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Like many women of my generation, I was raised with ridiculously high expectations.
I cannot remember anyone ever saying, “when you are a wife or mom…” but I can recall plenty of times where I heard, “When you go to college, when you have a career, etc.”
So I went to college. I had a lucrative and impressive career. And apparently when that wasn’t good enough, I decided to open my own business. I work all the time. People admire all I have accomplished. I’m “a somebody.”
Yep. I am a success by all accounts. Except more and more often lately I am wondering if what I should really do is give up the superwoman act, hang up the cape, and “just” be a mom and wife?
What good is being a superwoman if I am missing my children’s childhoods because I am always working? What good is being a superwoman if all I ever seem to talk or think about is my business and career? What good is being a superwoman when that quest has led to failed relationships and out of wack priorities?
I am seriously toying with the idea of chucking it all and being a nobody. Yep. A failed superhero.
I feel guilty even thinking about it. And yet I am thinking about it more and more and more.
Yep. I might just go ahead and waste my potential, go back to the kitchen, and while I am a little old for being pregnant, I could at least be barefoot.
I have lived the superwoman life and to be honest, I am over it.
First female president? Not me.
Nope. Super hero out!
Chasing the next promotion is a mistake I made. I went from two of the best assignments in my agency, where I had a lot of fun and was happy, to management and the grief that comes with it.
Happiness should have come first for me, and my family at the time.
Make whatever choice you make, but do it for the right reason. Not just for a new title or bigger office.
Western society has wrong priorities nowadays.
The sad thing is people would probably think I had lost my mind!
Not all people…feminists probably yes 🙂
Interesting that nobody ever said “when you’re a wife”, “when you’re settled down”, “when you’re a mother”, etc to you, Bloom. Or perhaps not, given that your mom was a Feminist.
It was the opposite for me. Being in a somewhat traditional family and going to Catholic school from kindergarten thru 5th grade meant I heard this all the time. One of my funniest memories is being in 2nd grade and having a teacher worriedly ask why my “When I’m All Grown Up!” poster had pictures of bones and broken pottery all over it, when all the other girls had wedding dresses, flowers, and babies. She thought it was indicative of ‘trouble at home’…but I just wanted to be an archeologist, lol.
Anyway, I don’t think it is a failure at all to want to be a full-time mother. I mean, you have kids. It should only be natural to want to spend more hours raising them, right? Women and men who want children really should have the option to be a larger part of their offspring’s lives.
This is the dichotomy of women raised in a post-feminist society. We are told that we can have it all so we are supposed to be all too. Your post honestly reminds me of my mother, who has raised five children with the help of my father, spoiled the ever-loving shit of them, kept a spotless home and still kills it at work. She was/is my Wonder Woman. The shoes she left to fill are more than I could even imagine attempting to try on. I am unmarried, childless and struggling. I do well at my job but my income is pretty close to the poverty line. I am an school part time to try to throw together some semblance of a career, if robots don’t dominate the paralegal field, by time I’m done. Regardless I feel a sense of lacking of accomplishments because I don’t own a house and I can’t afford to keep up with fashion. However I can just picture how much more exhausted I would be if I added child-rearing to my list of things to do. No way, dude. Count me out. If I am fortunate enough to marry a man and he wants kids, he better be able to afford it cause I am not returning to work for a long time, if ever. Mom made life look miserable. I don’t blame her but I won’t do it to myself just to prove a point.
Keep the cape, line it with fleece and use it as a throw. Waste not want not.
Have you ever asked her if she was happy? If it was too much for her? If she would do it all again?
as i’m sure you well know, this is the super hot-topic button among moms. do we have a career outside the home, or do we only work inside the home … and what do we call it anymore? try telling a working mom that you’re job is a full-time mom … try telling a full-time mom that you’re a working mom. we’re not simply talking about opening a can of worms … we’re talking exploding all the worms on the planet over and over and over again.
first … “Super Woman” is a myth, a lie, a fairy tale. after that … i can only speak to my experience.
from the time i was a very little girl (4 years old little) all i ever wanted to do was be a wife and mommy. but i was also told to go to AWAY to college and get a good degree. and i was told to find a husband (MRS) in college. i did all of the above (minus actually getting a degree).
not only did (and do) i love being a sahm, i think God planted that strong desire in my heart knowing He was going to give me a special needs baby who would NEED me with her all the time.
