Yesterday I had a big project to get done before this weekend, so I hired two teenage boys to help.

The contrast between the two is striking. While one is a go getter with a strong work ethic, the other is not so much. The one not so much is a friend’s son, the go getter is his friend he recommended. Both have worked for me before, but this was their first time working together.

I had a meeting to go to, so I made up a to do list, gave them some marching orders, and went. Having been a teen myself, I worried about leaving them unsupervised but hoped the go getter would lead the way.

When I returned three hours later, my heart sank. The biggest project I had asked them to start with, clearing a main corner of tall grass and weeds, looked no different. When I left they had been heading toward it with weed whackers going. Not good.

I found the two boys taking a break. “Lets see what you guys got done,” I said. “Walk me through it.”

After them showing me two smaller projects that I estimate would have taken them an hour, hour and a half tops, I looked them both in the eye and asked, “Ok guys, did you work as hard and diligently as you could while I was away?”

My friends son replied without hesitation, “Absolutely!” The other boy looked uncomfortable, then looked away.

“Ok,” I said. “Because remember that list? Whatever you two don’t get done today, I will somehow have to do it.” And I started giving direction, putting one on one task, the other on another.

The go getter busted it out, making up for lost time. The other, not so much.

My friend was here, and I could tell she didn’t want me to correct her son. She did not correct him either. Instead she started doing what I had asked him to do, completing the work for him. Then I saw perhaps how he’d developed his nonchalant view of responsibility. It’s too bad.

I can predict already which one will never want for a job, and which one will have trouble keeping one. I also know which one I will be asking to come back, and which one I won’t.

I shared the tale with my older daughter, not one for physical labor herself. She surprised me by finding things to do, and jumping on them! Yay!

Don’t coddle your kids. It ends up working against them.

Let those who have ears hear.

When I look around at many of the female leaders or celebrities today, despite all the “advances” in women’s rights, education, and entry into the public sphere, they still somehow seem so much less than women from 100+ years ago.

What would our great or great-great grandmothers think of their selfies, social media posturing, cries of victim hood, unhinged rants in public, and so on? What would a woman on the frontier think, for example?

Would Ashley Judd’s speech at the women’s march seem self indulgent to a woman who had babies minus hospitals or doctors, who raised and preserved all her own and her family’s food, who lived without electricity or running water but did laundry and cooking anyway, who made all the clothing, and provided the family and livestock with medical care, a woman much too busy occupied with her family’s survival and well being to be self indulgent.

With all the things we women have today that she could only have dreamed of, I ask — can we be better women? Women that woman would celebrate and respect? Women who are thankful for the easy life they enjoy today, built upon the hardworking women of the generations before? Women worthy of that?

Certainly it is possible to rise and soar rather than to whine and complain, or be foul and base and loose, always wanting more, more, more while giving back less and less?

Be better. A worthy life goal. Do it for her. Do it for the women to come. It’s as simple and complicated as that.

Let those who have ears hear.

I have a friend we’ll call Otter who proves it’s never too late to find one’s place in the world or life purpose.

Otter, in his mid 40s, is very intelligent but because of dyslexia, was never one for book learning. Most of his life he’s gotten by working low pay, manual labor jobs. Otter is the guy I call when I need some holes dug, rocks moved, or things built that aren’t too complex but have an artistic flair.

Otter reminds me of a character right out of a hobbit tale. He loves mud, and streams, beaver sticks, and living a simple life. He never has much money but he doesn’t need much money, so it all works out.

Otter is likely what they call a sigma in the red pill world. He just does his own thing his own way, desiring to be neither an Alpha leader nor a beta provider. He’s rarely in the company of women, but when he is they are always unusually beautiful considering his own odd appearance, and even when the relationships run their course they remain friends. He’s very in touch with his emotions, and can dive right in and carry on conversations just like a girl.

Otter lives in the house where he grew up and takes care of his elderly widowed mom. He does odd jobs around the neighborhood when he needs spending money, which so far has worked out for him. He has worked as a security guard and other jobs in the past when he was living on his own, but since his dad passed and he moved back home, he’s prefered to work part time, here and there.

About four to six months ago, Otter started talking about a man he met who did chainsaw art. Otter was intrigued, so he started hanging about, offering labor in exchange for learning the basics. Soon it was harder to get Otter out to do an odd job, because he was so busy at the studio.

The man he’s working with is a jolly and positive older man with an infectious energy. Otters own father was a drinker who never really had time for Otter, so while his parents were married for life, Otter is more like a guy raised by a single mom than not. He prefers to use hand tools over power, as I don’t think he ever had a guy show him how. I get the feeling that’s all changed now, as it seems he’s running all sorts of woodworking tools now, under the patient guidance of his new boss, who has become somewhat of a father figure to him.

