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Notes From a Red Pill Girl

~ A site for women interested in a red pill perspective (where men are welcome too!)

Notes From a Red Pill Girl

Monthly Archives: September 2016

A Pre-Feminism Tale

29 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Fempire

≈ 35 Comments

Tags

career, career woman, childbearing, college, fertility, infertility, parenting, pregnancy, red pill

The other day I was talking with a friend who is in her early 60s. She happened to mention, in passing, that her grandmother had been a doctor.

Yes, that’s right, her GRANDMOTHER had been a doctor, specializing in head injuries, no less.

Now considering my friend is a baby boomer, that means her grandmother became a doctor many, many years before feminism supposedly opened up such opportunities to women. How could that be? So naturally I asked more questions.

Interestingly, it turns out her grandmother followed the path currently advised by the red pill, she married young to a good man, had their four children young, raised them while her husband worked his career, and then once their children were grown (her early 40s) she went to college, became a doctor, and started her career. Her grandmother practiced medicine well into her 80s.

It had never occurred to my friend that what her grandmother had accomplished, becoming a female doctor, was perhaps unusual for her time until I pointed it out.

This story is a good example of how today’s thinking that women should put off marriage and children until after she establishes her education and career may not be the optimal path after all. Or that if she marries and has children young, she will “miss” her chance to have a career.

Traditionally women followed their ideal biological life path — having children in their early 20s during their prime childbearing years, then shifting gears toward career as they reached their perimenopausal and menopausal years — when they are unencumbered by children and also will not have to “pause” that career once it is underway, like a woman who aims to establish her career early in life likely will when/if she chooses to have children later in life.

I have known many women of my generation (including myself, I am in my mid-40s and have young children) who put off childbearing until the last possible biological moment because they were mislead that they had all the time in the world to have kids, but not a career.

I was lucky to concieve both times easily and quickly despite my advanced age. Two of  three dear friends heartbreakingly never conceived despite expensive ($10,000+) infertility treatments. A third did finally succeed (happily!) after many tens of thousands of dollars and multiple attempts and is now finding just how difficult it is in reality to maintain a demanding career with an infant. Yet she’s afraid to take time off, lose her connections, and then be unable to restart her career later. A fourth friend didn’t start thinking of marriage and kids until she was in her mid 30s. She has yet to find a mate and at 45, children are now unlikely.

Sadly, these women followed the supposedly new and improved life script, only to find out it has some drawbacks they had never been advised of. No path is perfect. All paths involve possible trade offs. And they always have. And they always will.

It’s something young women of today would be wise to ponder. Does the path recommended to women today really make the most sense based on what she wants in life?

Perhaps the path my babysitter has chosen (to get her degree, have kids, then pursue her career with some additional refresher training when her children are older, then pursue her career in earnest for the second half of her life) lines up more naturally with a woman’s seasons of life?

The thing about life paths is there often aren’t do-overs later when one regrets the path chosen or is unhappy with the trade-offs. So best to figure it out early, and be sure you have thought things through. Both paths involve risk and uncertainty, is one path riskier and less certain?

Discuss. Deliberate. Ponder.

 

The Power of Nesting

20 Tuesday Sep 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Uncategorized

≈ 43 Comments

Tags

decorating, feminine, housework, nesting, organizing, red pill, woman's work

The other day when I was feeling particularly restless, I decided to channel that pent up energy into cleaning house.

Now cleaning house is not my favorite thing to do, by any means, nor am I particularly domestic. In fact, I was raised to think of housework as “oppressive drudgery” and something to do as least as possible. Domesticity is not my strong suit.

But as I went room to room creating order from chaos, I found my inner mood also became much more calm. The better things looked, the more it spurred me on. After I was done reclaiming the living room from under the piles of stacked and folded laundry I found myself sitting in the now tidy room, relaxing and enjoying the space, feeling calm and serene.

There’s something to nesting that is particularly female, I believe, and perhaps some of our current angst is due to a modern day suppression of this inborn instinct to create a beautiful space.

Unlike most modern women, my babysitter and her clan absolutely revel in household chores, cheerfully doing laundry, cooking up tasty treats, redecorating with ingenuity, and in all ways big and small turning a house (no matter how modest) into a home. It’s a busy hands, happy heart approach to living. Rather than begrudge such chores, they embrace them as an expression of love and nurture for their families, their contribution to the collective good.

