Monthly Archives: March 2016

Forgo The Battle of the Sexes

24 Thursday Mar 2016

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I don’t know exactly when it started, but there’s a saying that captures perfectly something I’d like to talk about today — “The battle of the sexes.”

This phrase, and I believe our culture in general, holds this view that men are out to get women, and women are out to get men, and that both genders have to always be on guard against the other in some type of epic never ending battle.

But what if they didn’t? Imagine how much nicer of a place the world would be!

And you know what, I have come to realize there is no battle of the sexes. It’s all a big scam. There is no need for a battle of the sexes. So I say let’s forgo it! Let’s start to approach each other and the world with the assumption that the other gender is not out to get you. Today. Right now. Right here.

Much of the confusion is caused by this — regardless of what “gender is a social construct/something you learn not something you are” people say — the male and female minds operate drastically differently. That doesn’t make either one “right” or “better” or whatever, but to deny this basic fact is the root I believe of much of the trouble.

When I started to visit Red Pill and manosphere blogs, I immediately noticed this. Luckily I have spent a lot of time around guys and I could see immediately that while what they were saying on first glance came across as very raw and even offensive, in reality what I was seeing is this is how guys talk to each other, all the time, every day — and they don’t get upset with each other about it! Male communication is very straightforward and there is little “sugar coating” involved. Men speak in generalities, and they rarely take personally what another man says. (Women rarely see this “man to man” communication style, because we usually can’t handle it! So to be able to see it, to hear what men TRULY think and what they will say to each other when we women aren’t around, is actually a rare and wonderful gift!)

Women communicate very differently. Women are masters at the unsaid, the implied, the indirect, and the smoothed over. When women talk to each other, they rarely directly confront each other, call each other out, or just say it like it is. In female communications, doing so would be considered highly unacceptable. Female communication is all about the nuances, and there is usually a lot of sugar coating involved. Women speak in anecdotes, and they often run what is said through a filter that translates that to a personal level, thinking if it’s not true for them, then it is not true.

The trouble often starts when men and women try to talk to each other in their own natural style (which of course they naturally do!) Especially so when the topic is a highly charged one — such as male and female intergender dynamics, relationships, love, and the like. Those conversations are sorely needed, and can be very interesting, but when those participating forget they are speaking to a mixed-gender group, unintended trouble can begin.

(For example, in my real life I work with a woman who is always pondering divorce, even though in reality she has very little in life to complain about, and I have probed and asked her to be sure before coming to this conclusion. I worry she will blow up her marriage, only to find “Eat, Pray, Love” is a bad life strategy, not to mention she would also blow up the lives of her four children in the process, for very minor reasons. Anyway, once her husband and her were here, and we were talking, and red pill type stuff came up. I could see she just didn’t understand what he was saying, and rather than realize he was speaking in general, she was taking it all personally and getting upset. I started to serve as a translator, rephrasing what he was saying into “girl talk.” It worked! She got it finally, and he was amazed that I understood. He literally said, “See, that’s what I have been TRYING to say all this time!” Their problem is mostly one of not understanding the communication styles of the other gender. They don’t need to divorce (or frivorce), they need to learn the other’s language!)

I started this blog to try and help translate Red Pill concepts into a language that would be understandable and unoffensive to female readers, as I strongly feel women are not getting this information elsewhere in many cases, and also because (let’s face it) if they read the Red Pill and manosphere blogs by men and for men, they would absolutely freak out and so much so they would likely be unable to see the forest from the trees, to absorb the information that could be so helpful to men and women struggling in relationships today, and more than likely they would reject it altogether.

That’s why the tone here is vastly different from other Red Pill blogs, and why for the most part in the comments it’s much less of a lunchroom food fight, no holds barred, discussion. My hope is that it can be a place where men and women can come together, have these discussions, and walk away with a better understanding and appreciation for each other, and the concepts of the Red Pill.

