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abundance, dating, happiness, love, marriage, positive thinking, red pill, relationships, romance
Commenter Ton brought up a point the other day in response to this post that I would like to elaborate on. He says:
“Remember what men want in a home life? More or less an escape from killing dragons all day.”
This is a point I would do well to remember more myself, and I think is good advice for all women — be light. Be fun. Be carefree. Be joy. Be his escape from the cares and burdens of the world.
Yes there are always things going wrong, and bad things to focus on, and things to complain about, and on and on. And oh how we gals can go on, and on, and on about all that. (Myself included, cringe.)
Here’s a challenge and I am taking it too: Don’t go on and on about those things. Choose to focus on the positive. And yes ladies — it’s a CHOICE.
Ok, sometimes yes, we have to talk about the hard stuff, the bad stuff, the problems. But much of the time, we actually don’t HAVE to, we choose to. It can be a very bad habit to dwell on the black lining in the silver cloud. It can be a very good habit to do the opposite. And habits are just that — repeated behaviors that soon become automatic.
I heard it said once that men take their emotional cues from women, and whatever emotions you put out often influence his own emotions. If so, what better reason to be light, be fun, be happy, and be upbeat than this? Your doing so will lead to his doing so, and life will be all the more happy, fun, and upbeat for it!
Consider:
Scenario #1: Man calls/sees his lady. She goes on and on about everything bad about her day, her job, her life. How does he feel now? (Hint: Bad!) How does he feel about calling/seeing her next time? (Hint: Bad!)
Scenario #2: Man calls/sees his lady. She goes on and on about everything good about her day, her job, her life. How does he feel now? (Hint: Good!) How does he feel about calling/seeing her next time? (Hint: Good!)
See what I mean? So don’t be a Debbie Downer. Just don’t. Do your best to be light, and to bring light into his (and everyone’s) world, too!
What do you think? Please share your thoughts in the comments!
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
Hear, hear Bloom!
Squee wee yes.
😀
So true.
Here is an example (since I am among un-judgy friends, I hope LOL) 😛
I wasn’t feeling well recently and was less squee than usual.
Mike called and I was kind of feeling blue.
Eventually (like, a couple of hours later) I snapped out of it and sent him a message that I was “feeling more squee now”
(I put the minions to work cleaning the house, that helped a lot….f*cking white tiles for flooring with pups and kids are the antithesis of squee)
He sent me this text:
“Low squee is not right. It’s like if I was feeling low T and wanted you to protect me”
LOL
Have you heard of Laura Doyle? She wrote “The Surrendered Wife”. She talks about being the Goddess of Fun and Light. Essentially, just being a playful, upbeat, happy person. What you’re saying reminds me of exactly that.
This one of her articles that expands on that: http://lauradoyle.org/blog/husband-refuses-to-work-on-marriage/
Thanks for sharing that Robot! I will have a read… 🙂
With my longest-serving partner:
She would engage me as soon as I came through the door, wanting to cuddle and talk.
Not complaining, just excited to see me and wanting to tell me all about her day.
I began arriving angry for the anticipated lack of peace.
And stopped, and thought it through.
“Love, when I get home I still haven’t finished my working day.
Greet me of course, but give me thirty minutes to put my clothes in the wash and clean my boots. To do whatever needs to be done for next day.
Then I will come and find you.”
And it was so.
Indeed Liz, sometimes it is too easy to overlook the obvious — squee! 😀
RPG,
Home should be a refuge. Hawaiian Libertarian had a great post on this years ago. If there is nothing but trouble at home, he is going to conclude that he was better off single.
About your rooster dilemna, In your shoes I would seek the advice of people where you buy tour feed. Ig they don’t know, they will know someone who does. The good news ism there are a lot of spare rooster out there.
Bloom, do your girls chase the chickens around? That is a way that roosters go nasty. Anything that they see as threatening their flock will make them more aggressive. Other animals bothering them might do it, too.
The Shadowed Knight
From robot’s link:
“The Goddess of Fun and Light is:
Agreeable.
Smart. But she knows she doesn’t have to prove it. She doesn’t dumb down, but she doesn’t engage in petty arguments just to prove that she’s right because that wouldn’t be fun.
Relaxed. She doesn’t check her watch or remind her husband they better hurry if they’re going to make it to the movie on time. She trusts that he can take care of those details.
Pleasant. Even if she had a rotten day at work, The Goddess is ready to leave behind daily hassles and stresses and have a good time.