i will not lie … it has been hard over the years. my ‘job’ is 24/7/365. with my sped girl, i was not able to do things just for me, especially after their dad moved out and filed for divorce … and after she began public school (homeschooling would have been much easier, but her dad forbid it … even to the point of getting a court order against it).
i was not and am not a perfect mom. being a sahm has not made me a perfect mom. but my girls, now 16 and 18, will tell you beautiful things about me as their mom … they will tell you they couldn’t have made it though all the things they’ve had to go through without me … they will tell you i am a super mom. i’m not a super mom, but i am to them.
but here’s the thing, Bloom … i would never tell a woman that being a sahm is the ONLY way to raise children … that working outside the home is terrible and will ruin your children. i will tell you that making your children a top priority is critical to raising children. that your children need to know that when they need you, and even when they want you sometimes, you will be there if at all possible. that there are things worth dropping for your kids. and there are things worth picking up for your kids.
i will tell you there is no easy way to raise children, ever.
idk you personally … only what you present online out here in cyberworld … but what you present is a momma who loves and is devoted to your daughters … who invests her life into her children … who brings them along in her work, teaching them, modeling for them, loving them. you present a woman who is teachable (HUGE) and willing to adjust and adapt (HUGE) and who desires to and longs to do what is best for your children and is willing to make sacrifices to do so (HUGE).
however you do parenting well, it is a sacrifice.
i do not teach my girls they can do and be anything they want. i teach them they can be and become who God has created them to be and become.
and i’ll be honest with you … i envy you sometimes. i wish i could be a mom like you sometimes.
one of the most poignant and powerful lessons on being a mother i learned a few years before becoming a mom.
i went to a women’s retreat with the women from my church. there was this speaker who was absolutely beautiful. she shared about the home she was raised in … a dad and mom who loved her and her siblings and who loved God … and how that influenced her whole life. she described this incredibly beautiful life … a mom who loved God and loved her husband and loved her children.
i was 30 years old and had been working on and praying for ten years to forgive my mom for all she did to me. it was a lot, and it took a lot of work and time to work through all that forgiveness. but something broke inside me, and i was able to completely forgive her. it was very important to me to forgive my mom before i became a mom so i wouldn’t pass that onto my children.
i went up to this speaker afterwards in gushing tears (this was VERY unusual for me – i did.not.cry. ever) and all i could get out was, “I forgave my mom.” that’s all i said. and her response? “I had to forgive my mom, too.”
you could have knocked me over with a feather. this woman, who had the most beautiful, godly, mother … a mother who was devoted to her father and her children … needed forgiveness?!
yes.
and i learned right then that no matter how great a wife and mother i could ever hope to become, i, too, would still need the forgiveness of my children.
so … i taught my girls from itty-bitty to forgive, and to forgive me. i have always been honest with them … and when i screw up (which is often), i tell them, “Mommy messed up. I was wrong. I am sorry. Will you please forgive me?” when they were little it was always quick. as they grew older, sometimes they needed more time. so i gave them that time.
but they have learned not only to forgive me … but to forgive others, including their dad – which was huge. HUGE. and super hard. and super worth it.
I’m a bloke and I’m planning semi-retirement when I’m about forty. Life is short. Do what you want (if you can afford it).
RPG, would you rather be out of the business entirely, or would you rather be able to just spend a lot less time on it but still keep some connection?
Because if it’s the latter, maybe you could hire someone to run the thing for you while you continue as main owner and advisor.
That’s a good suggestion David! You guys are so helpful 🙂
Ame you sound like an awesome mom. I do some things well, other things I could do better. I feel like the years are zooming by and I don’t want to miss them!
The brainwashing has it backwards. You aren’t giving up being important to become no one. You are prioritizing the safety and welfare of your family and the building of a family legacy you can be proud of by not wasting your time doing jobs anyone can replace you in and could care less about you in in exchange for the vocation of Mother and Wife where you are loved, venerated and irreplaceable. Think hard about why you would consider it a downgrade. That thought is not the truth nor coming from reality.
Used to be there were things so priceless no amount of money could by it. WHY ARE YOU SELLING SOME THING NO AMOUNT OF MONEY CAN BUY ?
If you are a Wife or Mother that is your job.