Discussing Red Pill topics is in itself another hurdle, as many people would almost rather do anything than look at the sometimes ugly truths about human beings and human nature that it reveals. People would rather believe “it’s not like that” or “I’m not like that” much of the time, than to admit what one who is truly looking can plainly see, on a macro level in our society today — there’s a lot of problems and things that aren’t working. The Red Pill is pointing out that the Emperor has no clothes while for the most part the rest of the world claps and cheers the Emperor’s new suit!

Facing the Red Pill means letting go of the coping mechanisms, denial, pretty little lies, and social salve we rely on to get through the day in an unfair, unjust, often brutal world.

I would like for this to be a place we lay down our weapons, check our guns at the door, assume the best not the worst, and try to extend love and understanding toward each other even when we disagree. Even when we don’t like what is said. Even when we don’t like what we hear.

And the reality is, I have very little time to monitor the comments in this blog. I have an extremely busy real life, and while I do this because I feel passionately that it needs doing, I do not get paid for this and every minute I spend here is a minute taken away from my family and my work. So if for no other reason, please behave yourselves because I don’t have the time to translate, shepherd, or oversee  each and every comment.  I read them all, but as of late I am spending way too much time trying to keep the comments from melting down and I really don’t like that. You are all my guests here, in my virtual living room, please do your best to match the tone I try to set myself in your comments and discussions with each other.

Some of us have been around here a long time, even longer than me. I would advise newcomers listen to what they have to say, as they have a lot of experience and knowledge to share, male and female alike, and like me they deeply want to share it, they really want to help make the world a better, more functional place. We try to remember that some here may not have any background in the Red Pill, and we are more than willing to share and teach concepts we have discussed over and over before, but not with those unwilling to listen or even consider the Red Pill point of view objectively.

Some are just stumbling across the ideas we discuss here, like I once did, like everyone here once did. (To me, it was shocking, horror! But I also knew deep down, there was truth being shared. I am glad I stayed to listen and learn.)  To you I would advise resisting the urge to debate or correct every statement made, but simply to ponder it, share your opinion if you like, be willing to ponder what is said about your opinion, and try to go with the flow, fitting into the “culture” you are visiting rather than try to change it. If you don’t like what you hear here, that is fine. If it offends you highly, simply please just move along and find a blog you do agree with rather than hijack our discussions and disrupt them.

Ladies, I want you to comment here. I want you to learn these things that have helped me so much. But please also realize that when you first begin to comment here, men will likely automatically assume you are a troll or that you are here to argue and fight. Far too often, that is the case, and so that’s why until you prove yourself otherwise, that’s likely how you will be viewed. Prove them wrong by being a lady. Don’t take it personally. Men have to prove their worth before being taken seriously by other men all the time. Again, it’s a gender thing!

I think we could all learn a lot from each other, if we extend the olive branch, and keep it constructive. So let the truce begin!

 

 

 

The Power of Silence

22 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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I have mentioned my babysitter here before, but wanted to share a bit more about her today.

S has one of the most incredibly soothing personalities of anyone I have ever known. In the four years I have known her, I can’t recall even one instance of her being upset, worked up, negative, off kilter, or in a mood. Not one!

And that’s not to say she has not experienced the same drama, hardships, frustrations, and such life brings for us all. In fact I know for certain she has. She just simply does not seem to allow any of those things to spin her out (at least externally, of course I have no way to know what she truly thinks or feels.)

Now not all women and girls in her community, or even her own family, are the same but for the most part she comes from a “seen but not heard, speak when spoken to” culture. But don’t get me wrong, she’s not so much oppressed as she suppresses, she has amazing self restraint. S truly is exceptional even for women raised with her faith, and my children and I are so lucky to have her in our lives.

She’s incredibly good with children, and her calm demeanor is ideal for them. I can hardly imagine a more ideal mother. (At 20 mind you! She has a son who is 14 months, and recently happily shared that she has another child on the way.) She is clearly in charge, but gently so, encouragingly so. She guides the children more than she demands this or that from them.

She’s also not a simple person, in fact as I shared before she graduated from high school and community college on the same day, and finished her degree in early childhood education two years earlier than normal. She also works as a paid tutor to children in her community.

