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abundance, attraction, bad boys, battle of the sexes, break ups, commitment, courtship, dating, fat acceptance, love, marriage, online dating, red pill, relationships, romance
A conversation with my oldest daughter about how she can “set herself up to win” at school by changing a few habits that are currently working against her got me thinking, we could all probably examine our lives and ask ourselves, “Am I setting myself up to win?”
So often, we get out of life what we put in. If we aren’t getting the results we want, it’s often because we’re not (actually) taking the steps needed to get there. Wanting something and taking the action needed to get there are indeed two different things!
Someone complaining about there “not being any good men out there” might want to reconsider her approach of meeting men primarily in nightclubs and other pick up venues, for example.
Another person who isn’t getting the response they were hoping for via online dating could stop clinging to the attitude of “if I have to lose weight to attract a man, then I don’t want one!” and realize that most things worth having take effort and work. She likely doesn’t want an overweight and unattractive man herself, so why would she think a man would be willing to overlook the same? (Remembers ladies: Female attractiveness is highly controllable.)
The gal who meets great guys only to have the relationships fizzle out with time might want to be truly honest with herself and examine if there are things she is doing that make her less appealing over the long haul (does she have a difficult personality, an entitlement attitude, unattractive lifestyle or personal habits that she could work on eliminating, etc.)
The gal with a long requirements list of what “any man who gets my hand” needs to do and be, but doesn’t have an equally long list of what she brings to the relationship herself, may want to shift the focus from what she’ll “get” to what she’ll “give.”
The person who complains, complains, complains about what’s lacking in her life but is taking absolutely zero steps to change any of the things she’s complaining about may want to ask herself, “How’s that working for you?”
Or in other words one can’t show up to life without their homework, with no pencil and paper, ignore the helpful advice of teachers and other advisors, not listen to what the assignment requirements actually are (not what they wish they were or think they should be), wait until the day before the term ends to ask about making up for missing assignments, and expect to get an “A” just because they showed up, kept the seat warm, and were “being themselves!”
Sure, it’s harder than blaming others or blaming circumstances. It takes effort to invest in self improvement and personal growth. It takes courage to do and be different. But victory goes to the bold, my friends! Set yourself up to win!
And when you feel discouraged or wonder if the effort is (or will be) worth it, remember, 80 percent of the people aren’t even trying. So by applying yourself, having a plan, working your plan, and not giving up you are almost guaranteed success!
Can you think of examples where you have seen this concept in real life? Please share them in the comments below.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
The funny thing is that when we demand the best of others, rather than treating them like victims, they actually do better.
Indeed, copper fox. For example the whole “don’t hurt their self esteem” movement that was so popular in the 70s and 80s likely did more damage than good. It created an entire generation who expect a trophy for “effort” or “participation” even when they put in no effort and only participated by physically being present.
To finish my thought, the self esteem movement ended up making people less able to cope with adversity and reality, not more! So yes, as you say, such coddling weakens folks, it doesn’t make them more able or resiliant.
I think the “self-esteem” movement started out with good enough intentions…give people positive as well as negative feedback, pats on the shoulder as well as kicks in the ass…but has morphed into a monster and created millions of people who are emotionally fragile.
True David, it somehow went from that to “no negatives allowed!”
RPG,
I think that this is good advice for women. It’s still relatively easy for a woman to find a motivated man.
Much of success in life due to “avoiding doing stupid stuff” it is.
@ Fuzzie, Indeed. Too many women want to blame men for their not having a man rather than look at themselves and they own behavior and decide how to increase their chances of success.
Indeed Yoda! When we take a step back and honestly evaluate why things aren’t working, it’s often a result of user error!
RPG,
Are you telling me that Average Jane expects men in top hat and tails with flowers and candy to line up outside her house on Saturday night?
If the average expects that much, what is going to happen in a relationship?
Yikes!
@ Fuzzie I am not quite sure it is that bad, but I do think too many women waste time blaming others for their life not looking how they want and could get much further taking personal responsibility in doing what it takes to achieve their goals.
Just like bikini models are not going to knock on a single guys door, a guy in a tux bearing flowers is not going to knock on a single gal’s door.
I plan to do a separate post on women and weight but also true George Clooney didn’t marry (or ever even date, or escort to the Oscars, or be seen in public w) a heavyset gal with a heart of gold, now did he?
That said I do see overweight gals w built buff cute guys, I am not sure how they are managing that. And I mean like a 4 gal w a 7 or 8 guy. So maybe it does happen? But it’s not the norm.
@ Fuzzie, there are good girl bears out there…try to remember that, too! They are rare, rarer than they should be, but there are some.
men in top hat and tails
Look good in that I would
Yoda, somehow I am sure you would be especially striking!
It would be the large triangular ears pointing away fron the center of the head.
RPG,
Something has been done to tha marketplace to make it work for women at the expense of men. At my age, the demographics in my favor should be overwhelming but, for guys, it is simply not working. Case in point, all the Christian male bloggers who were single and looking years ago, still are single and looking.
@ fuzzie I don’t get that… But I trust you know. Something is seriously derailed for sure! I still hope you find the real deal yet!
RPG,
The quip was about Yoda’s ears made prominent by a top hat.
Something is seriously wrong and, for all our effort, we haven’t isolated it yet. When we do, a solution will present itself.
That would be nice Fuzzie, think of all the suffering that could end and the happiness that could replace it!
Dare to dream!!!!
