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attraction, bad boys, battle of the sexes, blue pill, break up, break ups, casual sex, commitment, courtship, dating, divorce, feminism, gender, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, romance, sex
Sorry, I have been busy with real life endeavors as of late and have not had much chance to write, or even comment! But rest assured, I am still here and all is well!
I have an idea stewing in my head but it’s not quite complete, so perhaps for now perhaps you guys can share some ideas for topics you’d like to see me tackle and discuss them among yourselves? I’m all ears…
Have a GREAT weekend!
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
I think that mail order did work but, it’s confined to the nineteenth century. Guys would immigrate on their own, get settled, and then contact a marriage agency in their own country. That is different that what is going on now.
Larry G, what you did sounds old school, Most often, the best school.
I didn’t mean to imply that you abused your wife. Most men won’t do that.They want to keep their wives.
goFigure
“I think good women still exist here in the USA (like the ones that post here), but it is nearly impossible to find and identify them. With foreign women you do take the chance that they are just waiting long enough to get citizenship.”
Of course good women exist here, and agreed, nearly impossible to find. I like the story of the snakes and the gem. On thing though, in many countries today US citizenship is not that big of a prize anymore. More on the order of “Meh”.
A young man is brought into a warehouse and told there is a perfect diamond that is almost priceless waiting for him to take. The catch is it is in a wicker basket and he must find it by blind luck. The floor of the warehouse is covered by thousands of baskets, each with a hole in the top. The diamond in in one basket, in all the others are angry rattlesnakes and cobras. If he wants to search for his jewel, he must pick basket and insert his hand to the bottom of as many as he chooses to test.
Does the young man look for his diamond?
In many countries, there are more gems than snakes in the baskets, he is still taking a chance of course. If our young man thinks first and gently kicks each basket, listening intently he may hear a rattle, or a slither.
Part 3
The conclusion.
I came home from work one afternoon and my mother was in our home with my wife which was highly unusual. My wife was very, very quiet and for once did not kiss me in greeting. ooookay….spidey senses on overdrive at that moment. Mom kept her mouth fairly shut and really ran up red flags. Naturally I asked, REPEATEDLY, what was wrong and got not much response from my normally bubbly lady. Dinner was fixed and I ate alone in the living room.
After I had eaten a little (appetite by then was pretty well shot to hell) my mother came and told me that my wife wanted me fed before telling me that her father had died. What was this??? She wanted me FED before telling me bad news? If anything ever defined who my lady was, this was it. Why she contacted my mother first I had no idea.
Over the course of weeks she grieved for her father and spent a lot of times in my arms, but we did not have the money for her to fly back to his funeral. After a half year we did get a plane ticket so she could visit her family and see her father’s resting place, but she had changed a little after she got home.
In 2016 I will turn 64 years old, my bride will be 47. We have openly discussed our own passing on several occasions, which motivated me to plan on how I could provide for her after my demise. The ultimate red pill I would suppose, eh?
Together, as a couple, arranged my burial (and paid for it in full), ensured that all of the legal and financial business was in order, left detailed instructions for her on steps she needed to take to receive the benefits due to her (insurance, pension, social security), bulk up as best I could our checking and saving accounts for her use.
Yes, I realize this is morbid, but necessary for us to work though. See, her father’s death had brought life into sharp focus for both of us; he had left her mother completely penniless and in debt. Of course we helped her mother and still do to this day, but that was not going to be the situation for my wife. And she knows it.
Our latest discussions have revolved around the concept of my retirement and what comes afterwards. The high possibility now exists for us to move back to her country within the next two to three years so she is near her family after I retire. On a strong “up note” ending, in two more years we will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary and I can think of no better place to do that than where I first met, loved and married her.
Larry,
We have openly discussed our own passing on several occasions, which motivated me to plan on how I could provide for her after my demise. ……… Yes, I realize this is morbid, but necessary for us to work though.
I don’t find this morbid, I find it prudent. Every six month or so I sit my wife down and discuss with her what would happen if I die. How would she make ends meet? How would she prepare the kids for their future and what would she teach them about the world and society.
She does not like these discussions. It usually leads to us bickering about who get to die first. 🙂
Ame,
I thought you might appreciate this story:
This last Sunday, a spiritual leader that I respect taught us that each night when we are going to bed we should hold hands while saying our prayers together. I’m like OK, makes sense. Its pretty hard to be mad at someone at the same time you take their hand and pray for them.
So Sunday night, I inform my wife from now on we need to hold hands while we pray. She was already kneeling and wanted me to join her. I proceeded to spend the next couple of minutes teasing her about what side of the bed we should be on, before I joined her.
Last night I was ready for bed first and saying my prayers when the wife comes out of the bathroom. Looks at me, and says; “I guess I have to come to your side of the bed tonight”. I start chuckling and say; “yep”.
I sure do find a lot of joy in the simple things in life.
Larry G,
I am glad that you found your wife.
Larry – that is such a beautiful story. death can be so harsh. what a gift you’ve given your wife to take care of all of that for her.
has she liked living in the States?
Larry G said:
April 6, 2016 at 10:10 am
“A young man is brought into a warehouse and told there is a perfect diamond that is almost priceless waiting for him to take. The catch is it is in a wicker basket and he must find it by blind luck. The floor of the warehouse is covered by thousands of baskets, each with a hole in the top. The diamond in in one basket, in all the others are angry rattlesnakes and cobras. If he wants to search for his jewel, he must pick basket and insert his hand to the bottom of as many as he chooses to test.
Does the young man look for his diamond?”