S is a woman of few words, which I suppose is why when she does share her opinion, I am always most eager to hear it. She fascinates me, this young woman who seems so very wise for her age.

As I mentioned before, my brother had the biggest mad crush on S, who was already married at the time and so of course not available. My brother would talk and talk and talk to her, and she would calmly and silently listen, nodding here and there, ever patient and agreeable, even when I am pretty sure she must have been thinking, “Are you kidding me???” at times! She probably has the same thought about me at times, in fact, but if so she’s never said so.

I am more one to blurt out what I think than to hold it in. I am not like S. But I think I could learn something from her restraint — there is sometimes power in silence.

S is a very good example of what the bible describes as a Godly woman. I could learn a lot by studying her, and perhaps I could do that better if I were more silent at times myself.

internal-silence_humanity-healing

However silence does not translate very well over the Internet, so I suppose in order to communicate here, I have to express myself in writing, and so do you! So please, share what you think in the comments!

Eating Crow Isn’t Tasty

22 Tuesday Mar 2016

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Today I’d like to share a story to help illustrate a point. I’ll get to what the point is later, but first the story…

When I was 26 or so, I had the amazing opportunity to travel to China and Hong Kong with my uncle, who is Chinese, born in China, raised in Hong Kong, educated in the US, and married to my mom’s sister.

He is my favorite uncle, and I am so blessed to have him in my life and world. Thanks to him I have been exposed to a wonderful and beautiful culture I never would have seen otherwise. The Chinese culture is the oldest continuous surviving culture on earth, and radically different from our own. Thanks to him, I have had a “translator” to help me understand the origins of these differences, which I am sure otherwise would seem quite baffling. (The culture is group based, conformity based, community based, and many other things rarely if ever found in American culture which prizes the individual over the group.)

The Chinese are also, thank Goodness, infinitely polite and ever patient. My uncle must sometimes just cringe in amazement at his American niece (very much a proud and loud independent feminist minded female at the time).

But back to the story. So I got to go on this trip. My Uncle’s oldest brother was also there, he met us there (he’s a longtime resident of New Zealand where he settled after college.) We also saw and met many other family members along the way, including a sister in Beijing, a sister in Hong Kong, a sister visiting Hong Kong from Maryland, their mother, uncle, and aunt all in Hong Kong, and various other cousins and distant clan.

There were banquets and feasts and touring and a trip on a boat down the Yangtze (pre-dam) and all sorts of amazing, amazing things. A trip of a lifetime.

While in Bejing we toured the Imperial Palace, home to the former Emperors of China, and a just amazing, must-see place. It is HUGE, and goes from large public spaces, to mid sized official spaces, to private residence spaces, to the most intimate spaces only the Emperor, his servants, and his wives saw.

Anyway most of the trip my uncle and his brother did all the talking, planning, and navigation. My uncle was so young when his family fled the communist takeover of China that he only speaks Cantonese, the language of Hong Kong. His older brother, eight at the time they fled, speaks both Cantonese and Mandarin, the language of mainland China. Hong Kong and China are vastly different places, cultures, and such — truly fascinating. Especially then, when China was just opening to the West and Hong Kong had just reverted to Chinese rule from Birttish.

But again, back to the story. After spending an entire day touring and walking from the front gates of the palace to the exit at the rear, we were all anxious to get something to eat and get back to our hotel. Cab drivers were waiting right outside the gate, very boldly approaching groups and seeking riders. I for some reason decided to take charge. I choose the cab driver, my uncle and his brother (my uncles really) looked at each other with a knowing look, agreed, and we got in. I felt so proud of my independence and my ability to make my way in the world as a fierce and fearless female!

When we got to our destination, the driver informed my uncles the price was significantly higher than promised. You see he was not an official cab driver with an agreed to fare and government backed policies, but a hustler, and thanks to me we were in his clutches. My uncles quickly paid the higher fare with little arguement. Problem solved! Or so I thought.

