Tags
happiness, happy, healthy living, healthy thinking, ownership, red pill, responsibilty, true empowerment, unhappiness
Happiness is an inside job.
Yep! So if you are unhappy, stop blaming others and start looking within.
So many people look to their partner or future idealized partner to “make them happy.” But guess what? They can’t. And it’s not even healthy to expect them to.
So while it’s seemingly easier to credit or blame others for your happiness level, the very good thing about looking within for happiness is that you realize while others can’t make you happy, you’ll find they can no longer take it away, either.
What do you think? Please share in the comments!
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
For the last several months, I have been a Debbie Downer. Still, if there were a path to success and respect for men, I would feel better.
Fuzzie, I think the same applies to men. There are many men on this blog and others that have been thru far from ideal situations and are yet crafting a life according to their terms. It’s natural to have an anger and a loss/grief stage upon taking the red pill, but ultimately I think the goal is acceptance… and crafting the happiness one can, whatever that looks like for that individual person, despite living in a less than ideal world.
Perhaps the path to success and respect for men lies in individual men respecting themselves and defining success according to their own terms, rather than the world’s?
RPG,
I don’t know. While I stay on these beards, I keep finding more stuff to make me mad.
At the same time Fuzzie, on these same boards I see people finding themselves and what works for them over the same old, same old. Two sides of the same coin? Would I prefer to have slept thru a life wo challenge or to fully live a life despite challenge? I suppose life brought me challenge, but I choose to make lemonade from those lemons. And my life is richer and more intentional than ever, even tho far from perfect. I am glad to be awake!
I’ve honestly found that since I’ve been through most of the grieving from my frivorce, I’m really happy now. Frankly, I’m beginning to see that she’s actually done me a favor and that my life is extremely good and the future looks awesome. It’s almost over now (she moves out any day now). I’m healthy, financially stable, and probably looking my best ever. I’ve got a list of things that I’m going to do when I’m single. Some of it involves meeting new people, but not necessarily to start dating.
That said, it’s something that we also could have shared together. I would have loved that. I’ve shared everything with her. But she was, and still is, too wrapped up in her own world to work as a team. She isn’t doing herself or our child any favors, but now I will enjoy my MGTOW sabbatical while she works her ass off to make ends meet. I remember when I worked my ass off while she played all of the time. I’m not even bitter anymore. Just absolutely grateful for what the future holds.
Happiness really is inside. If you can share it with someone, then it’s even better. But if you rely on others for your happiness and well being, you will only set yourself up for misery.
Some people think self affirmations are a bunch of hokey bullshit, but I think there is something to positive self talk especially on days where everything goes wrong.
🙂
RPG,
Here is an example. Good men are being played for chumps.
https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2017/07/07/chicks-dig-criminals-the-study/
What CH failed to mention is that these guys are doing all this in spite of being in prison for years at a time.
YOU.
Y. O. U.
Are in charge of your happiness and reaction to the world.
Period.
Full stop.
What would you do IF you could do anything you wanted?
Its harder than it looks.
In the last four months I
sold my house so I am not tied geographically anywhere.
The kids have relocated to other provinces so I am not tied family wise
I was RIFed (reduced in force i.e. oldest “retired” first) at 54 so I dont have to go to work.
I have a 12 month settlement paying my salary so I get paid to not work.
I cashiered my pension plus the house profit into a revenue stream so I have basic income for life.
My wife stood by me thru all this and likes having me home.
Sounds great right?
Like summer vacation.
No stress, no money worries, even cutting the grass is the landlords job.
I work out, play with the ponies, go to the beach.
I AM BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!!
So DO something!!
But I can literally do anything cause it doesnt have to support me, as long as it doesnt cost me major money like buy a bar.
Norwegian yak herder…sure.
Mongolian tree planter….sure
Canadian banker…sur..no wait I have standards!!
Trust me its not all roses.
The temptation to stay in bed, play xbox til dawn and eat pizza is there.
So whose fault is it?
MINE!
Make me happy.
(Mrs just smiles and says “yes dear” and inside prays Gods, dont let him do anything stupid.)