I haven’t seen him for a few months but then he surfaced, with some of the most amazing photos of the things he’s been up to. It would not be doing it justice to call it chainsaw art, it’s truly on the sculpture fine art scale, and I can tell Otter is absolutely loving every minute of it! Owls, bears, dragons, fish, benches, totem poles, and more, he’s making them all.

The guy who never seemed to really fit in has found his place at last, and his work is selling for $2,000 or more a piece before he even has them finished. He’s already better at it than people who have been doing it for years, I can only imagine how far he will go with it.

It makes me so happy to see Otter so happy! Sometimes, ya win one if you just keep poking along until you find your niche!

Let those who have ears hear.

It’s been awhile since I have written about Red, as I have not seen him in nearly a year.

As some of you may recall, I knew him and his wife and their two adorable kids through Rotary, and watched in horror when she heartlessly kicked Red to the curb, then (no surprise to me, who had taken the red pill already) announced two weeks later that she was in love with her new fitness coach.

Sadly, she’s likely a narcissist, as she immediately went into “destroy Red” mode to cover her tracks, convincing everyone (except me) she was the victim. Amazingly (or maybe not in a culture where such claims from a woman are accepted without question) most in our community supported her “bravery” and shunned Red.

I befriended him through those rough days because he certainly needed some support. It was terrible to watch how selfishly and callously she blew up her family with no regrets. Sick.

Within months the boyfriend moved in to the home she and Red had shared. Red reacted not unpredictably by coping with it all by drinking more and more over that first year, which sadly only made it easier for her to paint him the bad guy, while she manipulated him in his vulnerable state into signing divorce papers without a fight that gave her everything, and left Red with almost no say or time with his kids and little more than the shirt on his back.

She’s very well connected and soon the local policeman was tailing Red every time he came to town. It wasn’t long before he was pulled over, narrowly failed a breathalyzer, lost his job as a result, and was in a heap of trouble. For awhile he was living in this SUV. It was grim.

I shared his story with my red pill guy, who without hesitation saw what Red needed, hired him a lawyer, helped him get on his feet, and started calling Red regular to give him red pill advice and mentoring. Red found a new job, and as the universe would have it his new boss had been frivorced himself, and also took Red under his wing. With the help of these two men he got back up, got an apartment, and started putting his life back together again.

On weekends when he had the kids he would drop by, and I grew very fond of his gangly 11 year old son and adorable 8 year old daughter. They liked me too, and looked forward to visiting. But over time I noticed a change in them, the light slipping out of their eyes.

Then one day over dinner it came out. The fitness trainer boyfriend (a former Marine with PTSD) was not the great guy Red’s ex led everyone to believe in her fawning “soul mate” Facebook posts.

The son started to describe the walking on eggshells environment at home. Turns out this boyfriend runs it like a military internment camp, complete with psyops and regular random terror.

As the brother talked, his sister sat there rocking, sucking her thumb, looking scared out of her mind. Then she quietly said, “He spanks his girls (6 and 8) with a belt — with the buckle end.” And apparently he made everyone watch.

I warned Red I felt his children were in grave danger, even though so far he had not hit them, although he had started to make their mother do the spankings over minor infractions. I worried it was only a matter of time.

A few weeks later I got a call from a very distressed Red. His son had called the police, after the boyfriend disciplined him himself with the belt for the first time. Unfortunately the boyfriend and Red’s ex have that “looks good from the street” thing going, and the boyfriend convinced the police the boy was exaggerating. Red’s son was the one the police were stern with, telling him it was legal for the boyfriend to spank him, warned him to listen better and do as he was told, then left.

Red was a wreck at the news and asked me to meet him at the bar he was at. By the time I arrived he had drowned his emotions and was far too drunk to drive, so I drove him home. Things cooled down at his ex’s after the police visit, after all Red’s ex can’t have people finding out and ruin her pillar of the community image, but I worried his son would someday pay for making that call.

I am not sure why but Red reacted with helplessness, perhaps a learned helplessness from years of living with a narccist wife?

Not long after he was pulled over again, again just a tad over the limit, but enough to land him back in jail. My guy bailed him out, got him a lawyer, and we hoped for the best. Red entered a one year agreement to undergo intense counseling, regular testing for alcohol, and install a “blow and go” breathalyzer in his car in exchange for having the charge dropped from his record if he stayed on the straight and narrow, didn’t drink, and successfully completed the program.

