Prior to the red pill, I would listen to advice from friends that I now can see was anything but “friendly” advice. Not that they meant to give me bad advice on purpose, I am sure, but in the end it was bad advice no matter what the intent. It’s something to be on guard against in your own life, too.
Well meaning blue pill people often give absolutely horrible advice, especially when it comes to relationships. I was more often encouraged to leave my marriage than to work on it, was told behavior was abusive and controlling when in retrospect I can now see that it was not, that being divorced would not be so bad, that when things weren’t easy it was better to just start over, and other complete nonsense.
As I touched on in my last post, even today people are all too eager to spout the blue pill party line at me, under the guise of “friendly” advice. I am sure such people may mean well, but are blind themselves to just how brainwashed they are to see everything as abuse, control, and a red flag.
These days I am very careful who I take advice from. Unless they themselves are in a healthy, happy, functional relationship, I choose to say, “thanks but no thanks.” Because if they aren’t living it themselves, how could they possibly give good advice?
Likewise, beware the “hen sessions” made up of girls complaining about their lives and relationships. Such discussions will only leave you feeling dissatisfied, when in reality you are maybe just absorbing the toxic spew of others. Sadly, in my experience, church bible study groups often devolved into little more than a gripe session, and were often the worst.
Thank to the red pill, I am no longer buying such advice and my life is much better off for it!
What do you think? Have you ever been the victim of bad “friendly” advice?
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
LOL. The worst “friendly” advice I ever received was to marry without knowing the real repercussions. But the silver lining was the best thing that ever happened to me (my boy). In retrospect, I wouldn’t trade it for anything, so maybe it was good advice in spite of the bad times in recent years. I still think that a good man needs to marry before having kids. A man just needs to be more cautious about who he picks these days with the frivorce epidemic.
During the Year From Hell when we seperated for a few months we had all kinds of advice for both of us, sometimes from the same person. “You don’t need her, He is such an asshole.”
Then we announced we were making it work and she moved back. We were even seen in public holding hands (gasp!).
A group of about five friends then abandoned us saying (and a direct quote)
“We can’t handle all the drama of you two.”
What drama, we are settling down to the boring couple?
Ah. Facepalm. We have No More Drama! And so are boring. Gotcha!
Four years later we are planning our 30th anniversary.
Yup.
RPG.
Regarding the chickens.
Ya want a cat?
While typing the last comment the littlest cat zipped past through the sunporch carrying something bigger than him.
What the hell?
Tablet flying, coffee everywhere.
Cat is upstairs in our bedroom with a bunny hanging by the scruff.
Laurel and Hardy chase music ensues.
Mrs nails him with a flying piledriver a la George of the Jungle.
Mrs grabs cat. Cat goes thpuph! Bunny (faking being dead) flies down the stairs.
Boing boing boing. Offending cat thrown into my suit closet.
Cue Keystone cops music.
Me, Mrs in hot pursuit of hopping subject.
Other two cats, always happy to help, leap off the windowsills.
One, stoned on catnip, misses the floor.
Bunny tries closet door, bathroom door, laundry shoot.
How many freakin doors these people have???
Here bunny bunny! (Me)
Come to momma (mrs)
Hey! Lunch! (Guess)
Seriously. 12 legs chasing two hopping legs.
Gone.
Seriously. Ya want a cat.
I think we have all followed some bad advice with minor consequences, but when women take advice to dump their husband and their friends have more influence over them than their own husband, it is a little much. I am still in shock over the recent example of Morpheus. He is very much red pill aware, but his wife fell into a bad crowd through a new job and he lost his.
To all the female friends who advise women to dump their hubbies as a staple, are you going to be there for them when they get lonely? Are you going to do all the things for them a husband can do? If not, suggest a less extreme course of action. From a Terrence Popp video that I saw today, a lot of men are adopting a “one and done” attitude to marriage. If it fails on the first round, there is no trying again.
Horseman,
That is one very ambitious cat!
Reality there is
And bullshit there would be
Reality more useful for making decisions it is
Checked the whole house.
No bunny.
One cat sweating from his workout (gotta lay off the friskies)
One cat still trying to get off the floor (wow man, colours.)
One cat released from purgatory beyond disgruntled ( guess what I did in which suit)
Found:
1 cat toy (not bunny shaped)
The lid to the mustard bottle
37 cents (considering we gave up the penny a year ago)
8 bunnies of the dust kind (seriously who vacums under the dryer?)
Not Found:
My dignity
Mrs composure
Said hare.
Seriously! Cats! Free! Shipping included!
Lol horseman, I recently went from one to three cats myself, so no additional cats needed around here! Long story short, one was a kitten Vixen’s ex gave their daughter to take home, w/o asking mom. The kitten basically attacked anything that moved, her 8 month old baby was learning to crawl and well… that did not work out so well. The kitten was then isolated in a small bedroom and got more aggressive by the day. When I adopted him he was a mess, completely biting and scratching anyone who tried to pet him. Now just a few months later he is the sweetest cat ever, a total love bug! Ya. Then a few weeks after getting that one my daughter and I went to dinner and saw a cat crying in front of an empty shop. We stopped to look at her and a woman came over to say she’d been sitting there for days, but the woman’s husband wouldn’t let her bring her home. So into the car the cat went and she is a love bug as well, very happy to have a home. She did have a microchip and while the gal sounded surprised, then pretended she was glad “her baby” was found, she never came to pick her up. 😦 So now that cat lives here too.