Bloom – i am an imperfect mom who makes a lot of mistakes and needs a lot of forgiveness … but, like you, i love my kids. i make the best choices i can at the time i need to make them given the circumstances and resources available.
@ Carlotta I totally agree w you, I don’t believe it’s a waste at all but sadly it’s been presented to women that way over the past 40 years. Sad 😦
RPG,
I am de-cloaking because this is important. Hiring a manager would be the wrong way to go. It would increase costs and they aren’t motivated like owners are. I would recommend doing all that is possible to increase the value of the business prior to selling it. However, there will be a drwback, the value of the business is linked to you running it. Think hard. It is providing for you and yours. The other concern is, that if you marry, you can enter your husband’s frame.
FWB: There are plenty of managers in businesses of all kinds who are highly motivated. A gain-sharing plan based on significantly increasing the value of the business: very motivational for the right person. And while I don’t know any details about the business, I’d think for a young and ambitious person, success in building it up as the first manager after the founder would be a great resume item.
Yeah, it will cost something, but RPG apparently wants to make the tradeoff of $ versus time.
Fuzzie!!!!!!!!!!
Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
🙂 🙂 🙂
Fuzzie so good to see you!!!
Yes, I think your thoughts are very good and perhaps I as being hormonal or something. Thing is, before now working was never optional. Even when married my husband always insisted I work and have equal income. And for the past few years it’s been no choice but to buck up and do all I could to earn an income from home to avoid losing everything. So perhaps I am being hasty to want to abandon ship. I agree finding someone as motivated as the owner is very difficult. Perhaps I am impatient to get on with the next chapter of my life. In any case the one thing I don’t worry about is adopting his frame. He’s so much smarter than myself, is so kind and good, is so steadfast I can hardly imagine a better captain to had the wheel to.
My business does ok but I can’t really go into detail… I am facing a decision to invest some big capital and grow, or to scale back. My partner is 100% supportive of all that but I find myself thinking… Maybe not invest in the biz, maybe just enjoy life.
Faced with options I have never had before, I am not sure what to choose. I am blessed to have suce choices, that is for sure!
Also I am not considering selling my place, just scaling back the biz. If that clarifies. We intend to eventually be here full time but bc of work constraints for him that can’t happen for a few years. Anyway neither of us was looking for a ldr or to move but… Life happens! I am sure it will sort itself out w time…
But the superwoman thing… Yeah I am over that. Sometimes I get really mad at how I was so mislead by feminist dogma presented as fact. It’s like a cardboard town, looks good from a distance but it’s not real and it never was…
Hang it up. Leaves you more time for blogging.
Otoh were it not for my education and abilities I would be in a world of hurt so maybe I should appreciate that I am able. I am proud that I faced the seemingly impossible and survived all that but it has not been fun nor easy. When my youngest’s father walked out two weeks after I lost 90% of my income, it was dire. As a self employed person there was no unemployment or safety net. Still I refused to take welfare bc I didn’t want to become dependant on it. So by hook and by crook I did what I needed to do and kept the boat afloat. But man, it was not easy. Scariest three years of my life. Maybe I just need some time off
Also when I say he’s way smarter than me, that’s not a slam on myself. He’s way smarter than most people! Yet he’s humble about that. A true gem!
I am gushing… Sorry! I guess that after all I have been thru I appreciate him so much more for it. I guess I had to learn all that to be where I am now.
Life is weird! But wonderful! 🙂
“Scariest three years of my life. Maybe I just need some time off”
wow … you’ve been through a lot 😦
sounds like you were in a fight or flight situation, and you stayed and fought, and you’ve been fighting ever since. now that you’re at a ‘safe place,’ your brain is sort of ‘defragmenting.’ now that you can ease the tension on the rubber band that’s been pulled so tight for so long, your body is reacting and not knowing exactly how to do this place of safety.
might be a good idea, if possible, not to make any big decisions for awhile while your whole system adjusts to this new, safe place. just a thought.
I can totally relate to that 🙂
RPG,
If you have years, make plans and set a goal. I would still concentrate on making the business as valuable as possible without incurring debt. You have been doing OK so far. Continue to trust your own judgement.
Ame, Hi to you too!
