A very wise person once said to me, “If you have to ask certain questions, there’s your answer.”
Two gals I know are asking themselves, “Will he commit?”
In one case he’s divorced, lives at home with his adult children he still parents like they are eight, and disappears for sometimes days at a time. They have been dating several years.
In the other case he’s never married, cheated on his last girlfriend with the current one, has never not cheated in a relationship, and wants kids she can’t have. They have been dating over six months.
From the outside I can clearly see both guys are not interested in commitment beyond what things already are (regular and easily accessible sex), or at least not commitment to these gals.
Now to be fair, both of these gals have poor emotional control, which I am sure counts against them in the commitment offer. Jealousy, ultimatums, spinning hamsters… not things most guys want to deal with beyond a few hours.
My advice? Don’t be like them. Don’t be in relationships that you don’t understand “what this is.” Don’t try to demand, manipulate, guilt, or control a guy into what you want. If it’s not clear he’s committed, then I hate to say it but he’s not. As they say, “don’t waste the pretty” and move on. Do whatever self work is needed to be a gal guys will want to commit to and then seek a commitment minded guy.
If you have to ask, there’s your answer.
Let those with ears hear.
Notes From a Red Pill Girl 
I think Tony Robbins said it best. He teaches …. What is my outcome? If you know your outcome you will know what you need to get that outcome.
So for a woman her outcome maybe to get married.
Here is something women might want to focus on when wanting to marry a man.
He like to solve problems. He take accountability for his actions and decisions. He is goal orient.
Too many women focus on:
Money (high status man)
Looks (hot guy)
drama (yup a lot of women are drama freak)
Did you know men who make a high figure salary are more like to cheat on you? It doesn’t matter if you’re in a long term relationship or marriage. These men tend to work a lot of hours.
Women looking for men with swag will usually choose the criminal or some guy not suitable for her. I am saying looks doesn’t matter but do you really need a guy that looks 8 or above? This goes same with men.
I have more but I think write a large post on the comments section is not ideal. I may make a blog post about it but it may take me a few days to a week because I would cover a lot.
Thanks for adding that miketko, and welcome! 🙂
Couldn’t have said it better myself! If in doubt…walk away. Life is too short to dwell on situations that don’t serve us. I spend several years trying to get one guy to commit, only to have him marry someone else! I will never get those years back and have learned my lesson.
RPG,
How old are these women? Sounds as though they are both late-30s to mid-40’s. Maybe even a little older in the case of one of them? Have the ladies been previously married / divorced? Perhaps it’s like as usually said; They’ve not locked down a guy early on, or tossed a previous one, and are finding it harder to lock down a good man. Seems to me that the guys are just in it for the easy sex, as you suggest. I’ve gone through the marriage thing and find that it would be hard for me to ever justify doing it again, unless it were with a much younger woman for the sake of having more kids.
Guys aren’t committing anymore. That’s the reality of things. Way too risky with no benefits. Another one will come along for easy sex. Many women seem to subconsciously want only temporary commitment, not lifelong commitment, in spite of what they say. See: frivorce rate.
It could also be that these guys are simply well aware of what “commitment” means to the ladies. You think that these two ladies could really pull it off for the long run? If not, maybe the guys can see it as well.
Very true a dad. The gals are 42 and 46, both divorced, one no kids. Both better than average looking, slim, fit. But neither has a pot to piss in, and then there is the drama factor. Plus, as you say, they face a tough situation at their age, both these guys are likely some version of mtgow due to past experiences.
One word: solipsism
RPG – Sounds like the sad future of my ex. She’s got a few years before totally hitting the wall (still kinda cute), but no pot to piss in. Now a few part-time jobs, no money for the future. The alimony is going to dry up fast, but she can’t see the writing on the wall.
Will likely be working until she’s 80 unless she locks down a new man ASAP. Sad, really, but it’s what she wanted to pursue the feelz. I can expect that she’s going to be scrambling to find a man out of the absolute fear for her future once the reality sets in.
The guys think of it from this perspective:
1. Ex-wife nuked our marriage. Ran off for the feelz. I raised the kids, and now it’s time for me to have my fun. Got a girl on the side but doing my own thing.
2. Need to find the right woman and have my family. This woman with me is fine for what I need, until the right one comes by (probably going to be a 35-year-old / professional college grad that gets baby rabies and wants to lock down a solid provider with no attached drama or previous obligations).
Oh, and my advice to them: See it from a realistic perspective. It’s probably too late. Focus on being more valuable to your current man if you want to be chosen. Men get to be the choosers later in life. Many women don’t get a second chance.
The one that can’t have children is totally clueless. She needs to go and lock down with an established man that isn’t looking for more kids. Probably going to be 10-15 years older than her.
Now reverse the roles. A my kids come first single mom and a fabulous divorcee. The two most prevelent women out there. Commit to what.
And yes wimpy dads and asshole players are the most prevelent men.
It is to wonder.
A dad.
Not to be an asshole but at your age why ever lock down again i.e. marriage?
Faithful but serial monogomy. And when she gets more drama than she is worth move on. You raised kids, but do you want more? Only reason I could see.
