Tags
attraction, battle of the sexes, casual sex, commitment, dating, feminism, marriage, red pill, relationships
An offhand comment got me thinking the other day about the somewhat underrated and forgotten value of being “a lady.”
On the way to pick up some supplies, a neighbor who I hire to do occasional handyman type stuff at my place and I stopped at a local spot for lunch.
He started talking about the waitress, basically ranking her smv, but since he is not red pill he was just doing what came natural. As he sat there, speculating out loud about her assets (no pun intended) and liabilities, it was interesting to hear in real time how a guy accesses a gal’s datability and relationship potential.
She was brunette, not fat but perhaps 10-15 pounds overweight, cute face, dressed in black leggings and a tight black t-shirt that didn’t leave much to the imagination. It is hard to guess ages for me, but I would say she was in her mid to upper 30s.
I mentioned something to the effect of how on a 1-10 scale, I felt she and I were about the same, considering I was a few years older than her and otherwise we seemingly had similar but different pros and cons.
“Oh no, ” he said, with a shocked look on his face. “Not even close! You’re way above her.”
“What?” I said in surprise, then jokingly. “Just how do you figure that?”
“Simple,” he said. “Because you are a lady.”
“Awwwww,” I said. And truly, I was flattered. I try to be, anyway, as old fashioned as it seems. I dress modestly but attractively, act demurely, try to behave with decorum, and work to develop my character and personality.
Something I have heard said more than once in the manosphere is that while women will tell each other that nobody cares anymore if a girl cusses, is drama, is brash, aggressive, sleeps around, or dresses and/or acts like a slut.
A lot of women seem to be under the impression that just because for the most part other girls are OK with it, and are even doing the same, guys are OK with a gal being a so-called modern woman, too. If it’s good for the gander, it’s good for the goose.
Well, yes and no. Yes, if he is looking for a short-term or one time sexual experience with her, he’s all for her being “modern!” Bring it on.
But I’ve heard more than several guys, even hardcore players, admit that when it comes to true relationship material, they aren’t looking for a girl who acts like one of the guys or has sowed as many (or more!) wild oats then themselves.
Maybe all things being equal, men still prefer my fair ladies, after all.
Something to ponder, anyway. What do you think?
Definitely… Spot on! As a single guy active in the dating scene, I can share that I look for a ‘balance’ of both, with more emphasis on her natural inclination to have class first. It is a weighted scale. Finding the balance between the two is my golden unicorn.
Nice post!
Yes, so true this is.
Being a lady elevates much with many fellas it does.
Just like being pleasant extensively it does elevate
Thanks Dan! And welcome. 🙂
My Fair Lady
Say eloquently this you should,
“The rain on Degoba falls mainly in the swamp.
Upon Mrs. Yoda’s sammiches I do chomp”
Maybe all things being equal, men still prefer my fair ladies, after all.
I think the majority do, yes.
There are always going to be some (like my guy) who don’t care whether his female partner cusses or drinks or has a similar number of sexual experiences as he does…but they seem to be fewer than the MSM would want women to believe. A minority of men look for a woman who really is “one of the guys”, but they are exceptions to the rule.
I’m very pleasant, friendly, funny, helpful, kind, physically fit, enjoy paying 100% for meals and entertainment, am supportive of my friends/acquaintances no matter what, and am obviously extremely egalitarian + pro-men. Very “girl next door” in looks and personality, so I’ve been told. But…I am *not* a lady. Our dear hostess Bloom absolutely has me beat there, hands down! 😉💐🏆
If women are looking for a gentleman to share a committed life and/or marriage with, there’s no better advice than what is essentially posted above:
Opposites attract. Be a lady!
Yoda,
I wish that I could “like” that little bit of doggeral.
Rdpillgirlnotes,
It does add a lot if a man can find a gal that he could take home to mother, or grandmother.
I saw this performed live with Douglas Fairbanks Jr.. Great performnce but my date broke my heart.
I liked your comment Fuzzie, but not the broken heart part. How could anyone break a fuzzie bear’s heart??? 🐻💗🐻
Actually Tarn, I bet in some ways you have me beat. I can actually cuss and drink and tell dirty jokes and make even a sailor blush I bet, but I try to control that side of myself in polite company! Only my closest friends see that side – the crazy Czech! Lol but crazy in a good way!
Oops I mean I bet In some ways I have you beat! Lol. I have 13+ years on you, remember!
Redpillgirlnotes,
It may be that every boy has a story like mine.
Here’s my take on what you’re saying.
https://artisanaltoadshall.wordpress.com/2015/11/29/its-baroque-to-be-feminine/
As to how a woman’s demeanor and dress impacts her SMV, consider that any woman looking for a relationship or marriage is advertising a product (she is the product). Most women get this, but what they don’t seem to get is that they have a target market and they need to tailor their advertising to their target market.
