Have you ever noticed, stay at home moms can be some of the unhappiest people around? I didn’t pick up on this until after I was a mom myself, working from home but not stay at home.
Here are three real life examples of what I see:
Case #1: SIW, married post 40 to a chemical engineer. Likely Alpha widow, as she often speaks of a prior long term boyfriend that did not lead to marriage. About a year after marriage, she became unexpectedly pregnant. Based on their ages, they had assumed it wasn’t possible. She was miserable, browbeat her husband, slept most of the day, no longer bothered to do her hair or make up. Rarely had sex. Resented not having “her own money.” Talked constantly of divorce, and “being on her own again.” Luckily the son is now in school and things are improving.
Case #2: This SAHM started young, shortly out of high school. Has four children, spread out over 12 years. Has a beautiful home and lots of friends. Husband and father of the two youngest works laborer jobs. Constant complaining about her life and marriage. Little to no hobbies or activities of her own beyond house are and cooking. Cranky and quarrelsome. Overweight. Talked almost non stop about frivorce. Bragged about withholding sex as a way to punish husband. The youngest is now in school and luckily she saw a doctor who prescribed Wellbutrin. Within a month the obsessive, circular, negative thoughts stopped, she started a home based hobby business, and joined weight watchers. Today she’s looking great, down 25 pounds, and I have not heard her complain about her spouse or marriage for months. Yay!
Case #3: Also married later, early 30’s. Tried to have a baby but wasn’t conceiving. Several years of infertility treatment later they have a little boy. Husband is a project manager for a large construction company. Again she’s at home most of the time, little or no hobbies. As I have seen before w infertility, this mom seems to feel a lot of pressure that every moment should be a blissful, precious, gift. But when it’s not, when it’s normal kid life, she feels like a failure, let down. Her entire life and schedule revolves around the son, and he’s getting old enough now to use it as a manipulation tool. Helicopter parent. Son sleeps in bed w parents, (between parents!), mom spends two hours a night coaxing son to sleep. Reports little or no romance w her husband. She is getting increasingly unhappy, starting to talk badly of her husband, resents him. She’s clearly unhappy, and I am worried by what I see. Today we are going to look at a fantastic preschool where my kids went (her son is 2) and I am encouraging her to not by a myrtar, it’s ok to have some self time! Hopefully it will help.
It’s not always easy having young kids, especially under the age of five. I think for SAHM it can be difficult to not fall into a negative unhappy space. And I think society gives little support to them, thinking they have it “easy.” Many times SAHM will frivorce around the age their youngest enters school, if she doesn’t get her internal struggle sorted out.
Its not the kids. It’s not the spouse. It’s what these gals allow their lives and thoughts and behavior to become. Don’t go there. If life isn’t to one’s liking, it is one’s own responsibility to do or be different. Put the kids in preschool, arrange babysitter swaps w friends for “mommy days” or date nights. Nurture your marriage. Do not become only about the kids. Don’t co-sleep (bc you won’t get any sleep for YEARS), don’t helicopter parent. Plan small day trips just to get out of the house. Do your hair and makeup and dress each morning, you’ll feel much better. Know while it feels never ending in the early years, kids grow up fast. The best thing you can give your child is a healthy, happy mom. Find her within!
What do you think? Please share in the comments.
Unhappy because have what they want they do.
But not what they are told they want it is.
Reconcile this they cannot
Working guys not always have it good they do.
Always imagine Glorious Careers the fellas have women would.
More often than not, true this is not
Wonder if #2 and #3 also alpha widows they are I do
All women awesome they are.
Wonder why they are not they do.
Guys have a comparable problem not
Wonder if it ever works out for an alpha widow I do
Once past 5 kids are not a full time enterprise. A few hours of cooking, chores and some supervision. Then what do you do for five hours until hubby gets home.
Trust me. First two months of early retirement were great. Now I am bored out of my skull. So now I train the ponies daily, work out, read a book a week. Force myself to do stuff. Actually looking forward to trade school in the fall.
Without challenge humans get lazy and bored which leads to irritation.
SAHM or D must have a plan for growth. Otherwise sgagnation is inevitable.
And one can only watch so much daytime tv without clawing the eyes out.
Yes, challenge themselves these women should.
