Since finding the Red Pill, one litmus test I use when confused if I should continue a relationship is this: am I asking myself questions I shouldn’t be?
There are lots of examples where this could apply, but to name a few, if I am asking myself (or him) about the following once we get past the “just met/getting to know each other stage” I will remind myself, “If I have to ask this, there’s my answer.” For example (some of these are from my real life examples, some are based on experiences of friends):
- Is he really telling the truth?
- Why does he keep questioning if I am telling the truth? (when I am)
- Is he saying we are exclusive but signs say he’s still seeing others?
- Why isn’t he doing something he said he would? (like contact you when he said he would, show up when he said he would, etc.)
- Why is he so (needlessly) difficult to get in touch with? (Obviously I don’t mean while he is at work, etc.)
- Why isn’t he there reasonably on time when we had plans and if something has changed, why has he not let me know?
- Why is he more often than not wanting to “leave things open” rather than making plans somewhat in advance?
- Did he seriously take my cell phone home after a date to go through it, then claim I must have “left it in his truck”? (It happened! As soon as he brought up stuff from old texts before we even met, I knew he’d dug deep, deep, deep! I am admittedly lazy about deleting old texts, emails, etc. but if someone wants to know something, they should ASK not SNOOP, imho. He really tortured himself needlessly by doing that, and it turned out he was hugely jealous and suspicious when he had NO reason to be, not good.)
- Why are there large gaps of time where I don’t hear from him or know what’s going on?
- Why have I not met his friends, family, co-workers, or other important people yet if he says we are exclusive/serious?
- Why has he never had me over to his place (a friend dated a guy for A YEAR, supposedly exclusively and leading toward marriage, but had oddly never been asked to his house in the same city. Yep, he was married!)
- Why is he nervous when his phone rings, he gets a text, or oddly protective when showing you photos or anything else on his phone?
- Did he really just ask the waitress/my friend/my sister for her number??? (kidding, extreme example but you get my point)
I am not especially prone to jealousy, clingy, insecure, or one to accuse. But if my gut is raising a red flag about a potential love match, and one plus one is not consistently equaling two, I have learned the hard way it’s best not to ignore it. Especially if one finds themselves asking such questions more often, not less often, as time goes on.
As a very wise person once said to me, “People are already giving all they want to give. Asking them to give more is the path of pain. Asking yourself if what they are offering is enough, or not, and then acting accordingly is a better path.”
So if you find yourself wanting to have “the talk” well, you are ignoring the obvious most likely. If he’s not initiating “the talk” or is dodgy about things, there’s your answer. If he says something like, “I like you but I am not looking for something serious right now,” believe him and either accept that or walk. You can’t push a guy into a commitment.
(Note: I am not saying a woman should shit test a guy over and over, or make him “prove” himself to you, expect him to say “how high?” when you say “jump”, expect him to answer to you at every moment, play silly immature girl games, try to be the boss, or create drama where these is none. Hopefully it is implied that you are doing all you can to also be a good potential mate and behaving yourself accordingly. Also, if he’s not actually doing anything to create doubt but you are feeling it anyway, that’s something you should work on before you attempt to be in a relationship.)
Another way to put this can be found here: Men Who Like You Will Explain Themselves. Lots of troubling unanswered questions is rarely a good sign.
Life is too short to wonder where one stands or to put up with a lot of dating drama. No matter how cute, rich, interesting, or built — if a guy is yanking you around, it’s best to be honest that he just isn’t wanting/ready/willing/able/interested, cut bait, and give him a hard “Next!” (The same advice applies, I would imagine, to guys about gals.)
What do you think? Good advice or too harsh?
Please discuss in the comments!