A comment on the last thread by Sergey points out one of the biggest issues with the “modern woman” script: In youth, the world is her oyster. Anything is possible, options are all open. But then unexpectedly it tops out around age 35. Once one is no longer a young woman, the path becomes murky… where does the path go from here?
He says:
“It’s the best time ever for Western women in their 20s/early 30s. After that, though, the options are the following:
* spinster – crushing loneliness and a feeling of self-inadequacy for most, except radical egoists;
* single mom – financial and emotional strains, a risk of problematic child, a sense of life wasted on upbringing the kids;
* divorcee – effectively one of the above, with bitterness of life wasted on wrong mate/stupid breakup on a whim;
* having a committed partner, without kids – generally trying to conceive, due to the strong social/biological pressure and time until fertility window close running out fast; child-free variety is probably one of the happiest combination;
* having a committed partner, with kids, without career – with life embittered by the sense of missing something other women presumable have (“a care-free single life”, professional achievements etc) – thanks to all that lib-fem messages they are daily bombarded with;
* having a committed partner, with kids and a career – have-it-alls; they have their problems as well, all too common self-shaming of “being a bad mother”, envy to ‘care-free’ lives of single women etc.
Self-contradicting mix of social messages sent to women by society (mostly other women, both “progressive” and “conservative”) seems to cause much harm. The lack of it, a sort of ‘each to her own’ relativism is no better: seems that women are somewhat wired to external validation, and the lack of praise/shame feedback to their choices confuses females even more.”
At one time the female life path was fairly defined. She’s a girl, a maiden, a young woman, a wife, a mother, an empty nester, a grandmother, a matriarch.
Yes the choices were limited, but perhaps that is as liberating as stifling? Studies show the more choices we have, the less satisfied we become, ironically. Without a clear path… is modern woman lost in the wilderness?
What do you think? Please share in the comments (while respecting the viewpoints of others.)
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
That’s a bit sad to read. Physical touch is one of the best things we can ever do for another person, as long as it is appropriate.
Never said you were, friend.
And even if you were…so what?
Neither of us are being disrespectful towards each other, so everything is chill.
I know what you’re talking about now. We were making fun of body language being 100% accurate indicators of interest.
Email sent…
i can very much relate to Tarn. i cannot even begin to list all the situations i avoid so as not to have even the possibility of certain kinds of physical touch. and if any man … with the exception of my only brother, were to give me a hug of any kind, i would be freaking out inside – especially if i were not expecting it.
*tips hand side to side*
Kind of. I know it is more of a necessity for others. And, believe it or not, I *do* get touch-starved sometimes, which is yet another reason I am so very glad that I have Seamus in my life. Also why I always have lots of pets…like, right now I live with a cockatiel, 2 parakeets, a guinea pig, and 2 rats. Non-humans don’t activate my haphephobia, thankfully.
But I’ve always struggled with touch, even before my bastard fathers were in my life. I had relatives constantly wanting to cuddle me, but it was a sensory overload each time. The best way to liken physical touch/desire for sex is to be at an all-you-can-eat buffet where you are horribly allergic to everything available.
*shrug*
It is what it is.
Yup. Other-Tarn would be out and in that person’s face immediately.
But there *are* coping mechanisms, some of which you probably use, Ame. Like long sleeves and pants…I don’t actually own any shorts or sleeves that don’t reach my elbow (another reason I prefer male clothing). Being safely covered up means there’s a slight barrier for when people either accidentally or on purpose invade your personal space. Also, avoiding crowded places like dance clubs, bars, most college parties does wonders.
yes … lots of ‘coping mechanisms’ … and most people would not know this to be true of me unless i told them. if they knew enough and thought about it long enough, they might wonder if something is ‘off’ … but i’m able to make it a non-issue most of the time.
there are usually places one can excuse themselves to if need be … polite excuses can be made not to be in certain places … clothing is a big one, too. i don’t really consciously think of it all the time although it is ALWAYS at least on the periphery of my conscious thought.
i guess i should mention that i have absolutely no inhibitions with my husband, which is very nice 🙂
Exactly. Just something running in the background of your mind, like how you obviously know you’re breathing but don’t usually actively think about it.