===
I like that. I like, too, that my husband would say he found his gem in me 🙂
goFigure said:
April 6, 2016 at 1:04 pm
ahhh … I do love that story. your wife is blessed to be yours!
====
“I sure do find a lot of joy in the simple things in life.”
and that’s the real treasure … finding joy … in the simple things … in places where it seems there is no joy … in God’s amazing creation … in the beauty of just being together in life.
goFigure said:
April 6, 2016 at 1:04 pm
do you mind if I share that story on my blog?
Ame,
If you think someone will get something from it; go right ahead.
Ame, you also have a blog?
BTW, I am still working. I do 11 and 12 hour days now. Can read, write not so much till I get off
goFigure – done; thank you!
Larry – yes … if you click on my name, it should take you right there. if not, let me know.
Fuzzy
“I am glad that you found your wife.”
Yeah, me too! My work day if done finally, 11 long hours but very happy and thankful to have a decent job. And to reward me for working like I do, my wife made a delicious blueberry cobbler this afternoon!
Ame
“has she liked living in the States?”
For the most part I would probably say yes. There is a lot of America that still surprises and puzzles her, but she has adapted well. Recently we went shopping in a college town mall and she was astonished at how some of the women students dress. We both found the half-shaved heads on the girls to be hilarious. with pink and purple hair color no less.
And I’ll certainly take a look at your blog later.
Larry G,
She knows how important food is? Good!
I don’t doubt that she has trouble understanding American women. That seems to a common reaction. They must thrive on befuddling people.
Fuzzy, she is an amazing cook and ensures I have full meals. The proof is my putting on a few pounds, not obese but I have to work to keep the weight in check.
Difficult with the excellent meals she makes for me, but doable.
a bit of candor now; she is of the opinion American women talk too much and are too loud. I have watched her cringe from the sound of a few that were nearly shouting to each other in a restaurant. Charming.
On a high note, I booked us a flight to Turkey this evening, for a month this coming September to visit her family. Looking forward to it!
Larry G,
I have heard from only one source that Costa Rica makes it as easy as possible for Americans to retire there. Would you let us know about Turkey?
American women can be abrasive in public. Your wife is right. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Fuzzy
Sure I can let you know. However Costa Rica, Belize, Panama, and I believe Nicaragua all welcome retirees with guaranteed monthly incomes and have plans to attract retirees. You would need to check on their websites to be sure.
I have known a lot of people who worked and lived expat lives overseas. Myself, I have visited/worked and lived in 31 countries during my lifetime. Some of those places I have been I would never go back to on a bet, while others it took an enormous amount of will power to leave. How much overseas traveling have you done? Just curious.
And about American women, other than me and my wife observing how they act, dress and, at times, sound….both of us really don’t care a lot. They are what they are; the dance between American men and women continues. I am just really, REALLY glad I do not have to participate in the US mating game.
You mentioned before that I did stuff the “old school” way. Yup, agreed. I knew without a doubt I wanted my beautiful young lady to be my wife early on, and was willing to followed the rituals of her culture to win her. Maybe it seems odd, especially now since people hookup and have sex without any thought of relationships is more the norm. I just think when I read stuff about the casualness of sex today; what emptiness they feel, both the woman and man.
I read a lot when I have the time. Lately my reading has been on feminism and how it has royally screwed up the Westernized countries. Let’s just say that those who embraced that warped concept are now reaping what they sowed. I won’t debate anyone on the merits of feminism because it has none in my opinion.
Sorry, just rambling.
What these younger people do not acknowledge or wish to remember is that after their brief season of youth and a constant drive for sex, comes the winter season of old age. The physical bodies of both sexes eventually decay and fail.
Let me tell you another brief story, eh? Not so long ago actually. Only in 2 parts this time.
Part 1
In the late afternoon, at 4 PM, on Oct. 31st, 2012 I sat in the doctor’s office and listened while he told me that I have inoperable prostate cancer. It was advanced to the point that surgery was pretty useless.
I cannot begin to describe the emotions I felt as the bottom fell away. Ok, I accepted rather quickly what the doctor said, it was a non-negotiable fact. We discussed options, rather unpleasant ones, but options nevertheless. This first discussion was without my wife present, which I am thankful for now.
The treatment I was offered, and accepted, was prolonged daily radiation and hormone suppression treatments. The radiation is rather self explanatory, me getting zapped like a Swanson TV dinner for 20 minutes daily for 2 months. The hormone suppression is a very nice way of saying chemical castration. Prostate cancer thrives and grows on testosterone so if it can be removed, the cancer “starves”. However a side effect of non-existent testosterone is loss of libido and manly performance; neither the will or means to have sex. My wife and I have always enjoyed a healthy intimate life, so this side effect was severe.
After telling her that evening, and many tears, we discussed at length what all of this meant. If I opted out of treatment, our sex life would be unchanged but I would cut my life down to only a couple of years at most. If I accepted, my of life years would likely be many more, but probably sexless. Some choice huh?
Part 2
I DO wish there was a way to edit in this thing. That last sentence in Part 1 should have read “If I accepted, my years of life would likely be many more, but probably sexless. Some choice huh?” There, fixed it.
So my wife wanted me around for a few more years, so WE decided together to take the treatments knowing the costs and benefits. Remember, that was four years ago.
I did my time under the radiation machine till I though I would glow (no need for a light to find the bathroom at night anymore). And my drive for sex gradually diminished over many months as we had expected. Oh yeah, I nearly forgot to mention that another side effect of hormone suppression is weight gain. Yup, I put on nearly 30 pounds. I have never been fat in my life so not seeing my toes was a new experience too. And I grew man-boobz (not sexy, just gross).