So I get up every morning at 8 so I dont become lazy.
Go to the gym and then the stables so I dont get out of shape
Write every day (working on a childrens book and a management book) so I dont forget how to think. Likely never publish them but want to do it.
Enrolled in trade courses in fall so I keep learning.
Booked a winter getaway so me and mrs stay young at heart.
Visit friends every weekend so I dont lose my social skills.
All of that is me!
God, fate, life, Mrs, …nobody is gonna figure out what my life is gonna be.
I have always thought the ease of modern life is what causes most of the
I’m not haaaaaappy.
A tough life makes one too busy to be unhappy. Tired, sore, angry, yup but not unhappy.
Now I see how a peaceful life can make one dull.
What I dont get is the desire for drama (blowing shit up) over the desire for growth (build, improve, learn).
And the weird thing is all the stuff I enjoy now is not centred around people or relationships or impressing others.
I mean who is impressed by a fifty year old learning to weld.
And I aint never gonna have my 30 year old body again no matter how much I work out.
Mgtowhorseman,
That’s why a lot of people still work just to work after retirement. Because it’s hard to give up doing something, and it’s nice to earn a little bit of spending cash. I’m not sure that I could ever give up work entirely, but some day I’ll be working for myself after I “retire”. That means paying off the house early and having enough money socked away.
Not sure about the fitness thing once you hit 50. I’ve become involved in combat sports and probably am in better shape than I was 20 years ago, but that is because I wasn’t really active (spent time on learning things). Honestly just amazed as some of the things that I can do that I’ve never done before. I need to kick the booze completely and maybe I could get the abs I want. ;P But I continue to lose weight and gain strength.
RPG, Bear: I suppose life brought me challenge, but I choose to make lemonade from those lemons.”
I remember a night, years ago. It was several weeks after a particularly emotional break up. I was walking around the yard in incredible emotional/spiritual … and physical pain. I was talking to God, the trees, myself. I was ALL F88ked up. I went inside and took a shower. While I was in the shower I remembered/fantasized a scene from some old war movie I’d seen as a kid. It went something like this: Soldiers are huddled in a foxhole. There’s a storm of lead and shell fragments passing overhead. Explosions. Fire. Through the smoke, their Sergeant approaches. He motions for them to follow him and yells down into the hole, “Come on, Boys! Do you want to live forever?”
I was in incredible pain from loss and disillusionment. But out of somewhere I spoke to the pain. I demanded, “That’s all you got?” Because if I’m still standing I can obviously take it, and if I’m still standing others have taken a lot worse. I realized that I could stay in the hole where it was dark and filthy but safe, though only for the moment, or I could take my chances in the sunlight. If I stayed in that hole it was going to be as if I was living forever … IN THAT HOLE.
I found I could take a deep breath and choose to feel … well, haaapy. Strangely sad and powerful at the same time. I still hurt, I was still in a bad way, but at the same time I could choose my life and go ahead. I’ve been down since, and over much more serious relationships, but it doesn’t get to me for long. While I’ve never re experienced the power of that moment, having experienced it once gave me some sort of long lasting strength. Just knowing I could give that pain the finger and say, “Come and get me!”
I wish that could help others, but it can’t, except to know it’s possible to make that choice, especially when the right moment comes along. Sometimes there’s just some business you have to take care of before you get there. If I could find some way to share it I would … there’s so many that need it and deserve it.
Alan, exactly. I guess I looked at my wreckage post red pill and thought the same. I said to those who had hurt me (I said to myself, not actually to them.) “dammit, I am getting up and I am going to go on.” My youngest’ dad said, as he was walking out (after saying he thought he wanted to be a dad and have a family but changed his mind, wtf???) that, “You are going to fail. You can’t do it, you are just to stupid to see it.” Every time I nearly give up, I remember that, and think, ” Watch me!” It’s gotten me thru some tough times, I am doing it and then some, and I am happy I didn’t listen. Stubborn, I guess! He may as well have double dog dared me! And yes, I am happy! Not always, of course, but much more happy than not!
