It’s been said in the manosphere that men love idealistically while women love opportunistically. Yesterday, I saw opportunistic loving up close, and let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

My new roomie was once again bemoaning her (failed) SIW fate, openly berating her boyfriend of four years for not “manning up” and making all of her problems disappear. In one breath he went from the man of her dreams to a worthless piece of shit.

Shocked at her attitude, I played devil’s advocate. What hadn’t he done, I asked, besides not bailed her out of her own self-created debt and lack of financial planning? Did he owe her that? Did anyone?

On and on she ranted, completely oblivious to how she was speaking of him as a thing rather than a person. She callously blamed him for being downsized at the end of his career, ten years short of retirement, from a high paying executive level job. Instead of any empathy she only expressed disgust at how he had been unable to secure similar work since, at how he had in her opinion misspent his money on his children and himself since, at how every penny not directed HER way was a major crime in her eyes.

Rather than in any way understanding how such a life event might be devastating or demoralizing for HIM, she ranted and raved how it all affected HER. How it ruined HER plan. She pondered aloud how perhaps she should just move on, his utility to her apparently done. She “deserved more,” she said.

It was so sad, so unattractive, so unsupportive. I could only imagine what she must say to him, and it pained me to think what insult to injury it must be. What kind of co-captain would such a woman make? And how could she not see how her own entitled “me, me, me” behavior made it highly unlikely any such offer would be forthcoming.

When I reflected back to her what I saw, she seemed unable to comprehend that it was not HIS responsibility to solve her problems, and that perhaps rather than emasculate and eviserate him for his lack of reemployment she might try to support and encourage him in HIS time of need.

I don’t think any of it got through, nor that she was even listening to anything I said, so wrapped up in her pity party was she. It made me thankful I wasn’t a man, and that I wouldn’t be “loved” like that. Sad. Truly sad.

Let those who have ears hear.

My youngest came home with an assignment from school the other day illustrating the concept of having, “a growth mindset.”

In short the idea is simple, instead of telling yourself self-defeating or self-limiting messages, take a growth mindset to the areas you currently struggle in, whatever those may be.

In her case it was school-based — whether the struggle was reading, math, writing, or PE, instead of thinking, “I can’t” or “I am not good at” the kids were encouraged to think positively, “I can and will do better. I can do better with practice and if I don’t give up.”

It’s a better mindset than, “halfway is good enough,” or “I am just not a natural so why try?” In reality the secret to winning in life is often simply not giving up until you reach the finish line. Day after day.

Maybe not everyone can be a math major, or a Nobel prize winning author, or an astronaught, or whatever, but everyone can strive to do their best with what they have been given, both talents and weaknesses.

There is always room for improvement. And isn’t taking a positive approach to the struggles of life far better than a negative one?

Let those with ears hear.

In comments from the previous post something interesting came up, how feminism often portrays the worst case into the norm. But it’s not the norm, and thinking so leads to all kinds of problems.

For example, the idea that men are always the abusers all of the time. And the closely related “all men are rapists and abusers.”

Now clearly neither statement is truth nor do the stats even bear them out. Are some men abusers? Yes. But some is not most or all. The number of men who physically abuse women has always been a small number of the entire male population. And most men themselves feel revulsion at a “man” who abuses or victimizes anyone weaker than itself.

Another example, “All men leave.” Or the variation, “You always have to be independant in case he leaves.” Sure, statistically some men leave, but for the large part most men are more than willing to stay and are quite shocked themselves when their woman leaves them.

Another example is pay on the job. Yes, in some cases it has been revealed that men were making more for the same job. But in most cases, they aren’t. There is no secret keep women down society, there really isn’t.

So next time you find yourself accepting such statements as TRUTHS, look closer and see if it’s really so. More often than not it’s just another example of Apex fallacy, the belief that all men have it just like the top, most privileged men, when in reality they don’t. Sometimes, they have it worse, even much worse, than women! Yep.

Let those with ears hear.

Women bemoaning the state of affairs between men and women today should stop blaming the guys for, “Not stepping up,” and start taking ownership for how the changes women collectively demanded unintentionally led to where we are today.

Before the division of labor was fairly straightforward: he earned the money, she ran the home. It wasn’t perfect perhaps, but people had more time off then, less angst, and lived pretty stable lives.

Enter feminism. “We want equal rights!” was the mantra of the day, but in reality it wasn’t about equality, it was about special rights. It was about wanting all the perceived upsides of being a man, plus a strong social safety net that would guarantee she’d win in any dispute or divorce settlement.  And there were plenty of social programs created to make sure if these independent women couldn’t be truly independent, the State could step in as Daddy govt.

Well, men aren’t blind, or stupid. For the first few decades they tried to play along, until it became all too obvious they were the automatic losers in this new social order. No other person can be discriminated against anymore *except* the “privileged” white male. So much for equality.

Problem was, those supposed “ebul guys” were by and large the same ones who had built a functioning and safe society now being torn apart.  They were shamed. Divorce raped. Accused of assault and other crimes for minor infractions (like “he looked at me!” Or “I did it at the time but regretted it later so that’s his fault!”) And then, they checked out.

It wasn’t a movement. There was no rallying cry. Most knew nothing of the red pill or the manosphere. But they knew it was a game they couldn’t win, so one by one they dropped out.

Instead of looking to marry and raise children they accepted serial monogamy or open relationships. Instead of building a career they worked just enough to support their hobbies and lifestyle. And instead of building a safe and secure world for women, they started to just build a safe and secure world for themselves.

So rather than shame them for being, “basement dwelling losers,” it may be time to realize they have come up with a new way to win. Checking out.

Careful what you wish for. You may find you have to live life as a single independent self supporting female responsible for her own financial security and retirement as well as fixing whatever breaks, whether you want to or not.

Checkmate!

Let those with ears hear.

A friend and I were talking today about the current state of affairs, and it suddenly occurred to us that the Dr. Spock, everybody is special, everyone is a winner philosophy has backfired.

While well intended, the reality is there is no participation trophy in life. Teaching children that there is doesn’t make them stronger, more confident, and more resilient. It turns them into weak, whiny, entitled adults.

The fact is, nobody is special. Or at least not any more special than anyone else. There are winners and there are losers. The winners don’t win out of some supposed privilege, they win because they worked harder, prepared more, and pursued their goals relentlessly.

I have known people born into incredible wealth and advantage who ended up accomplishing little more than getting disinherited, and I know other people born into great disadvantage who have done very well in life.

I think children would be far better served by telling them the truth: If you want something, you have to earn it. Be better than anyone else and you will.

Let those who have ears hear.

If you want a relationship that works in a world that doesn’t, my advice is to watch the winners. And not only watch them, but watch and learn.

I know quite a few such couples and in every case the wife works to stay attractive, is within acceptable BMI ratio, has a pleasant and upbeat attitude, never badtalks her man, and while no doormat, clearly sees her man as the respected lead. And, gasp, rather than oppress them, their husbands honor them.

In return these women have very nice, relatively worry free lives. They are financially secure thanks to years of working alongside their husbands (rather than against him), and have a stable and safe happy future to look forward to.

Sure, I know plenty of the opposite. But what is there to learn there, except maybe what NOT to do?

Look around for the happily married women in your life and aim to be like them if you wish to be happily married yourself. They may not be as easy to spot as the train wrecks and drama queens, but they make a much better case to study if your goal is relationship success.

Let those with ears hear.