Good advice Ame, yes I can see that. I haven’t been able to relax until now. Thank God I can relax now! Oh vay it has been rough but I am proud I survived. I did that for my kids, not me. No way in heck I was going to lose their home. Doing it for them got me thru. And I guess I was an example, when times get tough, you don’t give up. Get up and show up. That’s what you do.
Fuzzie that means a lot to me that you cared enough to decloak to give some words of advice. You are a mighty fine bear, you are indeed! 🙂
@ RJ thanks for the words of encouragement! I will try to post more regularly 🙂
Btw you people are wonderful! I know people say the manosphere is horrid but I have gotten so much support and encouragement from this community. You guys have been a lifeline during some very trying times. I love each and every one of you! 🙂
*like* all of your comments 🙂
“I haven’t been able to relax until now. Thank God I can relax now! Oh vay it has been rough but I am proud I survived. I did that for my kids, not me. No way in heck I was going to lose their home. Doing it for them got me thru. And I guess I was an example, when times get tough, you don’t give up. Get up and show up. That’s what you do.”
you *have* been loving your girls. and pouring into them. yes, time is flying by, but no mom makes it to everything; we all *miss* things. even as a sahm i have missed a lot … esp with my oldest b/c my youngest’s needs were just so huge and time-consuming. i spent every possible minute i could with my oldest, but she will tell you if there was one thing she could change, it would have been to have more time with me. and yes, that makes me cry.
everything has a price. nothing is free. everything costs something. the *cost* of raising a special needs daughter has been very high, but very worth it; i am so thankful she’s had a mom who cared enough to fight as hard as i have for her, and there were some fierce battles over many years. it has cost her sister a lot to have a sped sister, too. now that my sped girl is getting to new plateaus, i’m able to help her learn to sacrifice for her sister and her family and others so she doesn’t learn, by default, everyone else in the world must sacrifice for her.
tell your girls the stories … over and over … of how you survived … of how God never left you … of how God gave you the abilities and talents and drive to overcome the hard times, to endure, and to make it through to the other side. your girls will have their own hard times in their lives, and they will need wells of strength to draw from when they do. choose to allow your hard years to become wells of strength for them to draw from when they need them someday.
you’re a good Mom and a good woman, Bloom. you’ve made hard choices and hard adjustments in your life to become who you are today. it’s nothing to flaunt, but it is something to celebrate and to pass down to your children.
@ Ame yes that is true. I also feel that w my oldest, 7 years older than my youngest, that she got less bc sister was so much younger and *needed* more. It’s hard not to feel guilty or you could have done more no matter what the circumstances….
In my case older is also the easy/not risk taking/color inside the lines kid while sister is a spitfire and a handful. They are a good balance for each other! And both like me, in different ways! 🙂
Mamma guilt is harsh … often forgiving ourselves is the hardest part.
“In my case older is also the easy/not risk taking/color inside the lines kid while sister is a spitfire and a handful. They are a good balance for each other! And both like me, in different ways!”
ohhh … that’d describe mine, too!
my oldest was born believing it’s better to silently manipulate someone else to do stuff for her (and she’s good at that). youngest was born believing it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission! oldest will follow the rules but get someone else to break them for her. youngest doesn’t think rules apply to her 🙂
truly, they are a joy! AND a handful!
and a very harsh mirror sometimes 😉
Eeew is that your story or are you sharing that from the reddit thread
for discussion?
I am feeling much more OK with things today… in everything a season. Not going to make any rash decisions… Thank you to all for the weigh in. Mostly I am trying to shed the ridiculously high superwoman expectations and trying to craft a life that is more moderate but also more enjoyable. 🙂 As I said I am blessed to be able to have such choices!
I am glad that you thought this through. It is better than being lonely with a lot of money like your tech millionaire friend. Life is too short to miss out on the things that give you joy and fond memories in the years to come.
I got my associate’s degree but didn’t finish before I married — I quit to get married. Coming from the experience I have, though, one piece of advice I’m giving my daughters — DON’T quit school. Finish your degree. Doesn’t mean you can’t get married before you finish, but for heaven’s sakes, FINISH SCHOOL. As time went on and I looked for employment I could do very flexibly or from home, more and more doors have been slammed shut in my face because I don’t have my bachelor’s degree. I could have finished, but I was conviced by others that I shouldn’t and that I needed to be a full-time mother (my oldest was born less than a year after my wedding) and I didn’t need to worry about school — BAD advice which I wish I had ignored.