Horseman, good observation. I have a friend, a psychologist, his theory is that much of our problems today are due to LACK of struggle. You’d think an easy, automated, low physical labor life would lead to happiness, but no. He said the human mind actually NEEDS struggle. So his advice was to create “good struggle” like setting a goal like running a marathon or climbing rocks or building something or learning something new… anything to keep your mind from creating subconscious struggle (often negative) just to fill the void. Unhaaaapy? Maybe you need some self induced good struggle, he might say!
RPG,
“You are going to fail. You can’t do it, you are just to stupid to see it.”
That honestly hurts me to read, because even with the anger and frustration I’ve had with my wife, I don’t think that I’d want to say something like that to her. If anything, I want her to succeed for her son. In fact, that’s part of what got us to where we are; A lack of ambition and general disinterest in much of anything except for constant entertainment. She’s never really had to struggle for much of anything.
A bit of suffering is what creates strength and accountability. It teaches you the value of what’s to come after all of the hard stuff. Case in point; I was up at 2 AM yesterday, for work, and came home exhausted. Instead of a nap, I decided to do lawn and garden work. And cook. And clean. And spent a bit of time with the kid. Today, I’ve got the whole day free to enjoy doing pretty much anything.
Perhaps it’s a bit oversimplified but that’s basically how life seems to work for me.
The discussion about ‘struggle’ reminds me of a passage from Walter Miller’s great novel, A Canticle for Leibowitz:
“The closer men came to perfecting for themselves a paradise, the more impatient they seemed to become with it, and with themselves as well. They made a garden of pleasure, and became progressively more miserable with it as it grew in richness and power and beauty; for them, perhaps, it was easier for them to see that something was missing in the garden, some tree or shrub that would not grow. When the world was in darkness and wretchedness, it could believe in perfection and yearn for it. But when the world became bright with reason and riches, it began to sense the narrowness of the needle’s eye, and that rankled for a world no longer willing to believe or yearn. Well, they were going to destroy it again, were they ‘ this garden Earth, civilized and knowing, to be torn apart again that man might hope again in wretched darkness.”
A dad, yes it was a pretty mean thing to say. Looking back on it I wonder if he wasn’t projecting? Maybe that’s what he felt about himself? But he did seem to want me to fail, and then when I didn’t it seemed to piss him off. I agree w you, who would wish that on their child’s parent??? Bc if I failed and lost my home and biz, she would lose all that too! I could NOT let that happen, it’s another reason when things seemed hopeless I just got up and showed up anyway. And it always somehow worked out! 🙂
David, perfect quote! Describes it exactly! And perhaps society today? Being great-full, focusing on the good and not on the lack, is another secret to happiness. There will always be something “missing” so why focus on that when one can focus on all the blessings big and small that far outnumber the lack?
RPG,
I think that people sometimes say hurtful things as a reaction. It might have been a response to say “You need me to survive”, but that’s really weird considering that it sounds like he was the one that wanted out.
When my wife and I had our fight, I essentially told her to “pitch in or get out”. Well, she decided to leave. I’m not sure that I really wanted her to leave. Maybe things would be different if I hadn’t said that, but I’m doubtful that things would have changed. She was absolutely unwilling to compromise. I’d still feel used, unappreciated, and she’d still be contributing only to her own interests rather than the family / marriage. So maybe it was for the best. I do feel like a massive weight has been taken off of my shoulders. I’d actually love it if she didn’t need me to survive (alimony), so I’ve tried to encourage her to find reliable employment. It hasn’t worked out too well.
DF – Such a great quote and so appropriate to today. It’s been a LONG time since I read ACFL.
Dad – I just try to keep reminding myself (easier to do because it’s not over one very important relationship) that people are who they are, and we are always better off knowing than not. They also choose to be who they are. Sometimes I wonder if there is any justice and then I think that there is: they have to go through life being themselves and to make matters worse (for them) they rarely realize it. It’s like the ultimate curse. We all suffer from it but we can also choose how much. You are what you do. You don’t like who you are … do something else. Then you are that. If you are a good and self aware person, you choose to be an A-hole a minimum of times.