And they say the red pillers are bitter. Meh! Realists, I’d say. It would be nice if people did the right thing, but for some darn reason they don’t!?!?! Tis a mystery…
Somebody once told me that there are two forces at work-fear and love. Right now, fear has the upper hand. Let’ shopethat people get tired of being afraid.
@ Fuzzie mistakes may be made. Even big ones. But from trying lessons are learned. None of us will get out of this place alive anyway!
David Foster: “I think the “self-esteem” movement started out with good enough intentions…give people positive as well as negative feedback, pats on the shoulder as well as kicks in the ass…but has morphed into a monster and created millions of people who are emotionally fragile.”
Yes. Then the politicians morphed it further to creat an entire class of perpetually offended career victims.
Kind of related to the topic:
https://www.yahoo.com/celebrity/news/cheryl-tiegs-apologizes-ashley-graham-reveals-her-own-204331923.html
Cheryl Tiegs had the nerve to say, “I don’t like that we’re talking about full-figured women because it’s glamorizing them, and your waist should be smaller than 35 [inches].”
Of course she is shamed for making this perfectly legitimate observation.
And has anyone else noticed the SI cover with the fatty is the only one left on the shelves?
The market is obviously speaking.
Next step, SI will expect a government grant for its promotion of the obese.
@ Liz re Ashley…check out the photo of her (the article itself is blah blah fat shaming but the Facebook page it talks about is an interesting one! Project harpoon…)
http://www.bustle.com/articles/105462-how-project-harpoon-justifies-photoshopping-plus-size-women-to-make-them-thin-why-its-still
In the article… “Thin privlidge”
Oh vay!
In an open hypergamy environment, even sleek, attractive and smart women self-sabotage — and then complain that men are not measuring up. My theory is that in on open hypergamy environment, where the SMP sampling has become an orgiastic buffet of “I’ll try him next! He might be better!” they develop retail vertigo — choice overload (as happens when suddenly we can walk into a store or visit Amazon, and find 18,000 different versions of the same product).
This is both a habit acquired over years of Amy Schumer (“I can still get a dick by raising my little finger”) cavorting, and a poorly considered strategy (“Is he really the best I can do?”). Beta males put up with it, and willingly enter a “yes dear” lifestyle. Alphas or sigmas are more likely to say, “Sorry, babe, you own your own shit.”
Ironically, the “sorry, babe …” position increases a man’s value to a subject female.
There would be no successful female execs or other professionals if they managed their careers this way. Just as there would be no successful men if their response to workplace complexity or disagreement were “Whatever you say, dear, I’m just here to go along get along.”
Returning to Bloom’s perspective and comments, how many of these frustrated loser middle-aged adolescents with metastasizing waistlines have ever asked themselves, much less a man they’re interested in, “So, what do *you* want out of a relationship with me?” It’s never occurred to them. It never happens. They lock up and melt down if the man asks them, “Do you know what I need from you?”
RP discussions about men dig deeply into the issue of What Do Women Want, and there is pretty solid consensus about three fundamentals (some version of Resources, Protection and Sexy Time, prioritized differently at different points in life). Women are stuck on believing they’re all Beyonce, and a man is just an adolescent horny boy who wants access to her magical vagina. Projection much?
I’m going to skip my usual slew of anecdotes, but these dynamics dominate my interactions with any woman over 35. In management consulting-speak, you can advise such women “Here are the keys for longterm success with me” and you’ll get the blank stare of a heifer whose thoughts are dominated by how sweet it would be if the next round bale of fresh alfalfa were broken out so she can chow down.
I self-sabotage as well, of course, but I would assert that I have at least considered the idea that I self-sabotage. I do know it is for radically different reasons. I’ve never met a man who thought he could have it all, thought a Dad Bod was sexy, or that his dick was a red diplomatic passport to earthly New Jerusalem.
BV: ” I’ve never met a man who thought he could have it all, thought a Dad Bod was sexy, or that his dick was a red diplomatic passport to earthly New Jerusalem.”
So true.
I have pet theory and it ain’t new and it ain’t even mine really. That the destruction of women and women’s attitude has drastically accelerated since the onset of the internet. All a woman has to do is create a profile or two on a online dating website and monitor all the validation coming in; 24/7; available on demand on her Mobile Affirmation Device – MAD. Haha and no, didn’t coin that term either. Link is below.
The idea is with hypergamy unleashed and unrestrained and affirmation available constantly … women have been divulging from reality. Most over estimate themselves dramatically. And have poor attitudes towards men. And treat them that way. And why shouldn’t they … if a man doesn’t do what they want … just dial in the MAD-ness and get another helping of affirmation. Maybe reading the below link will explain it better (I can cross link from here, right ?). Anyway, the photo at the top pretty much says it all. FATTY looks in the mirror … sees a HOTTIE looking back. How did she get that way ? Addiction to cell phones and the affirmations they get from it.
http://hawaiianlibertarian.blogspot.com/2016/01/the-technical-ecstasy-of-handheld.html
I’ve never met a man who thought he could have it all, thought a Dad Bod was sexy, or that his dick was a red diplomatic passport to earthly New Jerusalem.
Yet women believe the comparable situation for them they do.
Homework assignment: figure out why this is
Above home work assignment on surface not difficult it is.
But deeper down somewhat difficult to discern things they are
Yoda,
That is intimidating homework! At a glance, it takes an awful lot of self-delusion.
RPG,
Something you said jogged my thought processes while I slept. There have to be a lot of women who hardly go out of the house unless it is absolutely necessary. They are virtual shut ins. No wonder venues for meeting are over subscribed by men. I don’t know how deep this goes but, it has to be huge. That goes a long way to explaining the behavior of women who do go out.