Here’s an odd modern world situation — the idea that nobody is really taken.
Case in point, I have a colleague who has here and there over the years dropped hints about us dating. Well, for reasons I won’t go into, I have never pursured it, the main reason being I don’t want to add that complexity to my work life, it’s a small pond and I am not one for real world reality shows. Plus, the attraction isn’t there.
Mindful of the beta orbiter, and not wanting to mislead, I do my best to always keep things professional and about biz. It’s inevitable we run into each other because of work from time to time etc.
The last time he asked me out I was very clear that I was seeing someone exclusively and that it was serious. Now maybe the unavailability makes the heart grow fonder or something, but ever since he’s continued to ask. And more often (usually via text.)
I have consistently said, “Sorry I am in an exclusive relationship, nothing personal, but I can’t go to dinner (or on a trip or whatever.)”
It was starting to annoy me, so I confronted him on it. His reply was that well, since it’s long distance, he was thinking maybe I could tell my guy it can’t be “exclusive.”
Um, No. I let him know immediately and on no uncertain terms that was not an option either of us would consider.
Then he tried to make it about ME not being able to commit, or be all in a “real” relationship, so long distance served that need, he speculated.
Again I corrected him, and told him he knew nothing about my relationship, and it was rude for him to speculate.
Finally I pointed out the obvious, he did not seem interested, truly, in what I seek — a man who is all in for me and my kids. This guy, by his own admission doesn’t even like kids and never wanted them. Nor does he seem that keen on commitment in general.
I asked him nicely to just stop asking. And that unless he heard from me I was available, please assume I am not. He said he would.
I am not sure what to make of it. Maybe he just texts this stuff when he is bored or lonely or whatever. But if he thinks I’d throw away a good thing for a maybe fling? Forget about it…
Commitment. Honor it!