We also went during the same time frame from a one dog house to a three dog one, again long story short but my youngest’s dad texted to say his dog had cancer and he was going to put her down that night. I asked if we could come and say goodbye, when we showed up I could tell it was something besides cancer, her face was swollen three times the normal size. So I asked if we could take her home for a few days and that I could take care of the appt. He was relieved, and agreed. I took her straight to the ER vet, who diagnosed it as an abscessed tooth. My ex was actually mad at ME his dog didn’t have cancer, then admitted he was getting his wood floors refinished that next day (coincidence?) So I kept the dog and she is sooooo happy here. We are around all the time, big yard, lots of room vs. a small yard in town and 12 hours a day by herself. Then a few weeks later this couple pulled in the driveway with a bunch of stuff for sale, were obviously hard up and are losing their home. Well the gal had a puppy, 8 weeks, and as soon as I saw him I feel in love so I asked how much? She said, no, not for sale. I offered $250 and they agreed, so now we have a puppy too! But somehow he is the glue that holds it all together, the cats have stopped their territorial fighting for the most part, and both of our senior dogs love him. My ex’s dog acts like he is HER puppy, and I swear she acts three years younger since he arrived!
So the inn is full here at Chateau Bloom. 🙂 Including 8 very quickly growing Cornish Cross whose days are numbered…
We had a similar incident with the hamster last week. My youngest for some reason “let it go” in a house with three cats and three dogs, all of whom have a fondness for rodents! I figured after three days of looking perhaps she had met her maker when I walked into the kitchen to find the kitten hunched over the recycling bin. Well there she was, unharmed, and very happy to see me. Rescued by a hair! 😀
Hope you find the bunny. Is it a baby?
Smart bunny! I can’t take your cats. I have a couple of bunnies living in my front yard. I have no desire to go through what you just went through. I like the bunnies and they don’t mind me as long as I stay inside while they are to be seen outside. Here’s a video to torment the cats.
No full size.
Good twelve inches long from the glimpse I got.
Hopefully it is back outside now.
Keep your eyes peeled for little brown pellets.
“the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care;”
In my short journey down the red pill women rabit hole on twitter, I was told that my RP man is controlling, that I am being manipulated, that it is unhealthy. Being kept in line for the past year plus has been the healthiest thing for me. And I am happier now than I ever thought I could be 18 months ago. I just don’t talk about it with anyone. Only his opinion matters to me. I am not young or a dummy.
this version is better than the original:
🙂
Cyndalie,
You made a good choice. You stuck with your life partner and didn’t listen to people who wanted to see you as miserable as they are. Contrary to popular notion, it must be hard to find a life partner. They are probably confusing it with something else.
RPG. At least you are keeping a limit on the cats. I’d personally not have more than two, but I’m more of a fan of dogs. Can’t deal much with animals that have to poop in the house. Any time I had cats it was mandatory daily litter box cleaning. Wife doesn’t want to take her dogs so I’m hanging onto them. Can’t abandon a loyal dog!
Fuzzie,
Probably also “One and done” with marriage here. It’s a shame because I wouldn’t mind having more kids. Maybe my thoughts on that would change with the right woman, but it seems like such a risk.
Probably going more of the MGTOW route on the short term. Concentrate on pugilism and my own hobbies for a while, then see where things go after some downtime.
Gotta change my nickname here soon. Haven’t decided on new me yet. I kinda picked this generic name just to chat about a few things but now I might be stuck around these parts for a while, so might be time for something more permanent.
A Dad,
As for a user name, may I recommend animals? Or, maybe that is just my prejudice showing? 🙂
I don’t know if “one and done” applies to you, but it is a good thing to threaten women with who would burn through men prodigiously. For the short term, while you are recovering, it may be a great idea.
Bad friendly advice ??? Haha … got that last friday … true story. So last Friday the GF and I went on an … FAC … Friday afternoon club, don’t know if people know the term. Basically, you slip out of work early … usually like 3-4 pm and go to a local establishment for drinking. We aren’t in to that kind of stuff … but a local event was organized … outdoors (was a nice day) … live band (decent music) … drinks and food trucks which are getting really popular around here. So we go and its ok. Not many food trucks. Only beer and she don’t drink beer … wine, she likes … even BAD wine she’d drink … but not beer. I had a couple of beers. Music was nice as was the weather. So we hung out for about an hr and a 1/2 and GF decided she wanted Ice Cream from one of the Vendors … I hung out listening to the music. On her way back, she got hijacked and eventually waved me over. Turns out she ran into a friend she knew in HS .. who is a motor mouth and won’t shut up. So she’s trapped. So I go over to bail her out and end up staying for about 20 minutes or so … until I make excuses so GF and I can leave.
So … the GF’s friend from HS … goes on and on and on about her loser Ex hubby, loser kids, loser family … and job issues. But is over-joyed that my GF has divorced !!! Awesome news !!! Welcome to the club !!! And she is eyeing me … big time. She’s not horribly unattractive … GF is better looking … but the attitude !!! YUCK !!!!
So afterwards on the way home … I confront the GF. What the hell was that with your friend … she actually seemed HAPPY that you’d gotten a divorce. Welcome to the club ? Who the hell says something like that ? She ruined her life and now she’s happy that you ruined yours ??? And she’s a friend ? What kind friend would want that ? And she obviously has had bad luck with men and blames them … what man would want someone like that ? No wonder she gets nothing but losers and shitty men …
GF actually handled it pretty well. I must say that prior to the RP … I would NEVER have confronted her that way. YOUR FRIEND RUINED HER LIFE … DO YOU WANT TO DO THE SAME ? WHO THE HELL CONGRATULATES SOMEONE WHO RUINS THEIR LIFE ???? WHAT KIND OF FRIEND DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT ???
And I even said something alone these lines … why the hell do women congratulate other women when they get divorced ? They are miserable and lonely. Why would they want their friends to be that way ?
Bad friendly advice ???? Ya think ???