If bored you are, your own fault it is
Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. For some reason, women have a tougher time with it than men. Men are geared towards creation, fixing things, learning new skills, having hobbies, exceeding their own personal challenges (like fitness goals) , etc. Women spend time thinking about how they are jealous of their frenemys, dreaming about a fantasy life, and reading about horse-faced chicks who hook up with thugs. What’s a woman do when after her whole plan was to have babies and nothing else? She eventually realizes that changing diapers and going on playdates it’s pretty boring. Then she spends endless hours on social networking, and perhaps tries to to do the things that she previously chastised her man for doing; developing her own interests, friends, goals. If she can’t learn to keep her marriage a priority as well, she goes into a death spiral until she crashes and burns and files for frivorce because she doesn’t realize that her unhappiness is of her own creation. No tingles.
I bet that all three of the women in your example are the same way. They all beat down their man who tried to meet her demands, gave her what she asked for, and ultimately she resented him for “reasons”.
Rarely does the traditional family completely work now that gender roles have been turned upside down. Only a very dedicated woman with a proper support network of family (who share the same mindset) can make it work. Women are brainwashed by friends and media into thinking that they need to have their own initiative that doesn’t involve the husband and that all that matters is that she gets what she wants.
And even after frivorce, these women somehow blame their ex for their lack of happiness. Modern media has convinced women that their life should always be wine and roses.
This is why I will never marry again. I’ll retire early and date younger women.
Too bad you failed to mention that in all of these cases the unhappiness most likely stems from the feeling that they have to put everyone else before themselves and everything has to be perfect. They lose themselves in trying to serve others.
They lose themselves in trying to serve others.
Not so sure of this I am
Raising children well a challenge it is think one would
ND,
How can you assume that? That’s not always the case, and may not even be the typical case (wasn’t in mine). I see more lazy and useless SAHMs than not anymore. My neighbor’s wife can’t even cook so he goes out to buy food every day. He works all of the time and she’s a total butthead to him. He’s thinking of leaving her in this case.
Either way, it’s a perfectly reasonable expectation that a woman should be able to hold down the fort and not let herself go to complete shit. Neither should a man, for that matter. But people are lazy and entitled these days. Nor should either of them brag about controlling their man by withholding sex. Case 3 is a total fool because she deliberately keeps her kid as a barrier between intimacy with her husband… Literally.
You basically are saying that these women are unhappy because of others. They are unhappy by having to do what is required to have a family and a marriage. How does a woman who sleeps all day (example 1) put everyone else first? She doesn’t. Simple solution. Don’t get married.
Women weren’t designed to be happy
ND,
Also it’s well-proven now that it’s the MEN that lose themselves in putting their family first. It’s evident by the well documented suicide rates, 3/4 of which are typically divorced middle-aged men, and the tariffs that are placed upon men by the courts by no-fault divorce. The average man who spends upwards of 60 hours per week as a slave for his “unhappy” wife’s lifestyle has ZERO support network outside of the home.
Then he comes back to a disgusting home, and his wife wants to talk about how hard her day was. But he still has to mow the grass, fix everything, probably do the cleaning because he doesn’t want to live like a pig, listen to her whine about how hard things were when she sat on her ass while he worked a job that he loathes, and she complains about how she hates his friends and hobbies. And she probably can’t be bothered to pick up after herself, run a vacuum, or even learn how to cook at least 50% of the time because she sat with her friends all day drinking lattes. So the family is sick because she’s taking her laziness out on her family by ordering fast food all of the time, and she berates her man so much that he copes with alcohol because he’s got nothing left and is trapped into continued servitude for the rest of his life because the court will take everything from him.
I’ve seen it happen to the “happiest” marriages that had no real dysfunction. Because it seems like only real dysfunction or challenge is what it takes to get a woman to actually work at something.
And when she decides to leave him and take his money, he doesn’t have anything left. No friends, because she used sex to manipulate and control him into being subservient. No support, because she was all he had. No money, because she got 50% of it or more. No home, because the cops made him leave it by court order. So he jumps off of a bridge.
Not that this is personal experience. Just a generalization for the guys that get caught up in it. And I’m sick of it now.
On the other hand, feminists will argue that working women still bear the majority of the burden of housework. That’s also skewed as well because it doesn’t account for the following things:
1. Men generally work longer and more physically demanding jobs.
2. Men generally still do the vast majority of the labor-focused “housework” and repair. Feminist groups claim that only traditional female jobs are “housework”.