Later that evening they very nicely and patiently informed me I owed them for the additional fare, as after all the cab was my choice, so it was only fair. Cringe. They were right and I knew it, so I forked over the $40 or so extra, which at the time was a big part of my “spending money” for the trip.

They taught me something without ever saying a word and it was this — I should have trusted them to lead the way and make the decisions rather than try (demand) to foolishly “prove” myself their equal.

Eating crow is never a fun thing. But I took my lumps and choked it down without complaint. And I learned something that day — men know a lot more than we women often give them credit for.  Listening and looking to them for guidance can be a wise strategy, but takes a humble and dare I say submissive frame of mind to yield, but it’s a lot better than eating crow. Try it sometime!

Or you can get used to saying, “Mmmmm, crow….yummy!”

What do you think? Please share in the comments!Eating crow

(And for a good look at the Imperial Palace, the movie “The Last Emperor” shows it well, and tells the story of how China became a communist country, as well. Excellent watching!)

 

 

 

 

The Siren Call of Hypergamy

20 Sunday Mar 2016

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According to Red Pill philosophy, the achilles heel of each gender is women are hypergamous while men are polygamous. Or in other words, women are always on the lookout for a better deal, while men are always on the lookout for additional partners.

Now of course these are generalizations, and not everyone acts upon these base drivers. But that does not mean they are not there, and one is wise to guard against them as acting upon them has a tendency to be destructive more often than not.

Since this blog is directed toward women, we will now ignore the topic of men and polygamy (perhaps we can talk of this another day) and focus instead on women and hypergamy.

In college, I remember clearly my abnormal psychology professor talking about the “theory of availability.” In short, he said that the idea of total commitment was all but dead in American culture — that everybody was available if the offer was right. I was appalled at the thought, even then, many years prior to discovering the Red Pill. But 20 some years of life experience later and seeing that very scenario in real life many times, I’d say like it or not, for a large part it is likely true. Especially if people are unaware or in denial of this.

Ladies, no matter how great of a guy you have, or how ideal of a situation you are in, there is always the risk that hyperemic urges will strike. And my advice is to be aware of and to conciously counter them. Otherwise they can feaster and grow in power, these thoughts of “What if?” or “Why not?”

Case in point: Tonight I was at a charity event representing my biz. It was an interesting and accomplished crowd. Some of the most influential and powerful people in my area were there, in fact. There were four single, accomplished, attractive, and interested men giving me very clear IOI’s at the event. Any one of them would be a “catch” by anyone’s standards. I am sure with any encouragement, I could have followed up on any or all four of those threads. But I didn’t.

Why? Because I am already in and pursuing a relationship with a single, accomplished, attractive, and interesting guy who is committed to me and things are going well, are more than promising in fact. To allow my hyperemic urge to take the lead tonight could (would) have spelled disaster for that. And for what? The “possibility” of something more? No thanks.

So I took it as the flattery it was (it always feels good to be noticed), and of course those guys don’t know I am seeing someone so I can’t blame them, but I didn’t return or encourage the IOI’s, packed up my stuff at the end, and went home alone.

Because I know, thanks to the Red Pill, that hypergamy is simply a house of cards. To indulge in it once one has “chosen” will only result in disaster.

But if you don’t know the enemy you cannot confront it. Ladies, meet hypergamy — destroyer of lives, families, happiness, and futures. My advice? Avoid it at all costs. Dance with the one who brought you. Once you have chosen, be happy with and stand by your choice. No matter how tempting other offers may seem. Trust me on this — the grass isn’t greener. It’s astroturf.

 

 

Don’t Ride the Carousel

18 Friday Mar 2016

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There’s a red pill saying called “riding the carousel” which, to put it nicely, means a gal sleeping around, hooking up, and having casual, no strings sex during her teens, 20s, and early 30s.

The first time I heard guys talking abut this in the manosphere, I was shocked how negatively they viewed this behavior, and the women engaging in it. After all this isn’t the 1950s, right?

Well the reality is even guys who are themselves involved in such behavior look down upon gals who are taking a “What’s good for the gander is good for the goose” approach to sex. The higher quality of “catch” a guy was, the less willing they were to consider a woman who had “ridden he carousel” as a serious longterm/lifetime partner.