Mega,
Bad advice. Very bad advice. Still, women are doing it.
mega – It happens all of the time. Maybe they think it’s “empowering”. My wife has a multitude of weird married friends that cheer her on, and a few divorced friends as well. It’s absolutely sickening to me, especially for people that have children, to encourage frivorce.
One is a reasonably attractive woman, with a total beta husband (unhealthy weight, fairly dorky, go-nowhere job). They look like a fairly odd couple; like Peter and Lois from Family Guy. You can totally tell she is testing the waters by monitoring how things go for my wife because she’s “bored”. It’s obvious that she’s totally in control and he’s just a subservient wimp. Based upon a conversation with her, I think that she has some weird obsession where she idolizes my wife (or her life) and sees her as “strong”. They don’t have kids and I think that’s a big issue for her.
One of the others is a clinically depressed weirdo that clearly wants to leave his wife and hook up with my soon-to-be-ex wife, but he’s even way too creepy for her. I saw him following her around like a lost puppy at an event (he didn’t know I’d come back) and then he got really weird and tried to hide when I walked up. I think that she’s grown tired of him even in friend-zone though because he’s way too needy, totally broken, and married. Call it a hunch. Not branch-swing material in the least. There are a few reasons why their group is obsessed with the guy. Part of it is sympathy. I can’t go into detail, but he’s had some bad stuff go down. But I don’t think that they quite know how he’s really eff’d up inside. My wife knows because she basically became his “emotional friend” during our divorce process.
Another is a woman with an assault charge who isn’t even allowed to see her kids. She’s kinda cute, but is basically like the “hot mess” that RPG describes in the last post. You can tell by looking at her that she is really unstable, and a ticking time bomb. She was dressed in bright red lipstick, pigtails, tight shirt. It all looked kinda funny to see her like that in public because she’s like 45+. She has nothing (including no real employment) and is mooching off of her current boyfriend, but she’s obviously pretty much hit the wall and he probably even knows that she is too unstable to marry. She probably tried to run her ex into the ground (I guess he’s remarried) in the divorce but it backfired because she did something that got her into hot water, but I don’t know what the details are. I’m assuming she attacked him or one of the kids, yet her friends support her. I don’t understand it.
Yet another is a crazy looking mother of two, approaching 50, who totally tries to pull off the “SIW” thing. I was told that she and her husband had massive problems for the past few years. Evidently he had problems with finding work and she wanted him out. She went nuts and started acting like a teenager again before finally deciding to calm down a bit. I guess that they worked through it. I’m pretty confident that she’s been providing bad “friendly” advice for a variety of reasons. I speculate that one of which is that she is a closet lesbian.
The list goes on and on. Basically often unstable people trying to project their unhappiness on others. Most of them are going through various forms of mid-life crisis or identity issues. Strangely, most of my wife’s old friends that seem to have stable and healthy marriages (from an outside perspective) have all been downgraded to “frenemy” status from within their little clique.
I go back and read this and can’t really believe just how insane it is. She’s got some wacky friends within her new “family”.
A dad, I have also seen what you describe… married women basically trying to get another gal to frivorce, either so they don’t go first or so they can remain safely married but live vicariously thru the friend. Bad advice, and very selfish advice, either way.
I have also experienced the opposite, lifelong married and now comfortably retired women (thanks to their husband’s retirement not their own, btw!!!) a generation older than myself encouraging me to “forget a man” and to “stay single.” That one really threw me for a loop, here I had finally met a great man and they were totally dead set against it! Meanwhile they go on vacations and worry about nothing while I panic monthly about bills. I finally called them out on it, and flat out asked them why they would not want the same comfortable life for myself and my kids that they enjoyed, thanks to a MAN.
Their reply? Crickets, of course! But I don’t care! I refuse to be their token SIW.
Bizarre….
Here’s a post on what happened to one gal I know who took the bad advice of her new “family.” Total disaster
and pretty representative of life post divorce… https://notesfromaredpillgirl.com/2015/05/17/life-after-frivorce/
Yes, that is a lot of “hot mess”. Maybe my life is less complicated as a single boy bear.
RPG, I guess they are not friends anymore?
Fuzzie one came around and is still a friend, the other did not and while it is sad, I could not listen to it anymore… I can’t live my life for others.
RPG,
No, you can’t. You have your kids, three cats, and three dogs. You don’t need to fill a role in someone’s play.
It sounds so weird that people encorage others to get a divorce. Never heard of that before.
By the way what does “SIW” mean?
My lovely lady came home from work one evening in a pensive mood, quiet and withdrawn somewhat. Not at all her normal bubbly day to day personality. I asked what was wrong and was told that some of her female co-workers told her that she was possibly mentally abused by me. Huh? What the hell?
It seems that my wife had told them that I had said “no” to a couple of things she wanted to do, and I couldn’t even remember what they were. But it was “abuse” nevertheless in the hens opinions. As a curiosity I asked my pretty Mrs how many of her friends that spouted this BS to her were divorced. Seems that all of them were.
I could almost see the light bulb go off in her head as she weighed the hens’ “advice” compared to their marital status; and solidly rejected any more of the crap they have put out since then.
What the hell is WRONG with this Word Press application?? Seems to idiot attacks on a regular basis, very annoying to someone in IT
Welcome Rosalie! I am glad you have not encountered this type of advice! SIW = single independent woman.
Thanks! I’m not married so that might be the reason. But then again I have never heard even married people give advice like that to each.
You have a very interesting blog here. Been reading it for half a year now but didn’t have the courage to join in the discussion before 🙂
Larry G,
I can just see that. While they haven’t gone quite that far in print, saying the word “no” to a modern American woman is abuse in their eyes. If there is sound reason behind it, it is even worse.