Other coping mechs…I usually have something to “fidget” with, like keys or a little container of Silly Putty, or an unevenly textured stone. Just an object to concentrate on. If one isn’t available and I can’t get out of the situation, then I will resort to minor pain, like biting the thumb-palm of my hand really hard. Helps with refocusing, y’know?
Just curious, Ame…
Do you also have ASMR?
lol I’ve had better then decent luck online but I take a very low investment approach to it.
The it being your only dating tool has to suck
Tarn – i’ve not heard of that before … i’ll have to look it up. can you summarize it?
I loved Southern MD in the 80’s. Still the best hunting a fishing I’ve routinely experiencedo
Pretty sure that’s 50% of why I dropped out of highschool
FNU,
Yes, the trash can is where they go, unread. I haven’t gone back in years and I bekieve you, it’ll all be the same faces. I can’t understand why? end sarcasm.
Tarn,
I am glad that your fear of contact does not extend to animals. BTW I have two words for your guinea pig, “Meep, meep.”
Like “nut” is any better…
i guess i should mention that i have absolutely no inhibitions with my husband, which is very nice🙂
Getting close to “Tarn Territory” you are
It stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. It’s a really awesome, super pleasant, kinda electric/tingly feeling you get from certain sounds or sometimes gestures. I’m more auditory, so the sound of a slowly crinkled paper bag or fingernails tapping on a wooden desk will give me these nice brain shivers or “eargasms”. Other people are visual, so something like watching someone do origami or paint can do it for them.
Nobody yet knows why it happens, but it seems to affect people with normal sensory issues/difficulties a lot more often.
Tried that. Didn’t go too well.
Men get a lot of bad advice, some of the worse is about online dating.
Women understand just about nothing about men, they are the most clueless about the masculine side of dating.
They are not the biggest deals around but they add to the hostilities of modern combat dating
Ok now I do have to pick on you! Who said 100% ? Sure wasn’t me! Indicator yea. 100%?indicator No one said that.
Then maybe Other-Tarn did… 🙃
Pffttt…
Yoda – tehe!
i told you once that i will not infringe on Tarn’s hallowed ground of oversharing 😉
the periphery is where i am most comfortable 🙂
lol!
the beach took away more high school diplomas where i grew up 🙂
Tarn – that’s interesting. i’m quite sensitive to sound and much prefer silence to anything else. as a matter of fact, everyone in the house uses headphones for whatever they’re doing b/c i like silence 🙂 . my husband likes sound and having the tv on all the time … so, wireless headphones = marriage saver.
i do like nature sounds in nature, though – not recorded. and since i grew up on the beach, the ocean is very calming to me.
Ame,
Overshare you should not.
Fuzzie – ummm … do you think I overshared? or are you saying i’m good?
Ame,
I don’t think you did but, it gets Yoda all wound up. *wink*
okay, Fuzzie – thanks! i was a bit concerned there ;/
Oversharing disturbs the Force it does.
the affection thing is … weird? interesting?
– there are no barriers or fear with my husband or daughters … or little children.
– if i know a hug is coming from someone else, and i can handle it, i can prepare for it.
– if i don’t know it’s coming, i’ll get out of it as quickly as possible and change something – location, what i’m doing, etc.
– i can handle it much better from a female.
– i can’t handle it at all from a male.
– i can hug certain friends.
– i am better if i initiate the hug than if someone else does (except for my husband and daughters. i’m reciprocally affectionate with each of my girls and my husband)
– it is okay for my husband to touch me when consoling me.
– i am learning to accept it from my girls.
– but no one else; not even my brother. definitely not my sisters or parents, e.v.e.r.
– i can usually do the Texas-girl-social pat-hug cheek-kiss thang, if prepared for it.
– hugs from either of my parents will send me to a dark place, cause a panic attack, and cause me to be physically ill for a week. i avoid those at all costs.
– my brother and i are very close in age, so he can get away with more than anyone else other than my husband or daughters.
– hugging my sisters is tolerable-okay but often still awkward.
Yoda – disturb the Force by oversharing, then, i shall not do 🙂
I am also not a hugger, not that it bothers me really, but I don’t get those people who just rush up and hug you like a long lost relation when you barely know them. Boundaries!