Like it or not, believe it or not, this is how guys still feel today about all this. Even if they tell you they don’t! Even if they are trying to talk you into going home with them for some hook up fun that very night!

It’s been called lots of things, including a double standard, but it all goes back to biology — a promiscuous female is a cuckhold risk in a man’s eyes. And for a man, being a cuckhold is just about the worst thing one could be. Men have a very strong, visceral reaction to the idea. (Unless they have a cuckhold fetish, and well then that’s just another issue entirely…)

Consider the plays of Shakespeare’s era, all rife with jokes and references to cuckholding – it’s certainly nothing new. No guy wants to be tricked into thinking a child is his when it is not because he’s been with a woman who is “getting around.” (And in case we’ve all forgotten, sex is what leads to babies!)

For women, this is not a concern. After all unless the baby is switched at birth, we know a baby that comes out of our body is “ours” as silly as that sounds. But as couples who have experienced having a baby switched at birth experience, there is something profoundly disturbing and distressing about discovering the baby you thought was yours, really isn’t.

Or if all that makes no sense, think of it this way, when a hot guy wants to hook up or have a short term no strings attached sexual experience with you, he’s not saying it’s because you’re so hot. What he’s really saying is that you meet his minimum threshold for attractiveness, but not his minimum threshold for a long term or serious relationship. What he’s really saying is you aren’t hot enough! Ouch!

But yep, it’s all true. And I know that because I have heard guys say it anonymously online many, many, many times. So don’t kid yourself — and remember, you’re better than that! You deserve a guy who’s all in, not just a guy who just wants to put it in! And the guy who will be all in, he’s worth waiting for (and doesn’t he deserve more from you, too?)

Carousel Rider

Carousel riding. I would not advise it. Trust me on this one.

But what do you think? Please share in the comments!

 

 

 

Be Light

16 Wednesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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Commenter Ton brought up a point the other day in response to this post that I would like to elaborate on. He says:

“Remember what men want in a home life? More or less an escape from killing dragons all day.”

This is a point I would do well to remember more myself, and I think is good advice for all women — be light. Be fun. Be carefree. Be joy. Be his escape from the cares and burdens of the world.

Yes there are always things going wrong, and bad things to focus on, and things to complain about, and on and on. And oh how we gals can go on, and on, and on about all that. (Myself included, cringe.)

Here’s a challenge and I am taking it too: Don’t go on and on about those things. Choose to focus on the positive. And yes ladies — it’s a CHOICE.

Ok, sometimes yes, we have to talk about the hard stuff, the bad stuff, the problems. But much of the time, we actually don’t HAVE to, we choose to. It can be a very bad habit to dwell on the black lining in the silver cloud. It can be a very good habit to do the opposite. And habits are just that — repeated behaviors that soon become automatic.

I heard it said once that men take their emotional cues from women, and whatever emotions you put out often influence his own emotions. If so, what better reason to be light, be fun, be happy, and be upbeat than this? Your doing so will lead to his doing so, and life will be all the more happy, fun, and upbeat for it!

Consider:

Scenario #1: Man calls/sees his lady. She goes on and on about everything bad about her day, her job, her life. How does he feel now? (Hint: Bad!) How does he feel about calling/seeing her next time? (Hint: Bad!)

Scenario #2: Man calls/sees his lady. She goes on and on about everything good about her day, her job, her life. How does he feel now? (Hint: Good!) How does he feel about calling/seeing her next time? (Hint: Good!)

See what I mean? So don’t be a Debbie Downer. Just don’t. Do your best to be light, and to bring light into his (and everyone’s) world, too!

light.jpg

What do you think? Please share your thoughts in the comments!

Troll Culture

15 Tuesday Mar 2016

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The recent disputes happening at rallies seems to show troll culture has jumped from Cyberspace into the mainstream.