RPG – Perhaps they haven’t actually had to make it on their own? It all looks like a cakewalk from the outside until you actually have to make sacrifices to survive. We all do; Time with family, money, free time to enjoy hobbies or vacations. Men and women who have actually had to work hard to survive know that going solo is not really easy for everyone. Not everyone can make it off of a single income these days. And people who are obsessed with the concept of “romantic love” feel let down when the fantasy wears off.
The real love happens when you get through all of the hard stuff and finally can enjoy the efforts of your labor; Healthy and happy kids that grow into responsible adults, a home, maybe some money and retirement savings, the ability to travel and take vacations. People want everything right now without the effort. There are a lot of people over the past 50 years or so that haven’t really had to fight for anything. But now the system has turned upside down (especially since the ’80s-’90s) that a lot of people who are retiring and still married can’t really see what’s really happened.
Even my mother is somewhat oblivious to some of the recent changes in the world though she’d been through several marriages before she finally found a guy that has loved her and cared for her for about 20 years now. Before that, though, she’d been a a single mother in between a handful of very short-term marriages; working for almost as long as I can remember. She gets how crummy it is. She didn’t have the luxury of actually enjoying time with us as kids because she had to work all of the time to make ends meet. They both are retired now and he still works to bring in some extra income. Not because he needs to, but because he enjoys staying busy. And they adore one another. I don’t think that people can really understand how hard it is until they hit rock-bottom. It’s easy to take someone for granted if things are easy in life.
Sure, people can make it on their own, but it’s not always the best path. I’m not a financial expert, but I suspect that to really live reasonably well on your own you need to be able to have a stable job making at least 2x the median area household average. That’s not just to get by – That’s to be able to put money away for the future, remain completely out of debt, etc. Yeah, people can and do get by on FAR LESS but I don’t intend to retire at 60-70 years old.
Larry G – That’s the new normal. Apparently you aren’t allowed to say “No” to anything anymore, because that’s oppressive and sexist. Nevermind if your SO is engaging in irresponsible and foolish behavior. Everyone is entitled to do what they want, whenever they want. My wife went off the wall and didn’t care about anything, for years, outside of having fun and doing what she wanted to do ALL OF THE TIME. I was pretty cool about it until it just started to go on for too long and she started putting in less and less. After all, I was getting the bills paid and my kid was doing well. When I told her that it was enough, she got really pissed and decided to bail. I’m pretty sure that someone’s also convinced her that it was “abuse” because she’s now so obsessed with “being free” that she can barely think straight about what this means to her future. I can’t go into greater detail yet but will soon. But, bottom line, I never asked for anything more than a reasonable effort at home and a healthy level of affection. I’m confident that I’m believed to be oppressive though because I’m not standing for any BS.
RPG – Your “Life After Frivorce” story is basically almost what happened here when the final argument went down on a day where she came home at midnight. I was about seconds from a bogus 911 call because she tried to stop me from picking something up and started screaming that I tried to push her wen she came after me. No way. I’m a bigger dude than most. If I tried to push someone, they’d be on their ass. She’s never had a hand raised to her, ever (though she’s raised hers to me at least twice). She was just throwing a tantrum and screaming like a maniac. Woke up our child. Never saw her so insane. I just walked out the door for a few minutes so she could cool off. I know how the police treat a man in bogus domestic dispute calls and wasn’t about to be a statistic. It still didn’t stop her from spinning the truth and telling people that I tried to intimidate her.
A Dad,
She would not have gotten better with time. If that is only a glimpse, you may be better off. After reading that, I don’t want to leave the cave.
Rosalie I am glad you jumped into the conversation! And thank you 🙂
A dad, very true. Both these ladies were the first generation of feminists, both came of age in the 60s. Both married but did not have kids, so whole one worked as an airline hostess back in the go go boot heyday of air travel, neither really did it on their own and both had husbands with good jobs (engineer, airline pilot.) they are also of a generation that still actually GOT a retirement, unlike the mostly DIY retirements of today. I have often felt they came up with the idea but didn’t fully live it themselves, yet expected my generation to fully. In theory it probably did sound good but in reality all those broken social contracts, not just relationships but employment, retirement, etc. have cost those who came after dearly. It may not have been the intent but it has been the result. The youth today have an even worse deal than my generation did. I hope something can be done to turn it around!
Dad, yeah I get it…saying “no” to a woman is a no-no; however I doesn’t bother me a whole hell of a lot whether the PC females now days approve or not. My wife threw a mini-tantrum the first time and said she was leaving, oookay….I got up off the couch and opened the front door for her and said I would make sure it didn’t hit her in the ass as she left. Also informed her that it only swung one way, once she left there was no returning. Immediate end of tantrum and now she well knows I will not put up with that kind of bullshit,
LOL…she still gets a little cranky when I tell her no once in awhile, but she will get over it. Maybe just a little test to see if she can push the boundary? Maybe so
A dad I figured it was something similar, even though all these women think their story is unique, they really are versions of the same old story. And for most it can be fun to have “freedom” for a time, until the money runs out, her job becomes a grind or she’s laid off due to agism or something, the. Has no savings or stability to fall back on. Then, when its far too late, they see they made a huge mistake. All is not lost if she can figure it out, but she would need to be willing and also ready to admit she was blowing up her and her family’s future. For your son’s sake I hope she wises up! I wish I could have ten minutes w her, I’d set her straight! 😉
Women used to keep women in check. That worked. Now this “go gurrrl” culture does the opposite, it’s the blind leading the blind!
Three stories of three friends working retail together.
1 lets herself get whale huge and still parties likes its 1999. Shrieks at her husband, never has a kind word to say. Decides While married to go the POF route. Gets caught. “Loser” husband leaves. Now she is free to party at 250 lbs at 45 on a retail salary. But asks the other two to go drinking alllllll the time.