I have been told by such huggers that I do the bunny arms thing, pat them awkwardly on the back, then retreat.
Its nothing personal, I’m just not an overly demonstrative or gushy person. I don’t fawn over people because I don’t like to be fawned over.
Bloom –
it is true that there are some families and cultures that are more naturally demonstrative. i’m actually more okay in those situations b/c it’s their ‘normal’ IF i’m prepared.
those that just don’t ‘get’ boundaries, though, or don’t care about them … demand to cross them, those bother me.
i do hate those very awkward moments of greeting and departing, though.
– – – – –
btw – still thinking of you and yours.
I don’t have a problem with it but, I am a bear.
A few things are the same with me;
– Seamus is the only adult person who I have no fear with. All animals and very young children (roughly age 5 and under…) are also okay.
– I can also brace myself for a hug if I know it’s going to happen. Still won’t enjoy it though.
– I’ve gotten slightly better over the years and won’t freak out/dissociate if a sudden hug or tackle happens, I just move away quickly and make incredibly awkward conversation or shitty jokes. Sexual touches, like getting my ass slapped by a stranger, for example, immediately brings out my other side unless I consciously tell them not to.
– I can’t handle it better from either sex. In a way, women are worse because they initiate more touches, more often.
-I can hug a few friends I’ve known for years. There’s 3 that I can endure much more from, and even semi-enjoy it. If I’m close to you for a long time, I get inoculated to your presence. That’s how I was able to share my first real kiss in 10th grade…I knew her for 5 years, and she was “safe”. Likewise, I knew Seamus as a friend since I was 19, and we first had piv sex when I was 22 (9 months after I told him my story and he decided to help me).
– if I initiate the touch, it’s fine.
– it’s okay for Seamus to touch me if I’m upset, although he’ll wait until I ask for it because he’s currently trying to get me to be verbal when I’m upset. Normally I don’t make any noise whatsoever when I’m sad, because I wasn’t allowed to when I was younger, so he’s trying to get me to talk more. Using sign/PSE doesn’t count, which is what I used to do.
– I haven’t seen either of my male parents in over 5 years, but I think my other side would come out and *stay* out for a long time if they ever tried to touch me at all.
– I’m not that close to my siblings so the most I will get from them is a hug during the major holidays. My mom will sometimes hug me “just because”, but usually not.
Re: ASMR
I’m sensitive to sounds as well (like electronics or florescent lights…ugh, so much incessant noise!) but I’m ok with most music. I only use my TV for videogames because I prefer reading to watching shows, so my home is usually quiet other than my birds “talking”. I’m good with nature sounds, recorded or in person. I grew up surrounded by acres of woods for much of my younger years, so wind through trees or creek sounds are calming. I used to walk in the woods late at night after everyone else was asleep and go to this giant rock outcropping and just listen to the forest.
Tarn,
I am glad that your fear of contact does not extend to animals. BTW I have two words for your guinea pig, “Meep, meep.”
So am I, Fuzzie! I just fed him some dandelion greens with strawberries, so he’s making his “purring” sound. 🐭
You may have ended up living him more than you can imagine. Out of everyone I have ever had feelings for, the one that took longest for a spark to reveal itself, is the one I ever loved the most.
YMMV
Generally men only get involves in “slut shaming”, when she fucks everyone BUT THEM!
Ya know, some of us guys see past the “cozy/comfortable/not at all revealing clothing”, and see the attractive person within.
Yes clothing can make it easier to draw attention to yourself. But don’t believe for a minute that it will keep people from finding you attractive.
In fact if someone mentions that you look cute while dressed down like that, you’d better believe them.
*sigh*
So I’ve noticed. Apparently I’m very good at unintentionally cultivating the “girl”-next-door look. I guess I could always wear clothing that’s way too big for me, but I already buy size 8 stuff as a 6. There’s a line you eventually cross, going from Very Casual to Slobby, and I don’t want that.
There are also millions spent on LEGAL weapons every year.
It’s really just about controlling other people, not about so called “gun violence”.
Why *sigh* ? Dude, just own it. You are who you are.