Trolls, in short, are folks who visit an online website, blog, or discussion thread they disagree with, but rather than just stating their points like a rational person, they seem to feel they are on some kind of crusade to disrupt, upset, and dismantle discussions that don’t suit them. They are self-appointed “thought police.” It’s as if other people having their own opinions is simply not allowed, are seen as a personal affront and threat to their own worldview rather than simply as an alternate one.

Imagine if Trump supporters started to attend rallies for his democratic opponents, heckling, destroying candidate signs, trying to jump on stage. Would the press blame the candidates themselves for those actions, or would they place the blame where it belongs — on the agitators who are on some vigilante crusade to “shut down” a legitimate and (like it or not) popular candidate?

Whether or not you or I agree with Trump or not, we should all be very, very disturbed by these events surrounding him, and how he is being blamed for those events rather than the blame being placed on those making their own choices to agitate in the opposing camp and yet expect impunity — or worse — validation or glory even. Not that I am justifying violence, but you don’t poke at a rattlesnake with a stick and then not expect a reaction, do you? What did they think was going to happen?

Because you know what? If troll culture gets a pass, we’ll start seeing it more and more often, like at this rally just moments ago for another presidential candidate!

The solution is not to allow more and safer disruption of people who really should not be there in the first place. We don’t need to protect the trolls, they need to be legally ejected or arrested if they are disruptive. To coddle them will only make things worse.

Whatever happened to agreeing to disagree? How did we get here? How do we get back to something a little more sanity based?

The slow slide of first amendment freedoms, of all personal liberties in fact, we have seen over the past few decades is not a good thing. It is not American. It is not freedom. It is not liberty. It is not justice for all.

Troll culture is not a step forward, it is a big step back.

 

 

The Doctor and His Wife

15 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Relationships

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A couple who frequents my biz offer an interesting Red Pill vingette.

Now I don’t know them well, but they are friendly and with each visit a little more comes out. They are an attractive couple, he is tall and trim, with a bit of an Alan Alda circa M*A*S*H vibe. Not super hot, but not bad looking by any means. She is very natural yet very attractive, wavy brunette hair, striking big green eyes, curvy but not at all fat, athletic and fresh faced, as if she just came from a spirited hike in the woods.

He’s a psychologist, she works for a group that aims to conserve rural land.  They are happy and light and like to crack jokes, poking fun at themselves as well as at the absurdity of the world. They seem very fun.

They often stop in on their way to work out together at the gym, or to go out exploring nature, or some weekend couple’s time activity. Sometimes they bring friends, mostly they come alone.

It’s hard to say how long they have been together, but my gut says not very long. If I had to guess, I would say they met online and have been married less than two years. My guess is they dated for a year or so prior to that based on how they act with each other. They don’t have the “We’ve known each other for ages,” vibe couples seem to get – yet. (I will see if I can find out more of their story next time they stop in.)

They are affectionate, yet reserved. I am not sure I have ever seen them actually touch each other in public, and certainly no PDAs that stand out. Yet they have a definite fondness for each other, with a hint of a paternal vibe. Something tells me they have an active love life.

It can be hard to tell ages, but at their last visit I slipped it into the conversation out of curiosity. He revealed that he is 43, she is 28 (although very poised and not at all immature or girlish, regal almost.) I saw the twinkle in his eye and said, “A perfect age difference,” to which he readily and wholeheartedly agreed.

They are an example of a Red Pill truism, that men tend to hit their highest SMP/MMP mark later in life than a woman, while women tend to sooner. I get the feeling that pre-education/career he was not likely a ladies man, although he is natural enough in conversation. I suspect she’s at the peak of ripeness in her life, although I am sure she will continue to develop and mature with age. However in youthful beauty, she’s right there at the cusp.

They don’t have children together, but he said he does have a 20 year old of his own. They don’t plan to have kids, he announced and she shook her head in agreement. I get the feeling that these two just want to enjoy life and each other. (Although it will be interesting to see what happens as she nears 35 or so, when the maternal urge often seems to kick in full force even in women who have not had it before.)