Additionally, it’s my opinion (based on my own experience) that, contrary to what seems to be the prevailing wisdom in these parts, that men are looking for a wife who has acquired an education similar to their own. If he has a degree, you’d do well to have one also. It makes a difference Trust me. I’m there and I know. If he’s a college graduate, you should be one as well. If he has an advanced degree, you should at least be thinking about one, or at least about continual training in your field.
You need something to fall back on just in case. Contrary to what many may think, this is not feminism, this is simply prudence. And keep one foot in your profession if you had one prior to marriage and children. Keep subscribing to your scholarly publication if you have one, and stay current in the profession. At the very least, it will make you a more interesting person who can converse in a way that will also enrich other’s lives.
St Thomas I would agree that if one is aiming to get a degree, the easiest time is when they are young and life is still uncomplicated. My babysitter comes from a very conservative religious sect but she finished her BA in early childhood Ed during her first year of marriage and wrapped up her final quarter when baby had just arrived. Now she’s got the degree, and plans to open an in home preschool to help supplement her family’s income in time. Had she quit school going back later would likely have been much harder. And she had a solid plan for how she would put the investment in college to real practical use. Smart. I would contrast that w a gal who visited my biz w her mom recently and was working on her MA at a very expensive school in a subject that while interesting I could not see a job at the end justifying that expense. So in her case I am not so sure the higher degree was “worth it.” I am pretty practical so that’s how I look at education — what’s the end goal and does it make sense? I enjoyed college and don’t regret going but I do think I was encouraged to mistrust men and to put school and career above all else and I don’t think that was so good.
“Trust No One!” – Fox Mulder…
“So in her case I am not so sure the higher degree was “worth it.” I am pretty practical so that’s how I look at education — what’s the end goal and does it make sense? I enjoyed college and don’t regret going but I do think I was encouraged to mistrust men and to put school and career above all else and I don’t think that was so good.”
It is worth it. As Moi said above, “trust no one” is not necessarily always bad advice. I trust people, but way less than I used to. Don’t get me wrong. I regret nothing I have done, but putting all your trust in a husband is not always the best thing to do. You have to understand, you are talking to someone here who was raised counter-culturally, differently from you — I got the “when you’re married” line instead of “when you finish college” line. Both are pie in the sky. The more accurate approach, which acknowledges the hard realities of life, is — get your degree and finish school — that is basic and nonnegotiable. End goal has to be supporting yourself, not having to depend upon anybody and be able to support anybody who does depend on you (your children) with the goal of helping them become self-sufficient in good time. With that degree, you’re more likely to be able to support yourself and them without having to compromise too much the time you spend with them…..your options are far more limited without that degree, and you will find yourself not only taking a lower paying job, but having to fork out half of that salary for babysitting if the children are very young — whereas if you had that degree, you might have been able to take a job from home, such as online tutoring. Online tutoring services won’t even look at your résumé if you don’t have a bachelor’s degree.
I have six kids, I homeschool, I am very conservative, traditional, skirt-wearing, the whole deal…..and I’ve learned that the line I got also is a false one, just as you did. The more correct view is somewhere in between. The only person you can really truly trust is God. Don’t ever place too much faith and trust in a human being.
“I do think I was encouraged to mistrust men and to put school and career above all else and I don’t think that was so good.”
That’s understandable, but from someone who comes from the “other side of the track” in this regard, too much trust is just as bad.
TBH, I think you should be in the planning stage for your exit strategy. Not an immediate exit, but 5-10 or so years out. The manager to run the place for you is one option. But being able to find and groom someone to take it over, could be much more personally gratifying IF you find the right person. You can slowly sell them part of the business, so they see value in making it successful.
St Thomas More Academy wrote: “You need something to fall back on just in case. Contrary to what many may think, this is not feminism, this is simply prudence.”
So very true!
I always balk when I read red pill guys complaining and criticising women for wanting to have careers. It doesn’t make sense to me. Surely they can’t sincerely want all these women to be completely vulnerable and dependent for the rest of their lives.
Nobody likes always having to rely on others’ good graces, even moreso when they have other people (like small children) depending on them. Anyone who suggests that women have no need to develop marketable skills is not thinking in the best interests of the women.