Yes, but my brain doesn’t match my body, so owning who I am would cause/has caused trouble in the past. Yeah, I put on a feminine mask in public a lot, but that’s just me being nice to strangers and not upsetting their worldview. “Who I am” is not acceptable. Not trying to be all woe-is-me here, it’s just a simple fact of life.
I had typed up about 758 words in response, bit deleted them all and will leave it at this:
The only person whose opinion matters is your own. That’s the only person you HAVE to live with for the rest of your life.
And to violate boundries…
{{{HUG}}}
I accept your virtual hug, FML.
Thanks.
And yes, my opinion matters, but not to society at large. It’s okay though. I’ve got enough masks to cope very well at this point in my life, and can change them to fit different situations quickly. You wouldn’t be able to tell how atypical I am just from meeting on the street, and that’s all that counts for day to day living. I think a lot more people wear masks than others realize, though. Some commenters here probably do it, too.
#unlike
Lol. You can hashtag whatever you want. Doesn’t alter anything. 🙄
I know. I wish it did. You don’t deserve to have to do that mask crap.
I used to. No more. I make be less liked by everyone else, but I am more happy with what I am now.
See? That’s good. I’m glad you could do that for yourself.
Tarn, Ame
Try having Synesthezia. I literally see the personailities of numbers. I also have this weird sense of time that i never wear a watch and know what time it is withn 5 minutes. My daughter hears colours and sees music as waves of colour in her field of vision. Its a miswiring of the sensory inputs in the brain. Hers is sound and music mine is sequence and empathy. Sometimes I “see” emotion on someones faces as flashes of colour and numbers.
Ah, that’s so unique!
I read a book about that condition in college for a neuroscience/psych course. The Man who tasted Shapes. It was really interesting, but I’ve never met anyone with it before.
I have. But they almost always had just used LSD.
Ha! Not quite the same, FML…
Tarn,
There is a better reason for not letting everyone in on your idiosyncracies., it takes too long too explain.
Dandelion greens and strawberries? That is close to guinea pig heaven!
Virtual bear hugs all the way around.
Y’all should lay off the LSD
OR take more. Not sure which
“Y’all should lay off the LSD
OR take more. Not sure which”
– – – – –
just jealous b/c you’ve got nothin to add? 😉 🙂
you ought to post a pic of your pit bull!
Horseman –
that is very interesting. i wonder, though, how that is diagnosed b/c i would imagine one with Synesthezia doesn’t know what it’s like not to have it.
my aspie-girl is hypersensitive to all emotions in a room but most especially to mine (which is quite irritating). it’s like the takes on and experiences the emotions of others (especially mine). i’ll have to ask her if she sees things in color.
“mine is sequence and empathy. Sometimes I “see” emotion on someones faces as flashes of colour and numbers.”
does this mean that different emotions have different colors? is it ‘overload’ to work in a hospital where there are so many emotions all the time?
Tarnishedsaid:September 4, 2016 at 12:25 pm
*sigh*
So I’ve noticed. Apparently I’m very good at unintentionally cultivating the “girl”-next-door look. I guess I could always wear clothing that’s way too big for me, but I already buy size 8 stuff as a 6. There’s a line you eventually cross, going from Very Casual to Slobby, and I don’t want that.”
– – –
Tarn – i’m guessing, from how you’ve described yourself, that you are naturally exquisitely beautiful … such beauty is practically impossible to hide. combined with your kind and generous personality … you’re the complete package.
________________________________________________
Tarnishedsaid:September 4, 2016 at 1:04 pm
I accept your virtual hug, FML.
Thanks.
And yes, my opinion matters, but not to society at large. It’s okay though. I’ve got enough masks to cope very well at this point in my life, and can change them to fit different situations quickly. You wouldn’t be able to tell how atypical I am just from meeting on the street, and that’s all that counts for day to day living. I think a lot more people wear masks than others realize, though. Some commenters here probably do it, too.
– – –
there is a place for all of us to ‘perform?’ in such a way in society to make society work well. it’s why learning how to communicate is crucial. it’s why manners are important. it’s why kindness and a smile work.
there’s certainly a balance, but learning how to function well in society is, imo, critical. kudos to you, Tarn, for figuring out ways to do that well.