3. Men do far more housework and child rearing than half a decade ago. Like 2-3 times as much. Not since the 1920’s has there been such relative parity in multi-income homes. We might as well be living in a comfortable version of the Great Depression, because people are forced into servitude for BS things, cars, and large homes.
However, it doesn’t appear that the quality of life or relationships for these working women are any better. Maybe even worse. Because now the average home feels like it’s forced into being dual income.
I’m pretty fired up about this because my buddy’s fat and lazy troll of a SAHM wife is leaving him for Thad Chunderthock and he’s possibly suicidal, very lost, and doesn’t know what to do. He’s at risk of losing access to his child. Tell me now that his SAHM had any burden placed upon her, because I know the real truth. She didn’t do anything except for play all day on social networking. I know about my depressed neighbor that works his ass off for his family while his fat and lazy troll of a SAHM wife lies in bed all day with their two year old baby, and scolds him for everything. He just accepts it, but he’s extremely depressed and wants a way out. I know of my own situation. While not as extreme as the above, I at least knew how to temper it and turn it to my advantage (compared to most men). I’m doing very well, but came to realize in this process just how much the system still favors women. And then I look at the relatively disgusting dating pool out there and wonder why any man would jump back into it? Sink or swim, I guess.
Loose themselves in others is the excuse. Bullshit!
Like I said 4-5 hours a day maximum for a spotless house and well looked after kids.
They are bored. They are not put upon, they are not breaking a sweat, straining in exhaustion for others. They are just bored.
Men when bored say hold my beer and watch this. We may injure ourselves, we may break stuff, we may piss of the neighbors but we cure our boredom. We build stuff, maybe not well but we build stuff. We go explore, maybe not far enough. Men DO.
Women WATCH.
They watch the men sweat and fight (getting tingles to cure boredom)
They watch other women (getting drama to cure boredom)
They watch social media (why? Cause it sure is boring)
If men want drama or excitement they go find it.
If women want drama or excitement they whine and pout until someone gives it to them.
Which is why women cannot go wgtow.
Who would provide them excitement if its their own way?
Dad
Support him for the first six months after the divorce.
Show him how simple and stress free life is once he goes thru the mourning stage.
Once the wifegoggles are off he will see the situation for what it was.
And then he will tidy his own house decorated as he likes eating food he made the way he likes and basically doing what he likes.
Why anyone goes back for seconds after escaping is beyond me.
Also how is having sex withheld from a fat broad who fails the boner test punishment?
Well you aint gettin none o this!!
Gee thanks!!! I mean….awwww.
it’s been a long time since i’ve thought about these things. you’ve offered some good advice, Bloom.
transitioning from being in the work-world to being full-time in the home, caring for a newborn, with your body and hormones unstable, is a huge shock on many levels. this does not mean it’s bad, it just is.
at work you have clear markers for accountability and performance evaluation on a regular basis. you have a defined schedule driven by things you do not control.
at home the markers for accountability and performance evaluation exist but they are elusive and unclear.
– know that you cannot comprehend what it’s going to be like until you get there.
– know it’s going to be different than you expect and harder than you expect.
– know that you’re going to need help and direction.
– find a community of other SAHM’s; you need the support.
– know there will be a transition time and give yourself time to mentally transition.
– accept that it is okay to not be able to do what you thought you’d be able to do.
– be flexible. babies aren’t pre-programmed robots. they get sick. they teethe. they develop allergies. things happen.
– laundry is endless. you’re not loosing your mind; it really is endless 🙂
– talk to an adult everyday who supports you and understands and is able to point out the little accomplishments to you.
– learn to laugh.
– create a schedule, then continuously adjust and adapt.
– create a call list of people you trust for various situations. for example, a mom you can call who understands fevers … a mom you can call who understands allergies … a mom you can call you understands shopping with babies, etc.
– celebrate even the little things 🙂
Dads can help their SAHW:
– take the time to learn about what’s going on; you might need to spend a day at home occasionally to see what’s really going on. mom’s can be a bit overwhelmed and unable to see and articulate the picture clearly.
– take the time to get to know your baby, too. then when your wife freaks out about something you’ll be able to objectively respond.