It’s wonderful to be able to devote much of your time to the care of your family. There’s no question. I’d also argue that both fathers *and* mothers have given up an advancement in their career, because their current position is “enough,” and they want to spend more time with their family. There should be a balance.
A lot of women enjoy their careers and are very good at them. But others, not so much. There seems to now be as much pressure directed at women along the lines of: you *must* put your career first as there once was along the lines of: you *must not* pursue a career.
I suspect that many of the most fervent pushers of the ‘must’ viewpoint would, had they lived 60 years earlier, been equally fervent pushing the ‘must not’ view. To a certain kind of person, herd-following is much more important than the direction the herd is going.
Unless I misread, RPG is contemplating retirement via marriage. Most SIWs reach the same conclusion. Beta bux etc.
With luck her boyfriend is not planning the same thing.
When I played basketball in Italy I lived with a couple. She was American aristocracy. He was Italian aristocracy, and a count. They married, his thinking she would fix his financial issues. She did same. In truth they were both broke. The Italian government post WWII had seized his 25,000 acres. She was adopted by her famous family, and had no trust fund.
So they married for money and both were revealed.
The whole story gets worse. One son, suicide. One daughter, married to cinema royalty, murdered by terrorists while pregnant. (She was my sisters roomate at sarah lawrence.).
The daughter who fell in love with me? Another day.
Anyway, my suggestion is not to mix love and money, and be wary of any man/woman who will.
BV – are you writing your autobiography?!
you should 🙂
No baby. I’m just a guy who flies west until the engine stops, and rolls inverted.
Or goes to sleep on the lake ice like a good, expired Inuit.
“I have six kids, I homeschool, I am very conservative, traditional, skirt-wearing, the whole deal…..and I’ve learned that the line I got also is a false one”
~~~
what is interesting to me about this is how people are desperate to find answers to the depravity of man … to the evil in this world.
the pendulum swings in odd directions, often in the name of God.
i’m reading a book about orthodoxy and the beginnings of the orthodox church in america, and it’s interesting to me that the author and his group were on a mission to find the most biblical way to worship God … to find out how the early Christians worshiped God and to replicate that.
we want answers. we want to find out what every other person who ever came before us did wrong and fix that, make it better for us and ours. but, as generation after generation of history shows, we keep screwing it up.
it’s interesting what the Bible does give clear instruction to, and what it doesn’t … and how man finds ways to fill in the blank for what it doesn’t and then tries to make it a blanket, biblical, truth.
hummm … things Ame ponders …
Sue’s trolling again.
There’s no such thing as a career one ‘falls back on.’. Careers demand commitment. You’re doing it or you’re not. There is no such thing as an episodic career. Men have understood this for approximately 50,000 years. Women? Claim sexism, get paid for not showing up, somebody’s problem not mine.
well … not that my opinion matters all that much in the grand scheme of things because i am, after all, a female 😉
but … fwiw … i think you should. i think you should compile all these writings and your stories into a book. you’ve lived a fascinating life, overcome insurmountable obstacles, and have, hummm … rather intriguing opinions about life.
i would not only buy it and read it, but i might just start that book club and invite you to be a guest speaker 😉
I’m sure all divorced dads who havent seen their boys in years, and children who didn’t get to live with their dad, will be gratified that divorced females read their dad’s book and liked it. Could be a good market. Rah.
I’m curious how many 40-something guys muse on the idea that its time to let the opposite sex provide their comfort, security and safety?
@ bv no, not retirement thru marriage. Women who are married sahm’s are not considered retired, are they? In any case I have invested a lot in my biz and cannot realistically just walk away. Well i could but that would be rather foolish. I would want to come up w an exit strategy that made sense. And more than anything I think I just need to gear back to a manageable level, to stop pushing myself to the point of exhaustion and burnout. Moderation! 🙂 I was taught to do everything at 100% or not at all. Maybe better to aim for 80%?
To take one day off a week and not feel guilty, for example….