I tried to post a pic of a huge pitbull but it won’t let me so search “huge pitbull” and see what Ton and his pup may look like….
Ame,
I am horrible at accepting compliments, and initially wrote this comment as a “debunk” of what you wrote above…but then I remembered that is rude, so now I’ll just say thank you. 😶
Learning to accept compliments is hard 🙂
Ame, Tarn, Horseman,
Very interesting characteristic you all have. I enjoyed hearing about how you handle them.
Masks, compliments and playing a role for society, I’ll keep my take to myself this time. LOL!
goFigure –
“Very interesting characteristic you all have. … Masks, compliments and playing a role for society,”
– – –
well … hummm … i am naturally an introvert (or i believe it’s natural) … but the fear / discomfort of touch, and the fear of being around men, is from childhood abuse – most of which from my parents. learning to adapt to society, which sometimes includes wearing masks, is a part of functioning healthy and well. if you were to meet me irl, you would not know these things unless i shared them with you.
I am horrible at accepting compliments,
Your boobs, a fine size they are
Yoda!!! How did I know this was going to come up when compliments were mentioned? I should warn you, tht while Mrs. Yoda doesn’t have a lightsaber, she does have a rolling pin. Seeing all your sandwiches come out f the kitchen flatter than pancakes would be the least of it.
Pingback: The Universal Currency | Spawny's Space
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2016/09/07/the-universal-currency/
It got real quiet here. Is there something going on somewhere else?
A day later and still no more comments? I have been having trouble for the last twoo weeks accessing this site through Bing. I can find the “About” page on the secong pafe of search results. With repeated use, that has moved up to the fourth or fifth listing on the first page. I have been searching for notesfromaredpillgirl.com. I wonder fi other search engines are similarly uncooperative?
I don’t think it is bad to have choises. Now matter what there will always be some people who can’t fit the traditional roles.
The problem is that we have all these choises but nobody to guide us with them. Girls are always told that they can have it all. Well… maybe on surface but in reality I don’t think it will work. That’s why young people should be told to really think what they truly want and choose carefully.
There is a new post a Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2016/09/09/root-cause-analysis/
@Fuzzie
> A day later and still no more comments?
The thread was highjacked by discussion on women voting rights and later by some girl talk. Men got bored and walked away.
The best illustration to Cadders’ posts, really.
And here I thought it was because almost everyone followed Yoda’s comment regarding the new posts over at Spawny’s + because the comments were so numerous that it was taking a long ass time to load the page…
Sergey,
That Sue! She could have stuck around. Things were lively for a while. Maybr the thread going quiet is a good thing. RPG is getting some rest.
Fuzzie, Tarnished
I was making a joke. Well, mostly. I’ve got life to live – a family, a few dozen people to manage etc. Bet so do the others.
Sergey,
Thank you for your company.
I was making a joke.
My comment was also somewhat tongue in cheek.
I’ve got life to live.
I as well. Clients to call, orders to package, moving into my new apartment, 3 coworkers out so a lot more work with fewer people. Fun stuff, heh.
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2016/09/10/herds-and-packs/
Are you yearning for more comments from me, Fuzzie? 😉 I thought the recent direction the discussion was going in was interesting, but when things fizzle out, they fizzle out. I’m sure RPG has another post in the works…
Sue, that was a good thread and people were civil, also good.
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2016/09/12/rock-and-hard-place/
There is a new post at Spawny’s,
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2016/09/14/a-clue/
Tarn,
I was wondering if you could give me some game ideas. My b-day is coming up and my wife is looking for ideas. We would like a more casual game, that can be played in 10-30 min. after a long day. Just to spend a little time before bed.
We like Hive, but it is a little to intense for winding down in the evening. We kind of like Loot, but it seems funner with more people. Neither of us liked Pixel Tactics at all. Android Netrunner sounds fun, but again to in-depth for a mellow evening.
We have looked at Famiglia and Flux and Guillotine (is this fun with 2 players), but have not purchased any of them yet. Another one we think looks interesting is Seasons, but it does seem like it has a longer play time.
Do you have some suggestions?
Hi, GoFigure.
Sorry for not answering your question til now, I was taking a much needed hiatus from the manosphere and blogs in general.