If you were to chart these two on a graph with each at their SMP/MMP peak, they’d both be there about now, which is exactly what the Red Pill predicts. They are a matched set. I predict a pretty cushy life ahead.

Or in other words ladies, when the Doctor picks his wife, she’s likely going to be younger than he, better looking, and she’ll be quite thrilled with her hypergamous catch.

Ladies, you would not be unwise to start looking for your love match in ernest starting at or before age 25. And it wouldn’t be bad to aim a bit older than yourself, as he’ll likely be more settled and ready to be looking for his match as well compared to someone your own age. To guys her age, she may not stand out or they may still be in casual dating mode, but for a man around 40 she would be a definite score! Not to say people of the same age don’t get together, but when he was scanning profiles of 40 some year old women (likely with added life complications) versus ones of ladies in their mid to late 20s who likely has less relationship baggage, odds are the guy will choose as above.  Had she been tied up with a guy her age who’s not ready to commit, she may have missed him. It’s something to ponder and to set yourself up to win accordingly.

Not to say it can’t happen, but the idea that a gal can wait just like a man can to settle down with an upper shelf guy rarely works out in her favor, while for a man it more than likely can. (Or in other words, would she have married a Doctor at 41? Maybe, maybe not…)

What do you think?

 

Helicopter Neighboring

10 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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I have noticed a growing phenomenon in our culture, but I am not sure where it comes from — people calling the authorities to report or “tattle” on others.

For example, I live in a rural are where it is OK to burn tree limbs and such as long as there isn’t a burn ban and you have a permit from the fire department. Despite this, and my having a permit, hose, and shovel all right there as required, almost without fail every time I light my burn pile, it seems some “do gooder” driving by picks up their cell phone and reports it to 911.

This triggers a visit from the local fire department, who then see that I have the permit, shovel, and hose and that everything is in order.

Really? What a waste of time and resources!

If these people are really so concerned, why don’t they stop and check in with me themselves? Why do they feel the need to call the authorities, or even get involved at all? I could understand if my house was on fire, and of course then I would appreciate the call. But when I am clearly just burning a pile of brush?

I could list many other examples, almost all cases where neighbors talking to neighbors rather than neighbors calling the authorities on neighbors would be the best solution.

For example, not long ago another commenter (Liz, I think?) shared a story of a neighbor who called the police when they noticed the neighbor’s tween-age boy (12, if I recall correctly) was home from school but his parents were not. The boy was calmly playing basketball IN HIS OWN DRIVEWAY waiting patiently for his parents, who were minutes away. Instead of the neighbor just asking the kid if he was OK, or if he needed to use the phone to call his parents, they called 911. And the family lost custody of their son, and spent months caught up in the CPS system trying to get him back. Really?  Because they were stuck in traffic and 15 minutes late?

When and how did America become this? What are the implications to the concepts of freedom and liberty that we supposedly hold so dear?

Please share your thoughts in the comments.

 

Parenting Red Pill Kids

09 Wednesday Mar 2016

Posted by in Red Pill

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In a post a few days back about a real life red pill conversation I had with a gentleman in his 60s, I didn’t include a story he told me then that I think really illustrates how much things have changed when it comes to parenting and raising kids in the United States today.

He told the story of helping out a local farmer every summer as a kid. He’d go in the morning, starting at 10 years old, and spend the day with the neighbor. The tasks were age appropriate, for example at 10 he would ride along on the hay baling machine and jump on and off to open and shut gates, and do various other small tasks a child can easily do but that are very helpful to getting the overall job at hand done in a timely manner (if the driver is hopping up and down opening and shutting gates all day, well it slows things down versus little Jake riding alongside, spending the day outdoors, watching older boys and men work, and learning to be useful.)

As he grew, he took on more tasks. Tasks he had watched the older boys get to do with envy before. (Buck hay bales! Run equipment! Drive the tractor!) They became rites of passage, tangible signs that he was growing up. Mastering them was a privilege, not a chore.

