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A common error I see women make in relationships and other areas of life is mistaking emotions as facts.
Facts are truths that don’t change, stand up to scrutiny, and are widely understood. Emotions are feelings which are transient, often don’t stand up to reasoning, and differ from person to person.
When you are upset, stop and ask yourself if you are acting on emotion, or fact. A cooling off period will often shed light on the situation.
Most of all, beware making major life decisions based on emotions rather than fact.
What do you think? Can you give an example of yourself or someone else acting on emotions as if they were fact? What happened?
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This is not just related to women. Men will often overlook red flags that women are waiving to them, because we get all wrapped up in our feelings for you.
Ignore what they say, and pay attention to what they do!
Right now we’re struggling with two highly emotional relatives, one male and one female, who are still refusing to see facts. They offered to do some jobs for us, then they refused to do them as instructed because they “didn’t feel it was the right thing” even though it was based on professional advice, and then they became upset when we gave the jobs to someone else, and still won’t talk to me. Whenever Jon brings the incident up around them, they dismiss the facts outright and go straight to “how do you think it made me feel?” No matter how many times he tries to discuss it, the real risks that they would have posed to our pets and home life are brushed under the rug and their feelings are put on display as evidence again. We’re getting quite sick of it and pretty much ready to cut ties.
Viewing the world thru an emotional lens is part of the nature of women. “Feels before reals”, as we say over at the TRP subreddit. Women are emotional beings, with enlarged parts of the brain associated with emotional processing.
I don’t think women are necessarily making the “mistake” of viewing feelings as facts, nor are they in my experience entirely capable of curbing that instinct, anymore than a hawk can help being a hawk or a tiger a tiger. It’s simply nature, the way we evolved, and there are times when those emotions actually serve a very useful purpose.
The main thing is for women simply to be cognizant of their penchant to interpret their feelings as facts, and realize there are times when logic/reason may be needed, and in those times it may be necessary to defer to less emotional, more logical men. It is simply the natural polarity of the sexes, when they both play to their strengths. That is what what we mean in the Red Pill world by the “Captain-First Mate dynamic”.
Ya know, sometimes it’s not what’s said, but how it’s said or the timing of when it’s said.
Pingback: Don’t Mistake Feelings for Facts — Notes From a Red Pill Girl | Sarah Nicole
Beeeeeeee careful with this.
Females Do NOT want men to look objectively at the state of modern women.
Without the emotions of objectively uncalled for lust (avg waist in 1950 28 2015 32)
and unforseeable hope (for a 30 year intact marriage worth living) what LOGICALLY
do women have to offer a self improving, resourceful (i.e. actually skilled), minimalist (rich in disposable income) man?
Isnt MGTOW the Logical, objective answer to a cost benefit analysis of the Facts of modern marriage/ltr?
Sorry to be a wet blanket but Truth is Truth.
p.s. three great posts back to back. Blooms on a roll!!
Of course females don’t want men looking objectively at them in real life. They want faux-equality, not real equality. In nowhere is it more apparent than in my former life & line of work.
When push came to shove, maybe 1 out of 10 would be the first in a dogpile to cuff a perp. More often than not they either let all of us guys fight it out, or waited until the last to get involved.
But I will say this, the few that would jump in right away, were friggin awesome.
The rest were just taking up a FTE.
Unsure what you mean there. They refused to do something properly, so we found an alternative, and they are unhappy that we didn’t just leave everything in their care even though they accept they would have messed it up. But we still shouldn’t have got someone else to do it, because not being allowed to do the job hurt their feelings. It’s bizzarro-land over here right now.
What I mean is that sometimes people accept when they are told they are doing something the wrong way, and sometimes they are not as accepting, based upon how they are told or when they are told. I don’t know about your particular situation, but in my former life I’ve seen supervisors really screw the pooch by how they dealt with talking about concerns with their staff. And I’ve seen the same kind of dynamic in personal issues as well. My ex was great at admonishing the kids in such a manner, that they would completely ignore what she would say.
Then again, some people just can’t take any sort of criticism or suggestions.
In fact I had one whining to me during an in service class, about how she didn’t like the men appearing to be protective of her during enforcement ops. A few weeks later I got to see her stand back while everyone was going hands on, including other women.
faux-equality.
I’ve given this a bit more thought, and I think that making decisions based on feelings can be a good choice, if the feelings are based on past experiences and fact patterns.
For example, if you begin to have feelings that someone is cheating on you because you see some of the same behaviors from prior relationships, taking the action of discussing the issue with your SO may be appropriate.
Another example is if you see something in the workplace that makes you feel unsafe because of prior experiences where SHTF, taking action to address the situation may be appropriate as well.
Sometimes our gut feelings are what keeps us safe.