Poll the men you find most suitable for marriage and ask them for their thoughts on the women in the link above. You might find that it doesn’t agree with what women will tell you about how to dress and act.
Yes, women will say that it’s okay if women dress like a sluts, act like a whores, swear like a sailors and demonstrate their stupidity, because they claim the *real* reason it’s OK is women have to do that in order to get a guy’s attention long enough to demonstrate that they can suck the lug nuts off a semi. You know, because *that* is all men really want and obviously men *only* think with the “little head” so women need to be understanding and appeal to their base instincts.
It isn’t the specifics of a woman’s advertising, it’s the message she communicates. I know a young woman who has a degree in communications theory and marketing and she gets it (in part because she’s family and willing to listen to my advice on what men actually want). She works hard keeping her body in top condition but she dresses and acts in such a way that the message she sends is tailored to the men she’s interested in. Due to her gentle upbringing, I have never, ever heard her swear (the closest was “That is complete… twaddle!”), she speaks in complete sentences, correctly conjugates her verbs and doesn’t dangle her participles. She always assumes the most innocent of interpretation for everything said and avoids innuendo and double entendre when speaking, which simply makes the effect that much more powerful when she does it.
Her hair is long and she tends to wear it in braids, buns or wrapped around a couple of pointed sticks that make nice weapons. Except at the gym or occasionally at home, I have never seen her in pants, sweats, shorts or anything like that. She tends toward blouses and skirts instead of dresses, the skirts never being less than mid-calf length (which emphasize how slim she is). Although she is quite capable of doing so, there is never any decolletage on display. Her makup is subtle and understated, quite unlike most southern women who tend to apply their makup with a putty knife. And she knows all about how to wear perfume.
Sounds like an up-tight Sunday-school teacher, right? Well, not quite. While her dress is very modest, I’d guess over half her wardrobe is silk, which clings and emphasizes her figure while covering it. She never displays cleavage, but she prefers those sticky-cup things over bra’s, which means the girls have a lot more freedom of movement while still being supported (and believe me, she can bring conversation in a restaurant to a halt just by walking across the room). If that weren’t enough, those cup things don’t cover the nipples so when her headlights come on it’s enough to give guys limbic whiplash. It’s a message that says “I’m marriage material and this is a package you *really* want to unwrap.”
Just going by her physical features, she’s a solid 7, maybe a 7.5. As the total package, she’s a 9 every day of the week. Put her in a room full of Scarlett Johansson’s and Penelope Cruz’s and she becomes the Grace Kelly or Audry Hepburn that has every man’s attention. (Those two are excellent role models for the dress and comportment of a lady, if a woman doesn’t want to send the “conservative Christian” message)
So, yeah, the classic style and deportment of Grace Kelly and Audry Hepburn beats the hell out of everything currently out there, especially for a woman that wants a top-tier husband.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but both Brigette Bardot and Sophia Loren looked better dressed modestly than when they were putting their tits on display:
I can actually cuss and drink and tell dirty jokes and make even a sailor blush I bet, but I try to control that side of myself in polite company!
I will restrict myself around the workplace, and if kids are around, but that’s typically it. You’re better than me, Bloom. 😉
And yes, you have some years on me as well as being previously married and having children…but you are still a lady, and a Red Piller to boot! I may be younger, never wed, and childless but am a definite Purple Pill follower and too masculine for most guys to consider me any sort of relationship material. If I were in a contest with you to find a committed man, I still think you have a lot more of a chance!
Hooray for ladies like Bloom! 🎉🎈🍻🏆🏁
Great performance but my date broke my heart.
Hmph. She didn’t realize how great you are, Fuzzie. I’m sorry.
Hurray for ladies!
Well said, Bloom. 😀
“Hmph. She didn’t realize how great you are, Fuzzie. I’m sorry.”
+1 Sorry Fuzzie. 😦
I can tell you about the most classless chick experience I’ve had in the past couple of years. It was very strange. We have a friend who is a divorced single mother and she always dresses pretty skanky but she’s nice (usually, at least to us) so we tried to overlook her appearance. HUGE fake rack, always on display and she’s very into her workouts and wearing tight things. But, she has a nice figure so it isn’t offputting or anything.
We invited her to meet us at a restaurant for dinner. It’s a casual place, lots of children. We also invited several guys. She and I were the only women at the table. We’re regulars at this place and knew our waitress really well…she’d come up with a drink Mike likes we called the ‘angry snapper’ (we live in a fishing area, and the double entendre was kind of cute since it’s a pinkish drink).
