Monthly Archives: February 2016

If You Have To Ask, There Is Your Answer

29 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by in Uncategorized

≈ 153 Comments

Since finding the Red Pill, one litmus test I use when confused if I should continue a relationship is this: am I asking myself questions I shouldn’t be?

There are lots of examples where this could apply, but to name a few, if I am asking myself (or him) about the following once we get past the “just met/getting to know each other stage” I will remind myself, “If I have to ask this, there’s my answer.” For example (some of these are from my real life examples, some are based on experiences of friends):

  • Is he really telling the truth?
  • Why does he keep questioning if I am telling the truth? (when I am)
  • Is he saying we are exclusive but signs say he’s still seeing others?
  • Why isn’t he doing something he said he would? (like contact you when he said he would, show up when he said he would, etc.)
  • Why is he so (needlessly) difficult to get in touch with? (Obviously I don’t mean while he is at work, etc.)
  • Why isn’t he there reasonably on time when we had plans and if something has changed, why has he not let me know?
  • Why is he more often than not wanting to “leave things open” rather than making  plans somewhat in advance?
  • Did he seriously take my cell phone home after a date to go through it, then claim I must have “left it in his truck”? (It happened! As soon as he brought up stuff from old texts before we even met, I knew he’d dug deep, deep, deep! I am admittedly lazy about deleting old texts, emails, etc. but if someone wants to know something, they should ASK not SNOOP, imho. He really tortured himself needlessly by doing that, and it turned out he was hugely jealous and suspicious when he had NO reason to be, not good.)
  • Why are there large gaps of time where I don’t hear from him or know what’s going on?
  • Why have I not met his friends, family, co-workers, or other important people yet if he says we are exclusive/serious?
  • Why has he never had me over to his place (a friend dated a guy for A YEAR, supposedly exclusively and leading toward marriage, but had oddly never been asked to his house in the same city. Yep, he was married!)
  • Why is he nervous when his phone rings, he gets a text, or oddly protective when showing you photos or anything else on his phone?
  • Did he really just ask the waitress/my friend/my sister for her number??? (kidding, extreme example but you get my point)
  • Etc.

I am not especially prone to jealousy, clingy, insecure, or one to accuse. But if my gut is raising a red flag about a potential love match, and one plus one is not consistently equaling two, I have learned the hard way it’s best not to ignore it. Especially if one finds themselves asking such questions more often, not less often, as time goes on.

As a very wise person once said to me, “People are already giving all they want to give. Asking them to give more is the path of pain. Asking yourself if what they are offering is enough, or not, and then acting accordingly is a better path.”

So if you find yourself wanting to have “the talk” well, you are ignoring the obvious most likely. If he’s not initiating “the talk” or is dodgy about things, there’s your answer. If he says something like, “I like you but I am not looking for something serious right now,” believe him and either accept that or walk. You can’t push a guy into a commitment.

(Note: I am not saying a woman should shit test a guy over and over, or make him “prove” himself to you, expect him to say “how high?” when you say “jump”, expect him to answer to you at every moment, play silly immature girl games, try to be the boss, or create drama where these is none. Hopefully it is implied that you are doing all you can to also be a good potential mate and behaving yourself accordingly. Also, if he’s not actually doing anything to create doubt but you are feeling it anyway, that’s something you should work on before you attempt to be in a relationship.)

Another way to put this can be found here: Men Who Like You Will Explain Themselves. Lots of troubling unanswered questions is rarely a good sign.

Life is too short to wonder where one stands or to put up with a lot of dating drama. No matter how cute, rich, interesting, or built — if a guy is yanking you around, it’s best to be honest that he just isn’t wanting/ready/willing/able/interested, cut bait, and give him a hard “Next!” (The same advice applies, I would imagine, to guys about gals.)

What do you think? Good advice or too harsh?

Please discuss in the comments!

 

 

 

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Cool Ways to Show Your Guy Some Love

26 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 96 Comments

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Today’s post is going to be a little different from the rest. In this post I hope YOU as readers and commenters will share stories of cool ways a gal can show her guy some love — both large and small.

These can be things you as a woman have done for your man that he seemed to really like, or things women have done for you as a man that made you feel especially loved. Also they can be stories of things you have seen others do that you thought were cool, or even things you wish someone would do, but hasn’t.