2 works hard but babies her husbands bad boy tendencies and untreated depression. Covers for him drinking with his work buddies Who he Supervises. Deals with his excessive spending by working 70 hours a week. “Party boy” decides he needs freedom and bails. Leaving 40k plus credit card debt and an underwater mortgage. Tells the other two its all his fault (large part but its called enabling)
3 twenty year SAHW returns to work after kids turn 20. Hubby is steady, boring, but works hard to provide and advance his career. Both slide into complacency. Once kids leave for school things get shook up. Who are they now that they are not “the kids parents”. Fight, bitch. Other two repeatedly encourage to “embrace the freedom”
After a few months both take responsibilty and red pills. Accept reality. She’s a little big. He’s a little too work obsessed. Decide to make decisions and plan together.
1 and 2 disappear as 3 is now boooooooooriiiing.
3 is helping hubby decide on a second career after being early retired with a years severance. She is even happy he is trading a white collar for a tool belt cause she knows tradesmen are always in demand.
Years of living frugally, selling at the top of the market, downsizing to a rental, and cashing in a company pension have left them with a 600k nest egg.
So while 3 is deciding on Florida or Rouatan for a winter place with her hubbyof 30 years instead of embracing the freedom, 1 and 2 are working 50 hours retail dating hardcases from pof.
Mgtowhorsman, You are a better storyteller than I am. Or else they are just more interesting.
Maybe both!?
The worst advice I got was to “go out and have fun” after my divorce. “You deserve it”. So glad I ended up here and got solid advice to take a year to myself.
Cyndalie,
“The worst advice I got was to “go out and have fun” after my divorce. “You deserve it”. So glad I ended up here and got solid advice to take a year to myself.
After a divorce it’s a little difficult to have genuine “fun” isn’t it? As a divorced male I got similar advice from a still happily married male acquaintance, that partying would fix stuff. Um, no? His advice did not even make sense back then so I ignored it. Taking time for your self is imperative to moving on after a nuked marriage; I took almost a 4 year selfish sabbatical to recover and rebuild.
Cyndalie, that means a lot to me that something you found here was helpful! That’s a big reason I write this blog 😀
Horseman, your wife is lucky she did not choose the path her friends did. I wish you both much happiness and many fun times ahead as you strike out on another chapter in life! Too many give up during those big transitions, but as you say sticking it out is the reward for all the hard work and tough times in the end!
Too often it’s not really the marriage that’s the problem, but people can get confused and think it is. Sometimes if people just hang in, the problem (often some temporary life situation) solves itself.
A story of advice and consequences:
http://stuartschneiderman.blogspot.com/2017/07/the-peril-of-taking-bad-advice.html
RPG,
I think that you are right. Women used to keep each other in check. Somehow, it is like a new law, women are not to be criticized ever, by anyone. Add “You go gurl” into that and they are encouraged to do anything, no matter how socially destructive.
Wow David, that’s a really good example! How tragic, too. Women are fed so much advice that sounds good but in reality doesn’t work. How sad! 😦 even if she does repair the relationship, will he ever trust or feel the same about her again? Or any woman? What a loss. This modern advice that people need “lots” of experience/relationship is so damaging in that way, people end up scarred and battered emotionally, unable to truly bind.
Dad.
I just got rea!ly really lucky.
Plus I married a girl I have known since 11th grade.
I ever tell you the one about how it took her 4 years to decide if she wanted to go out with him, then once they dated it was 6 days to get engaged?.
Yup.
Asked her out in grade 11, she said no.
So I dated all thru high school and college.
Year after college, met hef again at a mutual friend’s wedding.
Asked her out.
Went out Friday, decided to get married Thursday.
Married 18 months later.
Be 30 years in the fall.
Rpg thanks. I am a big believer in making your own luck thru hard work and realistic view of the world.
Dad, agree with you, At 6-1 I know how to use my size. I grew up with a 6-7 father. Every big guy I know is a gentle giant because we know we can hurt someone with a gentle push. P.s. I like the handle “a Dad”. Good mental image of who you are.
Same as Mega!!! And the lovable Fuzzie. And of course the infamous TON.
Rosalie, SIW is not just a career woman. It is specific to the butchy, ball busting I dont need no man, hear me roar (but could you open this lid) woman. It is used selectively, not as a generalization. NAWALT is a generalization. Not all women are like that.
Mostly to describe hypergamy and the compulsion to monkey branch.
Happy Canuck Day
(First person to say Eh gets punched.)
We do not talk like that. Y’all say Abaat instead of about.
Horseman,
Do you mean “Ai!” and “oot” and “aboot”?
Happy Birthday, Canada!
“Wow David, that’s a really good example! How tragic, too. Women are fed so much advice that sounds good but in reality doesn’t work. How sad!”
After reading that idiotic whining letter that ES wrote to what’s-her-name Polly, all I can say is that is a very pathetic example of most of the present day western females rationalizations. Narcissistic entitlement is their disease, feminism is the symptom, leaving these damaged women completely alone would appear to be the only cure.
That is sad FOR THE MEN of this country that the pickings are so slim
Larry G – Slim pickings, exactly. This is why a form of MGTOW doesn’t seem so crazy to me. I’m not saying that I’d never date or have sex ever, but picking up low value women is no interest to me. Staying in shape, having time for my own hobbies, and saving for early retirement seems so much more appealing at this point in my life. And if I find a quality woman to spend time with, then that’s even better.
Dad, I was discussing this topic recently with someone else. MGTOW is a viable option for awhile, I did my own version of it in the late 1980s and early 90’s. When I went overseas I found so much better quality ladies who genuinely wanted a good husband and children. I married one of them in ’93, we are still happily married today.
This is just my own opinion, but I think American men are severely restricting themselves by only looking at the very poor quality and limited selection of marriageable women in the US. I know that most men would not consider marrying a foreign bride, mores the pity; they have no idea what they are missing.