Care to take a wild guess who stood beside me during in all this? Right…My God and my wife, both of them holding my hand.
Well, to make a long story shorter, the cancer has not grown or spread in the last 4 years since 2012. The last prognosis the doctor gave me was another 9 to 12 years of additional life (a lot he knows with only 10 years of college). I still am fat with tits, but working on loosing both. And surprise, surprise…..about a year ago I felt the stirrings again of desire for my wife…..huh??? Cool!
When you think that you have forever lost the ability to physically love your spouse, and are given a second chance; believe me when I say you do not take it for granted. We are doing much better as a couple although at times she has to be a little more aggressive to get me going, the plumbing seems to be working now.
Through all of this, I became refocused on a relationship with God and the eternity that waits for me. This short time on earth is just a proving ground for me but not my final destination.
While I am still here breathing oxygen, taking up space and resources from someone else, I appreciate the warmth of my wife and promises of God that all is well.
Larry,
I am glad you found a wonderful women. I count my lucky stars that I found one too.
Fuzzie,
She knows how important food is? Good!
Based on my love of food and the amount of body hair I have, I might be 3/4 bear.
Larry –
“Through all of this, I became refocused on a relationship with God and the eternity that waits for me. This short time on earth is just a proving ground for me but not my final destination.
While I am still here breathing oxygen, taking up space and resources from someone else, I appreciate the warmth of my wife and promises of God that all is well.”
==================
a pastor i respect (one of the few i do respect) once spoke about the psalms. he shared how the psalmist would rant (Ame’s words here – just remembering the gist after many years) and pour out his fears and complaints to the Lord. but in the end, he always submitted to God.
i see that here, in your story of your life. after all you’ve been through, when you’ve been dealt yet one more blow, you turn to God. that is powerful.
========
may i go through and copy all your stories and share them on my blog?
Larry Gsaid:April 7, 2016 at 12:47 am
“There is a lot of America that still surprises and puzzles her, but she has adapted well. Recently we went shopping in a college town mall and she was astonished at how some of the women students dress. We both found the half-shaved heads on the girls to be hilarious. with pink and purple hair color no less.”
some of us American women are astonished at how other American women dress, too 🙂
Ame, sure. If you want to use some of my stories, go ahead
Larry – done! thank you!
Larry G,
I just found your comments. I don’t know what to say other than I am glad that it has been contained. I don’t know how I would react were I in your shoes.
gofigure,
Being a bear is fun!
One Plate
My wife grew up in a very poor family, the youngest of eight brothers and sisters in a culture that is not generous with females in general. Dad worked as a mason earning just enough to put daily food on the table twice a day for ten mouths. By food, I mean rice. Lots of rice. Once in a great while a neighbor may have had a moment of sympathy and donated a small bit of meat, to add to the rice, but not often.
As the youngest and least important child, it was hard enough to start with; but the youngest GIRL child was much worse. Food is literally life itself, America has so much abundant cheap food that it is wasted in quantities that would make people cry in other countries. There was no such abundance of food in this little girl’s house.
The hierarchy was straight forward and brutal; the man who worked for the family got the largest portion first. Then the elder sons, who also worked to contribute money to the house, got equal but smaller portions. Then mom took a portion, somewhat smaller than the elder sons. After that the oldest daughters all received small shares in their bowls (they DID NOT help themselves, it was portioned to them by mom). And last, the youngest girl child may or may not have food put into her bowl. If there was some rice left over, she got it. If not, she didn’t; simple enough. Someone had to go without and it was her.
A dozen years pass and the young girl becomes a quiet young lady with heavenly green eyes, who captures the heart of foreign man completely. He marries and brings her into his own home. This man knows how the food chain works because he has seen it; once upon a time she knew hunger. He vowed to his God and to himself that she would never again know hunger in their home; she would not leave his table empty.
My wife brought out a steamy stew (with plenty of meat in it) and filled my plate from edge to edge. Then she brought out a smallish bowl and put a child sized portion into it for herself; I noticed there was no meat in it. And I had been patiently waiting for this exact moment. I did not take a single bite of my food, but carefully reached over and took her bowl from her. I pushed my full plate towards her to share our food and broke the tradition; she ate from our one plate till she was full and satisfied.
Twenty three years later, we still eat from one plate very often.
Very cool, Larry. You showed compassion, love and honor to your young wife. Being a good person is often its own reward.
You may have an idea of how much that means to my online persona. Bears are always hungry.
Ambitious bear turns to crime.
Fuzzy,
I would prefer sharing a plate, you can keep the dumpsters!
I don’t think they’ll let the bear in the restaurant.
The thread has gotten very quiet. Is everybody out hunting wabbits with Elmer Fudd?
Perhaps package up LarryG’s story for a post one might.
Then consider the insight that it contains one could
Yodasaid:April 9, 2016 at 9:31 pm
“Perhaps package up LarryG’s story for a post one might.
Then consider the insight that it contains one could”
he gave his permission to post on my personal blog. would you also like to get permission to post at Spawny’s?
Larry – you can ck out Spawny’s at spawnyspace dot wordpress dot com
Fuzzy,
“The thread has gotten very quiet. Is everybody out hunting wabbits with Elmer Fudd?”
I have a legitimate excuse, no wabbits, IHOP for me and my Mrs. instead.
The wabbits want to know if they have a salad bar.
Unmourned – Part 1
My mom was desperately trying to raise four little kids on her own after her husband, my father, died at the young age of 34. Dad had been in and out of the hospital with a heart problem since I could remember so his being gone was nothing unusual to me. He always came back until finally one morning he didn’t. I woke early and found my sisters, mother and aunt all together in my parents bedroom, crying. Mom told me that daddy was with Jesus now and was not coming home again. Sorry, but can a 7 year old get a grip on that fact easily? No, I don’t think so.
