Tags
commitment, divorce, frivorce, love, marriage, red pill, relationships, remarriage
A good friend of mine who was in her 40’s and had been divorced for some time said something that I will never forget, “Something I realized after my divorce was the same problems I used to think were caused by him still remained.”
In other words the bathroom still didn’t clean itself. There were clothes on the floor. The dishes piled up. Bills still came. Stuff still needed fixing. And all the rest.
She said it was a real case of eating humble pie when she realized it, too.
Despite my friend being a very attractive, fit, petite women with a great job (she was a neonatal nurse), a fun personality, and no kids or other responsibilities, she had not managed to find another relationship in the decade after she left her marriage.
Sadly, we’ve lost touch over the past 10 years, but last I heard she was dating someone who had decided he would never remarry and they lived separately and had just broke up because she didn’t want to live alone.
Sometimes the problems that are so easy to blame on a spouse are simply life problems. Problems you are going to have as a single person, too. Except you will now face those problems on your own.
I hope her tale serves as an example that divorce doesn’t magically fix all of life’s problems, and often marriage isn’t the problem, life is. So before you jump into the great unknown thinking it will be easier and better, stop to ask yourself if maybe you are throwing the baby out with the bathwater (or in this case the hubby!)
Let those with ears hear.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
That’s why so many of them rebound back to their ex! And I am amazed at how many of the ex’s will take them back…
I have seen that too Fnu Mnu Lnu, not sure why she didn’t in her case. The grass isn’t greener, it truly isn’t.
The grass is only greener, when there is more BS fertilizing it.
LOL, exactly!
This is actually one reason I don’t necessarily subscribe to the Red Pill teaching that young marriage is always the best. If you’ve spent a few years being the sole provider, coming home to an empty house, being lonely sometimes, I feel you’re a lot less likely to romanticized that single life. I’m not saying wait around until 35 to settle down, but taking a few years to be on your own could contribute to greater contentment in marriage.
I think a lot of people are way to quick to get a divorce. For example one of my aunt and uncle’s friends got divorced because their marriage had become “more like friends”. I was like… but that’s what happens in a marriage! I can imagine a lot of these people then become disappointed when they realise the 40+ dating scene isn’t exactly bursting with options.
I kind of agree. The Red Pill to me is more a set of suggestions, which may or may not help depending on the circumstances. I’ve seen all sorts of scenarios of marriage at different ages, and the “results” are all over the place.
But waiting longer can get people more settled in their ways, and less flexible in adjusting to a married lifestyle. In one case it made the guy long for just having to deal with his own opinions, and not take his spouses in to account.
Everything is a situation, and they are all different.
http://theredpillproverbsbible.wordpress.com
WhIle not a fix all, divorced sloved about 90% of my problems but then again women are 90% or more of most men’s problems
The red pill thing about early marriage for women is….
The longer she is single, the more cock sampling, the more cock sampling the more likly she will to divorce
#2 the younger the marriage, the more babies she’ll whlep
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2016/10/18/the-elements-of-respect/
I’m always annoyed at the light left on or doors left and open by my husband when he’s not been at home to do it! So true, those awful men continue to leave a mess even when absent. However do they do it? Must be patriarchic conspiracy!
As Rollo points out in his latest post at Rational Male titled Sexual Zoning.
The following (due to no fraternization, yes means yes and no unwanted approaches policies and laws) are 100% off limits as a place to ask a woman out on a date. Or even the time. No man with an ounce of self preservation will risk jail on a misspoken word in these locations.
Before you all go all “no its not” just take your place of choice from the following list and add “man charged” or “harassment” and enter it in google. YOU might not call the cops but 1 in 5 of your sisters would and how do we know…you are a complete stranger remember.
Work.
Any workplace anywhere anytime.
HR is part of my job as a manager and as much as it gauls me as a man I am forced to give the “if anyone makes you uncomfortable” speech annually to my crew.
College/university.
On campus, off campus, learning annex, on line study group.
Do Not Even Start.
The gym, rec center, sport/pastime of any kind
Then why are there women’s only clubs?
Church.
Pastor Bob saying its all men’s fault every Sunday, he would love to rise up to “protect” a put upon lamb from a wolf in his flock.
Airport, commuter train, subway,
Yeah that guy who always sits across from you for 40 minutes a day is cute. But look up. See that bright yellow strip or button above your head. Its the “5 seconds to jail” panic strip. He sees it too.
Book store, coffee shop, basically a shop, store or boutique
“SECURITY!!”. Its what women want right? Security?
Soooooooooo
Before you kick Mr. Right Here and Has Been Here For Years out.
