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In this post I am going to talk about a rather touchy topic, women and weight and the effect excess weight has on female attractiveness and a gal’s smp/mmp value.

I have always weighed heavier than I look, and I can put weight on around the middle (rather than in my hips, buns, or thighs) thanks to my partial German heritage. My mom was always on some crazy fad diet or another when I was growing up, and I watched her yo-yo between being overweight, ideal weight, and then as soon as she reached her goal right back on her way to the weight she was before.

So I decided back then I wasn’t going to be a “dieter” but instead to be a “moderator.” I eat in moderation, and for the most part that has worked for me. I usually hover about 15-20 pounds heavier than body weight charts would recommend for my height.

So while I have never been vastly overweight, I didn’t realize myself how those 15-20 pounds were making a difference in my attractiveness until after a bad break up when I dropped 20-30 pounds nearly overnight from stress, shock, and grief. I thought I looked like a skeleton, and was actually pretty self conscious of it but everywhere I went, people who didn’t know what had happened in my personal life would exclaim, “OMG!!! You look FANTASTIC!” (I was hoping we would reconcile so I wasn’t really talking about the break up hoping it was just temporary, which is why many people who only know me on a acquaintance basis didn’t realize the cause of my sudden weight loss.)

I actually had to go out and buy new pants because the ones I had literally would not stay up. I was once again wearing the same size jeans as I did in high school! Something that had not happened in 20 years.

Suddenly, men noticed me like crazy! I have always gotten my fair share of male attention, but it was suddenly OFF THE CHARTS. Of course in my heartbroken state I was not in the mood to date, so I didn’t take advantage of the situation at the time. Such is life! (Photos from that time reveal, I did look a lot better even if I didn’t feel it!)

Anyway, what I am saying is had I not experienced it myself, I never would have realized how much of a difference even 20 pounds of extra padding was making, much less 40, or 60, or more. So this is shared from personal experience, and what I am saying is not meant to shame anyone, but to reveal a red pill truth: weight matters to men. A lot.

This chart from thereulesrevisited.com showed it pretty clearly, of the controllable factors of female attractiveness, weight is by large the biggest factor one can actually do something about, followed closely by hairstyle, make up, posture, and fit of clothes. (I hope the author won’t mind me reposting it here:)

Feminine Beauty Pie Chart - By Attention Index

So what this shows, and based on what I experienced firsthand, I would say the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT factor a women can and should control to make herself attractive to the opposite sex (either when looking for a mate or when with a mate she wants to KEEP attracted) is to lose excess weight/avoid weight gain.

In my writing career I have done a lot of writing about weight, health, and the health risks associated with excess weight. So while the fat acceptance and “fit but fat” folks want to not talk about this, the reality is when it comes to your health, weight is again the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT factor you can control to reduce your risk of many of the weight-related health issues that are the leading causes of death in the United States today: diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, metabolic syndrome, and even some cancers. So if you don’t care about it from an attractiveness standpoint, you should care about it from a health standpoint.

To make matters worse, the female body is actually DESIGNED to gain weight after puberty. Yep, it’s true! You see in the not so distant past, women who were within childbearing age needed to build up excess reserves between pregnancies as a hedge against famine. Pregnancy and even more so nursing take a lot of excess calories! So even though it is uncommon for a woman to have a child every other year or so throughout her adult life anymore, our bodies are still programmed to act like that is the plan.

In both my pregnancies I was lucky in that despite eating a healthy diet including a daily splurge of a hot fudge sundae, I had a hard time putting on weight. To the point that my doctor actually ordered the daily sundae. See I was eating very healthfully, better than I ever had otherwise, because I was wanting to build the healthiest baby possible! So I naturally changed my diet to be heavy on the fruits and veggies, light on the junk food, heavy on the healthy nutritionally dense stuff (also usually low calorie!) So when I delivered I was both times back to my pre-pregnancy weight within weeks. (I know this is not always the case, which brings me to this next part…)

After the baby arrives, and especially historically, then comes the breast feeding. And believe it or not, breast feeding burns A LOT of calories. Up to 500 a day! Imagine, the equivalent of nearly four hours working out, burned sitting on the couch snuggled up with your babe! I hope this is not TMI but I nursed both my kids until they were toddlers, not because I was particularly set on nursing, but I found my kids enjoyed it so I simply couldn’t see any reason not to. It saved a lot of money on formula and bottles and such, was exactly what their rapidly growing bodies and brains needed, and once I got past the first three months (when most women give it up because it is like having a baby bird, nursing every two hours or so, and honestly it can be claustrophobic and prevent you from getting much else done. However your body needs rest, and your baby needs bonding, so really it is as nature intended.) the kids nursed much less frequently and it was a lot more bearable. Convenient even. I worked from home, so it was easy for me to stop and nurse vs. trying to pump and all of that which from what I have seen friends go thru, can be a real trial. (Another good argument for planning ahead so you can stay home with baby rather than work. Save childcare, save money, be there for your baby and give them the nurturing that will set them up to become a future secure and healthy adult.)

To my surprise around month six I really started to see the positive side effect of nursing — I could eat like a teenage boy and hardly keep the weight on. I nicknamed my oldest “the human lipo machine” because she literally sucked out my fat stores, even the stubborn areas that would not budge before! I could literally eat WHATEVER I WANTED and not gain! It was fantastic, I love food, and so no lie I did not deny myself! (I miss it, actually.) Both kids naturally gave nursing up on their own in the toddler years, despite my sometimes worrying they would never do so! (People in my life advised me to “cut them off” but I didn’t, and we just let it run its natural course.)

Sure enough, once the nursing stopped, the weight slowly but surely started to creep back on, even with me watching what I ate. Boo! The break-up weight loss didn’t last either, and I gradually regained the 20 lost, which I am now in the process of working to take back off.

This brings me to an important point — if you want to lose weight, the WORST thing you can do is to go on some crazy fad or super restrictive diet. Doing so will only trigger your body’s primitive “starvation response” which will shut your metabolism down and make your body hoard fat stores like Fort Knox. Instead, you should follow a high protein, low calorie, high bulk plan like this one. When you are “dieting” correctly, you should actually literally have a hard time eating all that food and not experience hunger!

Hint: Because these plans have a very unrealistic (and wasteful) shopping list, I will try to repeat meals for several days in a row so that for example, you don’t use eat a cup of watermelon during the week and waste the rest, you have it at breakfast all week long, then switch things up the next week.)

In short, controlling your weight or losing excess weight healthfully is the single best thing you can do for BOTH your attractiveness and your health.

What your “most attractive and healthiest” weight will be depends on your personal situation. Some women really do look better and can carry off a little extra weight (mostly those with an hourglass figure like Anna Nicole Smith. Compare:




Although I would bet Anna was living a pretty unhealthy lifestyle too in the second pic, so perhaps it’s not a fair comparison, but I think she looks much better in the first image.

A controversial Facebook project called “The Harpoon Project” shows with the power of Photoshop how for the most part, like it or not, most women DON’T look better with excess weight, even Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models. Compare:


Image via Project Harpoon.

Ok, well that’s about all I can say about this. What do you think? Please share your thoughts in the comments!