As you know if you’ve been self employed, there is no clocking in and out, so “leaving work at the office” can be difficult. I could do better at this…
you’ve got a lot more to write about than simply being a divorced dad who hasn’t seen his son in years. your writing is more intelligent than the average reader, so your market would be those in a higher iq range and others who wish they could understand what you’re saying b/c it sounds really cool 🙂
(btw … speaking of iq’s … have you ever disclosed yours?)
and totally unrelated … but my brain does weird things [cause, it’s female!] … but “Rah” made me think of this song:
“To take one day off a week and not feel guilty,”
sounds like you’ve got yourself sandwiched between Mamma Guilt and Guilt for not giving every breath to your biz. not a fun place to be 😦
“Women who are married sahm’s are not considered retired, are they?”
no … but i have my moments when i wish i could … like functioning through a monday when my sped girl had a bad night … and i realize, once again, that she’s further away from being independent of me than i thought … and wondering if/when she really will be capable of being independent … and pondering whether or not she will need me to pursue guardianship before her 18th birthday. some days i think no, then we hit a period of time like recently, and i think yes. certainly not something i should be pondering extensively when sleep-deprived.
@ ane yes, things feel harder on days when we needed more sleep, or it’s hot, or both. Hang in there!
BuenaVista,
“Sue’s trolling again. There’s no such thing as a career one ‘falls back on.’.”
Begging your pardon, but there is such a thing. I keep one foot in my profession all the time. But I’m also making sure I have other ways to earn a living as well. I have skills and I use them. You are simply another of the immature boys masquerading as a grown man, not too dissimilar from the other ‘spherians who moan and groan about their terrible lot in life. Your replies to my comments on a previous post only confirm this. You are not a person to take seriously, and I am not going to take you or anybody who writes like you seriously. You only want to use inappropriate language to describe any woman who rolls up her sleeves and gets to work, but at the same time refuses to validate you with your incorrect language.
If you’ve had problems in life, then I’m sorry. But it’s not my problem, just as my problems are not yours, and there used to be some standards for how we spoke and wrote to one another (again, your rudeness response to my other comments showed that you have no standards at all). I offered a comment, and your reaction was completely rude. I don’t expect you’ll care one bit, and I’m sure you’ll probably respond with plenty more rudeness, but it ought to be mentioned that there once were standards.
Also, how do you know that Sue doesn’t make sure she keeps current in her profession? Many women do that, and you have no right whatsoever to proclaim her a troll just because she refuses to validate you and your inappropriate writing.
Let’s not start w personal attacks, ok? Agree to disagree. We all struggle in our own ways…
It needs to go both ways, RPG. He is attacking people like crazy, both Sue and myself, and the language he selected to do so is appalling.
Yes that was directed at all sides, please be civil. BV is somewhat known for phrasing things as he does. Helps to not be too reactive or take it too personal.
It is a small comfort to know that it is not just me.
BV is somewhat known for phrasing things as he does. Helps to not be too reactive or take it too personal.
Fair enough, and I understand, but I would remind you that you have also been unbelievably rude to me as you were when I commented — and you decided to use sarcasm at me when I pointed out that this “beta” talk is highly incorrect.
Sorry, but I take note of these things. I do take the breaches in correct language very seriously as they are a symbol of the complete destruction of society. It proves to me that the conservative red pillians are, in fact, also partakers of the destruction of society.
Thank you.
Ok, now to be serious. I think that the red pillians are only reacting proportionally to what feminists have said and done. I do think that in terms of where we should be, that they are way over the line.
But how else do you drag others back towards the right balance?
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2016/08/15/hierarchy-of-the-herd/
@ St. Thomas my response before was a observation of your condescending tone, perhaps intended perhaps not. There are many valid points of view beyond one’s own, as we all have different experiences to share. I’d rather discussion here be productive rather than destructive. Nobody knows it all.
Happy me! Downloaded the WordPress app on my phone and now I can ” like” comments! It’s the little things that make life great 😃
RPG,
BV is picking fights. Since this is your sandbox, would you allow me to say that you should say to him, “Stop picking fights.” That would be a good place to start.
Yes, everyone stop picking fights. Agreed. I need to write a new post…
with cold fronts coming through Texas and dropping our temps into the 90’s, we’ve had some stunningly beautiful skies! so thankful i have some photographer friends who have captured some of them 🙂
and if you want to pour some beauty into your soul, here’s a beautiful way to do so (it’s short). these young parents just brought their 3rd baby home from NICU, and Mom knows how to write in such a way you feel like you’re there … and her pics of her 3 littles are adorable. so wish i were her neighbor and could help her 🙂
https://youngdumbandparents.wordpress.com/2016/08/16/honest-motherhood/
Fuzzie, go back to your corner and do what you do there. Disagreement is not ‘picking fights’, unless you’re in a Montessori kindergarten. Grow up or shut up, please.