YMMV
Lol horseman, they tend to come in spurts! Happy they are hitting the mark!
Well said Copperfox! Your comment reminds me somewhat of this post about female intuition, which I think is something women should not ignore: http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2013/09/on-being-typical-girl.html
In this post I am talking more about letting emotions rather than fact dictate reality. I have seen women completely talk themselves INTO problems they don’t even have, they just “feel” that way at the time, not realizing the feeling is temporary.
SSwife and others, very true men can also mistake emotions for fact. It’s probably more common in women, but I too have seen men operate this way. SO I don’t mean to imply it’s ONLY women.
Hope your relatives get over it. Sometimes people can get bent out of shape by the oddest stuff.
@ Fnu mnu lnu, sadly what you say is so often true — women want equality but when the going gets tough… well…
I am a firm believer in walking the talk! Your comment reminds me of a time I had volunteers helping me bring in a harvest and rain set in, then lightning and thunder. The three women all took off at the first sight of rain. I was the only one who stuck it out with the men, who also worked right through. I think I scored some respect with them that day for staying the course… ANd of course I would, I never expect others to do something I am not willing to do, unless it is something I am unable to do (like electrical wiring or something mechanical, I know my limits! Lol.)
I would think this would be a real problem for men. They won’t be able to apply rational thought to an emotion based issue. That would put us at a severe handicap. I don’t think I want to play this game.
they tend to come in spurts! Happy they are hitting the mark!
Like it that way from Yoda I do
Does Rene Descart get the last word? “I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am.”
What of those who never doubt?
——————
We don’t respond to what is.
We respond to what is perceived.
(Consider what the mismatch between what is and what we perceive leads to. One of the purposes of education should be to shrink that mismatch)
We perceive first; then we interpret (think about, even if only briefly) what we perceive. Emotions follow our interpretation of our perception.
Except in the case of projection – where emotions come first (hormonal upset, brain lesion, etc), and then thought picks something in the environment and chooses that as the cause of the emotion.
Reality testing.
Is our perception accurate, or not? Does that question even cross our mind?
Will we even think to test reality if we don’t first doubt our perceptions?
If we don’t doubt, we don’t think, therefore … ??
Wonder what Rene Descarte would say … about those who never doubt.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cogito_ergo_sum
Once you understand women are to be ruled over you stop worrying about them mistaking feels for facts. Or any of the rest of it
Ton and I are similar in outlook but a matter of degrees.
I don’t believe in ruling over more like lead. Rule implies you must think and command at all times. Like a robot. Too much work.
I think of it as lead and direct their natural instincts. I know they are fickle, I know they are emotional. So I assume that and act accordingly. I do not expect them to do any real work. But by removing my approval or dropping a suggestion they will do what they are able as required. If not, then they serve no purpose and are ignored or removed from my life.
Kinda like my warhorses. 2200 lbs of muscle, no brains and a hair trigger flight response. So when logging in the bush I keep watch so they “feel” safe, I give them direction on exactly where to go and never stand directly in front of their escape route. Do it right and a forty foot 1000 lb log comes sailing out of deep bush like butter. But do I trust them to think? Do I trust them not to spook at a squirrel, no. Without strong leadership they are dangerous to all. But try to rule them and they will look at you like “um I have a TON on you little man.”
Similar to dogs and cats. Both have the run of 50 acres.
But the dogs rarely leave my side. On a nothing day they sit around. bored bored bored. They wont go for a walk by themselves. they wait til I want to go. Kinda like women. I wanna do this…can we? can we go now? please.
The barn cats? Like men. Know their jobs and do what needs to be done.
But a warm sunspot… go away Im sleeping. Tell cat what to do? right.
But when they feel its time to work. They work. Little just came in for food. Could hear his mind as he ate.
“Yeah boss. Just comin in to refuel. Barrier CAP (cat animal patrol) is up. Report of an intrusion in the north field, Blackie and Little bagged one. That nugget Blackie got over enthusiastic and fired before the other varmit got into weapons range. Missed one but the intruder disengaged and ran for home. Good stick, just green. Now wheres the grub, I got a patrol in the barn in 15.”
Kinda why men like dogs who resemble women and women like cats who resemble men.
I like your barn cats.
It was more the latter. The woman was convinced our (almost skin and bones] dog (who also has no appetite and overexercises whenever you let her] would get overweight (like her dogs are] if fed the amounts we were requesting (which she gets at home every day]. And refused to feed her that much because “otherwise you’ll blame me when she gets fat”. The man was just not interested until the woman was angry. When we found someone else and her feelings were hurt, he attacked us for hurting her feelings, said we should have let her have the dog and said the dog not getting the right amount of food didn’t matter. This is an example, not an isolated incident. They are insane.