He had meetings and counseling every morning before work and every evening after. He did little more than that and work as he once again picked up the pieces and worked to get back on track. His boss was luckily supportive, and Red began to rebuild.

I had not seen him in nearly a year when we reconnected this weekend to catch up. As we talked about how hard he had been working and how well he had been doing, his phone started blowing up with texts from his son. Not good.

Red confessed things were bad. The boyfriend now fiancée is drinking heavily, and is a mean drunk. When he’s on a bender, he’ll randomly pick one of the kids to “discipline,” often Red’s son.

The text revealed this time it was the daughter who got it, a drunken beating with the buckle end of the belt.

“What are you going to do?” I asked. Red seemed resigned, and said he hoped when the kids got older, they could move in with him. I pleaded with him not to wait, and to do all he can to gain custody and get the kids out of that mess. He said he’d think about it.

As I drove home I found myself wishing I knew somebody around here like Ton. Someone who loves and cares about kids, has good strong friends who feel the same, who could go school the boyfriend, then let him know that it would be his last warning.

But I don’t. So instead I prayed that God will surround those kids with his best archangels, protect their bodies and minds, and somehow bring the truth to light and get them to safety as soon as possible.

And then I lost it at the idea of the terror and helplessness those kids must feel. I was crying so hard I could hardly see the road.

After I collected myself, I called my guy who immediately took charge and is going to call Red and help him develop a strategy to help those kids. Thank God. Red needs some good solid man-to-man advice because the system is not stacked in Red’s favor. And if anyone can come up with a plan to help Red gain custody that will be so airtight and four steps ahead that Red’s ex and her cowardly boyfriend won’t stand a chance of stopping it, it’s him.

To men with ex’s like Red’s, please do whatever it takes to make sure your children are not in her care. And to women in a situation like his ex, if you won’t stop it and don’t want to leave fine that’s your choice, but for God’s sake do what is right for your kids and let their dad’s raise them. Because if anyone will seriously harm or even kill a child, it’s a boyfriend like that. Sadly, it happens every day.

Let those who have ears hear.

Please feel free to add Red and his kids to your prayers and to share your thoughts in the comments. Hopefully I will soon be sharing the news that the kids are out of that terrible situation and safe. Stay tuned.

(Please note, this is not about the spank or no spank debate. In my opinion hitting a child with the metal buckle end of a belt is not “spanking.”)

In a comment, Mtgowhorseman says:

Rpg
To help women you need to get this message out.
A brilliant comment from Dalrock’s. It is THE ONLY ADVICE women need.
“Word for women who lurk: there is such a thing as “fitness testing to destruction”. You can be Little Miss Bossy long enough, loud enough, and mean enough that he just doesn’t want to be around any more. Period. The juice is not worth the squeeze. He’d done, all done with you.
That doesn’t have to mean divorce. It can just mean he checks out from the marriage, permanently. His attention is never on her, beyond the absolute minimum, he provides in a mechanical fashion as for a pet or an invalid, and spends as little time with her as possible. If you know what to look for, you can see couples like this in many, places, including churches.There is a cure but it is never applied: it requires the woman to humble herself, and far too many women prize their pride above everything else. Yes, churchgoers, everything else. To paraphrase Milton, there are women who would rather reign in a Hell of their own making than submit and gain a slice of paradise.
Don’t fool yourself with your female “always one more chance” adaptability. Women don’t close doors quite the way men do. The last minute of Gone with the Wind is worth watching, because Rhett ain’t coming back, ever. He has spoken.”

Truer words have not been said, and I have seen it in real life many times. The guy may be there physically, but emotionally he’s checked out. She’s cried wolf one too many times, and he’s gone.

Society tells women today that men want sassy, brassy, bossy women. Actually, men don’t really like that. That doesn’t have to mean women need to be doormats, but there’s often a better and a worse way to go about things.

What many men don’t realize about fitness testing, is that society has also taught them the wrong message, that the way to respond to fitness testing is to give in. “If momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy” or “happy wife, happy life.” Such a response feeds the cycle, him submitting is not what she wants. Sometimes what women doing this really need, is for him to say, “Enough!” (Men in this situation should read this great advice here.)

However, ladies, there is a beauty also in not going there, and that is a choice you can make. Perhaps you know such a woman? Men are drawn to her, naturally wanting to please and dote on her? Not because she demands it, but because ever so sweetly and truly she doesn’t. Men can hardly wait to get home to such a woman, the opposite is true for the cranky, quarrelsome one.