– you are the CEO of your home; manage your wife. give her direction. give her goals.
– let her know when you’re on your way home so she can change out of her mom-clothes that are covered in barf and snot and every other food and body fluid into something nice for you … and so she can change the kid’s clothes, too, if you want those things. it’s good and okay to want them; give her a 30 minute window to get ready for you. arrange this ahead of time … let her know you want her to get fixed up for you and then give her the heads-up on when to expect you.
– if she’s struggling, sit down with her and help her figure it out. she has mommy-mush brain. give her goals to work toward … sometimes just getting a shower in is a goal depending on the needs and age of the baby.
when 2nd baby arrives:
– accept that there is a mental transition from 1 to 2. part of this transition is emotionally splitting your time but doubling your love. there’s a guilt in there that you’re not giving each of your babies enough b/c you’re used to giving your first baby everything. now you can’t. and you can’t give your second baby everything you gave your first. it’s convoluted but real. you’re okay. your babies are okay. everyone will be okay.
– give yourself and your family time to transition. it’s a huge change.
though i’ve never jumped from an airplane (nor do i ever plan to), i’ve thought of having a baby as just that. you jump and are zooming down to earth when suddenly you pull that cord and you’re zipped back up and start floating down slowly. having a baby is like pulling that cord in life. you’re jerked suddenly to a different place and your pace is drastically changed.
Good points, Ame. I don’t want to sound insensitive. I know that it’s not always easy. We cloth diapered our kid, and he was breastfed. I ended up with far less bodily fluids on me than my wife did, but I did change diapers and feed him (she pumped for when she was gone). Obviously I didn’t get my own nipples chewed on when the kid was teething.
Guys tend to overlook a lot of the hard parts. That said, I think that it does go both ways. I came home every day, and spent time with my kid. Taught him to read. Played. Etc. Even a dad’s job isn’t done after work.
When the hardest part was over, and the kid was in school, that’s when she became disgruntled and bored. I’ve seen it happen in most other SAHM situations as well, unless the wife continues to have children. The irony is that it’s the time when a couple can start living for themselves again (when the kids are in school and become fairly self sufficient), but the modern wives often give up and usually it’s most often the woman who wants to bail. I’d almost say that a woman’s “mid life crisis” hits first, when she is about to hit the wall, and the man’s “mid life crisis” is generally after she leaves and he gets to buy nice cars, a bike (or a few), pursue sports and other activities, and date women that are 10 years younger.
A Dad –
not saying it’s not hard for dad’s. was just trying to state some facts about when a newborn comes into our world.
good thing about breast babies is their spit up and poop doesn’t smell like formula and food! both mine were breast babies and reflux – i was soaked all the time the first year of each of their lives (gosh, i thought those days would n.e.v.e.r..e.n.d!)
– – – – –
one of the things that would be good for husbands to manage with their wives are the sahm friends they make. women talk about everything, and a woman’s friends affect the way she thinks. disgruntled women spread their ills to everyone.
– – – – –
it gets complicated. the guys out here who have been there, done that, can give much better advice to men than i ever can.
my second baby was special needs, so that changed a LOT for me, personally. even when she started school i didn’t have ALL that free time – i had to be available for the school all day. and the many, many nights she didn’t sleep meant i didn’t sleep, so i would catch up as much as possible during the day in between other chores. she’s 17 now, and while i no longer believe i need to get any kind of guardianship of her when she turns 18, i’m still not comfortable working outside the home yet. i have to mentally discipline myself to stay in the game and not loose focus.
i have a good friend whose kids are the same ages as mine – we did baby thru elementary together until i remarried and moved. her husband told her to stay very involved in their schools, pta, classrooms, etc, and not to work outside the home. her willingness and ability to manage her home and their two sons through school has allowed him to focus on his career and be successful there. i know working outside the home has come up occasionally in their marriage over these parenting years as she has a good degree and work experience before babies, but her husband has not given the green light for that. her job is to continue to raise their sons and tend to the needs of the home. she has spent countless hours at the schools, helping teachers, pta, field trips, band, etc. her husband has expected this of her, and she’s done it willingly. their family has benefited from his authority and her following his authority.