Larry G. I forgot to mention travel in my plans. So, yeah. I’d probably do the same things.
Horseman,
I hope that you aren’t mad.
Dad, maybe a few hints? Poland, Moldova, Bulgaria, Romania, Estonia, Latvia. South America and of course Asia. I think you will be pretty happy with any of those countries or regions. Be advised though, IF you do decide to marry a foreign woman, be prepared to endure a ton of grief from the United States government. When we married, it took over a year of jumping though bureaucratic hoops so my wife could legally immigrate to the US; and it was NOT a cheap process.
Fuzz. No big. No one makes fun of Canada like Canucks.
But why would one want to put France in Canada? Quebec hasn’t made up its minbd about stayin for 200 years.
RPG, can you check moderation. Couple a posts missing.
Horseman,
I don’t know what to do about Quebec, it has been a very long time. I was afraid that you were mad, maybe even this mad.
Larry G I will have a look, sometimes if the comments have two or more links they get hung up…
Listening to bad advice from anyone is not good. But I wonder if women really realize that they are surrounded by bad advice from which there seems to be no escape. Modern feminism has invaded every aspect of our lives to the point that it has become default thinking on the part of most women.
It is destroying the family which is the basis of our society. If things continue the way they are going the rift between men and women is going to be too great to repair. Between MGTOW and male suicide soon there will be no men left to build a family with.
The average woman who has simply sat on the sidelines up until now needs to heed the wake up call and fight the true cause of most of the problems plaguing society today.
Linny,
Thank you. Happy day after Canada Day!
I was thinking about reasons that people marry. I know that a lot of women think about having lavish weddings, but what’s ultimately the end goal? I think that for my wife it was always having a child. After that, what’s next? When I think about my end goals, it never was so concrete beyond building a future for myself. But after being married and gaining stability, it was to raise a family (obviously beyond the point of the first steps of bearing a child).
Obviously my wife and I connected at the same point in this process, but then it ended pretty abruptly. After having a child, the marriage was pretty much discarded. Maybe there is some truth to the discussions about how men are ultimately seen as being disposable.
Not sure it’s worthy of a topic, but what do people think about the end goals? I’d never dreamed I’d be a father. I never thought about having a family. Only after marrying my wife and acquiring stability did it seem like something that I really wanted. For her, it was always a priority. And after achieving it, the relationship was done.
So, I don’t know. Maybe worthwhile topic? What’s the end goal? Mine isn’t a whole lot different now. I’m going to still try to focus on the future, and having a successful career and ultimately retirement, but now I don’t have someone to share that with.
A Dad, what you described … men wanting stability and women wanting children (with men who have stability) … is the way people and society has always worked. Two things happened … hypergamy was unleashed … mostly because women can control their fertility with BC and even it they are too stupid to do so … they can get free abortion on demand. And then Feminism gave them absolute freedom to do whatever they wanted with NO CONSEQUENCES … so they thought. So they act that way and it turns out there are consequences … but because they occurs way down the road … most women still don’t realize the consequences … until it too late … and many … never do. The other major change was replacing men with careers and government.
Guess what I’m saying is that you and the Ex were both normal, doing what human beings have always done. The problem is your Ex was given the option of DUMPING YOU … WHENEVER SHE WANTED … FOR WHATEVER REASON SHE WANTED … OR NO REASON AT ALL. She was given the option of dumping you … and forcing you to pay for your child anyway … and the remainder of her “provisioning” would be supplied by the Gov or by herself. SHE DIDN”T NEED YOU ANYMORE … JUST THE MONEY YOU HAD TO CONTINUE TO SUPPPLY … AT THE POINT OF A GUN. You are given a choice by the Gov… PAY CHILD SUPPORT OR GO TO JAIL.
She wins. You lose. That’s how marriage works today. As you learned … for men … marriage is a horrible deal and its best for men to just avoid it. Unless you are young and wanting children … and then you are taking your chances that the wife will stick around for the sake of the children … and as you found out … that’s no guarantee either. But children are better off with 2 parents … so if you are young and wanting children … you take your chances … for all other men … NEVER MARRY … its only self preservation …
Dad, my 2c worth of opinion? In my case, I don’t worry about an end goal in live but I do give considerable thought to the common end point that every man and woman must come to. That would be the grave. I agree that this world is full of injustice, it seems like the evil assholes and stupid SFBs get away with everything they do without consequences, but do they really? In the last moments of life, have they escaped? I would say no.
Can I be really frank with you? What do you want for yourself? Being 100% selfish and considering no one else, what would make you truly happy right now? Tomorrow is not guaranteed for you, for none of us. Today is real, tomorrow is a maybe only.
Mega: “She wins. You lose. That’s how marriage works today. As you learned … for men … ”
I’m not really entirely sure that’s the case for me. I can’t go into details yet but the terms of my frivorce are pretty reasonable compared to some. My son is the one that loses. I’ll talk about it again though within a few weeks. I generally see the outcome of my future to be pretty good. Hers? Not so sure how it will end up within a few years.
Larry G: What I want is for my boy to have both of his parents. That said, we have an even custody arrangement so I can’t necessarily ask for much more in the case of frivorce.
If I were being 100% selfish I’d say that I knew that I should have left years ago and that I couldn’t change this outcome. Hanging on was a bit of a trade-off where I was mostly guaranteed more time with my son, and I could raise him in a home with both parents for as long as possible. I knew the price several years ago when she and I agreed to stay together. The price was obviously increased alimony terms, but the women and the state don’t see it that way. They see it as a sacrifice that SHE made when having the child and that she would be compensated for it.