In short anything is fair game! The idea is to give the ladies following along some ideas for ways they can show their man more love, appreciation, and respect and take some positive steps toward crafting a happier relationship/marriage.

Please, dive in!

Do You Know What You Want And How To Get There?

25 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 128 Comments

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On yesterday’s post, commenter ballista74 shared a link to a blog post at his place I wanted to call attention to. You can find that post here, it is part of a longer series, all well worth reading to help you understand the sexual/marriage market we find ourselves navigating today, how it has changed, and why that’s not working out so great.

He shared a graphic that really breaks it all down, how the path from meeting someone to marriage, even for traditional marriage-minded folks, has all but disappeared with no clear path to take its place. I hope he will not mind me reposting it here:

2015-12-17-mating-evolution

Thing is ladies, it’s kind of like that old saying, “If you don’t know where you are going, any path will get you there.”

Instead of following the other mating lemmings off the cliff and hoping the fire department has put out a crash pad at the bottom to save you, I’d highly suggest gals absolutely define what they want, and then come up with a solid strategy for getting there.

??? + somehow does not = (courtship) marriage.

Hanging out/hooking up does not reliably = marriage.

My advice? Don’t play the lotto with your life and future. Have a plan. Work your plan.

I think ballista74 has hit the nail on the head. What do you think?

Should You Date Multiple Guys?

24 Wednesday Feb 2016

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 76 Comments

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In dating advice today, women are often told to date more than one guy at a time as a way to prevent getting too attached to any one guy until he gets attached to her.

I’d say it’s bad advice. Why? Because I have heard guys in the manosphere say so over and over again.

For one, men value loyalty. A high quality guy who finds out you have several other irons in the fire is more likely to move on than engage in some silly bidding war for your affection. Why should he? Next!

Two, women may be projecting here. Thanks to a concept called “preselection” women will often be more attracted to a man who is with another attractive woman. Personally, I consider any guy with another gal off limits, but Red Pill field studies show this often works in a man’s favor. Why? Women assume (perhaps wrongly) that other women have done the due diligence and so it’s a form of subliminal shorthand to indicate a guy is high value. However, men say the reverse is not true for women.

Three, men don’t share well. If he’s OK with you dating (and especially sleeping with) other guys while you are dating (and/or sleeping with) him, he’s already determined he will not commit to you — ever. Even if he has not said it. Even if he denies it.

Four, it invites drama and games. Men don’t like drama and games.

Five, it triggers an ancient and long held fear in men of being cuckholded — that should you get pregnant, the baby might not be his. Women don’t have to worry a baby “might not be hers” so women don’t really understand how deeply ingrained and visceral this repulsion is in men.

Six, men who tolerate women dating other guys often do so because they are themselves seeing multiple women. Plus, if you are busy with other guys, that gives him time to seek out other women! Is this really what you want?

Seven, there’s a reason there is historical precedence of a man having more than one wife, but there is not the reverse. Why? Because while a man can reproduce simultaneously with as many women (and their wombs) as he can manage, women can only be pregnant with one child at a time, so there is no biological advantage for him of you having more than one mate. Today, with birth control, sex and babies may not be as tightly connected but our brains are still wired the same as 1000 years ago.

Eight, it puts you in the “not marriage material” camp. No guy wants to marry the town bicycle, as the old saying goes. When it comes to settling down, even in these “modern times” guys truly care about this — men prefer women who have had fewer sexual (or better yet no) partners over more — no matter what your gal pals tell you.

Nine, it likely will cloud your judgement as far as any one guy. Be honest — are you dating multiple guys because it’s a way to psychologically deal with the fact that one of those guys (the one you REALLY want) won’t commit to YOU?  Are you dragging out something you yourself really should close the door on? Better to date one guy at a time, both of you make a decision one way or the other if it’s possibly going to progress or not by date three or so, and act accordingly. Don’t drag this out.

Ten, guys just don’t like it. High quality men especially won’t tolerate it. Don’t you want a high quality man rather than one who is too timid to draw the line in fear of losing you?

The “date multiple guys at a time” advice is just another example of women thinking they can act and behave like (Alpha) men. It doesn’t work that way, especially with Alpha men.