For his help,  Jake would get $2 a day. Now this was likely sometime in the 50s, so that wasn’t such a bad wage back then, he says, and by the end of the summer he could have $100 saved up. What did he spend it on? School clothes. Such an idea today may seem unthinkable — making a child earn and buy their own school clothes? God forbid! That’s borderline abuse! But Jake didn’t see it that way, in fact his eyes twinkled as the memory came back to him of being a kid, flipping through the Sears and Roebuck catalog, and picking out “his” school clothes.

As he put it, “I could buy way better looking school clothes than my parents would buy that way, and I got to pick them out myself,” he said with obvious pride.

Jake grew up, served in the military, married, ran a small business, raised a family of his own. He’s comfortably retired now (No pension or retirement plan either mind you, he saved that out of his self employed, self created earnings!) in his mid 60s, a self made man with a loving wife and self sufficient, well adjusted kids, respect in his community, and few worries. Jake has had and lived a successful life — in many ways he embodies, “The American Dream.”

Contrast this with recent a tale from another family, this from customers in their mid 40s, a very, very nice couple, childhood sweethearts, with two teenage boys, 18 and 16. As we talked about their oldest preparing to start college next year, I said how proud they must be of him. Uncomfortable silence followed.

“Yeah, we’ve got good kids…” they said, not finishing the sentence. I sensed there was something more. So I gently probed. Was he in trouble? Acting out?

“No,” they said. In their minds it was almost worse — their son started collecting Pokeman cards as a child, and still to this day it is still one of his core activities. Their younger son, 16, doesn’t want to even get his driver’s license. They aren’t sure why their kids are so passive, so reliant on them, so perfectly OK with NOT growing up. (No offense to any Pokeman collectors, please don’t take this personal.)

As we talked it dawned on me — unlike generations before, unlike Jake, these kids had grown up in a protective parenting bubble. There is in fact actually a movement to bring back that unsupervised, just kids, roaming around outside and engaged in imaginary play, playtime. Apparently it is much more important to normal human development than anyone realized.

The mother shared of how she was always there for her boys, how when they played outside she watched them, how when they need to go somewhere she took them, how they had very little unsupervised time, how when they needed or wanted something (within reason) their parents supplied it. They were “good parents” by almost anyone’s definition.

The mom mentioned a neighbor lady who basically shoos her boys out in the morning, and spends her day cleaning house and cooking while the boys play. Unsupervised!?! Outside!?! It seems almost shocking by today’s parenting norms. Yet, this mom wondered out loud if…maybe she should have done more of that?

I mentioned how different childhood may have been for us compared to today, as Gen X kids, and asked if either of them had been latchkey kids, like myself. Sure enough, the father said he had, and that he wanted more for his kids. He and his wife worked hard and lived carefully to ensure she could be at home while their kids were growing up. And these are good people, good parents, I believe they had the best of intentions and were doing what the society at large said was, “the better way.” But now, they fully admitted, they think their kindness has crippled their kids, and they aren’t sure if it is too late or if not, what to do now? I could feel their pain, they want their kids to be happy, healthy, and whole. That’s all they have ever wanted. They don’t know where things went wrong.

It’s a common parenting reaction to one’s own lack, to go 360 degrees the other way, but I would urge the middle is a better place to aim to correct for what one considers their parent’s parenting mistakes of the past. Maybe they were too harsh, to easy, too whatever.  The gut reaction is to either do the same, or to do the opposite. I’d argue the middle is usually better than the extremes of either end.

Jake and I marveled at how today what he did would not even be possible, except on the sly. Farmers can no longer hire local children under 16 to help out. And if they hire children 16 or older, they can only do so if they can pay them minimum wage. Today, it would be much more likely that a farmer would hire migrant farm workers, than a kid like Jake.

Is all this really  progress? Is it good? Or have we lost something we may need to get back? Let me know what you think in the comments!

(Note: I also know people who are Jake’s age who worked on farms as children except unlike his experience, the kids were expected to do too much, the labor was too hard, the tasks above what they truly were developmentally ready to do. This approach, as far as I can see, backfires, and is not good, does not seem to instill the same self reliant work ethic Jake has. So again, the middle is the often the sweet spot.)