Because as the long thread proved, eventually even the best cant help but fall into the drama, shit testing phase. Could be years but eventually. At which point bubye!!
The world will never run out of available 35+ women.
Horseman – Not an asshole at all.
No intention of ever getting married again. I should have clarified. I was speaking from the perspective of each of the guys in RPG’s post (#1 was the first couple, #2 was the second).
I’ve said in the past that I wouldn’t mind a few more kids but there is way too much risk involved for it. I’d have had more kids with my ex-wife, but it didn’t work out that way.
My current life is way too good to ever do that again. I’m probably just going to end up being something like guy #1 above.
Not the part about parenting a grown person like they are eight, obviously.
Ah. I see. Agree totally.
Would be more truthful to say that the men do not seem to be interested in “entering a legal contract to which there are only potential down sides” versus calling it a commitment. I am sure that these men could commit to a variety of things such as not dating others, treating them with respect, sharing their time, etc. With the exception of the man who wants new children, these guys are already getting what they want.
No, people want the legal document so that they can fall back on the law to even the score if things go awry. In many ways, these women are in a tough spot.
Good point. It’s the only thing that gives them some aspect of added power in the relationship. The legal aspects do nothing to protect the man in the relationship. It’s a 1-sided contract that binds them a guarantee of 50% of what these men have worked their whole lives to achieve.
A committed relationship is something else, entirely.
Ih8looking back, I think the guys are as committed as they want to be, both are keeping their options open if a “better” gal comes along and both have said as much to me. The first guy is a notorious flirt and is good looking in a silver head of curly thick hair and great shape for his age sort of way. Several of the single gals working for me mentioned he was overly friendly for someone w a girlfriend, and people were also mistaking him for my partner which he seemed to enjoy. (Not good! I started introducing him as “my friend J ‘s boyfriend” to end any confusion, not sure he liked that.) The other pretty much said he’s with her for the sex but is actively shopping for a more suitable life mate. Despite this, both gals are holding out hope that if they are just patient enough, an invite to cohabitation and/or legally marry will be forthcoming. I guarantee it’s not. In my experience when a guy meets a gal he knows pretty quick if she’s in the “forever” category, or the “for now” category. I get the sense neither gal would believe me so they will have to find this out for themselves. I’ve got my committed forever guy, thankfully, and I know how lucky I am and thank my stars on the regular! 🙂 wo the rp, I would not have had my head on right to be ready or to recognize that otherwise. Both Deti and BV and Ton and many, many other men helped me understand the odds I faced (ouch) and how to stand out in a sea of such women, what to look for in a guy, and how to qualify myself as commitment worthy. I am truly blessed and thankful for all the good rp advice over the past 3+ years. These guys may seem growly at times, and all have good reason, but they have hearts of gold!
Re hearts of gold, well except for Ton. He’s the one w a heart of platinum! 🙂 Top notch tough love wrapped up in a gruff package! I didn’t like what he had to say at first, but he was absolutely right and did me a huge favor by saying it. Wo that and some of the other advice, I’d still likely be that delusional 40+ yo woman w a “must have” list a mile long who would have ended up just like these gals… alone…hoping…not getting it…w no clue why.
Men are supposed to be growly sometimes. Especially when they just tell it as it is.
Ton is brash but there is value in what he says, even if I don’t always agree 100%. But, yeah. That’s why I started calling him “Uncle Ton” even though he gives me (and others) a lot of shit. I can sense that he can be kind and well-meaning underneath it all.
Don’t tell him I said this, but my bet is Ton is really the biggest softie here! Lol. Shhhhh.
Also, I was taking things too personal the other day. My bad! Sorry!
The Ton an institution he is.
Why he is called “The Ton” this would be
Both these gals would be far better off looking for a guy 10-15 years older, with a solid financial situation, a retirement plan big enough for both of them, and a desire to take care of a cute little thing. They are out there, but neither of these guys are that.
The first guy looks on the surface to be all of the above btw. I think her insecurity, drama, and such is why he has not offered more.
I happened to be at a car club event the other day and noticed how exceptionally good looking all of those pretty average looking but well off guy’s 10-15 years younger ladies were! Not one gal under an 8, age adjusted, no lie! That is the natural order of things, really. Hint: girls get a cute outfit and get yourself to some car shows! 😉
The second guy is exceptionally good looking, 45, has a house, has one fully funded retirement (usaf) and a second just a few years away (civil service.) He’s in a golden smp/mmp situation. And dad described what he’s seeking exactly, a gal w a career and assets, never married, no kids, great looking, no drama who wants babies more than anything. And he could easily have it. I actually suggested he consider a gal from the Nordic church group, young, virgin, looking to marry, wants lots of kids, not all messed up w feminist thinking. If I were him, I’d start attending the church, pick the prettiest one, and go talk to her dad!
A new post at Spawny’s there is
https://spawnyspace.wordpress.com/2017/09/01/its-going-to-get-really-bad-for-men/
RPG,
You are correct that men know within the first or second meeting weather the girl is for fun or if she is worth thinking long term about.
Hearing these sorts of stories, I really can’t help but think women have become less wise about handling relationships nowadays compared to decades ago when parents were much more involved and could give advice on these situations. I mean old-fashioned RP advice.