If I put aside all of the sadness for my son, I do see that my life is going to be better without her. I just don’t like that feeling. When the norm is where people easily give up and place so little value on the family, it’s not a concept that I’ve ever been willing to support. I still believe that it’s a lie that “children will be fine”. He had two parents that were not abusive, got along really well, and a good loving home where things were stable. Healthy food, caring parents. Nevermind that my wife was unable to be loving or affectionate at all (to me) but that’s not his problem. But now we will have two homes to pay for, among other things. It seems pretty stupid and pointless. Neither of us are even interested in dating other people right now (so she says). Even the daily arrangements of picking the boy up from school are mostly going to remain the same. So we are basically now living the same “marriage” but in different homes.
RPG, the Word Press is having another stupid attack and won’t post my comments (again). This is getting OLD
I’m done.
Mine too.
Larry G,
I am not having any trouble posting comments. Best to let RPG look into it when she can.
A Dad,
It occurs to me that women do not give a whole lot of thought about what to do in marriage after the wedding.
Not that it has anything to do with you, but I did hear a depressing statistic a few days ago. While I can’t find the source, it does ring true with my suspicions. About half of married people are having sex ten times a year or less. If true, it id well past time to rethink this.
Had a great response to Dad but it disappeared. Maybe length?
My short posts go thru.
WordPress telling me to shut up?
10 times per year. Wishful thinking for some. That’s basically the threshold. It’s either with healthy frequency (far more than 10x per year) or not at all. 10x per year isn’t even once per month.
Good luck if you ever marry a woman that has issues with intimacy and isn’t comfortable in her own skin, because it will keep her from being able to be sexual even if you are attractive, in good shape, and can perform in the sack. Because then it is no longer about you or even attraction. A lot of women see sex as a “chore” and not a necessity, and a lot of women these days are neither feminine nor healthy. I understand that the same thing applies to some guys but there is a pretty serious disparity. I guess it’s getting worse though as guys are becoming overweight and feminized. Unless you marry the right woman, just assume that your sex life will be dead after she is done having children. That is, until she finally starts wanting to be sexy again and the novelty of childbearing has finally worn off. Often this happens after hitting the wall and they are alone. Hamstering usually tells them that it wasn’t their fault had something do do with someone else, if all of those women’s articles about “shameless sex” and “sexual awakening” after frivorce are correct. Usually it amounts to them finally subconsciously understand that a guy wants nothing to do with them if there is no sex. They either accept it and go with the flow until they settle on the best options or bow out completely for the rest of their lives.
A Dad,
About that, I just don’t know. However, I always did want reliable numbers on that point. If that is the truth, no wonder it has been suppressed.
Do a Google search for “sex after divorce” or even “sex after marriage”. Like 90% of the articles are geared towards women and talk about women’s experiences. And a lot of them talk about how they didn’t have sex in their marriages and all of the sudden became “awakened” or “sexy and empowered” after their divorces. And the sad truth is that so many women just eat this stuff up as if it’s gospel. The real truth is that there are more people out there than ever that are going to use someone else for what they need when they are particularly vulnerable. This applies to men too. I’ve got a friend who is really vulnerable and he’s already getting reeled in by a trashy woman who is apparently really good in bed. I guess she’s like a drug for his pain, and he’s probably going to become addicted to her.
So, wi8thout going there, they are crowing about how they are having lots of sex after their marriage when they weren’t having any? I need to get a shovel.
I would worry about your friend too.
Yeah. Pretty much this.
Hi guys, sorry about comments disappearing, not sure what’s going on. I copy mine now before hitting “post” bc it happens to me too. Usually it seems like it times out?
I am camping, watching a newlywed friend’s three boys so she and her hubby can have at least two night’s honeymoon. The kids father only visits them once a month, for dinner, box he says his new Gf is bipolar and too dangerous for the kids to be there overnight (wtf???)
I have introduced them to the joy of squirt guns! My youngest daughter turns out to be a sharp shot! Lol. I hope their mom is not anti-gun! 😉
That would be a good post topic. I saw a stat once that the most common time for divorce is wi two years of having a child, sadly. I am not sure why but I suspect w all these changing social norms, few today are prepared for the absolute selflessness being a parent of a child under 5 entails. So one or both parents start to resent each other, blame each other, or think it would be better apart. It’s not. But they don’t seem to realize that until its too late.
I haven’t had any issues except for posting through Chrome on mobile. It’s really unstable and the keyboard goes nuts. On a computer it’s fine.
Bipolar girlfriend? Not hating on your friend, but something sounds really crazy and not quite right about their situation. Even after a frivorce, I couldn’t imagine hooking up with a bipolar woman that is too dangerous for my kid to visit. Then, again, that crazy hot-mess lady I was talking about (with an assault charge) isn’t even allowed to see her own kids, so maybe it’s the same person (LOL).
Along the same lines, I was talking to my friend’s (faux hubby) girlfriend just yesterday about how people today seem so unable to cope w even minor adversity. Maybe it’s because so few have ever experienced true, real struggle? Like my girls, they have never had scraped kneed or elbows. As a kid I had them constantly. We crashed on our bikes or skates or whatever and we just got up and kept going. Today of a kid sees blood you’d think it was the end of the frickin world! I do not think this nanny state bubble wrap world of safety first is so good, really. Makes people weak!
P.s. the hottie Ukrainian doc called my friend at home the next day to “see how he was doing.” Lol! I knew she was falling for him!
True re the bipolar gf. I’d say anyone too dangerous to be around children is not good gf material, for sure! And of course I have never met him nor do I know his side of the story, but from what I have seen he rarely visits and often cancels visits last minute. Not cool! 😦
I have to second RPG on the bipolar GF. Still, I have to wonder if the ex is using the GF as an excuse to limit the kids’ time with their father? Who knows what they will dream up next?