What do you think? Is dating multiple guys at a time good, in your opinion? Why or why not? Do you have stories of it working out well? Badly? Please share in the comments.

(Usual disclaimer, not all men are like that, not all women are like that. These are generalizations that apply “most of the time.”)

 

 

 

 

 

Hot for Teacher?

23 Tuesday Feb 2016

Posted by in Sex and Such

≈ 20 Comments

For those of you from generation X, like myself, you may remember this very popular Van Halen song:

It’s a somewhat common cultural norm to assume that teenage males would be more than happy to get it on with their “hot” teacher, while the same age girl having a sexual relationship with a male teacher (even a “hot” one) would automatically be viewed as child molestation, always.

Hummm…let’s think about this…

A 15-year-old male high school student in LA who had such a “relationship” with his female teacher recounted this about the experience:

Yeh and the student first had sex when they went to his place to play video games, the student claimed.

“She started rubbing my face, calling me cute, handsome,” the teen told KTLA. “She started kissing me and from there we had sex.”

The teen said the summer affair didn’t turn out to be his idea of an exciting romance.

“Eat, go somewhere, come back, have sex,” he told the station. “I didn’t feel like I was in a relationship. I felt like I was kind of obligated.”

Sounds more like coercion/sexual assault than male fantasy come true to me.

Here is the teacher:

HotforTeacher

Often such cases are laughed off, or people might say the boy “got lucky” if the teacher is good looking. And it reveals a seldom discussed taboo — the belief that men (or boys) can’t be molested/sexually taken advantage of/raped by a woman.
But women can be molesters, can’t they? Women can abuse power too, can’t they? Is it really any different? Shouldn’t these female teachers get the book thrown at them just the same as a male teacher would (sex offender registry and all?)
Personally, I would argue it is an abuse of power just the same as if a male teacher did the same with a 15-year-old female student and that both should be held to the same standard of prosecution and punishment.
Actually it is surprising how many of these cases have come to light in recent years. It seems to me even MORE cases than male teacher/female student ones. Perhaps some of our commenters remember the cases and can provide links?
Double standards — good for the goose, good for the gander? Good for the goose but not for the gander? Sound like we need to make cooked goose both ways?
(As an aside, my own sixth grade teacher, a thin and fairly attractive (but quickly aging) blonde single mom in her 40s but with an icky cougar vibe, wore skin tight jeans and skimpy tank tops to class every single day. While I never heard any allegations of her getting it on with male students, she most certainly did toy with them and their emerging hormone-fueled sex drive, likely for her own “wall denial” validation. I wonder now why anyone within the school district didn’t have a word with her about her – daily – ) inappropriate attire? )
What do you think? Is a female teacher having sex with an underage student child molestation just the same as a male teacher/female student, or not? Please add your thoughts in the comments.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

22 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

≈ 141 Comments

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In the last post, the topic of respect came up in the comments, revealing some differences between how men and women view respect, and it was interesting for me to ponder both sides of the coin. And in many ways they are somewhat two sides of the same coin.

The men explained that respect between men is not automatic, it must be earned.   Something like this:

respect1

Or

Respect4

 

Women tend to view respect as a basic starting point of interaction, more like this:

respect2

Or:

respect3

In my eyes, neither viewpoint is “wrong” so much as they are a reflection of how differently the male and female minds work.

Men and especially groups of men seem to automatically think in hierarchies. In a room full of men, it is immediately clear to all of them (without anyone even saying so) where they  all “rank” so to speak in the order of males in the room. Seemingly subconsciously, the Alpha Male of the Group (AMOG) emerges, and the rest fall in line accordingly. There may be some posturing to establish this, but it ends relatively quickly (or if not, it’s likely they will spar verbally, physically, or both.) There is no debate. There is no discussion. There is no consensus. There is no vote. It’s not even necessarily seen as negative or a slam on the individual man based on where he ranks. Each man simply understands and *automatically accepts* his place in the order. Men who do not are usually ostracized from the group and considered dangerous or a threat to safety and order of the whole. Men who do not understand this hierarchy concept are generally not respected by other men.