Lets forget your SMV, fantastic career, glowing personality.
Lets assume You Are It.
Where? EXACTLY?
Do you find HIM and where is it safe for this hot, hunky, rich MAN
to approach you and say “Hello”????
Yeah. You can thank your hair trigger all men are rapists sisters for that.
So you miiiiiiiiiight wanna talk to the only man who feels okay talking to you.
And lets not forget tbe 15 to 30 % of ALL MEN in the u.s. that self identify as mgtow or just not dating. In any age group. They just don’t. EVER.
You. A woman. Could ask them out. And they would say Thanks No Thanks.
Even if you are 25 getting divorced. Hell even if you are single.
Between 1 in 5 to 1 in 3. Will NOT be standing by to take your call.
Just Say No (to divorce)
unfortunately, most people rarely know what they have until they ditch it thinking there’s something better 😦
i hate divorce. i hate everything about it.
Horseman,
That pretty much covered everything. I guess they must want it that way.
As for women tempted to divorce, it is a very bad idea. You wouldn’t do it if you knew you couldn’t remarry. There is a strong chance of that. There are too many men out there who have been divorced and the few that haven’t have seen ehnough of it. Add to that you are divorced yourself and men will look at your motives sideways.
I am reminded of one of the most poignant of Dalrock’s posts about a woman who years after the fact came to regret it. She said that she had divorced her best friend. Of course, by the time she realized it, it was too late to repair.
Bloom,
It is good that you are trying to reach women but, I don’t think they will change their course until the bus they are in runs into a wall at freeway speed.
@ fuzzie I know I can’t turn the tide but if I reach even a few… It is worth the effort. Too many women are encouraged “just get divorced!” So I hope to be a voice arguing the opposite.
Bloom – i have high respect for you and what you’re doing. rarely can one person influence the whole world, but we can all influence the world we personally live in. kudos to you 🙂
@ mgtowhorseman; the scourge of the divorce industry would literally dry up over night if child support and alimony ceased to exist. Then those strong independent women could have all the no fault divorce their dark hearts desire.
It’s not really “independent”, when you depend on someone else to just give you money. Is it? lol
@RPG: When I first read your and Ame’s comments, I was 100% with you. I mean, who could be against trying to keep a marriage from blowing up?
Then I thought about it a bit more…
If a woman is so readily tempted to pull the plug because it comes with guaranteed cash and prizes, then why would a man in his right senses want to keep her? If she’s so easily lured away, is she someone you can depend on if things really get tough?
And even more so for the guys who take their ex’s back. I know there’s a different dynamic if kids are involved. But she walked away even with that dynamic in play.
He may have never stopped loving her, but coming back really makes him just a consolation prize. It’s not “for him”, it’s for the “things he can provide.”
I’d rather be alone, than know that I am really just in a financial arrangement.
RPG,
Thanks for trying. It is just that we are all overwhelmed by greedy, disloyal, you know whats. It starts to look like there is no hope.
RPG, it’s tiny droplets that become a stream. The divorce epidemic is making both men and women miserable and ruining childhoods.
And for the choir you’re preaching too, it’s encouraging, too.
@ mgtowhorseman:
“Where? EXACTLY?
“Do you find HIM and where is it safe for this hot, hunky, rich MAN
to approach you and say “Hello”????”
That’s the thing. The hot hunky rich man will approach her in any of those places.
The ordinary less hot, less hunky, less rich men are the ones who won’t approach. In fact those less hot, less hunky, less rich men are the ones who are barred from approaching in all of those places. And those men are the ones who are actually willing to give her anything more than a pump and dump.
The only way divorce solves anything is if you’re in a really bad situation like Ton was.
You divorce her if she’s a raging bitch, or cheated on you, or spending you into bankruptcy, or refuses to fuck you. Or if you have no kids, and it’s just a shitty relationship, then divorce her.
But do all you can to stay with the kids. Do all you can to save the kids. Because I’ve seen up close and personal what divorce does to children. Not to me, my ‘rents stayed married. But to my cousins – their parents’ bitter, nasty divorce utterly destroyed their children’s lives.
Good point Deti. The kids often gets dragged thru the “boyfriend of the week” madness when they have a mother like you describe. I am sure it is hard to stay w a gal like that, but it really does protect the kids so much more than if there are two households. Even if she’s worthless, and you just tolerate her basically, staying for the kids is a good thing if it can be done.
“The only way divorce solves anything is if you’re in a really bad situation”
and even then … it’s still bad. if it’s that bad, then it’s just bad all around. i still hate it. i hate what it’s done to my kids long-term.