I remember the funeral though, dad was sleeping and would never wake up because he was with Jesus. Sure that made sense but did nothing to stop me from hurting. Someone, I do not know who, told me during the service that I was now the man of the house. Lucky me; a promotion.
Mom moved all of us into an older three bedroom house that came with a detached garage set back off the street. At one time the garage had had a fire in it, the back of the building was charred pretty bad but soon became my “fort”. And my bedroom was a converted space in the attic, very hot in the summer time but a private place for me to retreat to when it was necessary.
Being blessed by three younger sisters; one who would grow into a full fledged feminist bitch, the second would go slightly nuts over time, and the third who liked to hide, I retreated a lot to my private spaces. Books became my best friends, I read to escape.
I remember very little else of the following years except for the few things that stood out; we ate mostly government issued WIC food and my mom tried to go to college part time. My uncle bought me a brand new bicycle, I found some tools from somewhere and disassembled it completely in the garage. Most of my early years after my dad died were spent doing destructive things, all very much on purpose. I was so pissed at the world in general and my dad in particular. Mom told me that I was headed for “juvenile hall” if I didn’t stop breaking things. My uncle finally stepped in and swatted my ass, had a man-to-munchkin talk with me and I must have settled down because I was never sent to “juvenile hall”.
Mom did not date that I ever knew of, at least I never saw her with a man. But one day we all went out to eat with this strange man and my mom. He was big, probably 6’5″, well over 300 pounds and had blue eyes. It seemed that mom liked him somewhat because I saw her kiss him once or twice and he put his arm around her waist. That did not make me happy in any way, shape or form.
Larry G,
I’m sad. Now, understand why there is welfare. Widows are in need of it. It’s hard to understand why single mommies would volunteer for this.
Unmourned – Part 2
My mother married this man at a courthouse and he moved in with us, a fake jolly old elf. I don’t remember anything in particular he did or said that was tremendously bad or good, just a blur of non-emotions. I had quit breaking things, by then I was 10 or 11 year old, and I royally screwed up once by calling him “dad”. He didn’t seem to mind but I immediately hated myself for my weakness, this was not my father and would never be. You are supposed to love your father, there was no love for him.
Came a day when we were all told that we were moving to a farm, and I was to become a farmer. Extreme southern Iowa is hilly and in the early 1960’s, was the outer boondocks. The road in front of our house was dirt, later the county would upgrade it to white gravel and still later it would actually be paved. This farm was 360 acres of hard work and long days, and a place I grew to hate with a passion so intense that even today I will not plant a garden.
We moved into the large four bedroom house, one bedroom for my mother and stepfather, one for me, another for my oldest sister and one shared between the two younger ones.
I learned how to work which served me well in life, I learned how to take being hit without crying, I learned how to be insulted and belittled without showing emotions. I learned that big is power and to escape power I also learned to be devious. I learned self-discipline, self-reliance and to never believe a word of what was said by anyone. One hell of an education.
Much later on in life and years later, I also learned that he molested all three of my sisters, but I knew nothing about it then. He was clever, this man, that he could hide the abuse so well. Avoiding being kicked and punched kept me well occupied for the most part so I did not see my sisters being hurt. A couple of times I saw that my youngest sister was about to be hit and purposely pissed him right off to draw him to me and away from her.
Every day started at four in the morning with “chores” even if it was -20 in the winter, animals needed tending to. A farmer has pigs to slop, cows to milk and feed, constantly walking in and scooping out animal shit. I did my duty and earned my keep with work, being reminded constantly that food, shelter and clothing comes at a price. I accepted that equation till it was time for me to leave.
Larry G,
I think that we are kinder to dumb animals.
Larry,
Unmourned – Part 1
My mom was desperately trying to raise four little kids on her own after her husband, my father, died at the young age of 34. Dad had been in and out of the hospital with a heart problem since I could remember so his being gone was nothing unusual to me. He always came back until finally one morning he didn’t……. I do not know who, told me during the service that I was now the man of the house. Lucky me; a promotion.
Mom moved all of us into an older three bedroom house that came with a detached garage set back off the street…… And my bedroom was a converted space in the attic, very hot in the summer time but a private place for me to retreat to when it was necessary…….
I remember very little else of the following years except for the few things that stood out; we ate mostly government issued WIC food and my mom tried to go to college part time. ……
This is a sad story that happens all to often and usually has a poor ending for almost everyone, especially the kids (you and your sisters). I am glad that you managed to overcome most of the abuse/challenges you faced. I hope your sisters had half as much ability to over come the abuse they experienced.
These types of situation really scare me. I am a middle aged man that is 60 lbs overweight, my heart could give out any moment. I travel 80 miles a day on the interstate for work, I could hit a deer, get hit by drunk driver, sideswiped by a semi-truck or fall asleep at the wheel etc. Every day I am alive is a gift.
I know my time can be cut short at any moment and I have four kids all under the age of 12. That is why I refused my first job offer after graduating and put my wife through college. Then I went back for a master degree etc. This is why I review my life insurance policy with my wife each year. Discuss with her how to best use that money and how to stretch it for as many years as possible. I review with her yearly changes in financial markets, how to identify and analyze those changes and how, when and where to move money if necessary. I talk to her about all our assets. Which ones are most liquid, which ones to utilize and when and why to do so. How to reduce tax burden etc.
