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blue pill, break up, break ups, career woman, dating, divorce, family, feminism, marriage, parenting, red pill, relationships
Something I realized very quickly after discovering the red pill was that myself and most women (and men) born in after the late 1960s in America have basically been raised to fail in life and love.
Now I am not saying it was intentional. I really do think at least some people thought changing the social contract between men and women was going to be a step forward. Progress. Better. Utopia, even.
Of course others involved in the movement did so because for whatever reason the old social contract wasn’t working for them. Maybe they were trapped in a bad marriage. Maybe they had been abused. Maybe they were not attracted to or interested in men. But something all these women who started the feminist movement had in common is they were not happily and successfully relating with men, and so were they really in the best position to advise women how to fix that?
Pretty much all the advice I got growing up from multiple sources about how to be a happy, strong, successful woman turned out to have done more harm than good in my life and relationships. And as I look around at the other “modern” women I know, they too are experiencing the same. Relationships not working. Priorities out of wack. Lack of balance. Workaholism. Unhappiness. Frazzled. Families falling apart. Dysfunction. Depression. Anxiety. Confusion. Etc.
My theory is that this is the blue pill version for females. Men were sold the “Be nicer. Be more sensitive. Be more like a woman,” line at the same time women were being told, “Be tough, be outspoken, be more like a man.”
Simultaneously, women were also being warned that men were the enemy, that they couldn’t be trusted, that they needed to always be financially independent of men because of that, and that they always needed to be on guard against them.
It wasn’t until I saw my babysitter living a truly traditional life that I actually saw how the old social contract worked, and worked pretty well. (You can read about her in more detail here.)
She’s always happy. She loves her life. She loves her husband. Her husband loves her. Their kids are happy and well behaved. She’s gracious and feminine and mild. And rather than treat her like a doormat, he cherishes her for it. She oversees the home and children sphere, he brings home the bacon. Of all the marriages I have seen, theirs has the least amount of discord or unhappiness of all. It works. It works really well, actually.
It’s something to ponder for sure, whether these social changes of the past 40 years have actually made life better for women. And men. And children. Or are things worse?
What do you think?
What I see that happened is that the social contract was torn up for women, releasing them fro all responsibilities and still enforced harshly for men. Now, women have all kinds of options at the expense of men. So, this has transformed a tough but fair deal into one that benefits one side, and it has gotten worse with the passing years.
As for women, they are going to buy not this for options and advantage. It’s not really working out all that well, so the feminists are going to prescribe more of it. What is already happening first is the dating market is going to hell in a handbasket. I keep think of that guy in the SF Bay area who accepted women on Tinder in six figure numbers and it never went as far as a third date. hearing stuff like that will discourage men. So will a day spent in family court.
Good points, Fuzzie. It’s such a tragedy all around! 😦
Maybe women thought they could “win” with that strategy, but I don’t see many winning. I think women got duped!
I know a left-leaning mainstreamy woman (doesn’t identify as a feminist per se, but her husband does a lot.of vaccuuming) who has been happily married for almost 20 years. Her husband is breadwinner, they have beautiful kids and they work together like a well-oiled machine.
The exception that proves the rule?
Funny thing. My family is moving homes soon, and my husband decided without my viewing the house. The sellers INSISTED on meeting me. Or rather, the woman of the couple did. A former sociology teacher, artist (but moving abroad for husbands work) and clear feminist said she simply could not understand how such a decision could be made without me having a chance to look at it, dropped 5-7 hints about her working, and that they needed the extra freezer because they both worked, and that the neighborhood used to house families where the women didn’t work. She tried to get me to okay the house, I just smiled and looked at my husband every time she did. My husband sent back the first contract, because she had drawn in up for all of us to sign. In the end her husband and me were left out of the contract.
I wonder where all this curiosity for our power dynamic and her attempts to get me involved in it all came from. I wonder if she felt as rebellious turning to feminism as I did pretending not to notice her attempts to convert me to it.
I would recommend anyone with daughters to raise them on the classics of literature. As an antidote to mainstream messages. Lots of lovely older books have heroines with feminine qualities. And then compare them to the drug addicted suicidal starlets that our media raise up as exemplary.
As for marriage, the two main struggles people have are over finance and sex. Agree on system beforehand, and you’ve got the worst of it covered. If you can agree on parenting practices, you’re golden. (Incidentally that is why I think single moms might want to hold off dating until kids are older – hard to accept the authority of an outsider with different rules, so that warps the entire relationship)
RPG,
I think radical feminists intended to kill marriage and families. Not long ago, I read a post with lots of quotes from older feminists claiming that to be truly feminist, you had to be a lesbian. They wanted more women to join them.
HHW,
Over here, the main emphasis in selling a home is to promote it to the wife. Little attention is paid to the husband.