– – – – –
the men who eventually figure out that, truly, ALL women are like that … and who figure out what *that* actually is, and then are able to separate themselves from *that* and elevate them to a position of authority over women, seem to handle all this better than others.
mgtowhorseman – That video is hilarious, and true.
My buddy seems to be doing better but still having tough times. We are going to hang soon.
Ame – My wife was pretty cool when all of her friends were also SAHMs. When the kid got older and she got out of that group, she developed a hobby with new friends that consisted largely of single mothers, married women without kids, and beta orbiters, that’s when she started getting weird. Family was no longer first.
A lot of people tend to forget that their marriage isn’t about kids. Kids become the center of their universe until they feel unfulfilled. I think that this false emphasis on kids today ends up just actually putting them last, in the long run.
I wouldn’t mind having more kids. Not sure that I want to take that risk with another woman though, because then I’d feel obligated to marry. I’m not too old for any of that, but by that time my kid would already be a lot older than siblings. And I like being able to spend my time with him when he’s around, and not have other obligations.
I do think that a healthy social network of family helps. I don’t know that most couples can survive without having close family nearby. Granted, family can also cause problems, but generally they (parents, siblings, grandparents, etc.) are a much needed component to succeed. People have forgotten that part of the equation.
If women think being an SAHM is tough, try being a SAHD. Talk about no social life. I once went to a home school group at my parish run by “moms” who insisted that the children be left at the little care center they had set up, so the moms could collaborate on options.
My reaction was a bit of a shock. Why would they get together just to leave their children in day care? I lasted one meeting before determining I wasn’t going to be very well received by the group. So I continued on my way, developed my own educational plans, and learned to motivate myself.
Of course the men I know give me the platitudes of how great it is that I’m doing this but still like to give subtle reminders of what a “real man” does.
I’ve tuned out the world. I don’t hate. I just don’t expect anything but contempt and crap commentary from it about what I do.
Roman Lance – You’re right. There is also very little respect for men who do this, which is a shame. You would think that leftists would call “progressive” but they do not. Even as more women earn more than their husbands, men are shamed for staying home for the kids.
I know a guy that is a SAHD. He seems like an okay dude. His wife earns their income but it’s pretty obvious to me that she bought and paid for their home from her previous frivorce, because there is no way that she could survive on her income from the type of work that she does. She hit the wall and was looking for a sperm donor pretty late in life. They are in their ’50s now. She got what she wanted and now is done with him.
You can tell that she hates and wants to get rid of her husband now that the kid is in school. No respect for him. He just hides away from her. She’s got a totally wicked personality and their son is a real piece of work as a result of terrible parenting overall. I can see a terrible person in her eyes. I think that he hangs on for the inevitable dissolution, because he knows that if he leaves he would forfeit the home. I say he plays the woman’s game. Even though I would never collect alimony, personally, women need to feel what the end result is as the tables are turned. The risk is that she could use force to have him removed. Not sure how that would go down, because nothing about this woman makes her appear defenseless. She’s big, crude. and has a stare as cold as ice.
“Why would they get together just to leave their children in day care?”
Why? Because they can’t do this on their own:
“So I continued on my way, developed my own educational plans, and learned to motivate myself.”
as the men have stated out here numerous times … society would fall apart without men b/c men create and provide the foundational structure and support to society. women can’t.
you identified the problem and created a solution and implemented the solution. you didn’t need a group to do that. women need the group b/c we need the leadership.
when the husband provides the leadership at home, then the group of women becomes their emotional support so their husband doesn’t have to deal w/all that stuff.
– – – – –
“I’ve tuned out the world. I don’t hate. I just don’t expect anything but contempt and crap commentary from it about what I do.”
that seems to be the sentiment of men who are successful out here. you see the reality yet do your own thing the way you know it needs to be done.
I should add that I think that the liberals hate on both men and women who stay at home with their kids. So it’s not just fathers that get no respect for being among the most dedicated parents, but also mothers as well. But that’s a whole other discussion.
being a SAHM is definitely a precarious position, especially around working moms. ugh. i learned not to play that game very early on as there are no winners, however i do find myself feeling like i need to justify why i’m a sahm. i always want to slap myself afterwards.
Yeah. There are a tremendous number of people that will resort to shaming for it. Perhaps even they are jealous because they are letting others raise and brainwash their kids.