So we sit down and the woman (who brought her date) immediately begins talking about laying out by the pool and all the college girls. Then she announces, I had the best body at the pool! Pretty loudly. She takes out her cell phone and starts showing pictures of herself. We tell a funny story about the time a female friend of ours rode the mechanical pig and was thrown off (the place had a mechanical pig, like a rodeo bull type thing). She says, “I rode a mechanical bull at the pimps and hoes party! I wasn’t wearing any underwear…see!!” and pulls out her phone again to pass around.
The waitress comes over and asks if Mike wants his usual drink, the angry snapper, and this woman shouts, “Call it the dirty pussy!” really loudly. Again, there were children in the room.
Yeah, we never invited her out again. I guess she was feeling insecure and expressed it in a really vulgar way. Believe it or not, she doesn’t drink. She came across like a raging drunk that night.
Unbecoming for a mother such behavior was.
@ fuzzie I bet every girl does too. Love is a risk. But it can work out too!
@ Liz oh dear! She sounds like her own worst enemy
Thanks for all the support. We were both young, but she was more so. There may have been a hypergamic element to it as we were co-workers.
Liz,
Wow. I thought I knew classless folk, but she really takes the cake. Crass selfies, using highly adult language within earshot of children, pointing out the “real” meanings of deliberate inuendoes, talking openly about her college sexcapades to anyone who will listen…And doing this amongst people she only just met? Geez louise. I can’t even imagine doing something like that.
That’s not being one of the guys.
That’s being an attention whore.
Perhaps learn some humility Liz’s aquaintance should have,
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2016/01/23/humility/
Unicorns don’t exist… If she’s wearing the proverbial makeup of both it will come off as the physical makeup does and all you’ll have left is a pain in the ass that doesn’t do dishes and eats all your food.
A lady is a lady… through and through
About Liz’s classless friend, could have deliberately self-sabotaged? It all seems a bit much, as in gaffe followed by a faux pas and, then, another gaffe.
My type runs to the demure girls. The picture of Audrey Hepburn with her hands clasped together at her throat is captivating to me. That kind of girl is the only one for me. I can aesthetically appreciate other women, but I do not have a romantic interest in them. They have no hold on me, where the good girls get stuck in my head, and command my attention long after they are gone.
If there is cursing or hurting needing doing, I can do that. I do not need a woman for that. I need a woman to do the things that I do not.
The Shadowed Knight
The other thing about ladies is this:
It’s actually a pleasure to do stuff for them. I’m sure that makes me sound “beta”, especially if I was male, but it is no less true. Even if they aren’t shorter/skinnier than myself, ladies just have this way about them that makes their movements seem…idk.
Dainty? Composed?
Whatever it is, seeing a lady just automatically creates this need in me to ask if she would like help with anything. It’s similar to how one might feel the need to offer assistance to elder men and women, or people of either sex who have an injury of some kind. That isn’t to say that ladies are all physically weak…Absolutely not! They just kinda make you want to help or protect them.
Sorry if this is rambling a bit. It’s 1am here, and I’m writing it during a Shadowrun session, lol. 🎲📖📝
…how one might feel the need to offer assistance to elder men and women, or people of either sex who have an injury of some kind.
And even really nice/sweet guys who manage to look kinda like teddy bears somehow. The ones the world should be good to but usually isn’t.
Tarn, that might sound beta, but the nice thing about that sort of woman is how she will let you down graciously and will not take advantage. That is why they inspire such feelings. Women want to help them because a woman like that is socially dominant; capable of attracting and keeping a powerful man, and generous to her social circle. Men want to help them because they are the best kind of women to keep around; less of a risk of her using the men around her and an altogether pleasant companion.
They are still women, and suffer from all the typical weaknesses of their sex. Still, they make an effort to be better, and that is laudable. Especially so in this day and age. I know one, and she is a point of hope in a cruel world; a credit to her sex.
The Shadowed Knight
Sometimes people feel like being obnoxious, I guess.
“About Liz’s classless friend, could have deliberately self-sabotaged? It all seems a bit much, as in gaffe followed by a faux pas and, then, another gaffe.”
I think she just doesn’t have any social filter, Fuzzie (along with being pretty dim). She’s reaching that age of desperation.
She’s reaching that age of desperation.
Lol. Desperate to drive people away by flaunting an irresponsible and sordid past? Because that’s kinda what she’s doing. Gonna bet my next paycheck it’s not her intention to, but as you said, she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
…but the nice thing about that sort of woman is how she will let you down graciously and will not take advantage. That is why they inspire such feelings.
Indeed. When one gets used and taken advantage of a lot, it is like a breath of fresh air to find someone who doesn’t do such things. Very well said.
Attention she does desire.