Fuzzie, can’t agree with you. I think, modern world is increasingly a walk in the park for men.
You are no longer have to provide, you don’t have to protect, you don’t have to commit – just be able to attract, and you’re good; and given that women are considerably more than men attracted to ACQUIRED SKILLS rather then to genetically predisposed traits – it’s a matter of effort invested for us, guys, really. Build up your body, build up your confidence, build up a career – this advice is way easier to follow then “you should’ve born beautiful” or “stay 26 forever”. As a man, time works for you, you gain points every single day after 30, just by not turning into couch potato.
And for ladies, it is increasingly rougher deal. Jump through society hoops – and you’ll reach a bare accepted minimum (degree and a career) few years prior to your fertility window is about to close. Ignore them – and prepare to be ostracised as a gender traitor by your own peers. Take a risk to engage with modern-day non-committing men – and you have somewhat 33% to 50% chance to end up as a single mother (and this SUCKS). Avoid that risk – and hello spinstership. Every year after 45 would increasingly resemble the Hell on Earth: a choice between another year of crushing loneliness and radical lowering of your standards and pairing with a man you’d never willingly chose back in your prime years.
Yes.
Sergey,
You are married, so you are out of the sexual marketplace. I have to differ. Hypergamy has gone over the top since the introduction of Tinder. Men have to accet eighteen times as many women as a woman has to be accepted by as many men on Tinder. There are a lot of other things I could mention but that should give you an idea. Well, there is one more thing. I just got through reading a post at Return of Kings. the author lamented that not only did he need game, he had to jump through hoops too. I can remember when it was just jumping through hoops.
Second what Toad said. 🙂
There is no money to be made in telling anyone the truth.
There is no money to be made in telling anyone the truth.
Fortunately RPG not seeking to make money here she is.
Truth set free it would be
The truth can be a real burden to those who know it among those who deny it. That may not be freedom.
gotta leave Western society and move to a more traditional country. seems the only solution. i m in south east asia now.
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I think the true answer is both more complicated and yet simple. Would every man cherish your homemaker babysitter like her husband does? No. Unequivocally, no. That is the hard part; there is no unfailing recipe for “do X and Y will appreciate it creating a Z happily ever after.” Different people find satisfaction in different ways. I tried staying at home, and it was not enough. I found someone who isn’t threatened by my strengths and doesn’t judge my weaknesses. Seems some, right? But the finding of such a person is usually fate or luck or some miracle of timing.
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2016/11/30/leverage-and-dissipating-momentum/
Would every man cherish your homemaker babysitter like her husband does? No. Unequivocally, no.
But droves of men would
Sunny Lanning,
Better a woman who cooperates and makes home a refuge that a one who competes.
Marriage doesn’t not terminate your participation in the SMP.
Changes the nature of your participation but your still in it. Given how there are no guarantees in life especially marriage
You have to actually be good at home making to be cherished as a stay at home mom
Most women suck at the home maker job so aren’t cherished for it, but I have not yet meet the man who did not cherish the stay at home wife/mom who was on her game
SFC Tonsaid:November 30, 2016 at 3:50 am
“You have to actually be good at home making to be cherished as a stay at home mom”
i agree.
“I have not yet meet the man who did not cherish the stay at home wife/mom who was on her game”
hummm … i’ll have to think about that one.
@ Ton, I agree. The sad thing is, so few women anymore even know what being on the top of that game means. My sitter wqas literally raised her whole life to be a wife and mom. She’s like a duck in water at it. But I suspect most women in the mainstream culture have been taught everything but… I know I wasn’t!
And…. talk about humble pie realizing a 19-year-old knew more about being a wife and mom than I did, at nearly twice her age! I have seriously had to figure it out (and still am doing so!) on the fly. Not optimal, for sure.
“I have not yet meet the man who did not cherish the stay at home wife/mom who was on her game”
That! Exactly. People pay ridiculous amounts to stay at hotels. Why? Because it is so nice to have your bed made and your room cleaned and your food prepared and to just not have to worry about logistics. And hotels are just a weak imitation of home – with none of the warmth and comfort and homeyness.
If you’re a good wife, you know your husband so well, he doesn’t have to explain which certain type of spoon he likes best or other small things – how warm he likes the bedroom or what food he wants.
And wouldn’t you pay all you could afford if you could find the perfect nanny, who would never break your kids heart by finding another position, who could teach them and raise them and give them a wonderful childhood?
But being a housewife is a job, and one that you can get fired from, too. You have to be professional about it if you want to have a great life.
Shaking my head at the reply where traditional femininity is implied to be for men who are intimidated by strength. Femininity is my strength.
@fuzziewuzzy, what about the movies where a man surprises his wife with the keys to a new house? Where is the romance?