Maybe the shaming is part of the big problem.
You know, Ame. I have got to say that in spite of the problems I’ve had with my wife over the past few years, I love her very much for being the kind of mother that I wanted my son to have; At least during his most formative years. I still think that she is a good mother, but just misguided. A real shame that we couldn’t make the rest work, and I am proud to hear that there are women like you that still try even when it gets hard.
@ Dad
“She’s big, crude. and has a stare as cold as ice.”
Wow, sorry to hear that about your friend. Don’t know what I would do in that situation.
I once worried about my marriage, then decided that it was counterproductive. What happens will happen. Not a damn thing I can do to prevent it if it came to that.
I do however try to keep my wife interested in our relationship. I let her do what she wants, within reason. Give her lots of subtle praise coupled with amusing conversation.
I make statements like, “I hate this gay world and the people in it, but you’re cool because you have boobs and like to give me lots of lovin’. By the way whats for dinner?”
She thinks I’m an awesome guy, or at least that’s what she says.
A Dad – it’s not something i *try* … it’s something i *do* because my daughters need me. my sped daughter would have fallen apart in child care, and no telling what would have happened to both during the really rough years had i not been home with them. i believe in what i do with everything i am. i’ve fought hard for it and sacrificed greatly for it. and my girls are the first to thank me.
i have enjoyed being available to working moms over the years to help care for their kids. we have one little girl we’ve been keeping for five years now. she’s become one of us. i don’t charge her mom anymore b/c she can’t afford it, and i want this little girl to have a safe, secure place to go when both parents are working.
i haven’t had much time or anything else to give over the years, but i’ve always tried to give what i have when i can to help whomever comes across my path. my daughters have become kind, thoughtful, caring, gracious young women, and that is payment enough for me 🙂
“Bragged about witholding sex from her husband.”
So that is how commitment is repaid?
Someone suggested that they they were all alpha widows. It may not be that. It may be that their men are human and fall short of some unattainable ideal. I think it was Chris Rock who said, You weren’t her first choice.”
Ame – I think that people in communities used to stick together a lot more. My wife also used to watch a few neighbor kids who had parents, including the child of one couple who had fallen on hard times. There was a point in human existence where that sort of thing was normal and aws key for survival, but people seem to have forgotten about that. I remember growing up (maybe when I was 3-4) and spent a lot of time with a neighbor family. They were not particularly well to do but were always nice.
As much as I disliked having someone else’s kids hanging around, I get it. There also might be a time when we would need to have similar help. Maybe they would remember that sort of thing.
“So that is how commitment is repaid?
Someone suggested that they they were all alpha widows. It may not be that. It may be that their men are human and fall short of some unattainable ideal. I think it was Chris Rock who said, You weren’t her first choice.””
Fuzzie – The “alpha widow” concept is interesting to me. I don’t think that the bond with past partners is exclusive to being something that only women experience though, as much as men won’t admit to it. I had a friend with benefits, when I was young, who was a lot of fun to hang out with. Blue eyed blonde. Gorgeous. I don’t forget about her at all. She wasn’t even actually that great in bed, but still looked really good and was fun to spend time with. However, as a man, I think that we tend to process the whole thing differently in future relationships. We were pretty close. I stayed at her place a lot. We moved on and lost contact. Most women never measured up and probably will fail to do so. Probably because I remember how she was young and gorgeous at 20. The SMV scale is real and she knew that she was really hot at the time. I did see her once in a public place and we chatted for an hour or two, but never saw her since. She’d put on some weight then. I almost didn’t even notice her in passing but she saw me right away. I think that she ultimately shacked up with some nice dude who helped her raise her kid from a really short marriage (after us). She was totally bad news for any guy looking for something long-term, and I have no doubts at all that she ultimately cheated on the nice guy, because that’s how she was. Not a gold digger, or malicious. Just not someone who could commit.
But, yes. That’s how commitment is repaid, because men and women normally treat sex very differently. She had a LOT of problems with commitment to the men she was dating (she and I were sleeping together while she dated another guy that I went to school with). She knew very well what she was doing though and I knew never to trust her in the long run. So did her first serious boyfriend from high school. He and I got along fine. We both knew she was bad news for long-term marriage material and neither of us were settling down at the time.