St. Thomas More of the Aggrieved, any chick who brags on her community college degree and her ability to suborn men, should probably not troll a blog with the words ‘red pill’ in its title.
Sue’s just a longstanding troll who comes her to sputter anti male shit from time to time. Bloom enjoys her for some reason.
St. Thos. More of the Twisted Knickers,
I note that you are very concerned about the absence of ‘correct language.’.
At the risk of sending you to your fainting couch, do provide examples of incorrect language. This, you see, is how grownups argue: they substantiate their noble feelings with logic and observation.
Correctly yours,
–bv
Buena Vista,
You have made it obvious that you are not here to build people up but to tear them down.
BV,
“do provide examples of incorrect language.”
Gladly.
Any words that are traditionally recognized as vulgar, profane, or obscene.
Any terms that are purposely intended to be sarcastic and/or divisive and/or unrefined.
As you are bragging about how smart you are and how ignorant I am, I do not think you need further descriptions. You have been talking about how I am bragging about my community college degree…..um, well, fine, that’s all I happen to have, that’s true. I taught private school all day and went to school at night and during the summers. It was no picnic. Just because a person has only an associate’s degree doesn’t mean they are uneducated, or that they cannot continue to read and write and improve themselves. Apparently you seem very uncomfortable that anybody is using appropriate language and writing….again, this is your problem and you have to deal with it, not me.
And forget about the fainting couch, BV……I’ve never fainted in my life and don’t intend to start now. Sorry to disappoint you. I’m one tough mama of four boys whom I HOPE I have taught how to behave. Nothing fazes me. Go look elsewhere if you want to find someone who has “the vapors”.
One cannot be conservative and red pill
Once you understand the truth of things there isn’t much of the Grand and good to conserve
That’s tough Ton bc of course as a woman ideas like the whole thing collapsing are just super terrifying so the urge is to try and work the margins or to turn the tide. Especially I worry for my girls and wanting them to have stable happy lives. So I always hope for an awakening rather than a collapse although I know it’s a long shot…
RPG,
Better to leave this on thread not current. BV does get me tied up in knots. He knows what he is doing. A thought to leave with you, normal people would prefer to make friends, not enemies. BV doesn’t operate that way.To add to that, he is more likely to get worse than change.
Fuzzie I understand but am in a quandry about what to do. I really don’t want to go to moderated comments, or have to play referee. That’s why I am hoping and asking all involved (including BV) to knock it off and stop with the digs and personal insults.
BV represents a certain pov and his comments can be very insightful when he backs off of the inflammatory and I feel the same about some others as well. As a guy who is frequently out there interacting with women and in the dating scene he offers a part of the story not seen by others. I think sometimes when he calls the BS flag it is because that is not his reality (to struggle w women, for him it’s throw up a online profile or put himself out there in person and the female approaches come streaming in which for many men is not the reality no matter how much game they learned) and/or he’s seen the feral side of women many never do so he also can’t accept blue pill or purple pill because he’s seen too many “good girls” derail given the chance, so he simply cannot relate?
If I have to start moderating comments I may just stop writing this blog altogether. Last time this happened I nearly did jump ship.
Also BV may have luck initially w women but from his posts I sense he yet struggles to find the “it” he’s looking for, too. At times he seems very unhappy or frustrated to me, just like the rest of us but in different ways.
RPG,
There is someone that I should have sought advice from before I started blowing up. She used to have a huge co-ed anti-feminist Christian blog before she shut it down. She is still doing it sporadically at thesunshinethiryblog.com You might make a comment and ask her to follow up with email. It may help to tell her that you are acquainted with Farm Boy and me.
It does look as if no matter what anyone says, BV will contiue to insult other commenters. I think that you will have to ban him. What that entails, as a blogger, I do not know. All the positive contributions he can make cannot out weigh the damage he does when he tears into other commenters.
I got a email today from Stephanie saying that she was glad to see me on the threads again. She doesn’t comment anymore. I shouldn’t have to tell you why.
Fuzzie let’s stop talking about this OK? I hope that things will improve, if they do not I will have to take action. Everyone has now been warned…
RPG.
It is in your hands.