For any noob housewives who might be reading:
Cheryl Mendelsons Art and science of keeping house is a good start. Fascinating womanhood by Helen Andelin if you can forget about the manipulative aspects (she does explain very well how certain ‘helpful’ behaviors are simply insulting to men). I haven’t read anything by Laura Doyle but I hear she’s also good. For ideas on (the reasons for) family rituals and traditions I enjoyed The lifegiving home by mother and daughter Clarkson (very religious though, so not for everyone). For raising childrens and thoughts on cry it out vs. attachment, breast vs. bottle, I think just reading the latest research online is best, but there are many books available.
Also, a nurse told me American babies cry when bathed but ours don’t. Those little seats for in the tub are awful, keeps their bellies exposed and cold. Just hold them (underarm under neck, pinky and ring finger under their armpit) so they are covered with warm water, use your right hand to wash them, and make sure they are warm. Or take them into the shower in your arms (you’ll need to either dry and clothe them while you are still dripping, or have someone else do that while you finish off).
HHW,
I don’t think I would do that to my wife. We both have to live there, so she should participate in the choice.
@fuzzie, maybe if you’re newlywed. But I have been with my husband 10 years. He knows me inside and out. It’s quite a hassle to organize someone to watch the kids so we could look for houses together and bringing them along is an even greater challenge. I was very thankful he did it all on his own. Even if I hadn’t said I wanted a tub and a garden and so on, he knows how I love those things, so he would have kept that in mind anyway. He only asked my preferences in case he forgot, but none of it was news to him. He knows what we like and what is good for us 🙂
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There is a massive Lie. The european and especially the Prussian school always required concentration, undivided attention and willingness to push trough. But now those standards have been completely undermined. There never was a time where rough housing and being active was more accepted in schools then now. But still Men cry about boys being overly strict punished for being boys. Let me tell you something: A Boy who is disruptive and loud would have been beaten some decades ago. Nowadays he gets to stand outside or has to do some lines before he starts disrupting again. Girls are better learners. Men need to accept it. Or would it be fair to punish girls for being attentive and non disruptive?
@Sandra
> But still Men cry about boys being overly strict punished for being boys.
Academically punished. Physical punishment – when invoked by other men, hence not an act of cross-gender humiliation – is significantly less harmful then putting a boy on drugs for “hyper-active behaviour” or punish him through grades.
The major concern is not “punishment” on its own, but preference for their own gender that female teachers demonstrate: boys are graded better by female teachers when name and gender are withheld. That artificially reduces the academical success of boys.
> Girls are better learner
I can’t remember ANY girls at our physics and mathematics faculties back in Uni. Girls are definitely better at conforming with school norms though – which does not require much of actual learning, only obedience and perseverance.
> Men need to accept it.
Open any book on the history of natural sciences and calculate the ratio of males to females among notorious scientists. Do the same for engineers, or any other profession that requires intellectual effort. Then accept the reality.
But of course, if you are a mother of a son, you can indoctrinate them with this sense of inferiority and watch them suffer through their lives.
@fuzzie
Being married doesn’t mean I don’t feel attracted to other women, or that I magically stopped attracting their attention. Obviously I can curb my impulses, but still very much enjoy casual interaction with beautiful ladies, and so do they.
Online dating stats are skewed due to number of reasons, the main one is men being overrepresented among users (remember, even 5% difference in numbers create havoc in society? And we are talking about close to 50%).
But generally – what sense does it make to complain, that the only thing that woman have to do to got a man (if she have no standards) is to be sexually receptive, while men have to sieve through a 200 points checklist? This is just the way things are, “eggs are expensive”, red pill, remember? So go work on those pecs and raising your disposable income 🙂
Men always have it hard, that’s exactly how we end up being strong.
> Academically punished.
If they are disruptive they need to be shown the error of their ways. Otherwise we will have a lot of young people who have only half an education. THEY are preventing the success of their classmates. But this is no longer done today. Today young boys run amok in class, without any kind of response from the teachers. Maybe those who are ADHD are just not fit for university.
> I can’t remember ANY girls at our physics and mathematics faculties back in Uni.
Today it is a little better. But I believe that being good at physics and mathematics is more about having an analytical brain than strictly gender. Many Boys are bad at this stuff too. Girls are also supposed to not understand it. I was raised by a mother who was mathematics teacher. She was the strictest teacher at school but her class was evenly divided between genders. I was raised with the attitude of : If you are able and willing – do it.
Sounds lovely, HHW! When can the girls and I move in? Just kidding! Lol.
Hi Sandtra, welcome. I was wondering if you could tell us a little about yourself, how you found the blog? Just general stuff like are you in your 20s, 30s, 40s, etc? Married? Single? Kids?
> Today young boys run amok in class, without any kind of response from the teachers.