Probably from her perspective, all attention good attention it would be
I think it’s best when everyone conducts themselves with a certain level of class to respect their surroundings when they are in public, but I don’t believe women should have special rules for how they are to behave just because they are women.
As for me personally, I dress more modestly mostly because I get cold easily, not to appease anyone.I cuss when I’m mad or when I want to put emphasis on something, but I don’t go overboard with it. And I never wanted a guy who would judge me about my past lovers. It doesn’t matter if I have one or one hundred men, it’s in the past and it will stay there. So I can hang with the guys, but I can be girly too. I’m a little bit Audrey Hepburn and a little bit Joan Jett, and most men are okay with that. They actually like it. At least the ones I have ever wanted anyway.
If a woman wants a guy who has rules for her, that’s up to her but I’d advise that she also keep him on his toes about how he conducts himself.
If a woman wants a guy who has rules for her, that’s up to her
A simple easy way to increase her value this is.
Particularly with men that might be good marriage prospects this would be.
Why would a woman do it not?
” And I never wanted a guy who would judge me about my past lovers. It doesn’t matter if I have one or one hundred men, it’s in the past and it will stay there.”
I believe a man has the right to accurately know a woman’s sexual past, i.e. N count and other details before he marries her. Obtaining honest information might not be possible, but nonetheless a man has the right to know what he is marrying and what will be the mother of his children.
Why would a woman do it not?
It would probably depend on how the couple views the idea of rules. If they are fair and logical, that is different than ones made by a partner to simply to be controlling or manipulative.
For example, if a husband and wife have a rule that neither of them will ever engage in smoking or over drinking, that is a good rule to uphold since it applies to their physical/mental health and social conduct/appearance in a pretty fair fashion. It is a good rule to have.
But if it’s something unfair, such as one partner being allowed to take private/no spouse vacations while the other is “forbidden” from doing so, then it will likely cause relationship troubles.
How about a “be a pleasant lady” rule?
I believe a man has the right to accurately know a woman’s sexual past, i.e. N count and other details before he marries her. Obtaining honest information might not be possible, but nonetheless a man has the right to know what he is marrying and what will be the mother of his children.
I think that both men and women have a right to know the sexual, financial, medical, and social past of the person they’re marrying. After all, if you’re seriously considering spending the rest of your life with a single person…you really need to know what you are getting into.
Interestingly, I had a similar conversation with my FwB about 2 weeks ago. He agreed about the financial and medical pasts being shared, plus some of the social, but said he honestly didn’t care about either knowing or sharing sexual histories unless there was relevant information (like a child, STDs, abuse, etc). He just doesn’t think it’s something that would be a dealbreaker.
We know each others, because he was my first/only and he likes talking about his previous encounters, but it isn’t “something most people need to be grilled about” in his opinion.
How about a “be a pleasant lady” rule?
Lol. A rule about being generally calm, pleasant, kind, loving, etc should be a must for both sides, imo. Though it isn’t nowadays, these traits would be a given in a good relationship.
Well, yes and no. Yes, if he is looking for a short-term or one time sexual experience with her, he’s all for her being “modern!” Bring it on.
I would like to add here my perspective that even for the shortest of interactions – sexual or otherwise – the more feminine a woman is, the better.
@ Liz, the sad thing is, the gal you describe has basically absorbed the feminist dogma of ” men want gals who f*ck like a man.” So she’s furiously advertising that she’s down with that, but doesn’t see that it’s considered by most guys as a serious drawback.
Also, I believe most people do what’s worked in the past, so on some level that’s probably worked for her in some way… Probably short term or maybe years ago? Sad.
Liz, the sad thing is, the gal you describe has basically absorbed the feminist dogma of “men want gals who f*ck like a man.”
Even sadder is the fact that most men don’t “f*ck like a man” aka have huge lines of sexual partners. Any of my friends who have a larger than average (1-3) N only got to that point by enduring numerous rejections and just trying again and again and again. Heck, my FwB has an N of 13 if you include myself, and he has told me that for every gal that said yes there were *at minimum* a dozen that said no.
I don’t typically judge people based on their N, whether it is low, high, or average, but instead how they act about having said N. Hence, I have no respect for men or women who openly brag about their previous sexual partners as “conquests” rather than fellow people who wanted a fun time. This woman is one of those who flaunt…I’ve no time for such folk.
I think that Liz’s classless collegue needs to get out more with normal people. That, and someone should talk to her.
Ashley,
Ideally, the past should stay there. It’s just that it is a good predictor for the future. Another thought, men would like to avoid “alpha widows”.
Perhaps, another music video link is in order.
About broken hearts, there have to be a lot more of them out there than in the past With numbers like fifty percent of adults being single and seventy percent of those 20-34. it doesn’t bode well.
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