Even though I mentioned yesterday that I reject a few red pill concepts for myself (not everything applies completely to everyone), there are some universal truths. And I think that one of them is that MOST women do not value commitment in the same way that men do. I have no statistics but would say that more women would take back cheating husbands than men would take back cheating wives for obvious reasons (getting cucked and raising someone else’s kid). I would never marry a cheater, nor would I take one back. I’m tolerant of a lot of things but a cheating woman would get her ass kicked right out to the curb. Well, I’m doubtful that I’d ever marry again at all, anymore. Apparently even the church now encourages men to be cucks, which makes me want to vomit.
Another thought, if this is how women are going to display their gratitude for being provided with the stay at home lifestyle, how many men are going to feel encouraged to follow suit? The last that I heard, marriage overall for adults was at fifty percent. For 20-24 year olds, it was less than thirty percent because seventy percent of them had never married. Are we seeing a pattern?
A Dad,
I can see that. She could be trusted in one sense, she was going to step out.
The answer is that men have stopped marrying ad will continue to do so. It’s the most basic of MGTOW and RP concepts.
“Why buy a cow when the milk is free?”
A Dad,
The metaphor about cows and milk is an oversimplification. It is more like “Why buy the cow when it is certain to tear down your house?” Thankfully, real cows aren’t like that. They know that humans bring them food.
People appreciate the good stuff that they have they should
Fuzzie – Cows will eat where they shit, if those are the conditions that they live in.
Yoda is quite an optimist for someone who eats at the Degobah McDonalds.
A Dad,
I think that cows would prefer to not live that way.
LOL talk about trailer trash
There is something missing and it is fundamental. Most of the problems cited are symptoms of its absence. It is as simple as women marrying and not applying themselves to be part of a husband/wife team. It is as if the concept is unheard of.
RPG,
Could that be applied to the three examples you cited?
RPG, this is a comment you made:
“But today, at least in the United States and many developed countries, the reality is we experience an abundance on a daily basis that was unimaginable just a few hundred years ago. Even for the then most privileged on earth!
In fact, if you have a place to live with electricity and running water, food in your refrigerator and cupboard, access to modern medical care, and the reasonable right to assume all those things are a given baseline, well you are actually among the most privileged alive even today.”
It seems to me that this is part of the root problem with ALL western women, simply that they are spoiled by abundance and attention. In most of the world the norm is deprivation, not abundance, where finding the next meal of the day for your kids is not a given. Those women who have the privilege of being a stay-at-home mothers because their husbands work and provide for the family do not take that status for granted.
Somehow I cannot find sympathy for a “bored” SAHM in this country who must take care of her children and home that her husband has provided for her.
It seems to me that this is part of the root problem with ALL western women, simply that they are spoiled by abundance and attention. In most of the world the norm is deprivation, not abundance, where finding the next meal of the day for your kids is not a given. Those women who have the privilege of being a stay-at-home mothers because their husbands work and provide for the family do not take that status for granted.
Somehow I cannot find sympathy for a “bored” SAHM in this country who must take care of her children and home that her husband has provided for her.
I think that Larry G called it. Life is too easy. When you have more than you need at your fingertips, everything else is terrible and nothing is good enough. People stayed together when it was necessary for survival, and now it’s not. And the things that used to be shamed (adultery, divorce) are now encouraged. Not to mention that people just generally have no grit from growing up with such easy lives. I think that it was Farm Boy that mentioned a few days ago about how children learn responsibility on the farm, and now the average person doesn’t have that experience. We’ve also watched how most communities have become completely disconnected in only a generation or two.
You can bet that people would behave a lot differently if they didn’t have regular access to food or water, or they were under the regular threat of being attacked in their sleep.
https://pjmedia.com/trending/2017/07/17/feminist-writer-triggered-by-published-study-about-attractive-body-types/
Link to the study in the article.
Scientific study of 1400 men in ten countries finds men like non obese women.
And it is part of an biology study (stem) not a sociology study (arts).
Science not in the FI must stop
@fuzzie, I think they are applying the modern day idea of what a marriage is and means. It’s almost like the husband is an object rather than a person with feelings, needs, and wats of his own. The “husband accessory.” How could that work or be happiness?