Optimistic. She always expects that things will go well because she knows it improves her chances that they will.
Surrendered. She doesn’t tell her husband or boyfriend what to do or how to do it because she knows trying to control him would be exhausting and ruin the intimacy.”
Spot on, dat! 🙂
Tsk and fuzzie, the last few roosters have all been ones who came to me from people who got chickens and then discovered one or more were roosters. So they had either been sparring w another roo or had been aggressive w people already. My understanding is once this starts, they see people and other things as roosters and will act aggressively. Some breeds are worse than others. Once it begins its hard to stop. The kids don’t chase the roosters, they are afraid of them and won’t go near them. I like having a rooster around but think I may just stick w the hens for now. They lay eggs w or wo a rooster, I like having one for the crowing and also bc they look out for the hens, but w people around here the roo’s are too much liability.
RPG,
I didn’t have a problem with them when I lived in California. We did have a sepreate “Bachelor’s Roosters Quarters” to coop them up at night. I had to gather them up and they were cooperative. On e was affectionate and he had a roosting buddy, a hen that looked very much like him.
I can see why you’re afraid of the liability but, it’s not good for jens to be without a rooster.
Things really have seemed gloomy and cantankerous lately online. Everywhere (not just the sphere). Maybe it’s the primaries. Weather is awesome here. Yesterday we went on the minnow (our little boat, we’re selling it today because of the move…lots of good memories on that thing). The boys went tubing.
It’s porpoise mating season so there were about nine of them in the bay, swimming around the tube.
Wow swimming w wild dolphins must be amazing! I want to do that sometime! I had the chance to swim w a captive one once but choose not to support that, but wild ones you bet! Are they friendly?
Happy st. Patrick’s Day!
You named your boat after the one that got wrecked on Gilligan’s Island? I love it. I hope you sell it to someone who looks like Alan Hale Jr. .
The crankiness in the internet has been building for some time. It has to be about presidential politics and I see trouble ahead.
It must be fun to watch the boy porpoises doing all they can to impress the girl porpoises.
Try and identify the males earlier and separate them out, because if you do not have one, the hens will get in trouble. They do not do well without a rooster to keep them in line. They fight each other and cause problems.
The Shadowed Knight
“You named your boat after the one that got wrecked on Gilligan’s Island?”
Hee hee, yes. 😀
“I had the chance to swim w a captive one once but choose not to support that, but wild ones you bet! Are they friendly?”
They were very friendly swimming around the tube, but we’d heard they get a little TOO friendly during mating season if you swim in the water with them (they’re powerful animals). We were inspired to sing, though.
(to the tune of The Love Boat theme song):
“The Love Bay…..”
😛
I agree tsk. The local feed store has chicks and I think I am going to go get a bantam one, they are smaller and not aggressive but still do the rooster job. It’s true, the rooster “tells” the hens when it is time to go in, where there is food, when there is danger, etc. The hens don’t look up, only the rooster does. So they are pretty clueless without him. In fact now the girls run at me when I come out, as if I am the rooster and will tell them what they are supposed to be doing!
@ Liz, yes I suppose I would not want to end up on the news like manatee girl (shudder…)
I love boats, water, swimming, all of that! Hopefully where you are moving there is water or if not, there will be a new activity to enjoy! (Sniff…I will miss you!)
But I bet you won’t miss that white tile floor! What a nightmare!
….yesterday I was planting the first of my garden, lettuce and cool weather stuff, and the hens kept following right behind me, digging out what I had just put in! So yes, they need a rooster, I don’t want to be the rooster 🙂 I fenced in the garden gates so now they can’t get in there (hopefully!)
… I am going to get a few Ameracauna hens too, for the green eggs. Maybe a silver laced wyandotte, just bc they are so pretty… I have barred rocks now, black and white speckled, a “classic” chicken!
I am also getting a few turkeys as soon as they come in! Turkeys are very friendly and social. Their heads change color as well, from blue to white to red, based on temperature or maybe their mood, so that’s fun too. They are almost like dogs and are always a big hit with visitors.
But no ducks or geese for me — I don’t have any water on my place and so when I had ducks I was always dumping and filling their little baby pool which they would immediately get all green and messed up, then they would sit and squawk at me to change the water again, again, and again! Now they are in the freezer 😉 Nope, no water birds unless one has a real pond!
Robot, I had a chance to read the article you suggested and it is so right on! I think that is so true that in marriage far too many women fixate on “the problems” and it only increases “the problems!” Better to smile and be lighthearted, for sure. I wrote a post on a study that found suggests the same: https://notesfromaredpillgirl.com/2015/10/14/ride-the-rapids/
Green eggs? How fun!