Let those who have ears hear.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

Anyone who wonders why the world isn’t working should really look to the animal world for some insight.

See, animals just are what they are and act like they do. They don’t fret, or overthink, or question, or ever go against their true nature. They are who they are born to be.

If one believes such things (and I do) animals are living in perfect harmony with their creator and their place in the universe. It is humans, with their knowledge from the forbidden fruit, who can’t reconcile things.

As a post at Hawaiian Libertarian so aptly said, all of this red pill/blue pill is really a battle between dark and light. It is as simple, and complex, as that.

Blue pill ideas sound good, even better than the old ways, but in reality they are the path of darkness and destruction, all wrapped up in pretty packaging that deceives.

So what side are you on, is really the question. Darkness or light? Animals know where all abundance and harmony comes from. They align with it naturally, no struggle or angst.

Who is really most intelligent? Who is Foolish?

Dont feed the beast with your actions, thoughts, or words. Cling to what is good, no matter how “out of fashion.” It will never do you wrong. It will actually save you a whole lot of pain. Let the rest chase the dark, you are missing nothing.

Let those who have ears hear.

Here’s an odd modern world situation — the idea that nobody is really taken.

Case in point, I have a colleague who has here and there over the years dropped hints about us dating. Well, for reasons I won’t go into, I have never pursured it, the main reason being I don’t want to add that complexity to my work life, it’s a small pond and I am not one for real world reality shows. Plus, the attraction isn’t there.

Mindful of the beta orbiter, and not wanting to mislead, I do my best to always keep things professional and about biz. It’s inevitable we run into each other because of work from time to time etc.

The last time he asked me out I was very clear that I was seeing someone exclusively and that it was serious. Now maybe the unavailability makes the heart grow fonder or something, but ever since he’s continued to ask. And more often (usually via text.)

I have consistently said, “Sorry I am in an exclusive relationship, nothing personal, but I can’t go to dinner (or on a trip or whatever.)”

It was starting to annoy me, so I confronted him on it. His reply was that well,  since it’s long distance, he was thinking maybe I could tell my guy it can’t be “exclusive.”

Um, No. I let him know immediately and on no uncertain terms that was not an option either of us would consider.

Then he tried to make it about ME not being able to commit, or be all in a “real” relationship, so long distance served that need, he speculated.

Again I corrected him, and told him he knew nothing about my relationship, and it was rude for him to speculate.

Finally I pointed out the obvious, he did not seem interested, truly, in what I seek — a man who is all in for me and my kids. This guy, by his own admission doesn’t even like kids and never wanted them. Nor does he seem that keen on commitment in general.

I asked him nicely to just stop asking. And that unless he heard from me I was available, please assume I am not. He said he would.

I am not sure what to make of it. Maybe he just texts this stuff when he is bored or lonely or whatever. But if he thinks I’d throw away a good thing for a maybe fling? Forget about it…

Commitment. Honor it!

Tonight I by chance witnessed a relationship that from the little I saw, my immediate thought for him was, “Run!”

It started w a follow up visit on Dick’s surgery, complete w Jane, my youngest, and myself.

After a good review by the nurse, they wanted to go to their favorite place to eat, the local Moose lodge.

While there a guy joined our table and seemed to be giving me subtle IOI’s. He was maybe early 50s, decent looking if not buff, seemed like a very nice guy. Of course being taken, I did not give any encouragement and acted like I didn’t notice the IOI business.

Soon after a gal and what appeared to be her mom joined the table. She called him “Hon” and then launched into her drama of the day, her having to spend “hours” surviving his mother.

He looked uncomfortable but said nothing. At this point I was just curious, so I sat back, sipped my drink, and watched it unfold. (I was having a White Russian, always my go to but now even more so that I know anti-Trump folks get spun by it! Lol.)

She was maybe late 40s, early 50s, in good shape, cute, blond. Dressed fashionably.

Introductions were made and turns out she is his fiancée, with a date set for September? Interesting…

Soon the gal had a table of gals hanging on her every word as she told a tale about how she needed to polish up her ring, and used HIS toothbrush to do so. From his expression I could tell he was not ok w it.

I could not resist, at an opportune moment, asking, “Why did you use his and not your own?” She shot me an evil eye, then explained is hadn’t crossed her mind!

He added, he threw out the toothbrush, and bought another. (Ouch! Good for him!)

She made a bad joke about what would really happen to his toothbrush if she ever got mad. The other ladies laughed. I joked to him maybe he should just get some Listerene now and dunk his brush then wait 30 seconds every time before use.