There are many other things I talk to her about and make sure she knows where the paper work is. She hates these conversations because her focus is on raising kids and she does not want to think about how that could be disrupted. All I can do is prepare her for the worst case scenario, so hopefully my kids will never have to go through what you went through.
How about a post on how Ton was correct…. again. but his time on the troll call?
goFigure – you are a wise husband, leader of your home.
Feel good orphan bear video.
Fuzzie – that is adorable!!!
i bet you were that cute when you were a mere cub 😉
Unmourned – Part 3
I did not get along well with high school, so it came as no surprise that the majority of my grades were F’s and an occasional D in my last years there. I have no fond memories of school and have never attended a reunion.
The breaking point came after a real fight with my step-father (that time I fought back) one morning before being bused off to school. Something happened, maybe I had not moved fast enough to suit him; perhaps he didn’t like my “look” or the tone of my answer. Didn’t matter what it was, the outcome was the same; usually a kick or punch for being a smart-assed kid. I really don’t remember which it was that I got after all these years, but I do recall having a shovel in my hands and using it on him.
In Algebra class something finally snapped; I got up, walked to the front of the class and dropped all of my books on the teachers’ desk, left and never returned. It was six miles home so I had ample time to think while I walked before facing him again.
After a lengthy “discussion” with my mother (who cried a lot) and the step-idiot (who did his usual yelling, but did not use his hands) I had already decided to enlist in the Navy; it was time to get as far away from that place as possible and as soon as possible. His advice was that I go pack a bag and gave me a last priceless pearl of wisdom; “You are too f***ing stupid to be a farmer!” (remember that phrase)
Mom drove me away the next morning with my suitcase in the trunk, I would return just one more time to that farm. Viet Nam was in full swing in the spring of 1970 when I left Iowa for basic training, bidding a fond farewell to the pigs, cows and row cropping. I was never homesick.
Boot camp actually began a real life for me. It was assumed that many of the recruits might be sent to VN after basic so training was 16 weeks long of intense discipline, learning new and very interesting skills, Navy lingo and actually being paid money! We were taught rifle and pistol shooting, heavy weapons training, hand-to-hand combat, basic infantry skills, fire fighting and written tests. Lots of tests. The purpose of the tests was to sort out what a recruit was good at doing. Oh sure, we all had “dream sheets” that we could request a specific job, but the Navy put you where they wanted you in the end. I really wanted to be a combat medic.
On the day we graduated from basic training, we all received our orders assigning us to our ships/schools/stations. I was sure I would get a medical school assignment. Ah no……….I was assigned to surface-to-air missile school where I would learn aerodynamics, ballistics, nuclear weapon maintenance, launch system repair and explosives training. Not quite a medic as I had hoped. Just bright enough to work around nuclear weapons, folks; but too stupid to be a farmer.
Larry, I am loving reading your comments you’ve lived a fascinating life.
We’re having computer issues again, but I’mstill reading from my phone. Thank you for writing your life’s story.
Dragonfly,
I have begun reading your remarkable blog, it is very good. Thank you for the compliment also.
Larry G,
That’s bad. I am drawing a caution from it though and it may not be your intention. I don’t think there is any way to be a good stepfather. Granted, yours was bad news.
Fuzzy, I don’t understand what you meant by this: “I am drawing a caution from it though and it may not be your intention.” Drawing a caution??
Unmourned – Part 4 Conclusion
Four months of continuous (sometimes quite harsh) physical exercise has a pretty good effect even on a relatively fit 17 year old boys’ body. I had changed; inside and outside. After basic training was completed, we could take leave to go back to our homes and families to visit before reporting to our next duty stations (in my case, missile school). I was thinking that being gone for four months, I did want to see my mom and sisters. I might even be civil, maybe even friendly, to the step-father.
I got home and was very tired after traveling, after I said my hellos and hugged my mom and sisters I laid down for a quick nap. He was not there but doing something around the farm. Now is a good place to explain that my hair was cut very short in basic training, a buzz cut if you please, and had finally grown out to probably an inch or a little longer. Easy to comb.
While I was fast asleep, he came into the house and decided it would be very funny to “welcome” me home by grabbing some of the little hair I had left on my head and yank me awake. A real comedian that guy was. I did wake up and reacted; somehow I leveraged his weight and position to flip him off his feet and onto his back, nearly breaking his neck in the fall. Then I lost it. The same day I arrived home was the same evening I left again, but never went back. He was alive but for 30 seconds I wanted him so dead, with my bare hands I could have killed him on the floor.
Many years later after he retired and was in declining health, I went to see my mother and him where they had bought a small house in town. He had acute lung and heart problems, wheezing like a broken thing.
I was happily married by then and living a peaceful life with my pretty wife. I was phoned by my mom telling me that he had died in the hospital, and would I come to his funeral. Of course I went to comfort my mother as he laid in the casket, but I had no grief or sorrow in me for that bastard. Yes, for me he would always be unmourned.
I won’t be writing any more stories for awhile, this last one took a lot out of me. Going to go watch TV now with my Mrs. and eat some of her fantastic cooking.
Larry G,
I believe you that it took a lot out of you to write that. Ouch!
The point I was trying to make is that, while yours was a stinker, I can’t think of a way to be a good stepdad. It’s like the stepdad,will always be a Johnny Come Lately..
Ok Fuzzy, I understand you now. Over the years I have know three men in my life who became step-fathers, all three of them seriously regretted it. I never would have considered being one either, in my opinion it is a no win situation.
That story brought up so much stuff, a lot of which I could not write. Going to relax for several days. Take care!