Fuzzie, unfortunately this is my immediate thought as well but obviously I have a skewed perspective on the matter.
Dalrock believes that feminists do have a timeline to their lifestyle. It’s not just me that has turned to cynicism.
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2017/07/03/a-very-long-season-part-1/
Fuzzie … Dalrock has always been a pessimist … and he has good data to back up that attitude. So … he and me and you, should be a pessimist. Any male who can find a good female should consider himself to have won the lottery. And I consider myself to be in that camp …. won the lottery. Been thinking of marriage with the GF. We get along great. Sex is great. We are the same age. In the same stage of life. Been RP’ing her for awhile and she knows my attitude. Doesn’t agree with some of it (like all illegal aliens should be deported and a wall built) but she doesn’t freak about it either. Yes, we still have a few things to discuss, but its been really nice having someone in my life. Nice to have someone … who who doesn’t buy into the Feminist narrative and allow it to poison her life. And its kind of strange … because she does buy the Facebook, MSM narrative for the most part. In my experience most women do: WOMEN BUY THE FACEBOOK LIES … THINK THAT SHIT IS REAL,
BUT IN REAL LIFE, FACE TO FACE … the GF is just a normal woman. Which is a huge relief. Feel like I won the fucking won the lottery !!!
I think its because she was a mother, raised 2 boys … and realized that much of what the MSM preaches is complete bullshit. Boy scouts, etc. Dealt with the schools and the teachers. And the coaches. And the other parents. Realized how fucked up it all is. Don’t know if other mothers (RPG) realize the garbage that goes on … frankly, kind of doubt it. Who the fuck thinks all children deserve “participation trophies”
I think she’s pretty cool and that she figured out a lot of it on her own … AND IT PISSED HER OFF … is nothing but bonus points for her.
So she figured it out … which is cool. On an intellectual level. Not like men do though. Know what its like to have a 4×4 shoved up your ass … so far up that it hits your brain-stem and shorts out your brain and make you hyper aware of what’s going on. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. !!! Think any woman knows what’s that like ? Nope, they don’t.
Anyway, the new GF is cool. We get along great. Our 1 yr anniversary is coming up in a few weeks and she even mentioned it yesterday, so she’s thinking of it too. We’ve gotten together every week for the last year. Had sex on average 3x per week for the last yr. So compared to the prior discussions we are off the charts. The best part is that we get along so well and yeah, its really nice.
Happy 4th to all !!!
Mega,
Maybe you have won the lottery? It is a little sad because she is what is what we would think is a normal girl. May it continue for you. By the way, Dalrock has had his wife for decades.
Fuzzie … that finding a normal girl is considered to having won the lottery is sad. Sad, but is the reality of what is going on. Hope more women figure that out.
Mega,
I think that a lot of them know that all is not right. They just haven’t figured out what to do.
They think they are the lottery prize.
So why is the luck six sixes guy not stepping up to claim her.
Look at any random profile on any dating sie or any single girl.
Assume I am a guy who fulfills their 87 point must have list.
Ask “now out of the 856,923 women with the exact same list, why should I pick you??”
Crickets.
Or
“Well just because….and you’re such an asshole for asking.”
P.s. the Mrs Knows we won the lottery as we are together.
(And I do meet four of the 6s cause I dont drive a 600 horsepower car and I am in a 30 year relationship.)
They know their is a problem
They just cannot accept it lies with women in general or them in specific.
Also, any parent man or woman say “my kids come first.”
As it should. Me and mrs put the kids first and us second BUT we had five years together where each other was first.
So. If you are looking to date, and put your kids first.
“Why the hell would you expect me to go into it where I am second fiddle before the first date.”
“And even if you are a perfect 10 (yeah right) why would I pick you over an unattached 7 who will put me first???”
Crickets
Or
Well just because…. You are SUCH an Asshole for asking.
And when you are a chubby single mom divorcee (who either couldnt keep a man or blew up the relationship or he was a drug dealer but you picked him…good track record) with two kids and credit card debt.
Same question.
And yes I am SUCH AN ASSHOLE.
Aka a guy with options.
Just sayin.
Its called marketing.
Focus on what the BUYER wants.
(And an asshole for mansplaining….the obvious)
P.s. I am by no means good looking.
She married a scrawny, office clerk making 30k.
Who had POTENTIAL. And stuck by him.
Thru hardship, support, encouragement and good Scots work ethic and family values she unlocked the competitiveness of an average joe.
So I am fit not for a gym but from outdoor work on the farm.
I make 120k not from three degrees but from working my way up the ladder.
I have 600k in investments (the 7th six) from downsizing the lifestyle.
Good genes by chance gave me the rest.
“Oh, whereever did you find Mr. Listchecker?”
“Who him (snort), grade 11 science class”. (Patting my ass.)
Titanium. The looks could melt titanium.
We may all be assholes for asking “why?”
It has been years since I went to a dating site. The idea of looking at profiles kills my appetite. That is saying a lot. Bears are always hungry.
The idea of going to a dating site seems too weird to me. When I was “dating” there weren’t even really dating sites. Maybe one or two. Now it’s a meat market. I can’t say that I’ve ever actually been to a dating site.
Might as well just do my own thing until I meet a good woman. I can’t see how things have changed that much but maybe I’m trying to just avoid it. Just get out and meet people, hang with friends, and be yourself. Never failed me before when it came to meeting women.
A Dad,
You are in for a shock. From my experience, added to what to what I have read, the dating market is very ugly compared to times past.
A dad, I tried online dating after being out of the dating market for 15 years and I found it to be very awkward and artificial. It just felt too forced, or something, to me. I have known others who have had good success and even married and found happiness w a great life mate. Like you, I prefer to meet someone in the real world as I go about my own life. But to each their own!