Men also appreciate “a woman’s touch” in a home. As one male blogger said, a gal with a comfortable abode stands out in the search for a mate. And what guy wouldn’t love being with a gal who joyfully primps and preens their space rather than constantly harping, nagging, and keeping score with him that all household chores are split absolutely 50/50?

After realizing what a mood lift I got from nesting, it dawned on me that it’s something I have been denying myself, another piece of the feminist narrative it’s high time to discard. There’s nothing “wrong” or “demeaning” in nesting. Quite the opposite — it’s surprisingly deeply gratifying. Nurturing — both to myself and others.

For me, getting started is often the hardest part. It can seem daunting…where to begin? A good friend taught me a wonderful trick she used to get going — set the timer for 15 minutes per room, get as far as you can in 15 minutes, then either take a break, move on to another room, or spend another 15 minute burst in the same area. Somehow knowing I am only going to spend 15 minutes cleaning makes it seem less overwhelming and it is surprising just how far one can get in a 15 minute sprint. Before you know it, you’re done!

So if you too have been raised to see “woman’s work” as something to scorn rather than celebrate, I invite you to join me in embracing the lost art of domesticity. Let me know if you find the same uplift from doing so that I have! Here’s to creating and crafting a beautiful, bountiful nest for you and yours!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

 

 

The Need for Struggle

19 Monday Sep 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Red Pill

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

anxiety, depression, fulfillment, happiness, red pill, strength, struggle

A customer of mine, who is also a psychologist, and I were shooting the breeze the other day and he brought up an interesting thought: that people need struggle in their lives.

Now one would think just the opposite, that a life free of struggles would lead to happiness and contentment. But apparently not.

Not so long ago, say 150 years, life itself provided plenty enough struggle just via day to day living and survival. Most men and women spent their days toiling for survival via planting crops, tending crops, raising animals, running small businesses, doing physical housework, and the like. The need to struggle was largely fulfilled with physical struggle, hard work.

After an industrial and urban way of life largely replaces a subsistence one, there was still struggle as many jobs were still physical. People were largely involved in working in factories, building and manufacturing goods. It was a different kind of struggle than living on a farm, but still plenty strenuous.

In a post industrial world the need for physical struggle to survive day to day has been greatly reduced thanks to modern conveniences such as electricity and plumbing and a variety of labor saving devices that depend on them. Many jobs also replaced physical struggle with a more sedentary day.

Without the need to struggle physically, rather than feel content and happy, people started to struggle emotionally. Literally creating problems for themselves and others when not distracted by true physical struggle to survive.

It’s an interesting idea to ponder, what one might be doing in their own life to fulfill the human need for struggle. Perhaps replacing that with some form of physical struggle via exercise, sports, active hobbies, and the like would actually lead to contentment and happiness far better than trying to eliminate all struggle?

One example of this might explain why studies found people who walk 15 minutes a day (physical struggle) can gain as much relief from depression as those who take antidepressants. The physical exertion literally creates serotonin, eliminating the need for it to be supplemented.

What do you think?  Can you name examples of ways people struggle today? Either self created or not? Can you think of ways people might replace non-productive, self created struggle with productive struggle?

 

It Takes a Village

14 Wednesday Sep 2016

Posted by redpillgirlnotes in Uncategorized

≈ 63 Comments

Tags

battle of the sexes, feminism, oppression, patriarchy, red pill, sexism

There’s a saying that goes, “It takes a village to raise a child,” but have you ever stopped to think about who builds those villages and keeps them running?

I was pondering this the other day:

“I flip on the switch and the light works. I turn on the tap and clean water comes out. Water goes down drains and toilets and washing machines and away. I put the trash out and it disappears. I pick up the phone and police or firemen or medics come. I assume this is all a given when clearly it is not. Women don’t get that very well. That stuff doesn’t “just happen” by a long shot. How many women even understand the supply chain involved in all that happening? Few. Not enough to make it keep happening for sure.”

The first time I heard that men build civilization at a red pill blog, I freaked out and told off the blog author. (Cringe.) After reconsidering for awhile I realized that it was true: Men build civilizations and create the safe and functional conditions villages thrive under.

That means, if it were not for the supposedly “horrible and oppressive” men willing to protect and provide, the villages would not exist.

Yep. Maybe men aren’t so horrible after all? Maybe they aren’t trying to oppress women, but to help them? Maybe they could use some thanks and appreciation for their contributions? Maybe they aren’t the enemy?

Please discuss while at the same time respecting other people’s points of view. Could villages exist without men?

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