Fuzzie – you’ve made a great point … one that i make to people when they want to divorce. the step parent will NOT replace the parent.
the FIRST, and really only, rule of step parenting in our home is:
The Step Parent is NOT the Parent.
we defer everything to the parent.
the one benefit my husband gives my girls is the example of a man who loves his wife and is not mean or abusive to her in any way. this is HUGE as he is the ONLY one on both sides of their family to do such.
—-
i firmly believe God hardwired us to need our own mommy and our own daddy. period. i also believe this applies to adoption, although this might be controversial in some circles. my husband was adopted, and while he finally found his birth mom in his 30’s, he will likely never find his birth dad as his birth mom said it was rape and didn’t know his last name. but this still does not remove his desire to know who his birth dad was.
i never kept my girls’ dad from them (although he chose not to see them often, it was his choice). my husband, even now that their dad is dead, never tries to be their dad.
Larry – i totally, totally get that. it’s exhausting mentally and physically. enjoy your Beloved and let her love on you well 🙂
larry you are near on 70. what you have to say has little to no relevance to the modern smp/mmp
Larry G,
Thank you for sharing. Rest well and have fun!
Ame,
If I remember, your family is blended. Both of you brought two kids each, no? It should work then that you correct your own.
Music video with an animal theme.
Fuzzie – close. i brought in 2, he brought in 1.
ahhh! those elephants!!! makes me wanna hug and squish on them 😉
More!!!
Ame, men are so “mean and abusive”, aren’t they? Why are they allowed to walk around without ankle bracelets?
BV – to what are you referring? what men are so “mean and abusive?”
ahhh … BV –
when i wrote: “the one benefit my husband gives my girls is the example of a man who loves his wife and is not mean or abusive to her in any way. this is HUGE as he is the ONLY one on both sides of their family to do such.”
i’m sorry … i didn’t include my story here, just assumed. their dad was mean and abusive to them. my dad would hit them randomly just b/c, so i had to stop letting him see my kids (and other things he did) … their other grandfather was really mean and did things to my girls that even their own dad had to step in and protect them from … ditto their uncle, dad’s brother.
so, my husband is the first man they have been somewhat close to who has been kind to them.
—
actually, BV, it took me awhile to finally realize that not all men are like my dad and brother. a male therapist pointed that out to me. therefore, no, not all men, not even most men, are mean and abusive. but *some* are.
BV – i would guess you’re very skeptical of all that. from what little i’ve gathered, your experiences with women have not been good at all. so i understand. you do not have to believe me.
for those who do know my story well, who knew my first husband, who know my dad, who know what their other grandfather did to both my girls and me and even my ex … there is a long and very distinguished line of mostly men (skeptical men) who would love to have a piece of them. there have been many who have told me they’d be there for me and my girls if ever we needed them.
you do not have to believe me.
my ex did have good things about him, too. sadly, he allowed the bad to overpower the good, which truly is sad. he had so many extraordinary qualities. but the reality is … he did do some really terrible things to our kids. they can see through experience, and not just my word, that not all men are like their dad and both their grandfathers … this is what my husband has done for them. and for this, i am eternally grateful. i do not want them to fear men, as i do instinctively and have to consciously choose to believe men are good and won’t hurt me (my dad started abusing me when i was a little girl).
i have worked hard to teach my girls that men are not simply not bad, but that they’re good.
feel free to ask me anything. i don’t mind you asking if you don’t know.
Fuzzie –
LOVE!!!
i’m always, always amazed at the power of music.
It makes elephants happy!
You know Fuzzie, re: stepdads, they can be wonderful… I don’t advise it (women marrying again while their kids are minors) but I have to admit I’ve seen some really great stepdads.
Overall though, women dating while they have minors can be dangerous for their kids… I know it can be done right (like I’m sure Bloom is doing and Ame) but she better have a good head on her shoulders!!!
Women can be monsters just the same though. I can’t get it out of my head a step mom holding a 5 year old boys feet and legs in scalding hot water as a punishment for his bath. Hia legs were burned and his feet bleeding. He cried for hours later in his bed and died by morning. The step mom tried to hide it from the dad when he got off his shift, and told him not to check on him.
Dragonfly –
step parents can be good. i’ve met some good ones out there.
but you’re right … your children must come first. and you need to keep your wits about you. and it’s wise to have friends who will hold you accountable, who will give you an honest opinion.
i’ve not seen the stats, but i’ve heard that step parents abuse children more that bio/adopted parents. step parents do not have the same attachment to step children.
as much as i love and adore my step son, he’s not my son. i do not have the same relationship with him that i do my girls. we have a great relationship, but it’s just not the same. i’ve been careful not to take his mother’s role. i stay out of parenting decisions. if i do have concerns, i approach his dad carefully … and occasionally, i’ve approached his mom as, for some reason, she really likes and respects me.
so, it’s a lot like two families living under one roof. my girls and me. and my husband and his son. we’ve found a balance that works … beginning with … the step parent is not the parent.
Dragonfly,
I’ve heard stories about stepdads but, until yours, not about stepmoms. A five year old boy? I need to watch a lot of bear videos now.
What worries me about being a stepdad is that you are never truly part of the family and likely to be a financial drafthorse. Another thing, if she has daughters, there is the potential for false allegations.
Fuzzie – i think your concerns about being a stepdad are very valid and wise.
abusive stepmoms:
– i think this probably happens more than one thinks, though not to the extent Dragonfly mentioned. i will be honest … while i do love my step son, it is not the same as the love i have for my daughters. i consciously evaluate myself regularly to make sure i’m balanced to all 3.
