A very wise person once said to me, “If you have to ask certain questions, there’s your answer.”

Two gals I know are asking themselves, “Will he commit?”

In one case he’s divorced, lives at home with his adult children he still parents like they are eight, and disappears for sometimes days at a time. They have been dating several years.

In the other case he’s never married, cheated on his last girlfriend with the current one, has never not cheated in a relationship, and wants kids she can’t have. They have been dating over six months.

From the outside I can clearly see both guys are not interested in commitment beyond what things already are (regular and easily accessible sex), or at least not commitment to these gals.

Now to be fair, both of these gals have poor emotional control, which I am sure counts against them in the commitment offer. Jealousy, ultimatums, spinning hamsters… not things most guys want to deal with beyond a few hours.

My advice? Don’t be like them. Don’t be in relationships that you don’t understand “what this is.” Don’t try to demand, manipulate, guilt, or control a guy into what you want. If it’s not clear he’s committed, then I hate to say it but he’s not. As they say, “don’t waste the pretty” and move on. Do whatever self work is needed to be a gal guys will want to commit to and then seek a commitment minded guy.

If you have to ask, there’s your answer.

Let those with ears hear.