Now I don’t see that in all marriages, I do see ones, many, where people really have that “we’re a team” thing going. Where they truly enjoy each other and get along. Some have been together for decades, some first marriages and also some second marriages (I get the feeling those are the partners who were left, not those who left.)
And yes all three are likely alpha widows… that could be a big factor, too.
Good grief. How did these “males” become so spineless and get converted into pathetic gutless wonders? Makes me glad I’m old.
There is a new post at Spawny’s
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2017/07/20/her-status/
RPG,
Yes, I can see that. The “husband” is at best an actor filling a role. There is no humanity associated with him. Alarm bells should be going off. Also, the alpha widow thing negates a man’s best defense. If she is not attracted, it won’t last through the leaner times. It is a shame, because now her threshold is out of her league.
True Fuzzie, I can see why guys should steer very clear of alpha widow gals. It’s a no win…
Ohhh good idea for a post just now… Stay tuned!
Makes me glad I’m old.
Pathetically young you are
RPG,
At this point, I think any boy is going to have to deal with that because girls will have a history at any age.
Some people aren’t cut out to be SAHM’s and feel societal pressure to do it anyway. It’s always a disaster. One scenario you haven’t included is the drop in social skills of some SAHM’s. They spend all their time around people they can order around and snap at and then they go out into the real world and do the same thing, only no one else is obligated to love them.
I also wonder. Are the laziest people most likely to have the worst marriages?
Consider that it takes some effort for anything of quality. May be a sign of the times where people have it so easy, that they expect that marriage would be rewarding without any effort at all. Kinda like easy access to information, food, communication, entertainment, etc. I don’t believe that relationships work that way.
I don’t want to discredit the people that put a lot of time into children. But what about when the kids move on and become fairly self-sufficient (by grade school) or have completely moved out but someone still is staying at home?
What excuse is there now? The kids are (mostly) gone, but the relationship is still stale.
It could be also said that some of the hardest working spouses might also have terrible marriages, by being absent or unavailable. Or the spouse the focuses so much on the kids that the SO is no longer of any importance.
These scenarios are are all too common.
It is so true. Im sahm myself. And I used to feel miserable in the first years being sahm. Its super tiring and sometimes I regretted leaving my previous job. But Thankfully my husband is so supportive and would sometime lend a hand in taking care of the kids. Its all about our inner self, we have to have a positive mind and be positive about everyone. Perhaps to even have our own hobbies to distract our mind from only thinking about kids and chores. Live life to the fullest and be happy about it!
I wouldn’t consider a child sleeping with their parents, to be a bad thing in and of itself. In the past and still today family groups do sleep together.
Ely,
At what age do you draw the line? Not only do your kids not get proper sleep, but neither do you. You also sacrifice intimacy with your partner.
Co-sleeping long-term is normally not good for most people. Maybe occasionally, but not every single day. And after a few years, it’s nonsense that only a selfish parent (normally mother) does for her own personal needs.
Thanks for adding that Ely. I should have explained further, I am not opposed to it either *if* everyone is sleeping well, etc. As I mentioned in this situation, it’s not. This mom is chronically sleep deprived and it’s affecting her, and her marriage, and even the son negatively. When that is the case, I’d not recommend co sleeping. Just to clarify. Thanks for commenting! 🙂
@a dad, plus there seems to be a window where either the co-sleeping stops around age two, or it will go well past age 8. That’s a long time to be sleep deprived and wo intimacy.
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I appreciated your post. I am a sahm of 3 kids under age 5. It is incredibly hard to not fall into the bitter/angry thought world.. Upset with yourself if you don’t love every minute being home with your kids. I have found that taking time for myself. Even if it is only an hour while donating plasma really helps. It allows me time to read a book or catch up with social media. Thanks for the post. Us stay at home mom’s need to look out for and support each other
I see your points in a lot of what you’re saying and I really hope you didn’t go through much of what you’re stating. I cook breakfast lunch and dinner for my husband, clean top to bottom, mow 3 acres of our lawn and do anything and everything else that I see needs to be down. My husband and I are a team and I don’t expect him to come home from work and have to do anything but relax. Please don’t assume all stay at home moms are like this. I work my butt off too.
@julia sounds like you have a good attitude! I realize not all sahm are like those described, but I see more like them than like yourself, unfortunately. Maybe they are just more noticible w all the complaining? Keep up the good work! 🙂