– women are very … hummm … can’t think of the right word … possessive? unless they consciously choose differently, they will naturally put their own bio children first (of course, i’m speaking generally).
– story … cinderella. probably based on a good bit of truth.
“Another thing, if she has daughters, there is the potential for false allegations.”
i agree. for that reason, we made some very conscious choices when we first married to make sure nothing could be misconstrued improperly, esp by my ex husband … who would have loved any reason to hurt me more. for example, we made sure that my girls could not inadvertently walk in on their step dad while dressing by making sure our bedroom door was always locked. we went to great lengths to make sure there wasn’t even the appearance of impropriety.
i think, too, it is wise to avoid any woman who wants a step dad to *replace* the kids’ bio dad. bio dad’s cannot be replaced. i never sought to replace my girls’ dad … but i did want them to have a better example of what a man could be.
and i would think you wouldn’t want any woman who’d want to dump her kids on you to eschew her own responsibilities as a mother.
and … i would also think you wouldn’t want any woman who was bitter at the father of her children b/c that would seep over to you in a heartbeat when she was angry.
LOL, like I need advice from Ame on dealing with women, or long digressions on how it’s really remarkable that she discovered that not all men are ‘mean and abusive.’ But thanks for summarizing my life story and patting me on the head. I feel so understood.
Meanwhile:
#1: life is not a romance novel, or even an Oprah episode; external realities and laws define the SMP;
#2: no one cares about anyone else’s childhood; save it Book Club.
#3: this blog now promotes the infantilization of men, and the reduction of social, legal, criminal and financial attacks on men and children — by ‘caring’ females who just want to nurture harmony, while pretending that we should all just get along (and give the girls what they want) because this time they’ll be nice. At least the feminists are honest (not to mention DTF).
Life isn’t a romance novel, true, it’s often tragic in different ways, but it’s nice to read good stories of love and faithfulness. It helps keep people in touch with beauty and goodness.
And yuck! You can keep your feminists that are promiscous, and who would take advantage of someone like Larry in a heartbeat. Feminists wouldn’t like romantic stories like his, they’d probably accuse him of taking advantage of someone 17 years younger, and say she was a victim of circumstance. They would blame him for his first wife and the divorce. So… it makes sense that the “females” here would like romantic stories.
blech!
As noted previously, Larry has zero situational awareness of the SMP in the USA today. It always amazes me how self-described “red pill” women are ready to consign their boys to the chaos, because pretty stories are “romantic stories.” I should think that they would benefit from some knowledge about how the world presently works.
Is it because they’re boys, and anything that happens to them (not described in ‘romantic stories’) is deserved?
Luck, in the face of the law, is not a strategy. If you care for your sons, it’s probably best not to teach them to plan on being happy at 70 with a third-world bride. Most guys would prefer to be happy at 25 or 30, and not in jail.
Feminists, DTF?!?!
Those wacky feminists!
I think that, at the top of their agenda, is to cause as much harm to men as they can.
“self-described “red pill” women are ready to consign their boys to the chaos, because pretty stories are “romantic stories.””
Why does it seem like you’re getting more bitter, BV? Women that care about love are going to like hearing about romantic stories… isn’t that obvious? It’s like telling adults they shouldn’t enjoy books like Narnia anymore because they must force themselves to be awake constantly to all the evil and negativity around them. I do think we should be aware of it and not ignorant, but sometimes, it’s nice to hear something positive, something good.
And yes, I’m worried about my boys… I try not to, and to trust God with it all, but I do still struggle with worry. I know how hard it’s going to be for them to find anyone suitable, and that it’s a likelihood that they may end up devastated in a divorce or *never* find the kind of romance that Larry was lucky to find. When my husband and I are having a moment of romance between us with a look or touch in front of our oldest, it makes me worry if he’ll find someone who will love and respect him the way he deserves. He loves watching our marriage, I see it in his face, and it’s very hard for me to know that we’re rare with how bad I want him to find happiness and fulfillment (and knowing he’s probably going to want marriage because of what he sees with us).
I can’t let myself be overcome with that cynicism and fear because I’m their mom, and I want to at least provide them with all the right tools and knowledge to be able to know how to pick a good wife… to at least help their chances in the long run.
“I should think that they would benefit from some knowledge about how the world presently works.”
I think I have benefited a lot from reading manosphere blogs, but it won’t take away my belief in romance being sweet, beautiful, and good. Again, to me that’s like telling an adult that you think they should have benefitted from the tragedy and difficulty of life, and learned to be dull and unimaginative by now.
I really wasn’t going to bother replying to either BV or Ton since it seems to be pointless, but I’ll chip in a bit. What have I done to piss you both off? I write a few short stories. If my writing does not meet your lofty standards, please let me say I don’t really give a rat’s ass about your opinions about me, my wife, my life or my age. In other words, F**k off.
“As noted previously, Larry has zero situation awareness of the SMP in the USA today.” And just why do you care, dipstick?
” If you care for your sons, it’s probably best not to teach them to plan on being happy at 70 with a third-world bride. Most guys would prefer to be happy at 25 or 30, and not in jail.” Actually, a third-world bride as you say, is probably the best way to be happy, but that takes some balls so you are disqualified.
awwww we hurt his wittle feelings. how sad and a fuck off doesn’t change the reality of you not knowing the modern smp/mmp
Young men are better off not believing in fairy tales like romance etc; women are better off if young men believe in such fairy tales. You either want what is best for your sons or you want to support the sisterhood. Your choice either way
Actually, no you didn’t hurt my feelings you little sniveling coward. You are pathetic.
ps I care because you try to give advice to young men. You inserted yourself in this and have been challenged. Instead of responding like a man, with stoic logic and a rational argument you get pissy like a woman.