Happy St Patty’s day back at ya, Bloom.
🙂
One of the school bus drivers was dressed as a leprechaun this morning, he had colored his hair and beard orange and had on a green hat and suspenders, fun! The girls got a kick out of that. Then at preschool my youngest should get a visit from a leprechaun, it sneaks in when the kids are playing outside and leaves gold covered chocolate coins and sometimes turns the water in the toilet green! Maybe we’ll build a leprechaun trap this afternoon out of stuff in the recycling bin…
Ducks in the freezer? Feathers and all? Are you going thaw them out when you get a pond?
I hope that you all had a Happy St. Patricks’s Day.
No feathers Fuzzie!
I hope that you have a good source for recipes.. Duck is a little rich and goose is even more so.
Goose is amazing! Perhaps my all tie favorite but sucks as leftovers
Lately I have been smoking both and both are on my to do list for Camp Ton
Since most women work outside the home I am not sure how realistic is its for them to be squeeeee but they should at least not add much to the dragons needed killing list
I have a fondness for duck and goose both, reminds me of visits to my grandparent’s farm and rediculously huge feasts with pretty much everything on the table raised there by themselves! Yum!
“Since most women work outside the home I am not sure how realistic is its for them to be squeeeee…”
This is true. I was less squee when I worked.
Although, it did depend on the job and the day.
thats the Ton Life right there
Sounds good Ton!
Geese can be really aggressive as well, and make great watchdogs. Thing is that most people don’t realize w birds in general is to not back down. Step into their space or move very deliberately w an aggressive stance toward them and they’ll stand down immediately. The rooster would never approach if I was making eye contact but he would sneak up and attack when I wasn’t looking. There’s a reason they are called “chickens.”
Bloom,
Aggressive roosters are outside my experience. Where I lived, they didn’t have much human contact and nobody messed with them. We had horses, so there was plenty of fly larvae to eat. Bugs! Yummy! At least for chickens. I have only seen one business have free ranging chickens, turkeys, etc. on their property and it was a feed store.
I let them free range during the week but they are shut in their pen during biz hours. Still I worried a little kid might open the coop, not knowing. So the aggressive roo had to go.
I saw baby ducks and geese at the feed store yesterday, soooo cute but I resisted!
I’ll bet they didn’t like being cooped up on weekends. They can’t read calendars either. 😛
A good feed store will be free with advice. That is a good thing. It’ll deepen your business relationship and they may come to for their next party.
They have a large coop and big fenced pen, plus I give them special treats on those days so they seem ok w it 🙂
I love this post, Bloom!!! We’ve been so busy this week with my son’s Spring Break, I’m just catching up on the blogs 🙂 It’s true that just choosing your attitude and choosing to do things that are fun and light help everyone in the family… I wish more people would accept this and help change their own lives.
I love that linked article to Laura Doyle’s bog. It’s interesting how many commenters she gets disagreeing with her advice or trying to say their own life situations are beyond help. It makes me wonder how many people out there really are true optimists, and does it affect having a good marriage (I think it does). I think that would explain why there aren’t that many really great relationships/marriages. Women seem to resent being told that they need to choose to be happy.
I second what you said, Liz, about the internet seeming even more toxic lately…. I’ve been taking breaks and only reading a few places recently, got that from you Liz 🙂
Agreed Dragonfly, I know a gal who could very much use the advice in that Doyle article, but I already know if I did send it to her, she’d just say, “That won’t work!” or some such. It’s simple but really powerful advice — focus on the positive! 🙂
“but I already know if I did send it to her, she’d just say, “That won’t work!” or some such.”
It takes some serious skills to work with people like that in counseling or marriage coaching! LOL Enough to drive you crazy!
Indeed! I have talked and talked and talked to this gal, trying to get her to see how SHE is actually setting up the dynamic in her marriage (and sadly for their kids too, who are now acting out). She just can’t seem to see how SHE is creating the very unhappy she complains about! And she won’t let one bit of it go, either! Ugg!
I think it was Liz who said once, “the secret to a happy marriage is a very short memory.”
Or in other words, forget the grudges and enjoy the moment! 🙂
marriage counseling is bullshit
Ever thus has it been that upon my crossing mine own threshold I’d be greeted by the latest calamities which required my attention – and often never did hear “Welcome home! I’m glad to see you!”