If you are looking for a quick game that the youngsters can also play, I’d pick something made by Iello. Perhaps “Tem-purr-a” or “King of Tokyo”. Calliope also has good titles like “Roll for It” and 2 versions of “Tsuro”. For something a bit more challenging but still easy/fun, I’d recommend “Mystic Vale”, “Tokaido” (a personal favorite) “Splendor”, or maybe even “Gloom”. If you can find it, “Heebie Jeebies” is also really fun, but is only carried by ACD Distribution since one of their employees made it.
Just as a by-the-way, “Star Trek Ascendancy” is hitting distribution hubs this week. I got to play it at Gencon and hang out with some of the guys from GaleForce 9. This isn’t a quick/non-challenging game, but it is really fun. The MSRP is $99…a bit steep sounding but totally worth it imo.
Honestly, I’m a little worried that its release will be completely eclipsed by the prerelease events of Kaladesh.
Speaking of which, here’s a heads up for my fellow gamers:
If anyone here plays/collects Magic: The Gathering, buy a booster box of Kaladesh. Seriously. From what I’ve seen, it’s going to be a good investment, somewhat along the lines of the original Zendikar set.
Ame,
I had a question for you related to our conversation above.
How did you stand being pregnant?
Your haphephobia sounds like it’s as bad as mine, if slightly different, and one of my worst fears ever is to become pregnant. The concept of being constantly touched/having something grow inside my very body is quite literally nightmare and nausea inducing to me. I’m confused as to how being in such a physical state…more than once!…didn’t massively trigger any fears in you.
Tarn –
that’s actually a very good question.
i never thought of it in terms of the baby touching me.
but the parts that were very difficult for me:
1. that i was ‘trapped’ in that state for nine months … as i vehemently am opposed to abortion for any reason. and i was really sick, in different ways, with both pregnancies – it was a very trapped feeling. i had to create a mental space in my mind for that and stay there … though, after about six months of being sick everyday the first time, i started to freak out a little bit. i had my doc on speed dial and could dial him in my sleep! he and his staff were awesome.
2. the more-frequent doctor exams – being touched that way. it was … very weird. i was never comfortable with well-woman exams anyway, so this made it hard. thankfully, i had an incredible ob/gyn who was very sensitive to my ‘issues’ and handled me with utmost care. i distinctly remember on one visit sitting in the chair with the nurses and swinging my legs. my doc walked in and said, “I hope you don’t kick me when I’m delivering your baby :)” … he said it softly and with a lilt of humor, so i was able to take it. but i have never forgotten it and almost always remember that comment when i’m swinging my legs.
3. i was absolutely paranoid about becoming pregnant for years … a lot due to being touched and examined, a lot due to my body changing, a LOT due to the fear of being sick and trapped, and a LOT due to the fear of being like my own mother.
when i went into labor the first time, my baby dropped, my water broke, and i was in hard labor almost all at the same time. i delivered her in 5 hours start to finish, WITH an epidural slowing it down, a lot. so when i went to the hospital, the nurses treated me harshly b/c it was my first and they thought i was over-reacting. i refused to let them examine me until i talked to my doc. they didn’t like that but finally got him on the phone for me (this is before cell phones were common). he calmed me down and asked if i wanted an epidural, which had not been my plan, but b/c he knew me well and i trusted him, i went with it. the epidural doc came in and was my miracle. he was so kind. that slowed down my labor till my doc could get there and deliver. he was very careful with me, talking to me, telling me that i needed to let go of some of my privacy. he stayed with me through the whole thing.
second baby i induced b/c 2nd labors are often faster, and i had a 2 year old to need to have cared for. that process was 6 hours, but from the time he broke my water, it was only 2.5 hours. since he induced me, he hand-picked my nurse – amazing woman, who talked me through the whole thing, and i went unmedicated.
it was still very uncomfortable to have people touching me to deliver my baby and to care for me afterwards. thankfully i didn’t have any issues and healed well and quickly.
i have to admit that having my girls touch me is different from anyone else touching me. i was very affectionate with both of them … perhaps a need to give them what i never had? the three of us are still very affectionate. but all three of us also need our space and alone-time where no one is talking to us or touching us or in our space.