Women, and especially groups of women, do not think like that at all. Women are all about consensus, inclusion, and making sure everyone feels OK and heard. Respect seems to be more about acceptance than rank in the female mind. Women will go to all sorts of lengths to dance around the idea of rank or hierarchy. Women like flat hierarchy and equality. Women often rebel against the idea of a vertical hierarchy, and tend to see it as “unfair.” (This is likely the line of thinking that lead to feminism, interestingly.)

Of course I am being admittedly heteronormative and general here — there are indeed men who view respect more like women and women who view respect more like men, but in the vast majority of cases I think one will find the ideas above apply.

I find it interesting to ponder how these two differing views of respect (both valid) may lead to all sorts of misunderstandings between men and women.

What do you think? How do you define respect? Please share your thoughts, experiences, examples, etc. in the comments.

It Just Doesn’t Work That Way

19 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by in Relationships

≈ 102 Comments

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In a comment on yesterday’s Alpha or beta post, commenter Ton once again brings up a post-worthy point that how male/female dynamics SHOULD work (or we are all told they work) and how they DO work are two very different things.

He says:

“If chicks grooved on the sort of guys men like and respect, betas would be held in high regard and there would be no man-o-sphere; if chicks fucked dudes who did limp shit like hand out 900 flowers, betas would be popular with chicks and there would be no man-o-sphere.”

The fact that we are here, discussing things like why chicks dig bad boys while good guys sit home alone or how women are constantly wondering where all the good guys have gone and/or chasing players means, well, he does have a point there.

Ton often refers to this very observable phenomenon as, “adjusting to the tactical reality on the ground.” Or in other words, it ain’t the 1950’s anymore.

For the men, the takeaway point is that blue pill “good guys” often finish last. Not that it means one needs to be a bad guy, but that good guys might want to examine the tactical reality on the ground and act accordingly. Or simply go his own way and craft a life not centered on a woman, whether that means forgoing them entirely or forgetting about the whole love-marriage-baby carriage script and crafting a relationship that works for him.

Ton, for example, is a new father as well as the dad of two grown kids. He’s not married to the latest arrival’s mom though, having been down that road before and still paying the alimony for it. Instead he insisted on NOT marrying. That way if she bails, she at least does not also bail with half (or more) of his financial assets, and paternity laws still guarantee him all the same rights to his child, or more, than as if they married. Without the incentive to divorce-rape him for cash and prizes, perhaps she’ll be more motivated to stick around and work things out (and retain access to the assets/protection/goodies Ton offers so long as she does.) He has another girlfriend as well, a non-traditional poly lifestyle they all knew they were getting into up front and everyone was on board with. Let’s call it the, “more the merrier” approach. Girl #2 may be having Ton spawn #4 this year if all goes as planned. It seems to be working for them. (Both girls are 20+ years younger than his 45 years old, as well.) This is how Ton has decided to face the “tactical reality on the ground” and while it may not work for some men, it seems to work for him. And for him, defining his own path as a man, that’s what matters.

For the ladies, I think this “adjusting to the tactical reality on the ground” might look something like this: she realizes that most girls are playing a losing game by chasing the bad boys/false alphas so she consciously seeks a guy that not only she is attracted to, but who is the kind of man other men admire as well (a true alpha/greater beta.) Rather than chase the players, she seeks a keeper, but at the same time (and this is KEY) she seeks one who she is actually attracted to above and beyond simply for provision and protection, thus avoiding setting them both up for a future falling out when he “just doesn’t do it for her” anymore. (It’s not OK to use people, ladies, and it doesn’t work out long term for anyone, yourself included.) For most women, marriage is ultimately the best position she can hope to be in, especially if children are involved. (Some women are also choosing to forgo marriage, so long as that is a conscious decision and she is not expecting the taxpayers to provide and protect for her, I see no harm in this either.)

But wait…that’s a contradiction, right? It’s a disadvantage for a man to marry, but an advantage for a woman to?

Yep. The two sexes have always had different agendas. That’s part of the complexity. Coming up with something that works for both, perhaps a deal where nobody is totally happy or gets everything they want, but everyone gets enough of what they want, based on the tactical reality on the ground, is the sweet spot?

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Alpha or beta?

18 Thursday Feb 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

≈ 64 Comments

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In the fine tradition of Red Pill shiv master Chateau Heartiste, today we will play a little game called Alpha or beta?