Well, I do not consider modern Western education to be a good model (I’m Russian, and have been raised under very different system). But generally punish teenage boys for being active is like punish teenage girls for having periods. That’s just part of adulthood for half the species, we should embrace it and build our educational system with this in mind (which means i.e. regular taxing physical drills to keep boys busy).
> Today it is a little better. But I believe that being good at physics and mathematics is more about having an analytical brain than strictly gender.
I have a nice little theory about that. Which is: women, being biologically predisposed to have kids, generally have more practical minds then men. Among other things, this means that women rarely consider it practical to be totally immersed into one specific field – especially if we talk about very abstract stuff, like mathematics. They prefer to have a social life aside from career. But those fields were always driven by fanatics – people, who traded their social lives to achieve excellence at what they do. And they tend to be overwhelmingly male. Men generally put more effort into occupation by sacrificing everything else. That’s why top achievers all too often have shitty and hectic personal lives.
So, it’s not that women have worse analytical skills (in fact, I believe the do better than men on average). It’s just we, men consider our lives less valuable and are ready to throw them away on risky affairs like inventing, exploring or striving for mastery. That’s why men are usually dominate on top of every field: from professional chefs, to scientists, to artists. Excellence requires dedication, dedication requires risk, and men are generally more risk-tolerant. Just remember that for every man on top, there are twenty who wasted their lives trying to make it to there.
🙂 RPW, when Artisanal Toad has convinced us to go with polygamy you will be my first pick. We are going to get hammocks, too!
Lol HHW!
Hi,
I am Sandra. 25 Years old. Miners Daughter and Fiancee of a miner. We left Germany after my Partner finished his apprenticeship and immigrated to the us. We have a little boy(2).
> (which means i.e. regular taxing physical drills to keep boys busy).
My Mother used to let the boys run it out before class. 10 minutes.
Sandra…”My Mother used to let the boys run it out before class. 10 minutes”
But that would not be allowed in many (most?) public school systems in the US.
Femininity is my strength.
Hhw
That gets a full throttle Freedom firepower and fuckyeah FUCKYEAH
I would never considered the input of a woman on major purchase
It’s way to important of a decsion and it is not her house. It is mine. My property, like my car, or my bike or her
Ton, thanks 🙂
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This really strikes a cord with me. I’m young and unmarried but even down to this moment, a lot of my struggles regarding how I look at myself and my rite of passage as a woman have been tainted by the liberal left so much.
I’ve always known I’ve wanted to be a housewife and mother since I was young, once I finally opened up about it beyond my inner family as I graduated university, the criticism, negativity and judgement suddenly bombarded me like a dark cloud. I struggled even accepting myself, it was a dark time for me.
With this sort of left thinking being shoved down women’s throats, especially young women…it really is as if they are setting us up for misery and failure.
@Alex, yes I can relate! Welcome 🙂
Thank you so much! 🙂
This is a seriously high level of self awareness and thoughtfulness coming from a mature woman. Parts of the feminist movement have been fabulous for society because I think it is preposterous that women weren’t allowed to drive, vote, have a say etc. That being said, the pendulum has swung wayyyy too far to the other end resulting in a depolarization between masculine and feminine energies to the point were most relationships are doomed to fail. Thank you for being so brave in your eloquent description of what has become a sad part of reality. Nice work.
@chubaoyolu why thank you! And welcome!!! That is very kind. I am more introspective than many just by nature, true, but actually much of this I learned from the men in the manosphere. Until reading how all this had affected them, their stories, their side, I don’t think I ever could have seen the 360 – how it affected women too, and most of all children, and society at large, and how while it did start w good intent (I hope!) it has gone way, way too far. And yet it is so prevalent most people don’t even stop to question it. I only began to see all this a few years ago, before that I had never stopped to question really if feminism was working.
Many of those guys (who comment here regular still) saw that awakening from day one, and trust me they could probably tell you, it took explaining this stuff to me many times before I even began to really “get it” and I am still learning and rooting out areas where I still have these lingering misconceptions yet! I hope sharing what I have learned, what others helped me learn, will in turn help others. Brings meaning to my life and helps me feel all my mistakes were not made in vain, they led me here! 🙂
bless you. I enjoyed reading. Happy new year
My wife and I are extremely happy having the traditional life, and it has been stimulus for great success as well. That said, I will say that she has had some very bad times in her life before when trying to maintain the same standard with other men, who proved very unworthy of her.
I think there’s just been an overall disruption to the process and it has hurt a great many people. But feminism is definitely not the answer – it can’t be, when its failures are always answered with: “Well, that just means we need MORE feminism.”
Didn’t work for communism, won’t work for feminism.
I believe male dominated culture might try make them fail but women need fight this and show they are powerful