She made a snarky comment. I replied, “Well, maybe if he ever does anything worth that you should just walk rather than use his toothbrush to clean the toilet.” She agreed.

Sad thing is he did not at all seem like that kind of guy. I worry for him, but these are their problems not mine, and they were strangers.

I planted the few red pill seeds I could. We’ll see. Will they make it to the alter?

If I could advise him, it would be this, “RUN!!!!!”

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Have you ever noticed, stay at home moms can be some of the unhappiest people around? I didn’t pick up on this until after I was a mom myself, working from home but not stay at home.

Here are three real life examples of what I see:

Case #1: SIW, married post 40 to a chemical engineer. Likely Alpha widow, as she often speaks of a prior long term boyfriend that did not lead to marriage. About a year after marriage, she became unexpectedly pregnant. Based on their ages, they had assumed it wasn’t possible. She was miserable, browbeat her husband, slept most of the day, no longer bothered to do her hair or make up. Rarely had sex. Resented not having “her own money.” Talked constantly of divorce, and “being on her own again.” Luckily the son is now in school and things are improving.

Case #2: This SAHM started young, shortly out of high school. Has four children, spread out over 12 years. Has a beautiful home and lots of friends. Husband and father of the two youngest works laborer jobs. Constant complaining about her life and marriage. Little to no hobbies or activities of her own beyond house are and cooking. Cranky and quarrelsome. Overweight. Talked almost non stop about frivorce. Bragged about withholding sex as a way to punish husband. The youngest is now in school and luckily she saw a doctor who prescribed Wellbutrin. Within a month the obsessive, circular, negative thoughts stopped, she started a home based hobby business, and joined weight watchers. Today she’s looking great, down 25 pounds, and I have not heard her complain about her spouse or marriage for months. Yay!

Case #3: Also married later, early 30’s. Tried to have a baby but wasn’t conceiving. Several years of infertility treatment later they have a little boy. Husband is a project manager for a large construction company. Again she’s at home most of the time, little or no hobbies. As I have seen before w infertility, this mom seems to feel a lot of pressure that every moment should be a blissful, precious, gift. But when it’s not, when it’s normal kid life, she feels like a failure, let down. Her entire life and schedule revolves around the son, and he’s getting old enough now to use it as a manipulation tool. Helicopter parent. Son sleeps in bed w parents, (between parents!), mom spends two hours a night coaxing son to sleep. Reports little or no romance w her husband. She is getting increasingly unhappy, starting to talk badly of her husband, resents him. She’s clearly unhappy, and I am worried by what I see. Today we are going to look at a fantastic preschool where my kids went (her son is 2) and I am encouraging her to not by a myrtar, it’s ok to have some self time! Hopefully it will help.

It’s not always easy having young kids, especially under the age of five. I think for SAHM it can be difficult to not fall into a negative unhappy space. And I think society gives little support to them, thinking they have it “easy.” Many times SAHM will frivorce around the age their youngest enters school, if she doesn’t get her internal struggle sorted out.

Its not the kids. It’s not the spouse. It’s what these gals allow their lives and thoughts and behavior to become. Don’t go there. If life isn’t to one’s liking, it is one’s own responsibility to do or be different. Put the kids in preschool, arrange babysitter swaps w friends for “mommy days” or date nights. Nurture your marriage. Do not become only about the kids. Don’t co-sleep (bc you won’t get any sleep for YEARS), don’t helicopter parent. Plan small day trips just to get out of the house. Do your hair and makeup and dress each morning, you’ll feel much better. Know while it feels never ending in the early years, kids grow up fast.  The best thing you can give your child is a healthy, happy mom. Find her within!

What do you think? Please share in the comments.

… what ya gonna do?

Once again red pill truths are playing out in the real world. This time in the case of the “hot con” Jeremy Meeks, who had the red pill world talking about how women today can’t seem to tell a true Alpha from an alpha cad after thousands of women irrationally swooned over his mug shot.

Well, a few years later he’s out of the clink and sure enough has already been snatched up by an heiress on holiday.

All this despite him being married with kids and her snuggling with her former boyfriend on Instagram just moments before the tingles induced train wreck commenced.

My prediction? Her pump and dump sob story is soon to follow. Perhaps a dodo bird baby as a lasting token of her dalliance? But at least she’ll have the alpha widowhood memories for the rest of her life? Any future suitors (ick) should steer clear!

Meanwhile she’s parading around her catch blatantly and of course groupies and the press are eating it up.

Money apparently does not buy street smarts. Her father must be so proud (not!)

Let those who have ears hear.

What do you think? Please share in the comments.