As for whats the best option for a happy life, a state sponsored marriage is only an option, most likely the worst option no matter where the woman hails from. However your postilion takes the feminine view a man must be married
LOL awesome. good luck with that line of attack. A rational response might win you some points, but you are not recruiting anyone to your side with the personal attacks.
I will be glad when RPG gets back. In the meanwhile, feminists got us into this mess by making it all about girls vs. boys. I don’t think that fighting fire with fire will work as well as fighting it with water.
BV –
BuenaVistasaid:April 12, 2016 at 6:04 pm
“save it Book Club.” – i’ll be sure to send you an autographed copy of the book and a hand-engraved invitation to the club! 🙂
Fuzzie – (English not necessary 😉 )
Fuzzie –
here’s another one!
Fuzzie – okay, one more … this one’s fun!
Ame,
I see what you mean. Water doesn’t always work, especially on grease fires. Oops!
I like the boat fire solution!
isn’t that cool! i liked the boat fire solution, too.
you’re warping me, Fuzzie. i’ve not been a youtube-watchin girl much … but you’re drawin me into it a bit more. i’ll blame you if my husband starts to wonder what the heck i’m doin watchin all those youtube videos 🙂 😉
“But … but … Baby! FuzzieBear linked to this one! You’ve GOT to watch this! Isn’t it GREAT?!!!”
🙂
ahhh … now i hear you guys … there she goes, blaming her stuff on men!
nope. just the bear 🙂
I don’t think that you can get in too much trouble watching youtube videos.
I hope. 😉
naw … i don’t get in trouble with him, ever. he just gets curious sometimes … then he goes off cracking joke after joke for forever till he runs out of related material making me laugh and laugh. he’s a keeper 🙂
my Youngest daughter loves youtube. she finds everything on there. whenever she asks a question, i send her to look it up. youtube works best for her b/c she’s very dyslexic. she can read, but depending on the font and background color, it can be difficult. also, words she doesn’t know immediately she kinda makes up, so sometimes she doesn’t get an accurate account 🙂
ah, man! am i going to get in trouble w/the guys for saying, “He’s a keeper?!”
I’m still shaking my head at a pervert walking up and telling a woman he does not know that he want to massage her feet? Seriously?
Lol. That’s hardly the weirdest or most explicit thing I’ve had directed towards me from a stranger. At least this particular guy didn’t try to grope Bloom. That happens sometimes, and it never ends well.
Re: Larry using “Game” or “Dread”
Gofigure and I spoke about this over at my blog. This may just be me, but I don’t think being upfront and honest with his wife about the terms of their marriage is any sort of Game. It’s a simple statement of fact.
My question would be: What puts this under the Game umbrella, rather than the Regular Adult Discussion umbrella? 😕
Maybe it seems odd, especially now since people hookup and have sex without any thought of relationships is more the norm. I just think when I read stuff about the casualness of sex today; what emptiness they feel, both the woman and man.
Yes, exactly. Like Fuzzie, I also cannot grasp the idea of hookup culture, or of sharing something so intimate with some man or woman one just met a few hours ago. *shudder* There just isn’t enough time or situations in one night of observation and conversation (and from what it sounds like, partially drunken conversation at that) to determine if someone is a safe, consensual, good sex partner. Quite a risk, on both sides.
Well, to make a long story shorter, the cancer has not grown or spread in the last 4 years since 2012. The last prognosis the doctor gave me was another 9 to 12 years of additional life (a lot he knows with only 10 years of college). I still am fat with tits, but working on loosing both. And surprise, surprise…..about a year ago I felt the stirrings again of desire for my wife…..huh??? Cool!
When you think that you have forever lost the ability to physically love your spouse, and are given a second chance; believe me when I say you do not take it for granted. We are doing much better as a couple although at times she has to be a little more aggressive to get me going, the plumbing seems to be working now.
First, Larry, let me say that it is wonderful to hear that you have many more years and have so far beaten the monstrosity that is cancer. I hope that the doctor’s estimate is incorrect, and you enjoy even more healthy time here than what he said.
Secondly, I’m glad that you and your wife can enjoy sex again. My lover/FwB doesn’t have cancer (thank the Gods) but he suffers from depression, some of it environmental via his sucktastic job, but most of it due to poor biochemicals in his brain. His libido, which can normally match my perpetual 10/10, will periodically plummet to a 2/10 for months at a time. He has made numerous requests of me to find another supplementary lover…and maybe I should to prevent further oneitis…but even though it is incredibly frustrating, like your wife I have decided over the years to just be patient and understanding.
I think that is what is missing in relationships nowadays…Loyalty and Delayed Gratification.
“Re: Larry using “Game” or “Dread”
Gofigure and I spoke about this over at my blog. This may just be me, but I don’t think being upfront and honest with his wife about the terms of their marriage is any sort of Game. It’s a simple statement of fact.
My question would be: What puts this under the Game umbrella, rather than the Regular Adult Discussion umbrella?”
i think it’s more Regular Adult Discussion.
No Fuzzie you glossed over the chain of events
a feminist showed up and threw some bombs; most of the regular female commenters consolidated around said feminist and things went from there
LOL @ adult discussion with women
adult discussions with women is right out of the beta/ blue pill hand book. The man o sphere and decaying social condition is proof of how well that works
SFC Ton –
“a feminist showed up and threw some bombs; most of the regular female commenters consolidated around said feminist and things went from there
LOL @ adult discussion with women”
created a visual image of a flock of chicks squawking and pecking together distractedly from one thing to the next 🙂