holds true for women, too.
As mentioned in the first linked post, women obsessing about whether a guy will leave her after he’s made a commitment or if he really likes her or not is a reflection of the fact that often women can and will leave a guy if a better one comes along or string a guy they don’t like romantically along in that very way. (Note: Yes, sometimes guys also don’t commit, but that’s for different reasons than why women break commitments or have beta orbiters.)
Compounding the issue is that most dating advice for women is rife with projection nonsense. In short, making it pretty worthless advice. Why? It’s usually written by women who are themselves projecting. (If you want relationship advice about guys that is much more helpful, seek it from a guy!)
Next time you find yourself spinning in your relationship, ask yourself if perhaps projection is to blame? The cool thing about recognizing projection is that once you start to be aware of it, you can see it all over!
Can you think of examples of projection? Or do you think it doesn’t exist?
(p.s. The Red Pill is often criticized as misogynistic, and while some commenters, bloggers, and participants on red pill forums may be that, in general it’s really not about saying “all men are evil” or “all women are evil” as much as it is looking at these subconcious/biological drives and behaviors of each gender and how they play out in real life. In fact, I believe being aware of them can help improve relationships, as well as help head off problems. The key thing is to not take these discussions personally.)