The idea is to access, from subtle body language tells in photos, if a guy is Alpha or beta.

Today’s candidate comes to us via frequent commenter Ton, who shared a news article on the Alpha/beta handing out a flower to each and every girl (900 of them) in his high school for Valentine’s Day.

Ton writes:

“Here’s a guy who will never be laid; maybe he should pack up and move to that yankee city with the platonic cuddle clubs.”

So, like the girl I am, I immediately visited the Alpha/beta’s Facebook page to snoop and found some photos of him and the ladies. From this, I am not so sure his grand gesture has not made him a hypergamy target in the small fickle pond that is his high school. (Utah, need I say more?)

I replied:

“@ Ton I dunno, rose boy seems to have a blonde hottie admirer, click thru to his Facebook!”

In typical Ton fashion, he replies:

“As if likes of FaceBook etc equals being balls deep in said hottie?”

So, dear readers, let’s have a look. What do you think — Alpha or beta? Let us know in the comments, and why you think so.

AlphaBeta

12592309_1121046947905908_981596745534408509_n

AlphaBeta3

AlphaBeta5

And with his previous girlfriend (also a looker, I’d say. Possibly blondie before coloring her hair, although to me blondie looks to be a natural blond? Hard to say.)

AlphaBeta6

 

What do YOU think, my friends? Alpha or beta?

 

 

The Teachable Moment

16 Tuesday Feb 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

≈ 9 Comments

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In my daily round, I often look for that “teachable moment” to share some Red Pill thinking. I never say the term “Red Pill” nor do I explicitly give direct advice. Rather, I find it works a lot better to slip it in during a normal conversation, hopefully planting a seed that will take root. It’s amazing how often people seize upon that alternate Red Pill point of view like a person lost in the desert rejoices to find water.

For example, when gal pals or female colleagues complain and moan about their husbands or talk about frivorce, instead of commiserating, validating, or giving them the typical “you go girl” advice, I will will take the husband’s side, play devils advocate, or tell stories of other women who took the frivorce path and ended up much worse off for it. I urge them to focus on what they can do to make it better, not what their husband’s need to do.

Likewise, when other single women bemoan that there are “no good men” I will point out the many very real risks men face in today’s gynocentric culture and why they might be (rightly) hesitant to commit. Or if I know enough about her approach to men and dating, I again might tell a “story” to illustrate a mistake she’s making (entitlement, solopism, not bringing one’s girl game, etc) in hopes she will get the message and make some much needed changes to her attitude and approach.

Most importantly, I look for these moments with my two kids. My hope is that unlike most girls, they will not buy into the current social dogma, but be both inoculated against it and enlightened about its shortcomings. For example, I look for opportunities to reinforce that they are not victims, that gender is not a social construct, that its OK to be unabashedly feminine and female, that social justice warriors weaken the rights of all rather than protect them, that they don’t need to “explore their sexuality” as teens/young women with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, that to be a wife and mother is not a “waste of their lives,” that self actualization and old fashioned hard work is the path to success not entitlement, and so on.

Of course sometimes these seeds fall upon fallow ground, but it is exciting when I do see them take root. Similar to when I stumbled across the Red Pill myself and the light clicked on, a lot of people simply don’t know what they don’t know and they aren’t going to find it in the main stream media.

While you go about your day, keep an eye open for those teachable moments. Who knows you might save a marriage, prevent a heartbreak, or steer a little girl away from a lifetime of confusion and misery. It’s worth a shot. After all if we aren’t here to leave the world a better place than we found it and to touch the lives of others in a positive way, why are we here?

Let those with ears hear.

 

 

 

Even Better than a Sammich

15 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by in Red Pill, Relationships

≈ 6 Comments

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I just have to share this picture and link to an adorable Valentine’s Day lunch box commenter and fellow blogger (blogess?) superslaviswife made for her hubby:

the-best-lamb-burger-recipe

(Hope she doesn’t mind me sharing that!)

Now while he may have downplayed it to the guys at work, I bet the bank he was the envy of his peers!

That’s awesome superslaviswife, great example about how Valentine’s Day isn’t just for GETTING, it’s for GIVING!

Never underestimate the power of a sammich and that men like food!

Let those who have ears hear.