Cutting ties seems the wisest option and personally I intend to, but it’s up to Jon what he does. Sadly there are way too many people like this. I’m unsure how they get away with it.
It seems a more estrogen-dominant trait, though. I’d say all the men I’ve seen do it on a regular basis display signs of estrogen-dominance. It would also explain why women in the past -who had slightly more balanced hormones, weren’t on the pill, etc- were less delusional about emotions, whereas modern women are moreso, and why pregnancy can make even people like me start seeing emotions as a more “solid” reality. Just because it’s hormonal doesn’t mean you can’t control it, though. :p
Yeesh, I know some people like that too. Is it really so hard to just feed a dog as requested? Actually I am very wary of leaving animals (or kids) in the care of people like that anyway. Probably best you didn’t!
I have a similar issue w/ my mom. My dog, is a rescue because she has severe food allergies and gets horrid skin and ear infections if she reats corn, wheat, soy, chicken, or beef. The solution is to ONLY feed her special grain free dog food, which I do. But when my mom watches the dog when I go our of town, she for some reason cannot resist giving “the poor dog” table scraps, which leads to an allergy flare of intense itching followed by scratching and biting at herself until she had bad hot spots, etc. She’s in one I have been trying to get under control for over a month. Finally, the poor dog is not miserable and it’s nearly done. I am planning a trip in a few weeks, and am trying to figure out how to get through to my mom that she cannot give the dog ANYTHING but her food and allergy free treats. I am hoping if I describe in great detail the misery the dog goes thru she may cooperate.
I’d board the dog at a kennel but she has such extreme separation anxiety from heing rehomes 5 times in her first 3 years due to the allergies and vet bills that she would FREAK OUT if I did that and I can’t stand the thought of her thinking for a week that she’s been abandoned again.
People! Why can’t they just LISTEN…
Goldie?
I thought it might have been something more complex. That’s just someone who thinks their way is best no matter what, and that issues are always everyone else’s fault.
Must be related to my ex. lol
It’s weird, but also sort of nice, in a messed up way, to know I’m not the only one who has a hard time getting people to follow instructions. Perhaps it’s a sort of culture clash? In their heads there is “a way” to do things and no matter what the reason, they can’t change their ways.
We’ve found a boarder who is a volunteer at a dog rescue and keeps dogs at a small farm house a few minutes from our home. Going to introduce our doggy to her soon and see how it goes. ^^ Hopefully you can find someone suitable as well. Or persuade your mom to treat her as instructed.
I think we all like to pretend people like this are rare… but in reality you could probably list two or three who hit you hard and possibly ten or more where you watched from the sidelines as they did it to someone else. They’re everywhere.
Dogs that are finicky eaters are in the minority. I have never known one. That could explain why some people are resistant to believe. I wish you both good luck.
LOL my pit bull is a picky eater for a dog, and so was Thor.
Both are/ were very lean and high energy
A new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2016/10/14/perfect-is-the-enemy-of-good/
It is a fact that I feel the way I feel, at this moment. Feelings are factual, real, they can even be identified through brainscans. Feelings are also a deeper part of you, from the oldest, more dominant part of your brain. All rational thought and rational decisions are only there to serve feelings. You use your thinking to create a life strategy that pleases your emotions. Everyone is ruled by emotions – just some of us live in the moment, some use tactics, some have the vision for a grander strategy.
As an answer to the question of what a woman can offer the minimalist man: company, if he likes it. You can get the milk for free, but some people are just really into cows, they enjoy the occasional moo, the endless chewing, the vacant stares… 😉 If all you care about is milk, you’re really better off getting it for free. Also goats are easier to manage.
The key, IMO, is the be good at prediction the emotional outcome of certain situations.
Yeah, women should argue – – and live their lives – – logically, based upon actual facts. Good luck with that…I tried, and now I’m divorced. But I DO learn from experience and now have a red-pill awareness, so I’ll never marry again. Where HAVE all the good men gone? Hmmm…
HHW….”The key, IMO, is the be good at prediction the emotional outcome of certain situations”
To do this well, one has to understand that another person’s emotional reactions are NOT necessarily the same as one’s own. Which requires that one avoid being totally flooded by one’s own emotions when thinking about another’s.
Related: here’s a post on people who say ‘I never really loved you’ when breaking up with someone. In most cases, I suspect, they really DID feel love for the partner earlier, but their current emotions are so strong in the other direction that their brain/mind rewrites history.
they enjoy the occasional moo
Enjoy moos I do
Could that be part of why you and Farm Boy get along so well?
David Foster: Perhaps we can avoid being entirely egocentric even while being fully emotional? I can still muster some enthusiasm for my husbands sea sailing or parachuting adventures while flooded with fear – I recognize his confidence in his skill, his excitement, his joy. I look excitedly forward to his happiness with a tension tummy ache…