I know a gal in the town I live who frivorced her husband and ran off with her “workout partner.” She shacked up with him and her two kids plus his 3 kids before the ink on the divorce papers was dry. The guy has some weird hold over her, kind of a D/s thing, and she has allowed him to rant, rage, and terrorize the kids. Lately he started physically disciplining them as well (the police backed him up.) Anyway these are GOOD kids, sweet kids, 8 and 10, and I have watched the lights go out in their eyes. I have ZERO respect for their mom, but unfortunately she’s very good at acting like a pillar of the community and has almost everyone snowed. I feel for those kids. That’s what can happen…
yep. over and over and over and over again. cause the parents put themselves first and their ‘needs’ and the children just have to suck it up b/c parent ‘needs’. B.S. parent NEEDS to care for and protect those children. it IS a sacrifice. suck it up and so it.
I am not a violent person at all, but it makes me want to punch her, Ame! Lol. Or maybe hit the gas if I ever see her in a sidewalk..oops! ZERO respect for her.
ditto, Bloom … when i see stuff like that, it brings out this wild, protective, Mamma Bear who doesn’t care who those children belong to … they are CHILDREN, and you do NOT do that to CHILDREN! get over your entitled self and sacrifice the next however many years necessary to make damn sure those kids are as stable as can possibly be given the circumstances. b/c … at that point … it is no longer about you … it is ALL about those kids.
my husband will tell you i’m a calm and fairly passive person … till you mess with my kids … then i morph into some kind of beast! lol! but he’s right. do NOT mess with my kids!
my kids have grown to the point where they’ll now say, “No, Mom, please please please stay out … I’ll take care of it!” cause they know … if Mamma gets involved, Katy bar the doors! but that’s the point … my girls KNOW i’ve got their back, front, sides, top and bottom. they are never alone. i’m not a helicopter parent, either … but they are NOT abandoned or alone. EVER.
Me too Ame, I am the same. I will move mountains, hell or high water if needed for my kids. Not to enable them, but for example once my youngest was exposed to whooping cough via a friend’s babysitter who lied about it to keep things hush-hush. (There’s all kinds of mandatory health dept. reporting required, and for good reason.) Anyway because they were covering it up, my daughter’s doctor didn’t want to take my word for it and prescribe an antibiotic, which can stop the infection if given within 72 hours of exposure. The doctor was acting like I was some nut job mom who saw it on TV and demanded antibiotics or something when in fact I KNEW FOR SURE my daughter had been exposed (6 months old at the time, at that age it is extremely dangerous). Anyway I got right in the Dr.’s face and said, “Are you telling me that if my kid gets whooping cough after you denied her antibiotics to prevent it, you are going to be OK with that?” (lawsuit implied.) She wrote the prescription right quick, I switched doctors, and found the babysitter who is amazing and watches my girls one on one to this day! No way was I going to leave that office w/o what my girl needed!
Bloom (i love that name, Bloom – i think of you as a beautiful, lavender flower 🙂 ) .
that’s awesome what you did; it IS so dangerous at that age. 😦
having my sped girl in public school hardened me up, a lot. her 7th grade year was the worst, and i was on my way to the public news stations if they didn’t comply … thankfully, i only had to go a few levels above the principal’s head and a letter from a psychologist along with her personal presence at an ARD meeting (ARD – meetings they have for special ed kids – stands for Admission, Review, and Dismissal into, within, and out of the special education system in public schools). i had written quite a few detailed letters of Commendation for teachers over the years addressed to their principal and superintendent – my end-of-year gifts to them … but that was the first year i wrote a letter of complaint for a teacher, and she earned every bit of it and more.
i finally got to where i introduced myself and told them straight off … i am *her* mother; i am *her* advocate, and if there is ever a question over anything, whether she is right or wrong, i will support her first and ask questions later. the teachers had a whole system behind them; my daughter had only me. it took well over a year of homeschooling to ‘defragment’ from all of that. my heart breaks for the kids in the system whose parents default on advocacy, leaving their kids vulnerable and at the mercy of a system that’s driven by the threads of energy the teachers have left after years of teaching, and by the bottom line dollar.
my sister teaches a lot of sped kids and deaf-ed kids in her large school district. she told me that 90% of parents who learn they have a deaf child refuse to learn sign language. really?! WTF?!!!!!!! parents who refuse, flat out refuse – despite being given FREE sign language education beginning at the very first inclination the child is hard of hearing – usually before 2 months of age – to learn to communicate with their child?! i.can’t.even …