A few months ago I noticed a very interesting social dynamic I had never quite picked up on before: the validation of coupledom.
Now I have pondered this from a female point of view before, and there’s much discussion within the manosphere about how for many women, the social validation of being married might be a big motivator for a woman to marry for the wrong reasons (and I would agree, it can be.)
As a single female, I have felt the unease people feel around singles in certain social settings where a “plus 1” is expected. I can usually find a friend to accompany me to such events, to minimize the awkwardness. But there is something about being a single person after a certain age that makes people uneasy, for single men and women alike.
But what about single men versus coupled men? Is there any social benefit of being a in relationship for men?
I think there is, based on a random observation about a single biz associate and friend I know. First of all he is an INTJ (a Meter’s Briggs Personality Type) so he is not the most social butterfly of a person, and in fact his resting face is rather stoic, almost hostile, blank. I have heard other INTJ’s refer to it as the “INTJ death stare.” I could see how people might perceive him as a brooding and perhaps dangerous character (he’s anything but, what it is, is he’s very intelligent and observant so he is always taking in and processing lots of info internally when in public, but at first glance I have seen people shy away from him, give him lots of extra room, not stand near him, even cross the street to avoid him!)
Then I noticed when we are together in a social setting people will often assume we are a couple, and him being in the company of a woman somehow “softens” his image or the perception that he is a threat. They often will address me vs. him, but people are more at ease for lack of a better way to put that.
Then I was really amazed when he and I and my two kids were out and about in public to see what a difference that made in how strangers seemed to perceive him. My girls get along well with this guy and follow him like little ducks, so it didn’t surprise me when a woman working at a supermarket spoke to him as if he was their father, and we didn’t feel the need to correct her because after all it was a natural mistake and nothing to make a big awkward scene over with someone we’d never see again. But she treated him wholly differently than I had ever observed with him before — he was seen in the light of being a “family man” and it was like that somehow undid all of the apprehension or awkwardness or whatever people feel about this same person when he is alone in public and the gal was very friendly to him.
I don’t know what to make of it from a red pill or philosophical perspective, but I do think after seeing this that there is a “social proof” benefit to men for being part of a couple or part of a family in particular that single men may not have.
Not that it is a reason to be in a relationship only for this social salve, but it made me wonder if society extends perks to the “family man” that they do not to single men?
For example, I have heard male friends say promotions at work often go to men with families. Or that men with families get extra concessions that single men do not. I have also heard that men with what other men consider good wives and good families get social rank and are favored in the job market as well (Like Liz, she and their children reflect well upon her husband as a leader, because he is leading a successful family, people notice they “have it” and Mike benefits both professionally and socially for it).
Of course the other side of this is its unfair men who are single are possibly perceived differently and don’t have the same opportunities and advantages “family men” have.
Anyway this is kind of a half-baked post, I am just toying with the idea — is there a validation of coupledom effect, or not? Share examples where you have seen it to be so or not, and let me know what you think in the comments!