– – – – –
the worst, though, was when i had to go in after i found out my first husband had been promiscuous with prostitutes. same gyn. same nurses, and they were incredible. they brought me in privately, walked me out through the back door. he took an hour with me on a monday during his lunch hour. they were amazing. it was the first exam where i didn’t care b/c i already felt violated … but on the way home i felt like my skin was crawling and i desperately wanted to pour bleach all over me and scrub it all away, to get it off me. thankfully logic took over and i did not reactively go out and buy a dozen gallons of bleach. but i’ll never forget that feeling.
– – –
i know this is already long … and i don’t bring this up much, but i think it’s important to know. since it was 11 years after we were married that i had my first baby, i was treated horribly by many who were devout family people. they could not understand why i waited so long (none of their business) … and they were extremely condescending toward me about being mothers because i didn’t *know* what it was like and they did. they never stopped to think that one cannot know what it is like to be a mom unless one has been a mom, and that is OKAY. i had a ton of fears going into motherhood, and i learned to keep those to myself.
but … IF one has dealt with all their crap ahead of time – all that they can … then you can choose in your mind to give yourself the freedom to let all the mommy emotions and desires free, and to enjoy them. it is hard, but it is possible.
– – – – –
after 2 kids, though, i was done. my first husband got a vasectomy. after the divorce i knew that if i married again i would not marry a man who (1) did not have children of his own b/c i didn’t want to prevent him from never having that opportunity if/when he ever decided to, and (2) did not already have a vasectomy by his own choice (b/c my body does not respond well at all to any kind of hormonal intervention). these were both true of my husband before i met him.
i do love children, but two is definitely my limit. i only actually wanted one, but God gave me two, and i do love them both.
i can’t stand being in a room full of kids all touching each other and me and in close contact. stresses.me.out!
Tarn –
thanks for this info … my step son is HUGE into vid games and Magic: The Gathering, so i passed along your info.
Ame,
Thanks for answering, and being so honest about it. I also greatly dislike gyno visits, and usually only go to him once every 2 years instead of annually. I’ve never had any health issues regardless, which is probably a combination of purposefully healthy living habits & strong genetics. Though I like my doctor and he is very understanding of my gender dysphoria + aversion to touch, the nurses are not. I do not trust them because they reek of fake sympathy and are constantly trying to rub my shoulder, hold my hand or…ugh…pet my hair, which just stresses me out more. I nearly growled at one, she was so intent on being “comforting”. 😡
Though I’m pro-choice myself, I’m certainly not pro-abortion like feminists are. I do think that a woman should be given all information ASAP so that a quick but educated decision can be made, and I’m in favor of the current law in my state that says abortions are illegal after week 20 when the central nervous system is growing/functioning. If a woman who was raped decides to carry to term, then she should be helped just as much as a woman like myself who wouldn’t.
That being said, I’m incredibly thankful that my one lover had a vasectomy prior to meeting me, and I’ve been lucky enough to never need other forms of birth control. I am still planning on getting a tubalugation as soon as I reach an age where a doctor will perform it. It’s frustrating to know a 20 year old man can get a vasectomy before ever getting married or having children, but I have to wait til I’m over 35 because I’m single and childless. Rather have the surgery while I’m younger and can recuperate quicker… 😯
Oh, and I also sympathize with you regarding the folks who were judgemental towards you for not having kids on their schedule.
Forget ’em. They are not living *your* life.
I detest men and women who try to tell others what “has” to be done.
As you remarked much earlier this thread, I am not Red Pill, nor do I agree with quite a bit of said philosophy…but I would never tell someone they can’t live it themselves if that’s what works best for them/their family.
Tarn –
“the nurses are not. I do not trust them because they reek of fake sympathy and are constantly trying to rub my shoulder, hold my hand or…ugh…pet my hair, which just stresses me out more. I nearly growled at one, she was so intent on being “comforting”.”
i would TOTALLY freak out and probably get up and walk out. there was ONE time i went to him for an annual, and he had a temp nurse that day (very rare in his office; something was going around). i did NOT like her, and before even a minute was up i was plastered against the furthest wall in that exam room. if i didn’t already know my gyno very well, i would have left. i.just.cannot.do.that.